Chapter 1
Clarke did not fear meeting the Commander, she was too focused on saving her people for that. That guard could make all the threats he wanted, she had not interest in hurting his precious commander. Even if she'd entertained the thought, another would surely take her place.
By the time her eyes got used to the obscurity, she noticed two women on each side of the throne, before her eyes focused solely on the Commander. Indra she recognized, but she wondered for a second who the impassible woman studying her with dark eyes was, even as she tried to look at their leader only. It might be disrespectful to do otherwise – although the guard's warning was still on her mind. She did not really know what she was expecting, but certainly not that. Certainly not a woman as young as herself, looking majestic and fierce and emotionless in warpaint, toying with a dagger. She was glad her mother was not in her place, she would have found a way to insult her – treat her as a child, like she did Clarke, instead of the leader that she was – ally or enemy, time would only determine. When the commander got up from her throne to face her, Clarke could only think of the situation at hand. Clarke recognized something in Lexa, the same harshness and strength she had developed herself by necessity, the same will to protect her own. She needed to win this confrontation of sorts, to show her strength while convincing her that they could join forces. They seemed to find that common ground, because they all followed her to the dropship, and Clarke could only hope that her mother had made it in time to save Lincoln.
Ever since the Ice Queen had tried to take advantage of her isolation, Costia refused to stay alone in the tower like some stupid princess awaiting her fate. Wherever Lexa went, she went. It helped with the nightmares, too, being close to her at night.
And so she stood at her side in the commander's tent when the Skaikru leader stormed in and stood up to Lexa as very few people in the Twelve Clans would have. Clarke barely noticed her as she sparred word for word with the Commander, but Costia had all leisure to observe her, her long blonde hair and blue eyes full of concern for her people, and the stance of a leader that would do everything it takes to protect her own. They were so similar, it could only go two ways: either they would become the fiercest allies, or the worst enemies. Costia hoped for Clarke's sake that it would be the former: she may have killed three hundred of their warriors in one strategic move, but more experienced fighters and strategists had tried their luck against Lexa's coalition and had met worse fates than burning down in flames.
Costia rode along with them to the dropship in her capacity as a healer, in spite of her lover's glare, and when they rode back she could tell Lexa was impressed. This girl from the sky had taken a leap of faith, risking everything on this small hope without knowing its outcome, just trusting that her friends would succeed because there was no other way for them. Clarke was a survivor, and she was a force they would have to contend with. And she gave them hope that they might defeat the one remaining threat to the peace Lexa had so relentlessly tried to achieve. But blood must have blood, and this situation was no different.
When she had left, Lexa's jaw was still clenched with the knowledge that she just asked this stranger to prove herself by doing the one thing she couldn't: sacrificing one life dearest to her for the lives of many.
That night Costia lay in Lexa's arms under a pile of furs, nuzzled in the crook of her neck as Lexa stared pensively at the cloths of the tent above their heads.
Costia distractedly played with a strand of Lexa's hair. “She intrigues you, doesn't she?” She didn't have to say who she meant.
“And you,” Lexa simply smiled at her.
“She fell from the sky to kill three hundred of our men. And yet she can revive the dead. Who wouldn't be?”
She watched as Clarke stabbed her friend to death to avoid him more pain, as she took the risk to compromise their unstable peace for this one compassionate act. Knowing she could have so easily stabbed Lexa instead. Watched as the girl swallowed down a whole bottle of what might well be poison, and neither her nor Lexa could refrain the sudden admiration for that untrained girl who had so much faith in her people, so much trust in the woman whose lover she had just killed.
One time Clarke stormed out of a meeting, Lexa soon following. When they came back with a story of how they were attacked by a pauna and survived, Costia couldn't help but hug her, whispering her thanks (Lexa rolled her eyes, but there were no guards around, no-one else to question Lexa's abilities as a leader, and maybe such weakness should not be shown to their new ally, but Costia couldn't care less) and the girl, surprised, took a moment before wrapping her arms around her, hugging her back.
“I was just doing what I needed to do”, she said, but Costia could see from her warm smile that that was not entirely true.
Costia followed Clarke into Arkadia to learn from the sky people some of their healing techniques, ignoring Lexa's worried face – they had had that argument, but Costia trusted Clarke if not the others, and she wouldn't pass on the occasion. Lexa was needed elsewhere, but Indra would be there, and Costia could fight for herself, she had made sure of that.
“If they do anything to you, I will kill them one by one myself, peace be damned,” Lexa had growled in the privacy of their room, late the night before. Costia had simply smiled, caressing her face.
“I know you would. You did.”
Costia followed her into Arkadia, and as she watched her intently listening to her mother's explanations – she had promised Lexa to stay with her and make sure nothing happened to her, even though she knew Costia would have resented that thought –, Clarke felt that she was, not for the first time, attracted to someone who wasn't hers to have. But she would have lied if she said she did not feel the same pull towards Lexa; if she said she did not want to see for herself what was under her harsh features that attracted the other woman so; if she said she did not want to see her look at herself like she looked at Costia when she left a room; to see more of the selfless concern she had had for her when they were attacked by that giant gorilla.
Costia was clenching her teeth at having to bear the presence of Ice Nation warriors – resisting the urge to grab at Lexa's hand, refusing to show any weakness – when Clarke surprised them in TonDC. When Lexa took both their hands to escape from the building and the city that would soon go down in flames, she watched helplessly as the girls argued whether to go back and warn people – but when Clarke ran back and Costia saw that Abby was there, she held Lexa back, pulling her to safety.
“Let her go. She would never forgive you. Or herself.”
“You like her,” she observed one night. It was not an accusation, she was just used to saying what Lexa wouldn't express even to her, often annoying her partner in doing so. Maybe she was too perceptive for her own good, as her young Commander would often tell her, but she could see the way Lexa watched Clarke, and this was getting silly.
Lexa did not try to deny it. “I am yours, and you are mine,” she said, the words full of all the love she bore her, of all the pain and sacrifices they had made to have this, and Lexa said it with such strength that she knew, had she ever doubted it, that she would never let her go.
Costia kissed her softly. “I know. But maybe she can be ours too.”
She left Clarke and Lexa arguing – she had told her not to try anything against Octavia, but Lex was stubborn like that, and sometimes even she could do nothing about it – for the more constructive occupation of tending to the few TonDC wounded that were still in their army, and when she saw the signal that the acid fog was down she rushed back into their tent only to find them kissing.
She merely grinned at them and quipped that they could have waited for her to be there so she could have her share. Her smile only widened when she saw Clarke blush and look at her feet, while Lexa looked like she was caught red-handed, which she pretty much was, weren't it that they'd agreed to let this carry them wherever it would. She smiled reassuringly at her partner, before moving on to the more pressing matters at hand. They would have all the time to figure this out once the Mountain came down.
“I'm sorry, Clarke,” she whispered after Lexa walked off. The girl deserved a better explanation, and if Lexa closed off her heart to avoid the pain of that betrayal, Costia couldn't. And Clarke could not afford to either. “She had to. It was not really a choice, she would have lost her place, her life over this. She wanted to refuse, but the coalition is fragile. And we might have lost all. If there were any other way...” Clarke was having none of this, however. When she yelled at her to leave, tears streaming down her face, Costia obliged. But as she brushed past her, she held her shoulder, forcing her to turn around and look into her eyes. “I hope you can still save your people. I hope you can forgive us one day.”