Chapter 12
Chapter 12
The walk back was the same comfortable silence that always managed to greet them. The wind and rain had finally settled, yet darkness had not. It still had a strong hold over the forest, leaving a blanket of darkness wherever trailed to next. Drops of rain that reflected nothing constantly dripped onto the auburn crunchy leaves that Mikasa and Eren traced along, trying to retrace forgotten steps. With an arm tightly wrapped around her waist, and her own arm slung over his shoulder around the back of his neck, the two paced themselves slowly throughout the damp dark and dingy forest. Despite how dark it was, and vulnerable they both seemed to be, neither of them were afraid. Mikasa seemed to feel Eren’s heartbeat pulsing throughout her own body, as they were pretty close together.
Heaving breathing was audible for both of them, and visible. Faint swirls of transparent air parted every few moments from each of their mouths, as they had finally managed to reach the hill they had once stumbled down. Mikasa looked up dauntingly at the hill, not in fear of what happened for once, but how she was going to get up there in her state. Suddenly, Armin’s voice could be heard.
“Eren! Mikasa! Please? Where are you?”
“Armin! Down here!” Eren responded, not wanting to leave Mikasa by herself. She didn’t have the energy to look up at Armin and Eren exchanging desperate words to each other, yet somehow found herself smirking at the thought of the kiss draining her last morsels of energy.
Before she knew it, Mikasa was being lifted up the hill, Eren pushing at her back and lower thighs, making her blush with the little energy she had left. She tried to climb up, grasping onto various bits of dirt and twigs, yet her efforts were minimal, as she kept slipping back down. They weren’t even half way up before an ever darker blackness came around her, as her eyelids slowly drooped forward, her mind giving into the faint.
Light poured into her field of vision, as well as the familiar flashes of it through clumped together trees. She was in a moving car; that much she could gather. And she was laying down, her head placed down on something warm and squishy, something she had felt before. Mikasa made a small noise, letting Eren know that she was awake. She looked up to find his face covered in a worried emotion.
“Mikasa! Thank god. Armin, she’s awake.” He said with a sigh of relief. Eren’s warm hand touched her forehead, to see if she was burning up at all. She started to blush when she realized her head was resting against his lap. “Are you okay, Mik? How’s your leg? Do you need anything?”
Mikasa tried to sit up, but felt incredibly weak doing so, so sunk back down into Eren’s lap, letting out a small sigh. “No, I think I’m going to be okay for now. Nothing hurts much anyway,”
“Anyway? What does that mean? Are you sure you wouldn’t like us to take you to a hospital or-“
“Eren! I’m okay, really!” His eyes drooped a little, yet he still gave a small smile. Mikasa felt a little harsh saying that, so softened her tone. “But thank you for caring about me, though.” She gave a small grin, and Eren’s face became animated again as he searched for her hand.
Their soft, warm hands found each other quickly, as Eren squeezed her hand tightly. It was the type of squeeze that felt like he was never going to let go again. And Mikasa had no problem with that.
Armin had noticed their sudden intimacy; of course he had. He smiled to himself, looking out onto the road ahead. “Something magical happened back there, I’m guessing.”
Eren blushed and was about to protest, before Mikasa spoke up first. “Oh yeah. Fairies came out and danced around us in a little circle, and I found a pot of gold. We even saw a unicorn.”
Eren laughed a full laugh, while Armin chuckled a little to himself. “Okay okay, I won’t pry. I just hope you two made the right choices out there.”
Mikasa looked up at Eren through her eye lashes, giving a small smile, which was returned. She recalled the kiss, and Armin was right. Although Mikasa wasn’t a sucker for that cheesy romance crap as she called it, it had been magical. Everything in her life had just fit into place, and love was her reward. She didn’t have to do anything difficult or scary; she just had to realize. And she had.
“We did,” Eren murmured, looking out of the window, at the passing cars. “We did.”
Returning home was a nice feeling, and Mikasa could call it home now. That felt even better. As Armin pulled the shitty green car up to the parking lot and pulled into a space, Mikasa sat up, stretching and yawning, still having a hold of Eren’s hand. Their hands had gotten a little sweaty, but neither of them minded.
Once they had all clambered out of the car, Armin called Annie to let them know they were home. Mikasa watched the joy on his face spread as he talked excitedly to her. She hoped things would be like that soon for her. Eren tugged Mikasa’s hand to the back of the car to help gather the things. He lazily pulled open the boot, as Mikasa reached in for her the first bag that came to her hand. Suddenly, she felt a small poke in her back, which made her squeak in surprise. She whipped her head around to find Jean standing there, with a grin on his face.
“Hey hey. How was the trip?”
“It was, uh...good?” Mikasa didn’t exactly know how to describe her experience. There had been lots of up and downs, so ‘good’ wasn’t really the right word to use.
Jean squeezed in beside Eren and picked up Armin’s bag. “Find what you were looking for?” He asked, as Eren shut the trunk with a slight slam. He immediately eyed Mikasa, as she smiled, grabbing his hand bravely as he blushed in Jean’s direction.
“Yeah, I did.” She said, smiling.
Jean’s eyebrows wiggled up and down, giving a slight chuckle. “Woah-ho, are you guys...you know?”
Mikasa didn’t say anything, and nor did Eren, mainly because they didn’t know. They had admitted to each other that they loved each other, but hadn’t actually established to each other what they wanted. Secretly, they both knew wanted to start something. They both wanted to see a beautiful relationship blossom, but neither could find the words to express their individual desires.
Mikasa shrugged, while Eren nodded in her direction. Jean nodded also, giving the thumbs up whilst disappearing behind the left side of the car. Eren giggled a little, turning his head back to Mikasa.
“Mikasa...what...what are we now?”
She gave him a meaningful stare, before blinking slowly. “I-I don’t know...”
Eren’s hand suddenly started to get very clammy, as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, although Mikasa thought it was cute. She gave him a confident smile. “Did you uh, maybe want to start dating or something? Or um, Mikasa, will you please be my girlfriend?”
After all these years, Mikasa certainly didn’t expect that she would get asked like this. Maybe on a rooftop in Italy, or atop the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Yet her dreams had always been exactly that; dreams. And they would stay like that, forever. Her dream had already come true.
“Of course I will,” She replied, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek afterward.
Eren wiped a little droplet of sweat, Mikasa noticing. She playfully shoved his shoulder. “What are you, a fifth grader? Grow a pair,”
“Still as mean as ever.” Eren sneered, practically dragging her around the shitty green car, following Jean’s forgotten footsteps.
“Oh come on, I’m not that bad!”
They turned the corner to see Armin and Annie reunited, hugging and smothering each other, Jean being a third wheel, like he always was, grouching and moaning. Eren laughed at the sight of it all, and Mikasa just smiled. She gave a genuine smile, a smile that could last for days, weeks, until her teeth turned yellow and her cheeks burned. She finally felt like she belonged somewhere.
Seven and five months of tortuous nothing. That’s all she felt for days, weeks on end. Weeks blurred into long, tiring months of nothing but mindless repetition. For seven years and five months, Mikasa Ackerman was dead.
She lived a lonely life, with no one there for her. Everyone she cared about had left her side after making as many mistakes as she had, no one giving her the chance she deserved, the redemption she thought she needed to have. Her memory was terrible, yet she remembered him as clear as day. His light tanned skin, and his amazing fashion sense, and...his eyes. His eyes were her everything. And her everything had been taken away from her.
Mikasa blamed herself entirely for everything she’d done, not letting anyone get to close to her in case they would be disappointed, or they left her. It scared her so much to a point where she had no one left. She lived like this for years, until she realized she didn’t have any money left, and would probably need a job sometime soon. She pleaded the council for any shitty job that they would give her, and she was blessed with the world of fiction at her fingertips. This didn’t help her at all, but it was a source of income, and she hoped she would be drugged onto author’s last words. Yet that wasn’t the case.
Then, the decision of one changed her life forever, definitely for the better.
After about a month of reliving the thing that she feared most in her life, she finally overcame it. She overcame her fear, because instead of talking, and babbling nonsense, she listened to what people had to say. That is something she will never regret. To overcome what she feared, she had to forgive herself. And her reward? Love. As cheesy as it was, that was all she needed. After seven years without another human touch, it felt nice to be loved once more, and she indulged in it as much as she could, because she couldn’t have it back then. She allowed herself to be spoilt, and that was something she could deal with.
Her mental health issues started vaporizing one by one, leaving her, and she wasn’t incredibly great full to Eren, Armin, Annie and Jean for helping her with this. The thing that she thought would help her- that shitty librarian job – was making her feel nostalgic, and by multiple requests, she quit that job, much to the council’s disagreement. She started working in a small flower shop nearby home, and grew to love the smell of the different flowers. Annie had also joined her in the job, and the two ran the place, selling flowers to old and new lovers everywhere.
Her relationship with Eren was going well. Taking things slowly, especially after everything that had happened with them, was the right thing to do, they both agreed. Sometimes he would greet her after work, or she would meet him after his work. He had managed to finally find a decent job, working as an assistant for some boss at a big cooperation. How he managed to pull that off often baffled Mikasa, but she never questioned his skills. It didn’t matter how anyway, as they were trying to scrape together some money to buy a place of their own, much as Armin and Annie had done so already. Everything was moving correctly, in the right direction. Everything fit well for each lifestyle.
And the best part of her ‘new life’ as she so called it, was the vow they had made. Every year, on the 12th September, the trio would make a trip to visit the plaque, and have a picnic right there on the dirt, and they could laugh and joke, and maybe even cry, and it would be okay because they would accept the presence of the people around them, the people who lost their lives that day, the people they knew they were there. And Mikasa wasn’t being selfish; no, she had Eren for that. She wasn’t selfish, or rude, or even upset. She was happy. So, so happy, that her life had turned around for the better. Happy that things had turned out they way they had. Maybe happy wasn’t even the right word, but Mikasa didn’t care.
Because as she sat in the car, next to Eren, with the window open, letting the air blow in her face, and letting her hair flow gently in the wind, and letting Eren hold her hand tightly and she stared up into the milky endless sky, she felt happy, because she appreciated everything just a little more than she had before. The things they didn’t get to see anymore; she saw it for them. It was that plain and simple. She was happy because they were together again.