Alex Morgan sits perfectly still in the rocking chair on their porch. She could hear the ocean waves breaking in the background of her thoughts, but the glow from the setting sun blinds her view of the beach.
She is wrapped up in a huge sweater, legs tucked beneath her, absentmindedly playing with the rings on her left hand.
Finally she hears it. The all-familiar gait. He is moving towards her now. Walking the hall that leads from their bedroom. The sound of his footsteps seems to echo in her mind, growing louder, until they are shatted by the slamming of the screen door.
He passes her without a glance. No words are spoken between them. She's not sure what she expected.
But it wasn't this.
He doesn't look back. Not once. Not as he puts the last of his bags in the trunk and closes it. Not as he gets in the car. Not as he backs out of the driveway and leaves her alone on the porch with only the sound of the waves again.
She's not sure how long she stays there.
It seems like one moment she's watching him drive away and the next she's alone in the dark watching as a set of headlights pull in.
At first she thinks it's him.
But it can't be. He's not going to change his mind.
It's not until she sees the tall outline of her friend that it finally sinks in.
He's not coming back.
There's no crying.
No weepy realization of the situation she's found herself in.
Just numbness.
Just nothing.
Nothing left where there used to be something.
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As Tobin drives up to the dark house, she wonders if she's made a mistake. When Servando called her, all he said was that Alex needed her. She had borrowed Ashlyn's jeep and gone straight there, but she wasn't sure what she was pulling into. Alex wasn't answering her texts or calls, and based on the lack of lights on at the house, she didn't even know if Alex was there. Still, Alex's car was in the driveway, so she parked and got out, figuring her friend had to be around.
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"Alex?"
She heard her name, but only just flicked her eyes towards the approaching woman. She thought maybe she should move, but how she was sitting felt so permanent that she decided against it.
"Alex, what's going on? And why are you in the dark? Servando called and said you needed-"
She felt Tobin's hand on her arm and it sent heat through to her core. She didn't realize before how warm Tobin's touch was.
"Jesus Alex, you're freezing! How long have you been out here? Why didn't you go inside?"
She could see the midfielder kneeling next to her. It wasn't lost on Alex how rare it was that her friend used the Lord's name in vain. But she couldn't find the compulsion that would normally be there to tease her about it.
"Alex? Hey, look at me. You're scaring me."
She felt Tobin move until she had her hands on either side of Alex's face, cupping her cheeks. She could feel, again, the warmth radiating from her friend, as Tobin turned her head so Alex was facing her.
She's not sure what Tobin saw in her eyes, but before she knew it Alex had been scooped up like a child. Tobin had one arm under her knees and the other around her back, and Alex found herself resting her head into her chest, curled up into the midfielder, inhaling the scent that was distinctly Tobin.
As she carried her into the house, Alex realized their inevitable destination.
"Not in there..."
"What?"
"Guest bedroom. Please..."
She hoped Tobin wouldn't make her explain any further. She didn't think she could. She did not want to be taken in there and have to see the empty drawers, the life together that was done.
----------
She had quickly realized that Servando had left. His stuff was obviously missing from the house, and he was refusing to return her calls and texts.
Tobin had hoped it would get better with Alex.
After that first night, when Alex had asked not to be taken to her bed, she thought maybe she would open up about what was going on. But ever since Tobin laid her down on the guest bed, Alex had gone back to not speaking.
She wasn't unresponsive. It had been almost a week, and after that first day she would at least nod to some questions.
Tobin had her eating a little by the second day. By the fourth she had even convinced her to shower, though Tobin had to undress and dress her back after. She's not sure Alex even did anything but stand under the water, but the effort itself was better than nothing. Tobin had to shut the water off after an hour when she realized it was cold. As she pulled Alex to her and wrapped her in the towel, Tobin realized she hadn't been this close physically to Alex since she confessed her feelings right before the World Cup. Alex had turned her down, reminding her she was married, and though Tobin had tried to carry on as if everything was normal, their friendship had suffered.
It was now day six and she couldn't stand to see Alex wasting away anymore. She had tried comforting, had tried tough love, had tried reminding her of all the good left in her life. But the usually chill Tobin was finding it hard to just let Alex continue in this self-pity.
She just wasn't sure what to do to get through to her.
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Alex didn't have to see her to feel Tobin in the doorway staring at her curled up in a ball on the bed. Suddenly she felt the bed dip, and Tobin come into view, mimicking her position and laying down next to her, face to face.
They hadn't been in a bed together since Tobin had told her that she felt more than friendship. Sleepovers and cuddling used to be a regular thing, but after that moment both had unconsciously started distancing themselves.
It was comforting having her this close again. She had missed the way Tobin looked at her, as if she was seeing everything without judgement.
"Alex."
She didn't want to look her in the eyes. She knew if she did she would crumble. She didnt want to have to explain what was going on in her head.
"Alex, please."
She sighed. Tobin knew she couldn't resist that voice. Her friend rarely ever begged, but when she did, Alex always found it hard not to immediately just give her what she wanted. Tobin never asked for anything, preferring to just go with the flow. Yet now, she was seemingly asking for Alex to open up.
Alex closed her eyes briefly, reluctantly opening them so that she was looking at Tobin.
There was this moment of uncertainty. Alex trying, and failing, to hide what she was feeling, and Tobin, confused, watching all of this play out on Alex's face.
"I don't know what to do Alex. I need you to say something. Get up off this bed. Go back to your routine. Do something. I can't keep staying here and watching you shut down. I don't- I don't know what to do."
Tobin ran her hand through her hair and across her face as Alex just lay there watching. She didn't know where to even begin. She could tell Tobin was struggling, but she was struggling too, wasn't she? She was the one whose husband had just left her. Not Tobin. How could she even explain that she wasn't- that she didn't-
"I'm not upset." She blurted out, voice even more raspy from not talking for days.
"What?" Tobin froze, shocked.
Alex sighed again, knowing that didn't come out right.
"I mean, I am. But I'm also....not."
Tobin stayed frozen, waiting for Alex to continue.
Alex looked away from Tobin, not sure if she could do this while looking into the eyes of her best friend.
"I loved him. I really did. When I saw him for the first time, and he looked at me, it was like....like everything I had always thought I wanted fell into place. Dating him, our engagement, getting married it was all...perfect. Or it seemed perfect."
"Did he ever..." She pulled her eyes back to Tobin, who was searching for the right way to say it.
She looked away again. "He never cheated. At least I don't think he ever did....or would. He's not that kind of guy. He never hit me either. We never even fought. Not once. About anything. If I ever wanted anything he just gave it to me. No fuss. Even if he didn't like something, he either wouldn't tell me or he'd say it in such a calm way. Like he'd rather just let me know it inconvenienced him or wasn't something he would prefer to do. But then I'd get pigheaded or self-righteous and make it so I had my way regardless."
Alex knew she was rambling. But she'd had a lot of time to think and not enough time it seems to put all those thoughts into a coherent flow. Confusion seemed to be the rolling theme for Tobin, but she didn't want to interrupt again, knowing that Alex needed to get it out.
"I think I knew." She said quietly, almost to herself. "I think I knew it would never last. It was just....too perfect. It was just the calm, no storm. A relationship is supposed to have ups and downs. Not just ups. And even though somewhere deep down, I knew it wasn't going to be forever....I still thought, maybe...it would. That he would be my forever. But it was almost like taking in a breath and trying to never let it back out again. The air inside gets stale over time and all the goodness that it was supposed to be goes away, and there's nothing until eventually you just have to let it out and breathe again. But I can't breathe again. Because he was supposed to hold my love in his hands and it's like he dropped it."
Alex barely chokes back a sob as tears start running down her face.
"...and I feel like I don't care as much as I am supposed to. What am I going to do now? What am I doing to do? It hurts to be here-"
Tobin pulls Alex to her until their bodies are flush together, Alex's head tucked under her chin. Tobin tries to soothe the broken woman, and, finally, after a few I mutes, Alex quiets.
She doesn't look up from Tobins chest as she whispers, "And then there's you....I think you've loved me this whole time. You've been my rock through this, keeping me from coming completely undone. And I don't deserve it. I didn't even consider that I always had you in my corner. Always had you to laugh with, to fight with....to love. And I'm so sorry Tobin. I wasted so much time on a love I thought I was supposed to follow that I didn't even consider that you could be-"
Alex was just beginning to work herself up again when she felt a hand go underneath her chin and draw her face up so that Tobin could look at her.
Alex saw, quite clearly now, the love etched into the other woman's face. Tobin's eyes flitted down to Alex's lips and back up, as if she was asking for permission. Their eyes connected and it was like a shock to Alex's system, so sharp she inhaled deeply before realizing that Tobin had already joined their lips together in a soft, but electric, kiss.
After a moment, they pulled apart slowly, and Alex exhaled, looking deep into the other woman's eyes again.
"Tobin."