Unpleasant Discoveries
I sat at the large table, head resting heavily on my hand, my face squishing up and my eyelids barely open. I was usually very fatigued after a visit with Luke. Flying out to his location and maintaining my disguise proving to be a massive drain on my energy reserves. In fact, if it hadn't been for my rigorous training with Steve every day, there was no way I'd be capable of it.
The first time I'd ventured out, I'd spent the rest of the next day barely conscious. Poor Steve had fretted and blamed himself for putting me under so much pressure. Personally I was happy to let him take the blame, I hated spending hours in the gym and combat training.
So, between my late return, the vivid dreams that wavered between sexy and horrifying, and the very early morning, I was beyond wrecked.
“This is everything current that we have on the Baron and his movements.” Steve said, examining the projected tabs, “And this is everything that Peitro learned while he was with him.” He gestured grandly and a few more tabs lit up. I looked at the small amount of data with disdain. Our suddenly undead buddy was circling the table like some sort of silver-haired shark, eyeing the information with a determined look. His sister Wanda didn't take her eyes off him once. Like she couldn't believe it was real.
“We don't got jack.” James said frustrated. I grunted my agreement and sighed. I thought having Luke on the inside would give me an edge, but I didn't know much more than the rest of the team about his recent movements. I knew The Baron. His habits, his ego, his tendencies. Time as one of his favored pets had at least given me that. I glanced at Pietro's information. It was so sparse that I knew, without even having to ask, that Pietro hadn't been a very co-operative pet. The Baron, he liked to talk. To gloat. But only if he felt that you deserved his conversation, otherwise you were either ignored or punished.
“Oh my dear,” he said sorrowfully, steering me towards the cold rooms with a painful grip on my arm, “You're usually so well behaved.” He held the controller to my collar in his other hand, thumb hovering over the buttons ominously. My heart rate spiked. I knew where we were going. What my punishment would be. We reached a door at the end of the hall and The Baron paused. He turned to look at me, a seeming sadness in his gaze. The half dose of sedative that I'd been given made me unable to focus and drowsy. I wouldn't be able to shift or project my way out of trouble.
“You know I can't let that type of behavior slide.” He pulled his glove off and ran a finger down my jawline, marveling at the changes in my skin as my Kree boosted immune system fought off the Death Spore Virus efficiently. My breathing hitched and I sluggishly jerked my face away. Strucker frowned. “I cannot be seen to tolerate insubordination from my pets.” He said, unlocking the door, I tried to back away, feeling panicked but he pushed a button on the remote and I seized. He grabbed me harshly by the arm, his fingers digging into my flesh, and then he threw me into the room.
I hit the floor hard and the man who had been pacing the room turned to stare at me. His stance was wary, that of a caged animal and he watched me with the eyes of a predator who had just found his prey. I scrambled back, pushing myself against the closed door, filling with despair when I heard it lock.
“It's almost poetically balanced. Now you will be punished by being the favor for another of my pets.” The Baron spoke through the door. “You know how it is my Changeling, he's much easier to control afterwards.” I heard his retreating footsteps and knew that there was no hope left for me to get out of this. I glanced up at the man, a scream rising in my throat. His hair hung in ragged clumps around his head and he prowled toward me with intent.
He was always so confused at first, and angry. He needed to feel powerful and in control. Putting me in his cell met his instinctive needs and left me mangled. For the Baron, it served two purposes. Mellowing his best assassin, and reminding his favorite experiment of her place.
Heart beating in my throat, I looked up hoping to see some humanity in his gaze, but there was none. He was too fresh. Then all I felt was the cold of his steel arm as he pushed it up against my throat.
The fear smashed through my body like a tidal wave, it flooded all coherent thought from my mind and I acted purely on instinct. I flew from my seat up onto the table, tingling as my flesh changed to Vibranium. I was surrounded. My hand on my chain I viciously kicked the person closest to me in the face as they tried to climb atop the table. The chain morphed into a slender rod and I swung it in an arc, smashing a foe across the cheek and then thrusting it blindly behind me, someone grunting as it hit them in the stomach. I was nearly overwhelmed with my desire to get away.
I could hear them, shouting orders at each other, trying to take me down, but I couldn't understand the words. Terrified, I leaped from the table and bounced off one of my adversaries, who was crouching, ready to spring themselves at me. I hit the floor running, bolting for the nearest door. Feeling a rush of air, I threw out my rod, twirling with the impact of someone running into it at high speed. They dropped, un-moving to the floor.
I heard more shouting, swinging around I prepared to defend myself. There were two, but they didn't charge me. They simply stood, hands out, feet apart. One was talking to me, he made no sense, but his behavior wasn't threatening. Uncertain I stepped back, ready to run. Then a woman stepped into my view. At first I was startled by her tear stained face, and then in a haze of red, I fell to the floor, dropping my shift as I went down. My thoughts returned to the present, and I realized that I'd been living in my memory at the sufferance of my team mates.
“Shit.” I whispered, breathing hard. My mind cleared very quickly, but my body still recalled the sickening feeling from the dream and the fear for my life. Wanda helped me stumble up, everyone else still keeping their distance. My rod fell limp and I wound the chain about my neck, then, gagging, I bolted for the wastepaper basket.
“Is she...?” I heard James half ask while I threw up noisily. Wanda nodded as I righted myself and leaned against the wall. Everyone was looking at me.
“What the hell happened?” Steve demanded. Blood stained the front of his t-shirt and his nose was sitting irregular on his handsome face. Since I didn't know how to answer his question, I ignored it. Doing a damage assessment, I saw that Steve had a broken nose, Natasha had a huge welt across her cheek, Clint was sitting with his hand on his stomach and Pietro was unconscious on the floor, apparently unnoticed. Wanda approached me a haunted look in her eyes. Make-up smeared all over her face.
“I saw.” She said, looking at me, “I remembered with you.” She stalked around me, horror on her face. “You were so afraid.” she whispered and I felt guilty for taking her with me into that memory. Though it didn't happen as often anymore, sometimes my recall was so powerful that Wanda simply got drawn in, a helpless observer in some of my worst memories.
“I'm sorry.” I whispered back to her. I glanced around the room and cleared my throat. “I'm sorry.”I said louder, addressing the room. “I-I didn't mean to...” I trailed off lamely, starting when Clint let out a laugh.
“-Didn't mean to snap kick Steve in the face, flog Tasha, knock out Pietro and give me internal injuries. Yeah, we've gathered that.” He said with half a smile. “The fact that you could is kind of incredible, Just don't make it a habit.”
“I really don't plan on it.” I muttered. There was a low groan and we all looked over to where Pietro was stirring. He looked about groggily and Clint fixed him with a huge grin.
“What, you didn't see that coming?” He asked the groggy Speedster, who gave a painful sounding laugh and muttered something under his breath, which I'm pretty sure was fuck off. I slowly approached the table. I cleared my throat again.
“Well,” I said, biting my lip, “If you'd all like to form an orderly queue, I can heal your injuries. The least I can do, seeing as I inflicted them.”
Clint demanded to go first, claiming to have internal bleeding. He didn't, but I had hit him very hard in the gut with my rod. I reset Steve's nose and took away Pietro's concussion. Natasha approached me with a wry smile.
“Make me pretty again.” She said, I choked out a laugh and laid my hands on her.
“So, we all just gonna forget that you went bat shit crazy and beat the crap out of nearly all of us or what?” James asked suddenly and I turned to look at him. He and Sam were standing on the other side of the table with incredulous expressions.
“You wouldn't blame her if you knew.” Wanda defended me. I felt myself go red. I didn't really want to explain myself but I kind of owed it to them. As it was, only Fury, Natasha, Steve and Tony knew about my past with Hydra. But now Wanda did too, and I'm sure it was just a matter of time before she told Pietro. I didn't expect that the twins kept many secrets from each other. Taking an deep breath, I picked up a chair from the floor and sat down.
“I have, a history with Baron Von Strucker.” I said, looking around the room, my eyes lingering lastly on Pietro, “I was his pet for fifteen years. All of this Hydra activity, the Baron, even my training. It's all bringing back memories. Memories that I have, up until now, managed to keep suppressed for a very long time. So, naturally, the nightmares have started. And these kind of nightmares... Well they're hard to wake up from.” Pietro's jaw clenched and I knew that he had nightmares of his own.
“I was collared, just as Pietro was. However, the collar only served to control me a part of the time. Strucker had other methods to ensure total control. Mental manipulation, sedation, abuse and total brainwashing. Some of us didn't even wear a collar.”
“Us?” Sam asked pointedly and I gave a wry smile.
“The Baron always has many pets. Not all of them unwilling. Not all of them collared. And they are never all together in the same place. He's too smart for that. On the particular base that I was contained, there was only one other there full time like me. He was heavily brainwashed, and for a large portion of the time, he was as much my enemy as Strucker was.” Steve was staring at me so intensely I felt as though he were boring holes with his gaze into my head, but he said nothing. I fidgeted a bit and took a deep breath.
“Sometimes, when he wasn't the Baron's creation, he was my only friend. I think that the Baron allowed this largely because it provided another mind fuck for him to use on us.” I spat out the words, a flash of rage fueling my words. I hated Strucker so much for that.
“I see him.” Wanda said, a far away look in her eyes as she looked at me. She turned to Steve with sad little smile. “The Winter Soldier.” My stomach clenched at the implication.
“Captain?” I asked alertly, but instead of responding, Steve stood so quickly that his chair clattered to the floor. He strode from the room stone faced, without so much as a glance towards me. Natasha threw a puzzled look at Wanda and I, then hurried to follow him, taking Sam with her. I had had no idea that Steve knew who The Winter Soldier was.
“Well, I guess this little meeting's dismissed.” James remarked and Clint grunted his agreement. I sat, shocked at the Captains reaction.
“So um, my bad on the smack-down guys.” I said absently, staring at the door Steve had gone out.
“Ah don't worry, you're forgiven. I was the lackey to an evil god and nearly took down the helicarrier, Tony created an evil robot and the wonder twins here actually worked for that robot. No-one's perfect.” Clint told me, and I actually felt better, “Of course, it helps that you can heal us after you've thrashed us. I'd be way less agreeable if I still had that sore gut going on.” He stood up and strolled out, James followed and Vincent left directly through the wall. Pietro was standing with his hands on Wanda's shoulders. She still looked as though she were far away.
“Wanda, I'm so sorry.” I said. She gave me a weak smile. “Not your fault.” she said quietly, before Pietro picked her up. He shot me a haunted look and then raced away with her, leaving me in the assembly area alone. I leaned back in my chair and sighed. I didn't know what to do about Steve, I suspected Wanda would avoid me for a while yet, and we hadn't come up with anything to take up against Hydra. Fidgeting, I found myself actually wishing that Nick Fury were here. Apparently there really was a first time for everything.
***
I woke up sweaty and angry, my throat sore and heart racing. I crawled out of the bed, disgusted at the time. I knew that a sensible person would see that it was three in the morning and try to go back to sleep. But, my nightmares kept me from my bed.
I left my dorm and wandered the halls, finding myself in down in the training wing. The lights in the gym were on, and I quietly slunk to the door and peered inside. Steve had hung a boxing bag and was pummeling it. He had a look on his face that I could only describe as grief. I turned to leave but he knew I was there.
“Trouble sleeping?” He asked conversationally, as though he wasn't violently beating up a bag of sand. I meandered into the room and sat on the treadmill. “Yeah.” I answered, slightly hoarse. I guessed that I'd been screaming out in my sleep.
Steve stopped punching and looked at me, “What? No smart ass comments? Clever quips? Not even a disgustingly descriptive insult?” He began unwrapping his hands and I laid back, hands behind my head.
“Nah.” I squinted, the fluorescent lights glaring down at me. Steve appeared above me, looking down. The light framed him like a big, muscle-bound patriotic angel.
“Nightmares.” He stated.
“Yeah.” I didn't look him in the eye. I'd rifled through Steve's personal database, looking to learn how he knew the Winter Soldier. I'd learned, and I'd never felt so sorry. Hydra had given us more in common than we could have ever guessed. It scared me that two such different people, with such different lives could be so badly impacted by Hydra. Even if you weren't a direct target of their chaos, you would still get snared it its wake.
“You ok?” He squatted down to my level and I pushed myself up on my elbows.
“No.” I said honestly, and it came spilling out like word vomit. “I came to New York, looking to take a piece of Hydra, to pay them back for the shit that they did to me, and what they do to everyone else. Only now that I'm here, and it's actually happening, it's harder than it's ever been to cope with...” My voice cracked and I ground my teeth, jerking my face away. I would sooner die than let anyone see me cry. “The shit that they did. I remember it all. But when I was hiding, pretending to be normal, it was easier to shut away. Now memories from over seventy years ago are being played back to me every time I close my eyes and there's nothing that I can do to stop them!” My voiced raised with my frustration, but Steve appeared unfazed.
“Use it.” He said.
“What?” I sat up and stared at him. Honestly, I'd expected a touch more sympathy.
“Use your memories against him. Learn from them. Fifteen years is a long time to be a pet,” here I raised my eyebrows because compared to over a century, fifteen years is nothing. Steve rolled his eyes at me and continued, “You know, generally speaking. You had all that time with the Baron, watching him, learning about him. You may not realize it, but you probably know him better than anyone else here.”
“Huh.” I'd never thought about it like that. “It never occurred to me to use my nightmares against him.” I took a deep breath and shot Steve a wary look.
“You know who would know him even better than me?” I said quietly, Steve's face dropped. He knew alright. I broached the subject cautiously. “You should find James.”
"Me? What about you? Don't you want to find him?" He asked me, adopting a quizzical expression when I sighed.
"I want to, for sure. But this is the longest he's been out of the freeze. He's been Cann- sorry, Bucky for the longest time since Hydra changed him now, and he'll be replaying everything that he's ever done at Hydra's demand. He'll be ashamed. He'll feel like a monster. I think that if he sees me, he'll remember what he did when he was The Soldier. He'll be certain that he is a monster. He won't heal around me Steve. But he might have a chance around you." I spoke quietly, with a few unwilling tears slipping down my face. I scrubbed them away before Steve could see., he was staring at the floor. Lost in his own memories.
I knew that he was wondering if he really wanted to know what I'd been through at the hands of his friend. I'd already decided that I wasn't going to tell him anything of what the Winter Soldier was like when he'd been at his worst. He loved his friend, and didn't need to hear about the monster that he'd been sometimes. I was going to tell him what he was like when he was my friend.
“Sometimes, when he was just himself,” I said and Steve finally looked at me gaze sharpening. “I used to call him Cannon, and he would tell me to call him Bucky. That Cannon was a terrible nickname. We would argue about which was better, in the end I used to say it just to annoy him.” I watched Steve. He had a hungry expression, wanting to know more, so I continued. “It was hard for him. He never got to be himself for very long. He'd be taken away, brainwashed and put in the deep freeze. When he came out, he was the Winter Soldier again. He tried to pretend once. To be the Soldier when it was wearing off, just so he could stay out of the freeze for longer. But he couldn't do it. He was a good man, a kind man. And the real James, wasn't capable of the things that the Winter Soldier did. It tore him apart just to try.” Steve's jaw was clenched. His face tight.
“He shouldn't be out there alone. He needs you and you can't just give up on him.” I said seriously, and Steve glared at me.
“I would never.” His voice was hard, and I thought I'd stepped over a line, but after a moment, his expression softened. “And you have got to stop getting into personal files.” He admonished me, I gave a weak laugh.
“If you really meant that, Stark would have installed Friday into the systems by now.”
“I'm not in the habit of asking Stark for favors.” Steve said, and then with a sideways look and a smile he added, “Tony tends to get a bit condescending when I ask him for help with anything modern. So I don't ask.” I returned his smile. I thought that Steve did ok with modern technology considering that he totally missed the development of a great deal of it. Just got thawed one day and BAM! Plasma televisions and the internet without any warning whatsoever. Although, he did get to miss the excruciating frustration that had been dial up, so he had that going for him.
I glad that the Captain and I had had a chance to share a moment. confiding secrets in each other that we wouldn't tell anyone else. Bonding. James was the closest thing I had to a friend for many years, and Steve had become one too. It was kind of poetic that the two had also been friends with each other. All at once, rain began hammering down. The sound of it on the roof nearly deafening.
“That's a bit unexpected.” I murmured, surprised. A low rumble of thunder rolling through the darkness outside. The windows illuminating with the flashes of lightening. Steve sighed.
“That'll be Thor.” He said wearily, pinching the bridge of his nose. I bounced, excited.
“Cool, I'll get to meet a god!” I said enthusiastically. a little piece of my brain remembering that I was supposed to be learning more about my own God-boy. I pushed the thought back, promising myself that I'd look into it later. We went to the front doors, and poked our heads out into the rain to see the golden haired god crouched in a pose on a round block of concrete seemingly randomly placed in the lawn.
“Thor!” Steve called, and Thor looked up with a grin on his face. He stood and strode purposefully towards us. He seemed to radiate life and warmth. The rain didn't touch him as he walked, his cape and hair swaying gently with his momentum. I openly gaped. I knew that he was a god, but he was ridiculously otherworldly and good looking.
“Captain! Old friend!” He yelled, even though he was right in front of us. He threw an arm around Steve's shoulders and Steve smiled uncomfortably.
“Thor, what brings you here at this hour of the morning?” I admired the Captain's ability to get straight to the point. Thor's face turned serious, but it wasn't any less attractive.
“I come with dire news. Artifacts have been stolen from the vaults of Asgard my friend. Dangerous artifacts. The Tesseract among them.” Steve stopped suddenly.
“How?” He demanded and Thor sighed, running a hand through his golden hair and ruffling it with that very human gesture.
“We are as yet unsure, Heimdall has looked through all nine realms and cannot see them.” He said, and I mentally paused. Nine realms? I'd heard that before. Luke had said it. I felt sick, an unwanted certainty washing through me. Mr God-boy and his Nine Realms. He couldn't possibly be... could he?
“I thought your brother was the only one who could hide himself from Heimdall.” Steve said. Thor nodded gravely and I paled.
“As did we. But Loki is dead. The Orb of Agamotto was also taken, we assume that this is the reason for the Heimdall's blindness.” I saw grief on his face when he mentioned his brother, but I didn't feel relieved. Loki had been thought dead before and then showed up here with an alien army in tow. And Luke was a name that was dangerously close to Loki. Luke fucken Frost, or Loki the freaking Frost Giant. Jesus.
“Steve, your companion, is she well?” Oh god, they even talked the same. Steve put his hand on my arm.
“Brooke?” He asked gently. I looked at him, and I must looked mighty bad because he became the picture of concern. I didn't respond, my brain was working furiously, adding up all of the little pieces. The more I thought about it, the more certain I became that Luke was actually Loki.
I couldn't believe it. I was an ally to the god who once had decided to take over the world. The King Schemer. The Prince of Lies! Mr. Deception himself. No wonder he'd been such a good kisser, he'd had literally centuries and centuries of practice. He was working with Hydra! I'd been keeping him hidden from the Avengers! What had I done?
“Brooke!” Steve said, voice raising with urgency. I yelped and looked at him, “I have- I have to go.” I mumbled, pulling out of his grip and heading for my dorm. I really needed to have a good hard think about what I was supposed to do now.