Keep it, it Suits You
“So does Caleb just like, die down there?” Finn asks, looking up at Poe.
“In Nathan’s creepy sex robot dungeon? I wonder if he fucks one of them first. I would. You know, before I die sort of thing,” Poe rubs his hand over Finn’s chest.
It’s Friday night of the best week of his life. The Go-Kart place Poe wanted to take Finn too was shut down, so they went to a video store and rented or bought a ton of movies. Turns out Finn loves sci-fi, Jackass movies and he totally cried when they watched Brokeback Mountain last night even though he denied it. Finn rolls his head on the throw pillow in Poe’s lap, comfortable on his back while Poe sits on the end of the couch. They are at Finn’s because his couch is softer and his new TV is actually bigger than Poe’s. They spend each night after work eating dinner together and curling up and watching movies. Most of them Poe has seen before and he spends the whole time watching Finn react. They usually end their nights by making out and going to their respective beds where Poe manages to crank out a few pages of writing while Finn texts him pictures of snuggling with his blanket. Last night they did get a little heavy with the kissing and rutted against each other until they both came in their clothes embarrassingly fast.
“I keep forgetting you’re bi,” Finn says. “What time is it?”
“Eleven, you should get your beauty sleep I have a big day planned for tomorrow.”
Finn sits up. “What do you mean?” He smiles.
“There’s a carnival outside of the city. It’s about an hour train ride.”
Finn snuggles close to Poe and nuzzles his neck—something he does all the fucking time and it makes Poe swoon. “You gonna win me a big stuffed teddy bear?”
“You gonna kiss me at the top of the Ferris Wheel?” Poe smiles back.
“Fuck no I don’t do heights.”
~
“I told you I don’t do heights!” Finn puts his hands over his eyes.
“Come on babe,” Poe says, putting an arm around him. “We’re at the top.”
“Poe, please don’t touch me, I’m really freaking out right now.”
“Shit,” Poe pulls his arm back in his lap. “I’m sorry.”
“I just need to breathe.”
“I thought you were being cute, I didn’t know.” Poe picks the huge teddy bear up sitting next to him and grips it, absently petting its head. “I’ll let you know when it’s over.”
“It’s okay,” Finn says, still terse but clearly feeling remorseful for snapping. “I just…nope can’t do it.”
When they finally hit the ground and get off, Finn practically runs away from the thing, leaving Poe with the bear. He catches up and sees Finn trembling. “You okay?”
“Just…uhm…I’ll be fine.”
“Here,” Poe sets the bear down and peels off his jacket. It’s an old brown jacket with these red patches that he bought in college to impress this girl who ended up sleeping with his room mate. He hands it to Finn.
“Thanks,” Finn says, putting on the jacket. “I’ll be fine, just having a little anxiety.”
“I’m right here. Come on,” he picks up the bear and reaches for Finn’s hand. “Let’s go.”
“Don’t,” he pulls his hand away. “What if someone sees us?”
Poe cocks his head. “What the fuck do you mean?”
Finn looks around nervously. “There are people everywhere.”
“I held your hand that one night in New York City, millions of people could have seen us.”
“But it was at night and the neighborhood was…look, we are in PUBLIC Poe.” Finn storms off, leaving Poe with that fucking teddy bear.
He watches Finn storm off into the crowd and tries not to cry. What the fuck just happened? Come to think of it, Finn isn’t into PDA. When they went to the video store they didn’t touch. Except that one night when they held hands they didn’t really touch in public at all. The other morning when they ran into each other jogging they didn’t so much as shake hands. Holy fucking shit.
Finn isn’t out.
Poe starts rushing through the crowd, hoping to catch up to Finn. He starts to get nervous when he can’t find him, but he eventually sees his standing near the exit. He approaches him but doesn’t get to close.
“Hey, you wanna go?” he asks timidly.
“Yeah. I mean, you can stay.”
“You don’t want me to go with you, I get it.” Poe starts to turn.
“No, please,” Finn says. “Let’s go.”
They catch the shuttle back to the train station in silence, climbing onto a nearly empty car. Finn moves to a corner with nobody else around and Poe sits near him, putting the bear in a seat between them. He waits until the train starts moving before he takes out his phone.
You aren’t out.
Finn takes out his phone after it beeps and reads his message. He stares out the window for a minute before typing his reply.
No
I’m sorry, I didn’t think to even ask.
No you didn’t. I only was out with Rey because she clearly knew about u so I figured it was safe. Like, if it’s a few people it’s okay but not in the world like that. Its wrong.
Poe shakes his head, putting his elbows to his knees. He wipes his face with his hand and stares at his phone. He fucked this up so bad. He should have known with Finn’s upbringing that he wasn’t out—even with the hand-holding it should have been a clue. He ruined everything. He was seriously head over feet for Finn and he was so busy being all sweet and horny that he didn’t notice he was pushing Finn way too far. He taps out one more text on his phone.
I will leave you alone then.
He gets up and moves across the car to another seat, leaving the teddy bear next to Finn.
~
When they got back to the city, Poe takes off and loses himself in the crowd, hoping that Finn feels less awkward enough to go catch the subway back to their neighborhood. He walks for maybe an hour before he finds a bench and sits. He takes out his phone and scans through all the cute photos Finn has sent him over the week. There’s a shot of his slippers. One of him pretending to be asleep under that Star Wars blanket. There’s another one of him at work in his coveralls giving the thumbs up with the caption ‘not nearly as sexy as your work clothes.’ His finger hovers over the delete button before he pockets his phone. What a fucking loser. He puts his elbows on his thighs and buries his face in his hands. His eyes get hot under his palms and he knows he’s about to fucking cry. He’s going to cry over a guy he’s been dating for two fucking weeks but it hurts so bad.
His phone rings in his pocket and he digs it out, seeing Rey’s face and number. He probably shouldn’t, but he answers.
“What the fuck happened Poe?”
“Hey Rey.”
“Don’t ‘hey’ me Dameron. I’m downstairs sweeping the lobby and Finn walks in with red eyes crying and just runs past me into his apartment wearing that stupid jacket you think makes you look like sex on a stick carrying a giant teddy bear.”
“I fucked up. It’s over,” Poe says, letting his voice crack for Rey.
“Where are you?”
“Uh,” he looks around. “I’m near that Italian joint that used to be a hooka bar.”
“Okay, when you are ready to talk I’m here. Okay?”
“Thanks Rey Bae,” he says, hanging up.
~
Poe fumbles for his keys, trying to open his door. After trying the third key he thumps his head against the door.
“Poe?”
He turns around to see Finn in the doorway of his own apartment, still wearing his jacket. “Hey.”
“Can we talk?”
“Sure, if I ever find my keys.” Poe turns around, finally finding the right key and opening his place. Finn follows him inside.
“I thought about it.”
“What?” Poe puts a hand on his bar, thinking that sitting and getting comfortable is a bad idea.
“I sent some really mixed signs. I didn’t get mad about Kylo seeing us in the hallway, or holding hands at night. I was freaked out by the Ferris Wheel and I took it out on you.”
“I should have known, or asked, or whatever. I know that growing up all you had was The Watchtower education and…”
“What? How did…”
“Fuck. Rey let it slip, I’m so sorry,” Poe swallows. “I am a world class asshole and you should go before I like, kick your puppy or something.”
“Poe, it’s okay.”
He shakes his head. “I’ve never been with someone for more than a few weeks and I’m the common denominator. I just…wow I am a shitty person.”
“Would you stop?”
“You can leave if you want.”
“I don’t want to leave and I want you to stop saying such terrible things about yourself.” Finn comes closer, almost close enough to touch. “I should have told you myself. I just…I’ve been working on myself since college and that disaster of a guy I used to fuck. I let him do a number on me and I just freaked out at the carnival. You went through a lot of trouble to take me on a stupidly romantic date and I was the asshole.”
“Finn, I’m really truly sorry.”
Finn moves in and takes his hand. “I’m sorry. It was a really nice date. Even with the Ferris Wheel.”
“And the teddy bear?”
“It’s stupidly romantic.” Finn comes in even closer. “Forgive me?”
“I’m not forgiving you for getting legit mad about something.”
“Then kiss me?”
Poe leans in and kisses Finn softly and sweetly. He could cry from the relief of not having lost Finn. He parts and looks at Finn. “Hey, that’s my jacket.”
Finn starts to take it off. “Oh yeah…”
Poe moves his hands up and puts it back on him. “Keep it, it suits you.”
“You are the best boyfriend ever,” Finn kisses Poe again.
“Wait, boyfriend?” Poe bites his lip. “As in, you want to be boyfriends?”
Finn wraps his arms around Poe’s waist. “Yeah. I want to be your boyfriend. Now, it’s almost seven, can we order pizza and watch movies until we both can’t handle it and make out until we can’t breathe?”
Poe grabs Finn by the waist and guides him to the couch, pizza and movie forgotten.