Chapter 7
Chapter 7
Work has always been a torturous chore for Mikasa to endure, but the recent events in her life made everything a lot worse. She pondered if it was possible to suffocate within a pile of books, after weighing up equal sides of an ongoing argument in her head; she decided it probably wasn’t possible. Mikasa wanted nothing more than to go home and just binge watch whatever decent thing she could find on Netflix, and eat her feelings.
She didn’t really know what she was expecting to happen when she met with them on Sunday, but it certainly wasn’t almost getting punched in the face by her old best friend. Perhaps she deserved it, after all she’s done. She should have known explaining things would have wound him up like that, but alas, she was naive like always.
That was one thing that impacted Mikasa’s personality for the worse. She was naive in many a situation, and didn’t think about the consequences about anything, she just worried and panicked. That left her open to surprises a lot, which she didn’t care for. She was the type of person to speak her mind without thinking about it before hand, and she begged herself to change that factor.
The raven thought a lot about that day. The way his face changed from just a staring young man, to an angry hulk like monster. The way his fist was raised in mid air, but paused. Was he really going to punch me? Mikasa questioned, a lot. It damaged her feelings a lot to know that she was worthy of such a thing as a punch, for simply doing what she was told to do. Give answers. It was completely understandable for Eren, and possibly even Armin to get frustrated and angry and what she said, but then again, they had to know. And know that they did, Mikasa didn’t think she’d be hearing from them again.
The library was fairly busy today, mostly populated with old couples, picking out books for one another. One thing Mikasa could accept was the peacefulness of the library, and how old people contributed to this factor. They didn’t tend to make much noise, so Mikasa had a lot of time to think for herself, as some would spend hours here deciding on what books they would forget to return. She was pretty sure she had at least fifteen books that would never return in her eyesight again. Whilst old people were for the most part kind and quiet, they were also forgetful. Mikasa gathered that at least one or two books that would be taken out today would never return.
It was only about half twelve, and Mikasa didn’t get the luxury of lunch breaks as it was just her. But she did eat, of course she couldn’t starve. Biting in a mouthful or two when they weren’t looking in her direction, giving her awkward smiles. She began to unpack her sandwich from her bag under her desk, and carefully placed it on the desk, slightly behind her computer. She had made it herself, a simple cheese one, as she was a picky eater. Just as she was about to take a bite into her simple sandwich, her phone buzzed in her pocket. Mikasa’s eyebrows furrowed, feeling around for her phone in her pocket. No one ever text her, so she wondered who it could be. The sandwich cried for attention, so Mikasa bit into it whilst pulling out her phone. A black screen greeted her as she placed down her sandwich back behind her computer. She pressed the home button, and her eyes widened at the message that she had received.
Brother just now
Call me immediately
Her brother hadn’t made contact with her in about three years, so she wondered why he suddenly wanted her so urgently, it seemed. As much as she wanted to ignore him, Mikasa was incredibly intrigued at this sudden request. She couldn’t ring him in here, and as she sat staring at the message, Mikasa heard a fairly loud cough from above her desk.
She looked up, shoving her phone into her lap, and gave an apologetic grin. The old lady that she was greeted with huffed and rolled her eyes.
“You are here to take the books in and out, right?” The old lady asked, and Mikasa nodded and gulped. Well, that’s not the only thing I do here, but whatever, She thought.
“Well, start acting like you have a job then, Missy!”
“I’m sorry Ma’am, it’s just that I don’t get a lunch break, and-“
The old lady rudely interrupted her. “Yeah, yeah I’ve heard it all before.” She stated, piling the books onto the desk. After making the quickest and quietest check out of her life, Mikasa scrambled for a sticky note. She scribbled that she was taking an important phone call, and stuck it to the front of her desk. She was going to try and be quick, as she didn’t want to piss off too many people.
Mikasa made a dash for the toilets and locked herself in a stall. They were pretty grimy; as she was pretty sure the cleaners didn’t even visit this place anymore. She didn’t have to worry about anyone coming in here, as hardly anyone knew of their existence.
She dragged her phone out of her pocket, and quickly pulled up her brother’s number. Before pressing the little ‘call’ icon, her hands begun to shake. She hadn’t heard his voice in ages, and wondered if it would sound different. Not that it mattered, but she was stalling, not too eager to hear what he had to say to her.
It dialed, and she shakily held it up to her ear. She leaned against a locked stall door, and slide down, her knees up to her chest. He finally picked up.
“God, finally. What took you so long?”
Mikasa sighed, rolling her eyes. Nope, he was still the name rude asshole he’s always been.
“Oh, hi Levi, nice to talk to you too. I was at work, how do you expect me to-“
“Yeah, well enough of that crap,” He interrupted. What is it today with everyone and interrupting me? She thought, even though it had been two people. “I need your help. Big time.”
“What,” She said blankly.
"Ah fuck, how do I say this without breaking down? Look, Petra's come down with something pretty bad; she's been admitted into hospital it's that fucking bad. They reckon she's got Tuberculosis, but we don't know for sure yet. If it is, it could lead to some pretty nasty things, and if something happened to her, I...I..."
There was a long pause. A deafening silence. Mikasa had almost choked drinking the information in. Back when she was younger, after her Mother had been admitted into hospital herself, her Father was hardly at home at all. Levi had to care for the both of them, and his girlfriend, Petra was also a really big help. She used to come around a lot, helping Levi with whatever. Mikasa cared a lot about Petra, because she was so understanding and kind to every individual person, no matter their past. She almost felt like Petra was her Mother, in some strange way. Why she wanted to be with an OCD arrogant asshole like Levi, Mikasa could never comprehend. Hearing that the sweetest person she ever had the pleasure of knowing had gotten something so terrible, made her heart sink.
“You know how much I love her, Mikasa. The medical bill is going to be a bitch though, so I’m here to ask if you’ll help me out with her treatment. This isn’t for me, it’s for her.”
Although she felt mean, Mikasa rolled her eyes in knowing he would ask something like that. “What makes you think I had that kind of money just lying around? I work as a shitty librarian Levi, I’m no millionaire.”
Levi sighed. “I’m not asking you to pay for the whole damn thing, stupid girl. Just, help me out, please? You owe me, anyway.”
Mikasa scoffed, shocked. “Like hell I do!”
“I was practically your Father growing up, you ungrateful shit. All those little things I did for you, the things Petra did for you, and you won’t even do this for her!”
Mikasa sighed, closing her eyes. She really did owe Petra that much. If anything happened to her worse than this, she would be upset. “Alright, fine. I’ll help you- on one condition.”
“What?”
“Stop pretending I don’t exist.” Mikasa said boldly.
“Wha-...what does that even mean?”
Mikasa sighed for what seemed like the hundredth time. “I’ve had enough of people ignoring me, and kicking me off to the curb like I’m nothing. The amount of people I’ve lost...I’m done with that. I’m changing, Levi. I’m standing up for myself, after seven years of shrivelling away, I’m fucking standing up, and I am going to prove to people that I matter. Because dammit, I do matter! I’m not just someone who can be ignored, and betrayed anymore! I’m trying my best to make amends with old friends, and maybe you texting me today was some kind of miracle. I won’t have you ignore me anymore, Levi. Let me back into your life, okay?” She said, her voice slightly raised.
“Y-yeah...okay, sure.” He sounded slightly stunned at the sudden speech, but Mikasa couldn’t really tell.
“A-and you have to let me come see her, and you of course.”
“Yeah. It won’t be for a while though; it’s a pretty contagious thing. I wouldn’t want you to catch anything,”
Mikasa gave a small smile to that. “Okay. Listen, I better get back to work. There’s probably some angry mob waiting for me outside these toilets.”
He gave a very small yet audible chuckle. “Have fun with that.”
“Oh I will. Goodbye, Levi-“
“Wait! Mikasa, wait-“
She raised her eyebrows before furrowing them into a downward slant. “Huh? What?”
“What you said back then, that little speech you made. I just wanted to say, that that’s Mikasa I remember way back when,” Mikasa gave another small smile, looking down, giving a slight blush to her brother’s kind words. “Bye Mikasa, I love you.”
Her eyes widened quickly as the call ended sharply. Mikasa gathered from embarrassment, as he never ever said those words, barely even to Petra. As she arose from her seat on the floor, Mikasa came to the conclusion that she was disappointed because, she didn’t get to say it back.
As she emerged from the bathroom, a line of angry old customers greeted her. As she shuffled to sit down, the first thing she realized was that her sandwich had mysteriously gone missing.
No matter how many angry complaints she received whilst scanning books and gushing meaningless apologies, nothing seemed to dull this mood she had going on. It was something she hadn’t felt in a while, joy. Joy and happiness were two completely different things to Mikasa. Happiness was feeling good about something. Joy was everything like that but more. Butterflies in your stomach, as if something exciting was coming. And right now, she was feeling joy.
That simple conversation she had with Levi felt like a step forward, at being accepted more by others around her. So, Eren wasn’t a good example of that, but she was going to try and work on that. She was finally willing to face a challenge, and work for his friendship, instead of her expecting it to be given to her on a silver plate. That’s not how things worked for her. Not anymore.
As she was stalking the library, stacking chairs, and slowly locking up, she recalled something Levi had said.
“I just wanted to say, that’s the Mikasa I remember way back when,”
His voice echoed through her head, leading to her not concentrating. As she was tidying up the books a little, she was pretty sure she placed some in the wrong places, but right now, she couldn’t care less. She was too high on joy for that.
She stepped outside, and turned around to lock the door. As she double locked it, her stomach growled, and she recalled her sandwich going missing. She just figured one of the old people snatched in spite for waiting so long. As soon as she got home, she was going to make the biggest-
“Did you make this?”
A familiar voice made her jump as she turned around. A grinning Eren, back lent against a poll, munching on a sandwich. She noticed the cheese, and sighed. So that’s where my sandwich went, She said mentally. Mikasa nodded. How-
“It’s good.” He said closing his eyes, grinning even more.
“Thank you...?”
She gave a small smile, remembering that they had had this conversation before. She wondered why he was acting painfully normal with her.
“It’s a complaint, don’t act all weird about it,” He swallowed the last bit. “I see you still like boring old plain cheese sandwiches. Doesn’t surprise me.”
Mikasa’s head turned slightly to the side, her thin black eyebrows furrowed. “How did you-“
“Long story short, I went in there to snatch you from work, but I got met with a bunch of muttering angry old people and a sticky note. I went to your desk, saw a sandwich and I took it and left. Needless to say, Armin was more than a little confused when I emerged with a sandwich, and not you.”
“Wait, Armin was in on it too?”
“Not the sandwich stealing, no no no, that bit was improv,” He said taking small steps toward Mikasa, finally standing opposite her. “We came to take you from work!”
“Surely Armin of all people knows that you can’t just pull people out of work like that,”
Eren shrugged. “Eh, we were going to ask if you would shut down early, but you weren’t there, and I didn’t feel like waiting around with a bunch of old codgers.”
Mikasa giggled. “Eren!”
“Listen, I wanted to be the one to greet you out here, because I owe you an apology,”
“Eren, wait-“
For the third time today, someone interrupted Mikasa. “Ah! Let me talk for once, you stubborn girl. I know you got way more to be apologizing for, but this is my turn. Hear me out, okay?”
Mikasa slumped to the side, folding her arms, rubbing her lips together. “I’m listening.”
“I acted like an ass; my anger got the better of me. Armin helped me realize later that I got angry at the truth; which is what I asked for. I am still angry, anyone would be, but I shouldn’t have gone that far. You know I was brought up to never hit a girl, or anyone for that matter. Truth is, I was actually...Really pleased to see you, Mikasa.”
They were both blushing, Mikasa painfully more obviously then Eren was. He kept her gaze, before she bashfully looked down at the ground. “It’s okay, you don’t have to apologise for that stuff. I don’t mind. It was nothing.”
“Were those nothing’s rolling down your cheeks?”
Mikasa sighed, still looking at the ground. “You...you just scared me a little, that’s all.”
“Exactly,” He bravely stepped forward a little, reaching out to touch her arms, recoiling slightly in fear of rejection, before placing his hands gently on her arms. She looked up, her eyes wide. She hadn’t been this close to him, in forever. She stayed completely still.
“I’m sorry. Just take it, okay.”
Mikasa nodded, smiling a little. He smiled back, before hearing a beeping horn in the background. Eren turned around walking to a shitty green car. Armin, practically using his whole forearm to wave to Mikasa, was seated in the driver’s seat. Eren opened the passenger door at the back for her.
“We’re going to Jean’s you coming?”
Mikasa didn’t have anything else planned for the evening, and the idea of binge watching Netflix until she fell asleep sounded terribly boring, so eagerly nodded. She made her way over the car, sliding herself in the seat, saying a short but polite “Thanks,” as she got in.
“Race you to Jean’s couch; last one there makes the coffee!” Eren leapt from his seat, slamming the car door, and racing inside up the steps. Armin sighed, bashing his head on the steering wheel.
“Does he not realize that you don’t know where is actually is?” Armin said, mumbling.
Mikasa giggled, resting her hand on his seat. “Well, it is Eren. His childish behavior hasn’t changed one bit,” She decided to ask Armin a question that had been bothering her the whole car journey. “Armin?”
He raised his head, turning his head halfway back, sensing the seriousness in her voice. “Yeah?”
“Be honest,” She gulped. “Did you make Eren apologise, or did he do it of his own accord?”
Armin sighed, smiling a little. “I had a feeling you might ask that at some point. Believe it or not, he did want to do it himself. I did point out that he acted irrationally, but the idea to apologise was all down to him.”
Mikasa looked down at her hand on the seat, and let out a little surprised breath out of her nose. “I’m proud of him for that.”
“Me too,” Armin agreed, unbuckling his seat belt. “I think he’s growing on you; or should I say, re-growing on you!”
They made the short walk together inside, and to the elevator. These apartments were a lot nicer than the one Eren and Armin lived in. Everything seemed a little cleaner, like someone cared. They made it to Jean’s apartment, Armin ringing the bell politely.
Annie opened the door, and her normal stoic expression changed into a smile, seeing Armin. He gave her a small hug as they walked in, and Mikasa turned to shut the door. As she turned back, she noticed one of two things. Jean’s place was a lot bigger than Eren and Armin’s place was, and there was a lot of white things. It made everything a lot more modern and cleaner, Mikasa thought. Jean also owned a breakfast bar, but his living room was set out a little differently. He had one of those fancy long couches, the ones with a corner in them. He had a TV stuck to the wall, and underneath, a fireplace. It was set on small square long planks of smoothed down wood, and on the other side, through the wood planks, was his bedroom. There were steps leading up to his bedroom, it being a little higher up then the main living area. Mikasa took off her shoes at the door, and stood by the breakfast bar.
“Haha! Mikasa, you’re last, you know what that means-“Eren said, his feet propped up on a white square of furniture, which matched the leather sofa.
Armin sighed, moving from his space on the couch, away from Annie. “Can it, you ass. I’ll do it,”
As he made his way to the bar, Jean made his appearance, making small shuffles down the steps. “Hey! Get your feet off of my furniture, you dick.”
Eren slowly moved his feet all over the white square before dropping them, earning a smack from Jean. He flopped down next to Eren, and finally caught glimpse of Mikasa.
“Hey hey, Mikasa! Feel free to sit right here!” He pointed to his lap, and Mikasa’s face blushed from embarrassment.
“Leave it Jean, you fucking pervert.” Eren stated, smacking his arm.
“Christ Jean! Mikasa, sit here, away from that creep.”
Mikasa smiled at the opportunity, and was about to sit down next to Annie when her phone started vibrating. She pulled it out, and it was Levi who was calling her.
“Levi, again?” She muttered, no one hearing her. “Hey guys, I got to take this call, is there somewhere private I can go?”
“Bathrooms free, just go through my bedroom you’ll find it.”
Mikasa smiled, making her way up the steps, answering her phone. “What do you want now?” Mikasa said jokingly. Eren looked at her as she crossed Jean’s surprisingly neat and tidy bedroom. Her black silky hair flew behind her, as she smiled at the response she got on the phone. Eren felt a slight pang of jealously, but ignored it, looking back at his friends.
Mikasa locked the bathroom, sitting on the toilet with the seat down. “Petra?”
“Yeah, sorry, I-“ She paused to hack up a cough. “Sorry, I’m sure Levi told you what’s going on.”
“Um, y-yeah he did. I’m so sorry Petra, I really am.”
“Oh no, please don’t feel sorry for silly old me!” She sounded just as sweet on the phone as she did in person. “I just wanted to ring to say thank you for helping us out, it means the world to both of us. Levi told me it wasn’t necessary to call, but I insisted. Just, thank you so much, Mikasa. I look forward to seeing you soon!”
“You too!” She heard a muffled “Can I have my phone back now,” Which Petra obliged too, as Levi’s voice could soon be heard.
“Sorry about that. She was persistent, trust me, I didn’t want to call you twice today.” She knew he was joking, as she felt the smirk on her end.
“Oh, can it, you. Hey, you’ll never guess who I’m with right now,”
Levi sighed. “Who,”
“Eren and Armin, and a few others. Remember them?”
“Oh yeah, those two old friends of yours? How did that happen, I thought they hated your guts,”
Mikasa gave a proud smile that no one would ever see. “I met Armin at my work, and things just spiraled from there. I told you, I’m changing. I’m slowly going to get my friends back into my life, you’ll see.”
“Not if I don’t care, I won’t.”
Mikasa sighed, shaking her head, smiling. “Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I’m off, I have friends waiting,”
“Alright. See you-“
“Wait!” She said, with a sneaky smile.
“What?”
“I looovvee youuuu,” She said, laughing shortly afterwards, taking the piss out of what he said earlier.
He sighed. “Oh fuck off. Anyway, you should remember that while you can, because I’m never saying it again!”
The call ended abruptly, and Mikasa smiled, getting off of the toilet, and making her way out of the bathroom.
When she re-entered the living room, Eren and Jean hadn’t moved positions, but both held cups of coffee, as did Annie and Armin, who were sitting opposite them. There was luckily, a single white chair, which of course matched the rest of the couch’s.
“Hey, who was that?” Jean asked, sipping his drink, as Mikasa grabbed hers from the glass table in the middle off the couch’s. She sat down and took a sip, delighted to find sugar in it, as it was her favorite.
“Jean! Do you know nothing about manners!”
Mikasa spoke up. “No no, it’s okay! It was just my brother, Levi.”
Armin gave Eren a sheepish look. “Christ, remember him Eren, you were practically terrified of the dude.”
Eren took a sip of his coffee. “Still am,” He said nonchalantly. “Even though he’s tiny, he could probably beat my ass in a single minute,” Jean let out a snort, while Eren glanced at Mikasa. “What did he want?”
“Oh, well, I don’t really know if I should be sharing, but his girlfriend, Petra, she’s in hospital, and he rung me earlier asking for help with the cost of treatment and stuff. I agreed, on the terms he actually starts treating me like his sister again.”
Armin gave a proud smile. “Oh Mikasa, that’s so nice of you!” Annie nodded in agreement. Mikasa smiled at looked down at her drink.
“It’s the least I could do. I mean, he practically raised me as a child, I guess I owe him his much.”
“Yeah, I guess,” Jean said. “But do you know what’s even more important than that?”
Everyone looked at him in awe, wondering what words were going to exit his mouth. “Remember how hot Petra was?”
Annie shook her head, and Armin sighed. Eren lifted his head toward Jean and nodded in agreement. “Christ,” Mikasa said. “If Levi was here, you’d be a dead man, Jean.”
He held on hand up in surrender. “True,” He sipped his coffee. “I’ll take my chances.”
The conversation moved along to different topics, and the smile on Mikasa’s face became more and more genuine. Eren could not stop gazing at her every time she laughed, or giggled, or did anything, and he refused to figure out why. She was obviously attractive, but that wasn’t just it. It was something about her face, seeing it after all these years, made it so much more precious. He was scared that if things went backwards, if he never saw her again, he’d want to remember how she looked. That was his excuse, anyway.
The group got onto the topic of forgiveness and acceptance. Eren, Armin and Mikasa couldn’t, and still haven’t accepted what happened back then, that was clear. Mikasa finally felt comfortable talking about it, and what they were going to do about it.
“Why not go back to the place where it happened, maybe that will be some kind of acceptance idea,” Jean suggested.
“You know, that’s not a bad idea.” Armin agreed.
Eren continued looking at Mikasa. “I don’t know, Mikasa might not-“
“No, I mean, it could work, right? It sounds a little scary, but Jean’s right, maybe it will help, in a weird way. I think I understand where he’s coming from.”
“Only problem is, I have no idea where it actually happened. Somewhere along a motorway somewhere, right?” Armin said, trying to recall a name or a place.
Annie placed her finished cup of coffee on the table. “Why not go back to your old school, and talk to the principal. He should have some sort of record of that.”
“Hey, you’re right, Ann!”
“It’s Annie-“
“Mind if I tag along?” Jean said with a smirk, in Mikasa’s direction.
Armin shook his head. “Sorry Jean. No offense, but for starters, you weren’t even there. This should just be the three of us. I’m in, Eren?”
Eren pondered at the thought of going back there. It scared him, but he needed this as much as they did. “I’m in.”
“M-Mikasa?”
She was in a daze, seemingly staring at nothing, but drinking everything in around. Going back... there? It was terrify her, surely, but, maybe, just maybe this would help her. Going with Armin and Eren would maybe make the experience a little better, perhaps even fun, for a little while. Like a road trip. Mikasa didn’t know if she was willing to face her demons, until she recalled her conversation with Levi yet again.
“I’m changing, Levi. I’m standing up for myself, after seven years of shriveling away, I’m fucking standing up, and I am going to prove to people that I matter.”
Everyone stared at her, awaiting her response.
“Okay,” She said bravely, breathing in, closing her eyes, gripping her cup as tightly as she could. “I’ll go.”