I Don't Smoke Either
Poe wasn’t ready for the flood of people happy to see Finn. He meets Finn’s aunt and three cousins, one of which who won’t stop eyeing him like he’s a piece of meat, before they finally get to the back TV room where an older man is seated in an armchair watching cable news. Poe stands back next to Phasma and lets Finn enter.
“Hey dad,” Finn says, standing with his hands clasped in front of him.
“Finn.” The man stands, a little shaky on his feet. Finn reaches out to hold him stead but he declines. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you,” he replies, still not smiling.
He nods, lets a small smile form on his lips before hugging his son. “It is good to see you, boy.”
Poe can tell Finn is doing his best to hold back tears. He feels Phasma reach down and squeeze his hand for a few moments in support and he turns to smile in gratitude.
“Dad, I want you to meet someone.” Finn turns and gestures to Poe. “This is Poe Dameron. Poe, this is my father Dean.”
“Pleasure to meet you, sir,” Poe approaches and holds out a hand.
“Finn, who is this?” Dean asks, not holding out his hand in response. “Your friend?”
“I live across the hall from your son,” Poe says. “Finn invited me, he said your wife always makes enough food to feed an army.”
Dean waves off Poe’s hand. “Glad you could come,” he replies, sitting back down. “Finn boy, sit with me. We need to talk.”
“I’ll take Poe and we’ll go help mom in the kitchen,” Phasma says, grabbing his hand. She leads him out to the back porch instead, finding themselves alone.
“You think Finn’s okay in there?” Poe asks, sitting on white plastic chair and putting his hands in his pockets.
“I have no idea,” Phasma says, taking a pack of cigarettes from her purse and lighting one. “I don’t smoke but I know enough to bring cigarettes to a family gathering.” She holds the pack and lighter out to Poe.
“I don’t smoke either, not since high school,” he replies, taking and lighting one. He takes a drag, choosing not to inhale. The taste is familiar and heavy and just the act of smoking alone has a calming effect.
“You hate this,” she says, staring in the backyard.
“It’s what he wants. What he needs,” Poe stares at the cigarette in between his fingers, hoping Finn won’t be mad about him smelling like smoke. “He wanted to see your father and if this is how he gets to do it, then I support him.”
“I hope that someday I can meet a man half as good as you.”
“Being the good guy isn’t easy, I can see why most guys don’t do it.” He takes another drag, this time letting the smoke into his lungs and curl out of his nose. “I have to deny my relationship with him to the people who should matter the most, be the most excited for us. I have to watch him hurting. For the past few weeks he’s been so upset and worried.”
“Let me guess, ate an entire cake by himself? I noticed he put on weight. He did that a lot in high school, go through cycles of depression, eat, then he’d feel better and work out and drop the weight and start all over again.” She sighs. “Broke my heart but he was so closed off I didn’t know what to do.”
“He lost his job calling in sick so much. And here I am, just sitting here completely useless. And on top of it all, there is the sting of feeling like I’m just an embarrassment to him, that I’m not good enough to meet his family as his fiancé—even though I totally get it and I don’t logically feel that way but…it’s still there just a little bit. And I feel so fucking selfish for it.” He stomps out his half-smoked cigarette and buries his face in his hands, trying really fucking hard not to cry.
“Come on, I’m taking you back to my place,” Phasma says, pulling him by the hand and leading him around the side of the house out to the front.
“POE!” Finn bursts out the front door. “Where are you going?”
He tries to hide his red eyes and avoid Finn’s gaze but Phasma steps between them. “I’m taking him to my place. Call when you are done here.”
“What the FUCK PHASMA? Who the hell are you to decide any of this?”
“I’m trying to help your fiancé because you are being stupid.”
“WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO BRING REY HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE PHASMA?” Finn is yelling in the front yard and surely attracting the attention of not only the family inside, but the neighbors that are home and Poe just wants to crawl in the backseat and hide.
“But you dragged him out here promising to introduce him as your fiancé and then you let mom talk you out of it and I’m sorry but that’s insane.”
“Aren’t you the world’s biggest homophobe? ‘Not understanding your lifestyle choices’ is what you said. Now you are like Miss Fucking Friend of Dorothy? Bitch please.”
Phasma slaps Finn across the face just hard enough to make a sound. “You asshole.”
“Both of you fucking knock it off,” Poe speaks up, knowing he’s crying and looks like a wreck. “I’m leaving and that’s it. Phasma, I’ll take the keys. You two stay here and keeping living the fucking lie.”
“Poe, stop,” Finn pleads, grabbing his arm. “I had a plan.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” Poe says. “You made your choice.”
“I’m so fucking sorry,” Finn says, crying. He reaches into his pocket and puts his ring back on. “I was going to tell everyone at dinner when we were all seated at the table. I was going to kiss you and tell everyone who didn’t like it they could fuck off and we were probably going to run out of the house holding hands and walking in the cold all the way back to Phasma’s place and having stupid crazy sex on her precious couch. And I’m sorry.”
That causes Poe to flinch. “Sorry?”
“I’m sorry for putting you through all of this. Asking you to keep your mouth shut, asking you to pretend you aren’t the man I’m going to marry. Being so self-absorbed with my own shit that I’ve pushed you away. I can’t even remember the last time we made love,” he steps closer to Poe. “I am so sorry. Please, let’s go do something stupid and come out to my family. Together. Then we can go.”
Poe nods and takes Finn’s hand. Surprisingly, nobody in Finn’s house is handing out the door or windows. He doesn’t ask Finn if he’s sure about this, he just lets it happen. His heart is pounding out of his chest as they storm inside.
“EVERYBODY LISTEN UP!” Finn says. “I’m going to try this again. Everybody, this is my fiancé Poe Dameron. Yes, that’s right, you heard it. He asked me to marry him and I said yes.”
Poe looks around the room as his mother just shakes her head and stares at the floor. His aunt crosses her arms over her chest and tells Finn’s cousins to get their things and go. Dean sits in his chair, wringing his hands and Phasma stands in the corner, hand over her mouth just watching her family. She looks to Poe and nods, smiling with her eyes. He squeezes Finn’s hand all that much tighter.
Finn’s mother approaches Finn with her hands up, reaching for her son. “Sweetheart, there is no need to create drama just to shock the family.”
“No mom, this is my future husband,” Finn’s jaw is steels. “I wasn’t going to let another day go by without being honest with you, no matter what.”
“Even if it means ex-communication?” Dean stands. “Being disowned?”
Finn trembles but doesn’t waver. “Yes.”
“You dishonor me, your mother, in our own home?”
“If your son being happy is dishonoring you, then I will leave and never come back.” He turns to Poe. “Come on, sweetheart.”
“I would like to say something,” Poe says, turning to Finn’s parents. “Your son is an absolutely wonderful young man. He is smart and honest and caring to a fault. Finn doesn’t have a truly mean bone in his body and he’s the most supportive person I have ever met. Your son is a beautiful human being, inside and out. Every single day since the day we met I feel honored that he asked me on that first date. Surely he got the sense of loyalty and love from somewhere. I’d like to think it was here, at home, from his loving parents. But it’s clear now that isn’t the case. I only hope that someday you can choose to set aside the fear and misunderstanding you have and be a part of his life, our life. M’am, Sir,” Poe nods, letting go of Finn’s hand. “I’m going outside, sweetheart,” he says, turning and leaving the house.
Poe waits until he’s leaning against the car before he lets out the breath he was holding. He pulls the cigarettes out of his pocket that Phasma handed him earlier and lights one, smoking it ridiculously fast and lighting another. It seems like hours have gone by as he waits to either be asked to come in—highly unlikely—or for Finn to come out. He can’t believe what happened in there, and he can’t believe what happened in the front yard earlier. Poe pulls out his phone, contemplating calling his own mother for support. She’d probably catch the first plane here and knock some sense into Finn’s family and further alienate him from them, but it would be so good to hear her voice telling him how loved he is.
After what seems like an eternity, Finn comes out of the house, car keys dangling from his hand. He walks up to Poe and hands them to him. “You better drive or I’ll crash.”
“Where we going?” Poe asks, stomping out the cigarette.
“Phasma’s. She’s staying here to talk my parents down and will call a cab later.”
Poe gets in and drives with the only words spoken are from Finn as he navigates them back to her place. Once inside, Poe gently removes and hangs his jacket by the door, holding out his hand for Finn’s to hang beside it. They toe out of their shoes and Finn makes a beeline for the couch, settling in the middle with a huge sigh. Poe nervously sits next to him, not touching, just in case Finn needs that space.
“Dad told me not to come back,” Finn says quietly. “I mean, I knew it would happen, but I didn’t expect it to hurt this much.”
“Honey,” Poe reaches for him, pulling him practically into his lap in a huge hug. Surprisingly, Finn isn’t racked with sobs and that scares Poe. “You okay?”
“Did you mean it? Everything you said to them?”
“Without a doubt, my love.” Poe snuggles his face into Finn’s hair. “I’m going to spend every single day of our lives proving to you just how perfect you are.”
“My mom said she wanted to come over here tomorrow, talk to both of us.”
“No shit,” Poe says, surprised.
“She’s a little bit more willing to at least not disown me, even if she’ll never approve of me. I’ll take it, I guess.”
“Whatever you decide, I’m right here.”
“I know.”
Finn looks up at him and his heart melts. He leans down and gives him a big kiss which starts soft but turns deep and needy. They don’t have to talk, they just have to kiss and touch and hold each other close. Poe cannot believe the strength of the man in his arms, how resilient and sure of himself he is, and he’s in awe of him. Somehow it happens, both of them end up naked on the large sectional, choosing to rut against each other to orgasm due to the lack of lubricant nearby. They fall asleep cradled together, breathing in the same pattern.
Until Phasma arrives home and screams at them for screwing on her couch.