Chapter 5
Chapter 5
It was about an hour before Mikasa replied to Armin’s message. She had lied about why she didn’t reply straight away, saying she was just grocery shopping, and had left her phone at home. This of course led to Armin worrying about how she must of got soaked.
In reality, she might have well as gone out in the ongoing storm like rain. The amount of water inside her little apartment was the same as outside. Mikasa had been sobbing, dealing with PTSD flashbacks, and a migraine from all the crying. She was seated on the sofa, tossing and turning, trying to deal with everything weighing up on her shoulders. She couldn’t do it.
After having a pathetic nap that lasted only ten minutes, surprisingly, Mikasa felt a little better. She checked her phone again, seeing she had received a few more messages from Armin. He did worry a little too much sometimes, but that was just part of his personality. He had requested to Face Time her, to which Mikasa felt a bit uneasy about. She probably looked like a mess, all flushed and weary eyed. None the less she reluctantly agreed, messaging him back. She also wondered why he wanted to Face Time her. What was wrong with texting...?
The raven picked herself up off the sofa, and made her way to her bed, sitting crossed legged, and lazily holding her phone up to her face. As the incoming call came in, and finally had a look at herself. She didn’t look to bad, although she thought Armin might be able to notice. She lightly tapped the ‘Accept’ button, and waited until the call connected. Mikasa straightened her hair out a little, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, in a quick and desperate attempt to make herself look presentable.
The call opened, and Mikasa was greeted with a smiling Armin. Mikasa half smiled back.
“Hey Mikasa! How was your shopping trip?” He said, sorting something out, on what she assumed to be a table. The background was just a plain white wall, but situated right at the end of the screen, far right, Mikasa could just barely see a picture of Armin and his girlfriend. Mikasa smiled a little, seeing that.
Then she realized she had to the answer the question, with honesty, or another lie. Mikasa thought about telling the truth, what she had really been doing within the last hour and a bit, but decided against it, because she didn’t want things to get depressing the minute where everything seemed okay. Mikasa was suppose to be acting happy, Armin had changed Eren’s mind. And she was happy, but the other part of her, the biggest part, felt like she didn’t deserve it.
“It was uh, okay, I guess. I got soaked, it sucked!” She said, letting out a breathy, awkward laugh.
Armin laughed too, a little more enthusiastically then Mikasa did. “Yeah, I bet! Hey listen, so you got my earlier texts, right? Eren’s agreed to meet you, Mikasa!”
Mikasa let out a sarcastic scoff. “Yeah, I saw therm. What kind of magic did you work to make that a thing, then?”
“Aah, a magician never reveals his secrets!”
Mikasa rolled her eyes, but let out a giggle all the same. “Okay, okay. Seriously though, what made him change his mind?”
“I just talked about second chances, and how everyone should at least get one. I think he respects that more than he did when he was younger, and you knew Eren back then. He was very judgemental, and quick to leap to prejudice about someone or something. Believe or not, he’s changed a lot since then; and I’m proud of him for that. He might not necessarily want to see you specifically, but I do think he, and even me in fact, are looking for some kind of closure as to what happened. As cheesy as it sounds, you are the closest thing to closure there is, Mikasa.”
As Armin cleared his throat, Mikasa thought about his answer. He was right; of course he was, it was Armin, he’s always right about everything. Meeting Armin did indeed feel like fate. Mikasa was their only closure. The only thing they could hold onto to, and to finally let this thing that has been haunting all three of them for years, go.
“Your right Armin. It feels like fate that I met you in that little old library. I used to think about you and Eren all the time, you know. I’d wonder if you were okay, if you were alive, even. After all those years of trying to forget, I guess, in reality, I didn’t want to forget.”
“I didn’t forget you, and I’m sure Eren didn’t either.”
Mikasa needed him to elaborate on this. “Did...this is going to sound a little vain but, did he ever, you know, talk about me?”
Armin stared off at something in thought. “Not that I can remember, no. The only thing I can recall is that one time we were round Jean’s, and himself and Eren were talking about these hot ladies they’ve hooked up with, and Jean mentioned your name. I was talking with Annie, so I don’t really remember exactly what was said and who said it, but I just recall Eren getting really defensive and he told him not talk about you like that. Jean said he can’t help it, and then Eren got mad and stormed out to Jean’s kitchen. This was ages ago though. I did remember thinking at the time it was odd, because he doesn’t get defensive like that, about ANY girl he’s hooked up with. I mean- not saying you too hooked up. But you were close and all, if you get what I’m saying.” He stuttered at the end. Mikasa blushed.
“No it’s okay. Jean’s just an asshole, that’s all there is too it. Hey, you mentioned Eren storming out. Does he still have anger issues?” Mikasa said sighing, leaning back into her pillows. Her arm was starting to ache now.
“Eren’s not like he used to be. He’s changed a lot, definitely for the better. He’s gotten better, but things do tend to get to him still, which I think is perfectly fine and healthy for someone like him to have to deal with. I have said to him though, and he’s surprisingly stuck with this, that usually, he has me there with him to calm him down, and take him away from whatever has angered him. But, if a situation ever arises, he must call me immediately, so he can just talk things out with me.”
Mikasa nodded, deeply interested whatever Armin had to say next. “What happens if you don’t answer?”
“Well, I’ve told him he can call Annie, or Jean. And if they don’t pick up, I just gave him simple pointers, like get away from whatever’s bothering you, don’t act or lash out, stuff like that. It sounds like I’m describing a spoilt six year old, but Eren’s actually not that bad at all. He’s only phoned about three or four times collectively, other times I just happen to be there to defuse the situation.”
Mikasa smiled, appreciating Armin. “God, where would we all be without you Armin?”
He gave a small chuckle. “Who knows? I appreciate that though, Mikasa. It’s very sweet of you to say.”
Mikasa kept a stern, serious face. “Thank you, Armin, for everything you’ve done for him. It means everything to me that he, and you, are still safe, and happy.”
“It’s no problem at all.” Armin said, closing his eyes, and tilting his head, smiling. He then looked at the time on his phone. “Annie should be coming over soon and Eren not too long after that. I think he went out somewhere with Jean, I’m not too sure. Anyway, I’ll text you my address later tonight. Be here about, say, half eleven? Is that cool for you?”
Mikasa nodded. She wondered if Annie was going to be there when everything went down, which she knew was going to happen. Someone, surely Armin, must of explained to her what happened. Which was going to make everything a lot more worrying for Mikasa.
“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Armin gave a small wave, and the call ended. Mikasa flopped her phone down on her bed, making no sound. She pulled her soft hands up to her face, and rubbed them over her eyes. She let them rest on her cheeks, as she stared at the ceiling.
“Yeah, tomorrow then.” She mumbled under hands.
The raven leant her head against the cold wall tiles. The sound of gushing water somehow calmed her chaotic mind. Once she had finished her shower, she held a towel up around herself, and her feet padded their way to her wardrobe. Her lifeless eyes scanned her wardrobe. Why hadn’t she planned her outfit out earlier?
After putting on some plain grey underwear, Mikasa threw her hair up into the towel, to let it dry. She finally decided on wearing black jeans, and a white My Chemical Romance top, topping it off with a black leather jacket, and black anklet boots. She packed black strap bag, probably throwing in usual things she didn’t even need.
Mikasa gave herself one long look in the mirror. Did she over do it on the black? Perhaps. She checked the time on her phone. It was already ten to eleven. It was a little too late to go back and change it now. She had to leave. The raven took one quick glance around her apartment, knowing that she would return later with or without redemption.
The walk to the bus station was somewhat pleasant. It had stopped raining sometime during the night, Mikasa had assumed. The ground was moist, puddles still not being completely soaked up by the sun. She went out of her way to step in the small puddles, letting the dirty rain water splash up her boots. Mikasa found it somewhat amusing, getting her shoes wet. She felt the complete opposite way once she got on the bus.
It was a two floored bus, and she sat downstairs, wanting to avoid the laughter and giggles of high school children, desperately trying to enjoy the last day of the weekend, before Monday came to take them away.
Her journey was long, but peaceful for the most part. Scenery passed her by in simple flashes. These flashes where of places she was used to, places she’d been, and then places she had never seen before. The bright and mixed array of colours didn’t ever not manage to fascinate her.
Mikasa was sitting quite near the front, with no one sitting next to her. She liked it like this. She was content. The bus pulled up to a stop, and an old man, maybe in his sixties, climbed onto the bus. He paid his ticket, greeting the bus driver. The man looked around at the practically empty bus. Mikasa gave a quick glance, and then continued to look out of the window. The old man got a look at Mikasa, and gave a greasy smile. Out of all of the seats, the man chose to sit next to her.
The raven shifted uncomfortably in her seat, as the man stared at her. She crossed her legs. The old man gave a cheesy grin, closing his eyes and holding out a hand to Mikasa. “The names Hannes, nice to meet you!”
Mikasa gave wide eyes at his hand shake request, and gingerly accepted his hand, shaking it for about four seconds before letting go. “Mikasa.” She muttered under her breath, just loud enough for him to hear. He smiled. Where had she heard the name Hannes before...?
“Mikasa, huh? Pretty name for a pretty girl.”
This guy is such a creep, Mikasa thought to herself. She couldn’t get the feeling that she had heard his name before. But where? Mikasa gave a polite half smile, but with worried eyes.
“Ah, the younger generation. Probably think I’m just some creeper, right? I just have to have someone to talk to on these journeys. Find out a little bit about everyone I meet, you know? It makes life all that little bit more interesting, I think.”
Mikasa began to think about the statement. The fact someone as old as him found appreciation in small things such as greeting anyone anywhere, made Mikasa feel happy inside. She was glad that someone took time out of their day to listen to random strangers, even if it wasn’t her herself.
“I respect that,” Mikasa said, not looking his way, but out of the window. Hannes looked at her out of the corner of his eye, and gave a slight chuckle from deep in his throat.
“You do? Ah, I’m glad I’ve finally found someone who doesn’t find me crazy. Us OAP’s and our ways, eh? Where are you off to then, if you don’t mind me asking? I can guess you’re not really from around here. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before around this part of town, and the outside seems to be interesting you.”
Mikasa scoffed looking down at her shoes, smiling. “You’re right; I’m not from around here, really. I don’t ever come down here, it’s just...I’m on my way to...to redeem myself. Hopefully.” She felt odd that she was opening up to a complete stranger, but maybe it was best like that. Hannes didn’t know her background, or anything about her at all, so he couldn’t judge her based on her actions from the past.
“Oh?” Hannes inquired.
“Yeah,” Mikasa looked dead on ahead to the bus pulling up to a traffic light. “I’ve done some, real awful things, and lost a lot of people in my life because of those awful things. I’m on my way to try and give myself some kind of redemption. To give them an answer.”
Hannes nodded. They were silent for a while, until he spoke up again. “Mind some unsolicited advice?”
Mikasa sighed, not looking in his direction, but out of the window again. “Be my guest.” Hannes nodded, and looked directly on ahead.
“You know what I think? In the ten minutes I’ve met with you, I’ve already picked up on the fact that you’re strong. Stronger than most, even. You of course don’t think that at all. But its okay, whatever is troubling you, it’ll pass. As for now, the kind of redemption you’re looking for isn’t in your peers; it’s found in yourself. Before you can let them forgive you, you need to forgive yourself first. That’s the only way you can move on from whatever it is that’s keeping you up most nights.”
Mikasa’s eyes widened, and slowly her head panned up to him. He looked back down at her and smiled. She nodded in agreement. Again, silence was a plague that overtook the bus.
“Where are you going, then?” Mikasa asked.
Hannes pressed the conveniently placed ‘stop’ button, and rose out of his seat. “Nowhere, hun. Just felt like exploring, and you looked like the type of person who needed a chat.” Mikasa gave a nod in respect, and Hannes waved at her as he stepped off of the bus.
The air had gotten colder since she had stepped onto the bus. Her crimson red scarf fluttered in her face, as her boots made light pat sounds along the ground. She briefly looked up at the block of apartments in front of her. They seemed to tower over her, acting as a barrier for her entrance. They seemed so close, yet so far away.
As Mikasa stepped into the elevator, and shakily pulled out a familiar piece of crumpled paper. Floor fiver, Number thirteen. She gingerly pressed the grimy ‘number 5’ button, and the elevator went up. It gave her butterflies, as it got higher and higher. Once she had stepped out of the lift, the doors slightly slamming behind her, the presence of butterflies didn’t leave her.
The raven walked down the hallway, shaking. She couldn’t decide whether it was due to the immense coldness that seemed to plague this building, or how nervous she was. Finally, seeing the seventeen sign on the door, Mikasa stopped in front of it. She pulled out her phone, to see it was exactly half eleven. She had made it on time.
But, now that she was here, she wanted nothing more than to go back to where she came from. To be in the comfort of her own bed. To be surrounded by familiar sights, smells, sounds. Her clammy hands stopped at the door bell. She shook with so much fear. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, and letting it out through her mouth. Without thinking, she pressed it.
Her stomach flipped as a girl with blonde hair, done up in a bun, answered the door. Mikasa let out a sigh. She soon recognized the girl to be Annie, Armin’s girlfriend.
Annie looked her up and down, and her expression didn’t change at all. “So, you must be Mikasa Ackerman. I’m Annie Leonhardt, it’s nice to meet you, and all that stuff. Come in, it’s freezing in this shitty building.” She muttered under her breath.
Annie moved out of the way so Mikasa could step inside. Mikasa rubbed her hands together; drinking in the apartment Eren and Armin lived in, as Annie shut the door behind her.
It was a pretty small living room, with a kitchen being right by the door. The kitchen had cabinets and an oven right at the walls and opposite that was a breakfast bar, with three white stalls parked underneath. It was open to the living room, there were no walls separating the two rooms. They had two sofas, both clearly suppose to be a cream colour, but they were covered in curious stains. There was a messy, white fluffy carpet underneath a brown table, drenched with coffee mug stains. There were only three legs to this table, the missing leg being replaced with a bunch of books. Mikasa was interested in the story behind that.
They had a TV near the window, that wasn’t the best. It was very square and boxy, and dusty. Mikasa guessed they didn’t really use it that much. The walls were covered in photos, mostly containing Eren, Armin, Annie, and Jean. They all looked so different now, which saddened Mikasa. There were two rooms, openings opposite each other. She guessed it was their separate rooms. Mikasa started to ponder where Armin and Eren were.
“Annie, could you please put some coffee for me?” Armin said in a slightly raised voice. He came out of the bedroom to the left, just pulling a t-shirt over his head. Armin looked at Mikasa and paused, before smiling.
“Hey, Mikasa. Did Annie let you in?” He asked, walking over to the sofa to clear books off of it. Mikasa just nodded, as she started to take off her shoes. She placed them near the door, and stood awkwardly by the breakfast bar.
“You just going to stand there, or are you going to take a seat?” Annie questioned her back to Mikasa. Mikasa pulled out a stall, and placed her bag carefully on the bar, whilst hopping up to the stall. Annie turned around with a pot of coffee in her hand, and three cups.
“You want some?” She asked, already pouring it into two cups.
“Uh, sure. I mean, uh, yes please.”
Annie nodded, pouring the coffee into the plain white cup. Mikasa rested her arms on the table, as Armin came round to drink his coffee. After picking it up, he smelt it, closing his eyes.
“Mmm, my girlfriend makes the best coffee ever.” He kissed her cheek, which Mikasa smiled at. Annie gave a very small, yet noticeable smile. Armin rested his forearms on the bar, right at the end drinking.
“Sugar?”
The raven shook her head, as Annie handed her her cup. Mikasa took a sip, and her cheeks blushed at the fond taste she had recently come to enjoy. Another part of her, also didn’t want to say yes to the sugar, as she felt bad.
“Eren will be back soon, with Jean. I think Eren wanted some help with the grocery shopping, right An?” Armin asked, taking a sip. Mikasa’s eyes flew to Annie for her response.
“Yeah,” She said. “You were asleep, and when he asked me for help I told him you’d freak if you woke up and I wasn’t there.”
Armin chuckled. “I bet you didn’t say it like that.”
“Yep. I told him to go do one, so he called up Jean. Whilst Eren was getting ready, he handed me the phone, and Jean and I got talking. Now I’m roped into going clothes shopping with the basturd once he gets back.”
Armin gave a full laugh, whilst Mikasa sipped her drink awkwardly, drinking in the conversation. “Clothes shopping? Why on earth does Jean want to go clothes shopping...with you of all people? Jesus, dude must have some cash to burn.”
Annie rolled her eyes before taking a sip of her own drink. “Bonus, I’m guessing. I swear, his company fucking pisses away money like it’s nothing.”
“Yet he insists on basically living here with us!” Armin replied, shaking his head.
“I don’t see why you lot don’t just get an apartment together yourselves. You could probably afford it, you know.”
Armin sighed. “Yeah, I know. But can you imagine the constant bickering between Eren and Jean? And would you really want to come over to an apartment which houses two boys and a horse?”
Mikasa almost spat out her coffee. Armin and Annie looked at each other and smiled. “You guys still have the horse joke thing going on?”
“Yeah, we do. He gets pissed sometimes, but at this point I just think he’s come to accept it.” Armin said, holding a hand at the back of his head, closing his eyes.
Annie’s blue eyes widened. “Wait...you guys did this shit in High School?”
It was Mikasa and Armin’s turn to look at each other. They both nodded, before letting out quite loud laughs. Mikasa enjoyed watching this aura that they had together, and how they comfortable they made her feel, when they probably both knew Mikasa was scared out of her mind.
Suddenly, there was a loud banging at the door. Armin jumped, whilst Annie sighed, rolling her eyes whilst placing down her cup. She went over to the door, and unlocked it, before returning to her original place.
A tall, horse faced man, who Mikasa recognized as Jean, came running through the door, panting, and slammed it, He was left with both his palms flat against the door.
“Phew,” He said, turning around, wiping sweat off of his brow. “I left Eren to carry it all up. He might be a while. Plus, I accidently spilled coffee on him, and he’s super pissed-“He paused mid sentence. “Well well well, if it isn’t the lady in question, Miss Mikasa Ackerman.”
Jean had certainly changed. His voice had gotten deeper, as had Armin’s, but his was a lot deeper. He had more character to him, and he was even taller than before. His hair was similar to what she remembered, but it was a lot shaggier and grown out. He had, somehow, gotten a decent jaw line, and he seemed well built. He seemed to be staring at Mikasa, dazed by her.
“Still as cute as ever, I see.”
Annie rolled her eyes, punching Jean lightly in the shoulder. “Oh piss off and leave her alone, you ass hat.”
“Really, Jean? Trust you. You haven’t seen her in years and that’s how you greet her?” Armin sated.
Mikasa blushed awkwardly. “Hi, Jean. It’s nice to see you.”
“Likewise.” He replied, with a cheesy smirk, lowering his eye lids a little.
“I see you still think you’re a womanizer...” Mikasa said, sipping her coffee.
Armin laughed, whilst Annie covered her mouth with her hand, trying to do the opposite. Jean rubbed his lips together, and sighed, letting out a slight chuckle.
“He does seem to suck with the ladies,” Annie stated. “He even tried it with me once. And failed, miserably.”
Jean snorted. “Don’t rub it in, blondie. You deserve Armin, anyways.”
To that, Armin gave Jean a smirk.
“Nice to see you, too.” Mikasa smiled in response.
“So, uh, hey, Annie, we still going on that trip?”
“Unfortunately.”
Jean leaned up against the counter, and sighed in protest. “I only asked you because Eren wanted us both out of the apartment.”
Armin, Annie, and Mikasa all went wide eyed staring at Jean. “Really?” They all asked.
“Um, yeah, really. Guess you lot have a lot to discuss then, huh.”
“No, we just don’t like you, and my poor baby Annie got stuck with you, that’s all.” Armin said, roping an arm around his girlfriend.
“Yeah, yeah, save it smart ass. We get the hint. Shall we leave, Jean?”
Jean nodded, and grabbed what Mikasa assumed, to be his car keys. He threw them up in the air, and caught them. They walked the short distance to the door, and Jean held the door open for Annie. As she was about to walk out, Jean went to smack her ass.
“Watch it, horsie.” Armin said sternly. As Annie turned around to scold him, another person ran in the door, straight at Jean, but paused in the door frame. Mikasa held her coffee cup tighter, as she looked Eren right in his green, unforgettable eyes.