Soriel and KriegxMaya
Welcome back, darlings. Did you missed me? Of course you missed me. Today we are going to see the week when a peaceful old lady and a badass female wrestler exchanged homes. Also, this episode is brought to you by Sato Automobiles and Gate of Babylon.
Dallas, Texas.
Krieg and Maya’s camper is located in a camper park of the WWE that the locals call Sanctuary. The place is the home of many athletes that like to make barbecues and shoot at stuff with rifles.
“I haven’t seen so many motorized vehicles in one single place. I still don’t see where is any building that can be considered a house. Excuse me, sir, do you know where is this direction?”
“Oh, that is Krieg and Maya’s camper. It is the one with the bunny dolls on sticks.”
“Thank you, Mr. I am Toriel.”
“Scooter. Welcome to Sanctuary.”
Toriel was surprised by the idea of living inside a vehicle, but not as much surprised of the conditions of the place.
“How can someone live with all this trash?”
Toriel reads the manual left by Maya, and some of the instructions are weird.
“Is it necessary that I have to buy so much unhealthy food? Also, why do I have to shoot someone named El Guapo Jack?”
New Home, Ireland.
The town of New Home was founded by Asgore Dreemurr after the great fire that destroyed the town of Home. Farming and crafting are common activities, and there are many celebrations of folk culture. I missed that village some times.
“Everything is green. And what is that smell? Clean air smells weird.”
Maya arrives at the Gaster residence and reads the manual.
“So I have to use they and them as pronouns? I don’t get people like Zer0.”
Now it is time for the wives to meet their families for a week.
Sanctuary.
“Hello, my name is Tori…”
“I AM GOING TO SLASH MY ENEMIES INTESTINES!”
Toriel looks with fright at the unusual muscular man that is screaming.
“Ignore that. My dad can’t control what comes out of his mouth. I am Tina, by the way.
Tina, or Tiny Tina, is a junior wrestler with serious mental health problems. However, the massive athlete that is her father figure empathizes with her issues.
“Maybe later I can show you some of my toys.”
She means explosive dolls with sexual names.
New Home.
“Hi, I am Maya.”
“Hi, I am Sans, and this is my child Frisk and my brother Papyrus.”
“Wowie, you have cool tattoos!”
“Thanks.”
The small child of Toriel and Sans makes some signs to communicate that they are happy to meet her.
“He… She… they look so cute.”
Sans just gives a thumbs up for trying.
After the presentations, the wives have to experience the life of the other, and Toriel isn’t used to the extreme lifestyle of her new family.
“I don’t think wrestling is my thing.”
“PAIN IS A MOTHERFUKER THAT NEEDS TO BE PUT DOWN!”
Toriel had a wrestling class with the professional trainer Mad Moxxi. The first fight was with a one of the many psychos that the wrestlers practice their moves with. The sweet old lady defeated the psycho with some kind of special movement that it is known in the dreemurr family. Then, Moxxi made Toriel fight Brick, who is the biggest wrestler in the WWE.
“Don’t worry, grandma. I am not going to be tough.”
“Who do you called grandma?!”
That was an awesome headlock! I should remember not to make Toriel angry in my next visit to New Home.
New Home.
“I think I burned the pie.”
“Don’t worry, Maya. This has happened many times with our extended family.”
Sans extinguishes the fire with a very convenient fire extinguisher that was installed after Undyne’s last casserole attempt. I must say that being related to the Gaster family had nothing to do with their selection for the program. After that failed cooking attempt, Maya proceeds to help with chores of the house.
“This is boring. This is why I am a wrestler and not a house wife.”
The next day each wife experienced more of the other’s life, and it was something interesting to watch.
Sanctuary.
Everyone in the camper park was making a barbecue where meat, beer and cigarettes where everywhere. Toriel was worried that Tina and the other kids where playing in a place that smelled so bad and where adults where swearing a lot.
“AND THEN I SMASHED HIS HEAD AGAINST THE DINNER TABLE!”
“That guy catched a ride!”
Toriel was also worried that Lilith was teaching the kids how to use guns.
“Excuse me, Lilith, but it is dangerous to give weapons to children.”
“Listen lady, here in Texas kids shoot stuff for fun. Not everyone is as holy as you.”
New Home.
Maya went to Toriel’s job as a teacher in a local school. The kids were surprised that their new teacher was a woman with blue hair and tattoos, and what they would consider hot.
“Okay, class. I am Maya and I am here to teach you fractions. If a loaded rifle has 20 bullets, and 10 were used to kill a bandit, what is the fraction the represents the bullets that you still have?”
After the first two days the wives established new rules.
Sanctuary.
“We are going to clean this camper and get rid of all the weapons.”
“What?! Dad, we can’t get rid of Mushy Snugglebites!”
“MY HEAD FEELS LIKE A FUCKING VOLCANOE!”
“Another rule is that I am going to make you a gentleman, Mr. Krieg.”
“EVERYTHING SMELLS LIKE DEAD RABBITS!”
New Home.
“This place is really boring and we need to make it more active. You, lazy bones, are there any weapons in the police office where you work?”
“Yes, but I doubt I am allowed to touch them.”
“Sans, we have to help this lady. Those are the rules of the tv show of Mettaton.”
“Okay. Paps.”
Toriel was struggling with making Krieg more civilized.
Sanctuary.
“You look handsome with that buttoned shirt.”
“HANDSOME IS EVIL!”
He ripped the shirt with his bare hands, and Toriel wasn’t amused. She wasn’t amused either when she saw Tina wearing the dress they bought being covered with mud. Later that day, Toriel had a nice tea party with Krieg and Tina.
“This tea is delicious, Mrs. T.”
“Thanks, Tina. Krieg, remember to use the napkin in your legs to avoid getting dirty.”
“I LIKE SWEETROLLS AND RAMPAGE!”
On the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, Maya was teaching the Skeleton Bros and Frisk how to shoot at targets.
“Hey, dumb brothers, this kid is better at shooting than you two.”
Frisk shoots at the center of the farthest target with a rifle, and then gives a thumps up to the blue haired woman.
“The Great Papyrus is good at many things, but I never got the proper training to shoot weapons at the academy.”
“Okay… what is your excuse then, lazy bones?”
Sans takes a gun and shoots a target continually until the wood is pierced and the target fractures.
“I am just tired, and I am not giving my 100%.”
Everyone is speechless.
In the last few days, feelings rose from everyone.
Sanctuary.
“I… I WANT TO DIE!”
“It’s okay, Krieg.”
“I DON’T WANT TO HURT BLUE TATTOOS AND TINY ONE! I LOVE THEM!”
“You love them, so you can’t hurt them.”
“MY HANDS ONLY KNOW BLOOD AND HATE!”
Toriel calmed Krieg down after a few hours of a feelings jam.
“Do you want a pie?”
“MY STOMACH HUNGERS FOR THE SUGAR OF THE WORLD!”
New Home.
“Does your wife knows about your depression?”
“Nope. I just pretend everything is fine and give a big smile.”
“You have serious problems, man.”
“I know. I have been considering going to therapy, but I fear of what the doctor would say.”
“You won’t feel better unless you take out all that shit from your chess. You have a kid and special brother that need you.”
“Wait… are you implying that Papyrus is retarded?!”
Sans almost threw a couch at Maya. He was too depressed to be violent.
Now it is time for the wives to return their homes.
Sanctuary.
“I missed you, big boy.”
“MY HEART FLUTTERS FOR THE BLUE GODDESS!”
New Home.
“Knock knock.”
“Who is there?”
“Doctor.”
“Doctor Who?”
Both laughed at that joke for 5 minutes before opening the door.
The couples had a video conversation because we can’t afford to another violent outburst since the last season, and it is easier to have them communicate from their homes than a place in the middle. They are in different countries, so that explains more.
“Maya, the place where you guys live is trash, and you need to move to a better neighborhood or get a better camper.”
“Well, Toriel, that village is a boring place that is so safe that even the cops don’t use weapons.”
“Women get things too personal, am I right, buddy?”
“EXISTENCE IS CHEMICALS TRYING TO UNDERSTAND LOVE!”
This episode gave me a bit of nostalgia, but I must continue being as fabulous as I am. In our next episode we have a couple of women from Republic City, and a couple of men from Night Vale.
Asami Sato and Korra Sato.
“I still don’t understand why are we participating in this show, Korra?”
“I made a bet with Mako.”
Asami is the CEO of Sato Automobiles, and Korra is a diplomatic from this small Asian country. They both are humanitarians that have helped around the world with solving global problems.
Cecil Palmer and Carlos Palmer.
“I wonder who of us is going to be sent to the other house, Carlos? You are beautiful, but I never classified your beauty according to gender.”
“I appreciate your liking for my body, Cecil, but entering this show has been your worst idea so far.”
“I think my worst idea so far was convincing people to buy wheat and wheat by products.”
Cecil is a radio host in the radio station of Night Vale, and Carlos is a scientist that is researching some anomalies in the desert.