Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
“I’m sorry, but I should be getting home soon. Can’t make my cats wait.” Winter lied through her teeth. Despite the overwhelming seductress in front of her asking to spend a night with her, she didn’t give in to her feelings.
Feelings are temporary, she learned this the hard way, and it has been a factor in her decisions in life. Shopping online and suddenly seeing shoes that she knew would look great, she’d give it a day or two, and she wouldn’t notice that a week had already passed. I guess I didn’t really need it. It has helped her a lot with her finances. Others might view her as frugal, but she didn’t want items wasting away in a corner of her room waiting to get her attention. She forgets about this mindset when it comes to food, though.
Especially if it’s a delicious dessert.
But this time, she needs to. She can’t let her feelings control her like this, especially with a person she just met. She was never a fan of the hook-up culture; she likes getting to know a person, discovering the deepest, even the darkest truth they have, and slowly falling in love. She likes the feeling of accidentally (on purpose) going into someone’s trap but in a good way. She doesn’t like rushing into things because she believes that the harder it takes for something to fall into her hands, the greater the satisfaction.
Meeting Karina feels like a bear trap; one wrong step and the sharp steel would pierce her skin, unable to move, screaming and crying while trying her best to release herself as she loses a lot of blood. Karina was dangerously beautiful, and though that was enough for Winter to let the woman walk into her life, it was not in her nature to put herself in situations that would be hard to leave.
“Really? Well, I love cats. Sadly, I’m allergic to them. I guess this is fate’s doing.” Weird, Winter thought to herself. That was the second time that the alluring woman mentioned it. It felt odd for her, but she brushed it off.
“Aw, that’s really sad. I guess you can’t come with me then.” Winter glanced at her watch, it was close to 9 PM. She could book a taxi right now and be in the confines of her room.
“Maybe I can drive you home?” The beautiful stranger offered, the small curve in her lips never disappeared throughout their exchange.
“You would?”
“You’re not a fan of meeting people, are you?” Karina stood up and took her keys out of her clutch bag before putting on her black coat. Winter followed her out of the bar.
“I’m not, especially with beautiful women who bought me a drink out of nowhere and asked to take me home.” Karina stopped walking and turned to look at her. The moonlight highlighted her sharp nose and her precious neck.
“Someone did the same to you before?”
“No.”
“Hmm, I thought you’d make me jealous, Winter.” They continued to walk down the street where the taller woman parked her car. A stunning white Porsche came into view.
“Would it make a difference if I said yes?” Karina opened the door for her.
“I wouldn’t mind sneezing around your cats if you did.”
The car's engine filled the silence of the ride home. It’s still unbelievable that she’s inside a stranger’s car, a rich, kind, and captivating stranger to be precise. She kept a safe distance in the bar, but now that she was a seat apart, Winter could feel the woman’s perfume attaching to her clothes.
“You can stop here now.” The car smoothly came to a halt in front of her neighbor’s.
“Thank you so much for this. You didn’t have to, but here we are now.” Winter could feel the growing tension in the air. She fiddled with the strap of her bag, unable to think and look at the person who drove her home.
“It’s nothing. I need to see you get home safe.” Karina leaned towards her and for a second Winter stopped breathing. The woman kept her eyes on her as she unlocked the passenger’s side.
The door was slightly ajar, the cold of the night seeped through the small opening.
“If we ever meet again, remember you owe me a kiss.” Winter was taken aback and a shaky breath escaped through her lips. Maybe it’s the thought that they could’ve done that there and then, but ‘if we ever meet again’ sounds so good in her ears.
She watched the Porsche as it turned left at the end of the quiet street, an odd sight to see in a place where streetlights aren't maintained. She waited for a few minutes before she let out a short squeal. The whole time she’s with Karina, she avoided to show interest in the woman. Though she was flirting back, she didn’t give in to what she wanted, or maybe, hoping, both they wanted to happen.
She went to her apartment building, right next to where she asked Karina to leave her and entered her passcode. She got out of the elevator and walked through the hallway to her room. She removed the top she was wearing and slumped against her bed. She brought the cloth to her nose and took a sniff.
She was right about the perfume.
Winter met with her friends the following weekend. It was a simple getaway from everything at work. Some malicious software got into her computer and infiltrated their system. She didn’t know how that happened but they got off work early yesterday so IT could fix it.
Having lunch with friends was refreshing. It has been a long time since they all got together. Ningning recently got promoted and is now designing characters for a new series they’ll be putting out next year, Giselle got engaged which was surprising considering how many people she went out with during college, and Yeji is starting a new life in this city. She moved out of her parents back then and has been on and off school while trying to keep her life stable. Winter remembers that she once offered her apartment to Yeji while she was trying to get back on her feet, but Yeji refused and stayed in the countryside for a few years. Now, she’s in her last year of college and is graduating soon.
“How ‘bout you, Winter? How are things going?” She paused for a moment, thinking what she could share with them.
“Well, work is shit. I want to find a new job soon, but other than that, I met someone last week.” A plethora of questions attacked Winter.
“A man? A woman? What was she like? She bought you a drink? OMG, did you check it? You could’ve gotten drugged! Did you get home safe? She drove you home?! In a sports car? What the hell.” She didn’t get to answer them all completely because someone would chime in with another question. It was quite overwhelming but it was funny. She didn’t expect this kind of enthusiasm for a person she met once.
“Did you get her number?”
“Of course… not. I didn’t want to come off as, you know. I was playing hard to get.” The look of disappointment etched their faces.
“You played too much. How will you meet her again?” She shrugged, she didn’t think of it. The only personal question they asked each other was,
“What was her name again?”
“Karina. I didn’t get a surname or anything else. I guess we were both busy flirting and admiring each other.”
“Sounds like an angel’s name if you ask me.” Ningning was sketching the vague description that Winter told them. The outcome was close, but Winter wasn't sure anymore. It was too dark, even in the car, but she remembered the mole near the woman's mouth.
“She looks like a devil in disguise though.” Her friends smirked and teased her for that remark. But it was true, the woman was so enticing that Winter felt a slight fear when she got in Karina's car. After the meal, they talked some more and parted ways like they used to. Life got so busy that only a few hours was enough for them. They could always catch up in the future.
Winter got home plagued with thoughts about the mysterious woman named Karina. How will they cross paths again? She closed her eyes slightly regretting that she didn't ask for her number. Fate, Winter thought. She'll have to put her faith into something she doesn't believe in just to see Karina again.
Her thoughts went back to her friends. They're in that phase of life now; Giselle's wedding could be soon. She wondered if the accident hadn't happened would her life be different now? Would it be a happy life?
She made Minju happy before, she would've felt the same if she was still here, right?
Regardless of her situation, it still happened and what memories she could've been cherishing and what could've been the person she's mourning for right now has vanished.
Winter’s habit of putting herself in a character’s shoes has become a part of her daily thoughts. Before they could completely remove Clementine from Joel’s memories in the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Joel tried his best to hide Clementine from the machine. He realized that it was not what he really wanted to happen. He wants the pain to go away, and though it wasn’t explicitly said in the movie, Clementine was feeling the same.
Would forgetting a person stop you from loving them?
“Do I still love you, or was it them who are trying to make me remember how much I loved you?” Winter talked to one of the happiest photos among the bunch that they’ve taken in Japan.
Maybe she could begin again like how Joel and Clementine did. She was so close to believing that though our memories had been erased, our hearts would still feel the same for the person we once loved. But maybe movies exist to depict our fantasies in moving pictures, to give us hope that life could be that beautiful, colorful, and wonderful, only to realize how far reality is from them.
After dinner and a warm bubble bath, Winter went to her closet to retrieve a box. She went around her apartment gathering the things her deceased girlfriend left; pictures taken in various places, polaroids of them being sweet and in love, matching plushies with crocheted clothes that spelled out their names, their handprints encased in a picture frame, their poorly drawn self-portraits, and lastly, their couple rings.
"Maybe there's a doctor out there that would wipe you from my brain... but maybe not now."
She stashed them in that brown box and labeled them 'FRAGILE'. She wasn't ready to throw them away yet so she kept them at the very top of her closet, to be covered by dust and become one with her faded memories.
Looking at her room now, it felt empty. She realized how much color there was, and now, her apartment is littered with black, gray, and white. She sighed and thought that it was for the best.
"Joel, maybe it's time to leave Clementine."