Making a Hero

I was seated in the communal living room, watching Sam and Rhodey participate in a savage game of Mario Kart. I wasn't sure who was winning overall, seeing as they'd been re-matching for the past hour, but Rhodey was winning at the moment judging by the fluency of Sam's cussing.

“Fucking Rainbow Road!” He yelled, then began spluttering with outrage, “Did you just fucking Blue Shell me?”

Rhodey cackled manically. Apparently Sam was a rage gamer. I shook the bottle of nail polish and then began applying neon green to my finger nails.

I had my tongue poked out in intense concentration when Tony and Natasha walked in. Tony had been in and out fairly regularly over the past couple of months, but this was the first I'd seen of Natasha since Shield.

“So this is what Earth's Mightiest Heroes do all day?” Tony asked, a smirk twitching the corners of his mouth. I found that I got along better with Tony than any of the others so far. He didn't take much seriously and was always game for a laugh. I started waving my hands in the air to dry off the polish.

“Ok, first of all, it's Sunday, the day of rest, and secondly, this,” I waggled my brightly colored fingers at him, “-is weapons maintenance. Super important stuff.” Rhodey called out half a greeting to Tony before rubbing his latest victory in Sam's face. Sam tossed the controller away in disgust and clambered over the back of the couch to join us.

“Wimp!” Rhodey baited, but Sam was having none of it. He shot Natasha a look.

“Hey remember that time you and Steve rocked up on my doorstep unannounced?” He asked her and she nodded. Sam tilted his head towards Rhodey. “Destroy him.” He requested darkly. Natasha laughed.

“Alright. I suppose I do owe you one.” She said and then sat down with James, who looked significantly more intimidated at his new opponent. Tony was grinning at his friend, I fixed Sam with a curious look.

“Natasha and Steve showed up on your doorstep?” I inquired and Sam laughed.

“Yeah. It was during Shield's downfall and how I originally got involved in this whole... thing.” He made a circling gesture, referring to the whole Avengers Initiative I assumed. “Steve showed up, like a dirty, beat up golden retriever dragging this ginger, mean looking kitten with him-” He grinned when Natasha shouted “I heard that!” distractedly, then looking at me, he gave a little shrug. “How could I turn them away?”

I smiled, imagining it for a moment. It would be very difficult to turn Steve away when he was pulling the puppy eyes.

“Well, now every one knows that you take in strays. Don't be surprised if Avengers regularly show up on your doorstep. I heard that you make great scrambled eggs.” Tony remarked and Sam smiled before giving him a curious look.

“What are you doing here again already? Aren't you supposed to be retired?” He asked, with good reason. Tony had been showing up more and more frequently. Stark shrugged casually, but I noted a terseness in his actions.

“Doing some routine updates to the security systems, making sure everything's running smoothly.” He muttered, picking up the bottle of nail polish and inspecting it. I'd learned that Tony was a fidgeter. “I also wanted to check in with Vincent.” Which made sense. Vincent was more or less Tony's child. Sam shrugged.

“I'm surprised Pepper's ok with it.” He stated. Tony tensed momentarily. I narrowed my eyes at him. We'd all learned that Pepper's control of the uncontrollable Tony Stark was supreme. He very rarely did much these days without her specific go ahead. Tony's bad decisions were legendary. The whole Ultron thing was a prime example. He glanced at Sam briefly.

“I'm here aren't I?” He said cryptically, before exiting the room. Sam and I watched him go, wearing twin expressions of bewilderment.

For someone who'd retired, he started spending a lot of time hanging around. Sometimes he'd be away for a few days but he was around more often than not. He wasn't his usual cheerfully scornful self either. Always skulking in the workshop, or, if Steve was home instead of chasing leads on a mystery mission with Sam, Tony would follow him around, goading him into an argument.

The rest of us were fairly over it, and we took to tiptoeing about whenever Tony was visiting and Steve was home. Tony's needling of Steve always turned into a raging pointless argument, and then they'd carry their foul moods around for hours afterwards. Glowering at everyone and muttering under their breath.

I was more inclined to actively avoid Steve during these times. He'd come looking for me to do combat training with a dark look on his face, and he didn't hold back. My extreme durability could handle Steve at full force, but I found it difficult not to fall into old habits in the face of his anger.

With the Kree I'd killed for survival and with Hydra I'd killed because the Baron wanted it. Simply disabling my opponent wasn't something I was well practiced with, and it was hard to remember that Steve was my friend when he was punching me with all of his strength, so I took to hiding in some inventive places from him.

***

I was holed up in the corner of the workshop, behind Rhodey's War Machine armor, playing Candy Crush on my StarkPad, when I heard Tony come in, throwing shit around and swearing.

“That bastard!” He hissed, and I assumed that he was talking about Steve, until I heard Rogers agree with him. I paused my game to listen in.

“He had no right to deceive us like that.” He agreed heatedly. I couldn't see either of them from my vantage point, but I could practically feel the anger rolling off them. I was surprised that they weren't directing it at each other for a change.

“I can't believe that Clint punched him.” Tony sighed, a clatter indicating that he was at his work bench.

“I can, though Nick deserves more than a split lip.” Steve grunted, then after a small pause he added, quietly, “I can't believe Coulson's alive.”

“I can't believe he's been alive for so long and nobody told us. He's leading a team and dealing with a global crisis. The Director for goodness sake.” Tony spat, biting off each word with barely contained ire. “I'm not surprised that Fury used us, but I did make the mistake of believing that he had more respect for us than that.” Steve hummed his agreement.

“Thor isn't going to be happy.” He stated. Tony laughed bitterly.

“Good. Maybe he'll hit Fury with his hammer. Then we'll all be happy.” He growled. I heard Steve let out a bark of laughter.

“We can only hope.” He said.

“At least we agree on something.” Tony commented.

“Don't get used to it Stark.” Steve shot, and then I heard him leave the room. Tony sighed, and I shimmied out of my hiding spot, and approached him. He didn't look at all surprised to see me there.

“So, you can maintain a conversation with Steve that doesn't degrade into insults. Interesting.” I said, standing on the other side of his workbench while he fidgeted. He grunted.

“Why were you hiding in here?” He asked, ignoring my statement.

“Because I don't like sparring with Steve when he's pissed at you, which is like all the time,” I said tartly. Tony pulled a face.

“I don't mean to get into fights with him.”

“I'd be inclined to believe that, except you insist on pushing all of his bloody buttons every chance you get.” I leaned against the bench. “I think that you're goading him as a way to distract yourself from some inner turmoil.”

“I am not.” Tony defended and I grinned.

“Last week, when he ran into that door and gave himself a blood nose, you started singing He's beauty, he's grace, he's mister United States.” I pointed out and Tony hid a smirk.

“It's just a bit of fun.” he insisted. I rolled my eyes at him.

“Yeah and it's always at Steve's expense. You don't torment anyone else like you do him.”

“You would notice that.”

“You don't live for as long as I have without learning a few things.” I waited for him to tell me what's really up. He fidgeted and ignored me for a few moments before giving up and resting his face in his hands.

“Pepper and I broke up.” He said quickly, voice muffled by his own palms. I wasn't shocked, He'd been getting in deeper and deeper with the new Avengers and from what I'd heard about Pepper, she wouldn't have been thrilled. What did shock me was how well Tony was keeping his shit together.

I nodded. “Well that explains the awful mood you've been in, and why you're hanging around a lot.” Tony sighed and started pulling something to pieces on his work bench.

“I might as well be here, getting on Steve's nerves and making use of myself. Since she's more than capable of running the company without me, I need something to do. She broke up with me because I can't let Iron Man go, so I might as well embrace it.” He put his fingertips to his chest where the arc-reactor used to sit, almost absently and I felt sad for him. Here was a man, who despite all the trouble he'd caused, was still trying to better himself.

“Maybe you should ease up on ribbing Steve so much, and tell him why you're acting like such a brat. This, team thing here, everyone seems to be friends. I know that most people here would describe you as kind of a dick, but you're an endearing dick and I know that they'd try to help you through this.” He raised an eyebrow at me. Perhaps telling him everyone thought he was a dick was a mistake.

“Yeah. Maybe.” He said, tapping his fingers on the bench top. I watched his face as he stared into nothing. He'd had a real shitty time of it lately. Breaking up with Pepper, arguing with Steve all the time, and now finding out that Coulson was alive. He was probably feeling emotionally burnt out. Unlocking my StarkPad, I clicked my tongue and then sidled up to him. I'd never been good at providing comfort, but I did know a thing or two about distraction.

“Wanna go online shopping for embarrassing sex toys and have them posted to Steve?” I asked slyly, and he gave me a wide grin.

“I'm so in.”

***

Eventually, I had to head down to the training rooms. Apparently I needed to be assessed to see how I was progressing. Despite having years of experience fighting, I still felt nervous. I knew that my physical fitness was improving. I was looking less and less doughy with each passing week, and my strength and stamina were steadily progressing.

But I was struggling with combat. I couldn't deal death blows and fatal moves on the training mats and it was hindering me. I was never sure how much I should be holding back. More than once I'd caused some pretty serious damage to Steve and I'd had to heal him. Most often though, I was a flurry of useless movement and Steve neutralized me very efficiently.

I arrived in the training room to see Steve talking to Widow. I quietly approached them and waited for Steve to finish. Natasha spied me waiting and smiled.

“You're shaping up well.” She said, running an appreciative eye over me. I was wearing leggings and a sport crop top, finally having enough confidence in my sleeker, fitter body to wear them, instead of a loose t-shirt and track-pants. The appraisal of Nat had my stomach twisting itself into knots, my self-esteem hitching up a few notches. I grinned. Stupidly, it felt really good to hear her say that. I'd never really been on the receiving end of many compliments before. Steve turned, smiling.

“Ready?” He asked, and I nodded. He didn't seem to be in a bad mood, so there was a good chance I might actually enjoy this session instead of being worried about how it might end, should I lose my temper.

“Ready when you are Captain.” I pulled my chain from my throat and twirled it between my fingers as it solidified into a thin rod. Steve gave me a smug smile and I felt that short lived confidence vanish.

“Oh, you'll be sparring with Natasha today. No Shifts yet, she needs to asses your raw combat skills first.” He said, stepping back and presenting Natasha with a sweep of his hand. I groaned and he just grinned and continued. “You're less familiar with Widow's techniques. I want to see how you handle it.” He explained while I shot him daggers as he walked away.

He wasn't wrong, I hadn't had much one on one experience with anyone other than Steve. I preferred team exercises. It was way easier to just take orders than it was to spar against a new opponent. The last time I'd been against Natasha was when she'd been doing an initial assessment of my capabilities at Shield and she'd wiped the floor with me.

She knew it too. “Let's see how you've improved.” She said with a smile. I twirled my rod anxiously and began taking deep even breaths, trying to focus my mind. It wasn't easy. Tasha stood so casually. Like she was just waiting in line for coffee, not getting ready to pound my noob backside into the mats.

The whistle blew and it was on. She came at me so quickly that I had to dance back and secure my footing. Her hand jabbed forward at my face, I bobbed sideways and managed to avoid it, she adjusted her stance, slamming her elbow into my ear and then kicking out the side of my knee.

I stumbled off kilter for a moment rapidly healing the perforated eardrum and cartilage tear, then went down into a squat, springing forward, I lurched past her, swiping my rod at her feet, taking them out from under her as I twirled around. She went backwards, landed on her back and then flicked herself back up, twisting quickly to face me, her fist shot forward with her movement and she punched me square on the nose. Pain stabbed through my head and blood spurted from my face in a crimson stream. I huffed out a huge breath, spraying her in the face with the droplets, distracting her momentarily.

Natasha was not holding back, not even a little bit and I realized that I was going to have to try harder. She was so different from Steve, I had to stop expecting his tactics. In the time that she took blinking my blood out of her eyes, I adjusted my grip on the rod. Holding it at its very end, I rammed it into her gut, grabbed a handful of her hair and then drove her face into my rising knee. While she was still low, she gripped my ankle and pulled it up with her on the rebound.

My upper body went back and I planted a hand on the ground, bought my other leg up and stomped her in the chest. I hit the mats with a grunt and was half way up when she came at me again. She moved just like a spider and somehow I ended up with her thighs around my head, I turned and bit hard into the flesh surrounding my face, breaking the skin through her suit just as she brought her elbow down as hard as she could on the top of my head. I saw stars, and then I saw nothing.

When I came to I was sprawled on the mats listening to Natasha rant in Russian. From her tone, I figured that she was swearing up a storm. Groaning I sat up, my head was hurting like hell. A quick probe with my fingers revealed a large egg and I winced.

“Ah, so she's awake.” I heard Tony say. I blinked and with a focused breath I healed my sparring injuries, my nose gave a nasty crunch as it set itself. Looking around I saw Tony and Steve standing to the side. Natasha was a couple of feet from me looking pretty beat up herself. I crawled over to her and grabbed her hand. I healed her smashed up face and the nasty bite on her leg. She looked instantly relived.

“I can't believe how hard you bit me!” She exclaimed, then turned to Steve, “So, who won?” I gave her a disbelieving look.

“Well obviously you.” I told her. She laughed. “Well, yes. But who won the bet? They put money up on how long you'd last against me.” I was entirely un-surprised. I stood up and helped Tasha to her feet, we went over to the two men.

Steve was wearing a big smile as he elbowed Tony. “Told you she'd last longer than you thought.” Tony rolled his eyes and I gave him a dirty look.

“You bet against me?” I pouted. He shrugged shamelessly.

“Well, it is Natasha.” He said arvhy. I nodded. He had a point. Steve was giving me a very approving smile. Like a parent who whose kid had just won a race or something. I felt absurdly pleased with myself at making him proud of me.

“Ok, next round, this time, with powers.” Natasha said, and I wrinkled my nose, but I followed her. I lasted significantly longer in this round.

***

After the assessments were completed, I left for the showers and I thought about how living here with these people was making feel. I wasn't altogether familiar with the strength of emotions that they stirred up. It had been so nice to see Tony and Steve in the same room without fighting. Whenever they were at odds with each other, I felt hollowed out and miserable. I hated it. It was strange that a situation that had naught to do with me could affect me so adversely.

And the glow of pride I'd felt at impressing Steve, that was strange too. I was happy that he'd not only believed that I could survive longer than Tony had thought, but also that I'd met his expectations. The closest I'd ever come to this feeling was when I'd managed to pull off one of the Baron's complicated missions without a hitch, and that was more satisfaction than pride.

While it was comforting to know that I was capable of feeling this deeply about people, there was an unease that ran much deeper. The closer I got to them, the more it was going to pain me to watch them grow old and die. I couldn't decide if the feeling of belonging was going to be worth the eventual wrenching heartbreak and enduring loneliness.

I hadn't been here long, but already I felt a level of comfort that I hadn't experienced before. It made me apprehensive about what the future held.