Les Amemes

enjolras - AP0LL0

grantaire - claudemoneY

Marius - CosetteFucker

Cosette - MariusFucker

Joly - jolyranchers

eponine -epo9

bossuet -BossAssBitch

courfeyrac - courffee

combeferre - moth_erfucker

bahorel - johncena

jehan - plantastic

feuilly - _feuilly_

musichetta - chettta

Montparnasse - memepornASSe

-o-

you have entered the group chat “Les Amemes”

Saturday, 1:34 pm

AP0LL0: fuck

moth_erfucker: what the hell HAPPENED last night

BossAssBitch: joly said “ok if were being honest, honestly, i cant remember a single thing that happened before 11 o’clock last night.”

chettta: im glad u dont have to remember when u threw up 3 times ur weight in vomit but that image is burned into my brain forever

BossAssBitch: joly apologizes

BossAssBitch: new rule: joly isnt allowed to drink ever again

BossAssBitch: joly said “honESTLY? rude”

chettta: WHATS RUDE IS WHEN I HAD TO REACH INTO THE TOILET TO GET UR VOMIT COVERED PHONE BC U DROPPED IT IN THERE.

BossAssBitch: “YEAH. AND NOW ITS BROKEN AND IM SAD”

MariusFucker: is that why ur texting what hes saying?

BossAssBitch: YES

_feuilly_: OH MY FOD THIS IS SO SFUNNY

courffee: TAG URSELF IM JOLY

moth_erfucker: tag urself im bossuet

MariusFucker: tag urself im musichetta

plantastic: feuilly where did you GO last night

_feuilly_: um? where did YOU go?

plantastic: um? where did BAROREL go?

johncena: where DIDNT i go? ;))) no homo tho

plantastic: that makes no sense

johncena: oh? doesnt it? ;)

plantastic: no it dosent wtf

johncena: ;))))))

johncena: ME AND FEUILLY FUCKED LMAO

_feuilly_: i prefer the term, Made Love thank u very much. No homo

johncena: literally u vomited WHILE ON TOP OF ME

AP0LL0: WHAT THE FUCK?

johncena: I KNOW RIGHT THATS GROSS

AP0LL0: NO WHAT THEE FUCK YOU HOOKED UP

johncena: OH, YES WE DID no homo

claudemoneY: can u pls not use capslock i just woke up and i can’t read that loud

AP0LL0: FEUILLY AND BAHOREL HAD SEX

claudemoneY: NO WAY

claudemoneY: i called it

claudemoneY: DAMN

claudemoneY: i made a bet with courfeyrac about this

claudemoneY: but i said it would happen somewhere from august- december

claudemoneY: courf disagreed. he said it would happen somewhere from april - may

claudemoneY: and its may

MariusFucker: WHAT THE FUCK

plantastic: I CANT BELIEVE THIS

AP0LL0: hOW DID HE GET IT SO ACCURATE

CosetteFucker: why is courfeyrac always right when he calls who is going to end up hooking up

moth_erfucker: its his special gift

moth_erfucker: after we started dating he gave me a card that he wrote and all it said was “im going to end up dating that tall dark guy who yelled at me when i tried mixing water into acid in organic chem today” and also it had a picture of him holding up a newspaper with the date on it so i know its legit.

courffee: as i am courfeyrac, i can ##confirm this is true

courffee: grantaire u  owe me 10  euros

johncena: oh my god??? you were betting on us??

johncena: wtf the fuck

courffee: ok now hon

courffee: dont get mad

johncena:: YEAH IM MAD

johncena: MAD THAT U DIDNT TELL ME ABOUT IT

johncena: we could have orchestrated the perfect scam

johncena: like, u could have made a bet that we would hook up on a specific DAY and then i could have made sure to come through

chettta: thats what she said

_feuilly_: that makes no sense

chettta: YOU make no sense

johncena: and we could have been rich

courffee: thats evil and a great master plan

courffee: but that takes the thrill out of it

johncena: the thrill is all the money we get when we scam grantaire

claudemoneY: you overestimate the amount of money i have

claudemoneY: so

claudemoneY: congratulations, you played urself

_feuillly_: also?? bahorel??  wtf??? you would have used me for a BET?

_feuilly_: is romance DEAD? does love mean ANYTHING to you?

johncena: ok but imagine all the food we could buy if we had money

_feuilly_: hmmmmmnmmnmnm

_feuilly_:  ..,.. i guess you have a point

AP0LL0: so, are you two like, together now?

johncena: I

_feuilly_: uh

-o-

_feuilly_ has a new message from johncena

johncena: are we??

_feuilly_: i mean?? idk???

johncena: i dont wanna like???? u know??

_feuilly_: you dont wanna date me?

_feuilly_: listen if you dont want to thats fine we can still be friends but just like lets just get this straight before anyone gets the wrong idea

johncena: NO NO NOT THAT

johncena: i was gonna say dont wanna

johncena: take this too fast

johncena: as in, i wanna make sure we do this right

johncena: as in, lets start with dinner first?

_feuilly_: oh .,,..,.

_feuilly_: okay yeah :) even tho weve had dinner together for like the  past 12453 nights straight but yes, lets have dinner :))

johncena: just to make things clear this IS A DATE™

johncena: FULL HOMO

_feuilly_: OK GOOD THATS WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR

-o-

you have entered the group chat “Les Amemes”

_feuilly_: we’re taking it slow :)))

johncena: unlike last night :))))

AP0LL0: ok thats enough of that

couffee: what happened to jehan and montparnasfafeee last night

plantastic: his name is montPARNASSE its not thAT HARD

courffee: montparansenksfeiiei?

courffee: montpardkfasdkfhasdfhs ???

plantastic: NASSE

courffee:  NASTY??

plantastic: im blocking you

plantastic: anyways

plantastic: nothing happeed

plantastic: we just talked and got some food :))))

plantastic: hes so cute :))))

BossAssBitch: aawawwwww thats disgusting

claudemoneY: be careful tho jehan

claudemoneY: ive heard stories from eponine about this guy

claudemoneY: one time he spent a night in jail for trying to sell flour and pass it as cocaine to this one cop. thats not what he went to jail for tho. the cop was high as fuck so he didnt even notice. he just thought it was really bad cocaine so the cop tracked him down and was like come on motherfucker ur going to jail.

claudemoneY: one time he broke into one of those really fancy clothes stores downtown and stole a bunch of clothes and eponine said he claimed he was trying to make a statement about the vicious reign of capitalism but really she thinks he was just out of clothes to wear and was getting bored.

claudemoneY: one time he got into a fight just because someone said that the color he was wearing “didnt go with his complexion”

claudemoneY: hes in a fight club

claudemoneY: HE OWNS A VAPE SHOP DID YOU KNOW THAT

plantastic: omg

plantastic: ARE YOU SAYING I HAVE A CRUSH ON A VAPE DAD ™????

AP0LL0: hE OWNS A VAPE SHOP?

moth_erfucker: oh my GOD WHAWT HTE UCJ

johncena: can i get a discount on a vape

claudemoneY:  yes i got one

AP0LL0: YOU GOT A VAPE??

_feuilly_: bahorel ur not allowed to get a vape im sorry i cant be involved with white fuckboys

johncena: IM NOT WHITE

_feuilly_: sorry if u vape ur basically saying ur a white boy who hates himself

claudemoneY: IM NOT WHITE

claudemoneY: HONESTLY?? rude

claudemoneY: u wouldnt say that after you see mY DANK VAPE TRICKS

_feuilly_ has removed claudemoneY from the group chat “Les  Amemes”

epo9 has added claudemoneY into the group chat “Les Amemes”

claudemoneY: WHAT THE FUCK

epo9: i didnt add grantaire back into the group chat he litterally did a backflip onto the couch where i was and stole my phone and added himself back in

claudemoneY: drastic times call for drastic measures

epo9: YOU SPILLED MY CEREAL

cluademoneY: DRASTIC TIMES CALL FOR DRASTIC MEASURES

epo9: UR STILL ON TOP OF ME. GET OFFFFFF

claudemoneY: DRASTIC !!! TIMES !!! CALL !!!! FOR !!!! DRASTIC !!!! MEASURES !!!!

plantastic: more like memesures

AP0LL0: be quiet were not done talking about what u did

plantastic: um? what I?? did???

plantastic: HOW ABOUT WE TALK ABOUT WHAT ///YOU/// DID LAST NIGHT

AP0LL0: how dare you

AP0LL0: i have done nothing wrong, frankly, ever

moth_erfucker: i know this, and i love you

plantastic: EXHIBIT A

plantastic: at exactly 10:58pm i took a video of you ON THE TABLE singing LEMONADE by BEYONCE and then continued to FALL OFF THE TABLE and the worst part??? YOU SPILLED !!! MY !!! DRINK !!

AP0LL0: oh my god i dont rememebr this

johncena: THAT WAS SO FUNNY IM SOBBING

courffe: I RMEMEBER THAT OH MY GOD HE COULDNT GET THE LYRICS RIGHT HE WAS BASICALLY JUST PASSIONATELY MUMBLING

_feuilly_: jehan pulling ALL THESE RECEIPTS SLAYY

claudemoneY: can i add to this??

plantastic: YASS GRANTAIRE FUCK IT UP

claudemoneY: on the way to apollos apartment he was scared that the cops would see him drunk and get arrested again so he hid behind a tree because “no one would ever think to look behind a tree”

claudemoneY: i tried to reason with him but it took me and the uber driver 10 minutes to get him to get into the car

claudemoneY: and i was sooOOO drunk i am so surprised i remembered that conversation

AP0LL0: ARE YOU SERIOUS

CosetteFucker: OH MY GO D

AP0LL0: I CANT BELIEVE THIS

BossAssBitch: I HAVE A GOOD ONE ABOUT COMBEFERRE !!!

BossAssBitch: a little past midnight combeferre stacked 3 chairs on top of each other and got ON TOP OF THEM and started yelling “IM THE KING OF THE NORTH” i was too drunk at the time to warn him how dangerous that was

courffee: just like when i found him outside laying in the middle of the street blocking traffic looking up at the stars

claudemoneY: combeferre grabbed a book from??? i dont know where. and threw it at my face and yelled “YOU HAVE JUST BEEN FACEBOOKED!!!”

moth_erfucker: OIAHGF;AKDF;ALDSKGFHA;WDFGJKNA;DSZF

moth_erfucker: ASF;ALSKJFA;LSKDF A;GJ ;AERGAERGJ OH YM GOD

moth_erfucker: I AM SO SORRY

_feuilly_: WHAT EH FUCK

chettta: IM NOT EVEN SURPRISED

moth_erfucker: WAIT WHAT WAS THE BOOK CALLED??

claudemoneY: THE ONE YOU THREW AT MY FACE???

moth_erfucker: YES

claudemoneY: I DONT KNOW I WAS TOO BUSY BEING ABUSED TO READ THE TITLE SORRY

moth_erfucker: I THINK THAT THAT WAS THE COPY OF MACBETH THAT I CANT SEEM TO FIND???

claudemoneY: WHAT THE FUCK

MariusFucker: THIS IS SO RELATABLE

chettta: joly took a shot, then proseeded to THROW UP that shot BACK into the shot glass and then shrugged and DRANK THAT SHOT AGAIN

BossAssBitch: WHT AUFDK L;ASDF

BossAssBitch: THAT MOUTH HAS BEEN ON MY MOUTH

BossAssBitch: THAT MOUTH HAS BEEN ON MY DICK

chettta: THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL

chettta: joly has an expression of fear on his face

chettta: HE SAID HE DOESNT REMEMEBR TAHT

BossAssBitch: SEEMS FAKE TBH

chetta: HES SOBBING INTO A PILLOW I CANT TELL IF HES FAKING

BossAssBitch: HES FAKING I CAN TELL

claudemoneY: feuilly ate one of my cigarettes

CosetteFucker: HWT THE FUCK

MariusFucker: AER YOU SERIOUS

claudemoneY: YEAH HE SAW THE PACK ON THE TABLE AND THEN ATE ONE

claudemoneY: AND THEN IMMEDIATELY SPIT IT OUT AND SCREAMED

claudemoneY: AND WAS LIKE “THATS NOT CANDY”

_feuilly_: I THOUGHT!!! IT WAS !!!! CANDY CIGARETTES FOR SOME REASON

_feuilly_: IM SORRY

johncena: ;IHFA;SDLKFA;LSKDFJA;LSDKF

johncena: THA T IS SO FUNNY

-o-

you have entered the group chat “!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!” with epo9, claudemoneY, and jolyranchers

claudemoneY: joly do you wanna go get breakfast with me and eponine

epo9: dude his phone is broken remember?

claudemoneY: ok true. add jehan and ask them then

epo9 has added plantastic to the group chat “!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”

claudemoneY: jehan do you wanna go get breakfast with me and eponine

plantastic: hells ya

claudemoneY: AWESOME i know this great place that has super amazing food for hangovers

plantastic: perfect

claudemoneY: ill send you the address do you want to meet us there in like 30 min?

plantastic: sounds dank

-o-

you have entered the group chat “Les Amemes”

courffee: so lets see, who else hooked up last night besides bahorel and feuilly and jehan and montaroasfas;d

plantastic: montparnasse. and WE DIDNT HOOK UP!! we literally just went to the the diner where eponine, musichetta and cosette work and talked and then HE !! KISSED !! ME !! ON !! THE !! CHEEK !! WHEN !! HE !! SAID !! GOODBYE !! iT WAS SO CUTE

plantastic: and then i went home ::))

epo9: sounds fake

_feuilly_: me and bahorel BANGED

johncena: hell ya we did

_feuilly_: you cant see it but me and bahorel just high fived

plantastic: EPONINIE ITS NOT FAKE

MariusFucker: wait feuilly ur still at bahorels house??

johncena: no im at feuillys and jehans

plantastic: WHAT THE FUCK FEUILLY UR HOME??

plantastic: I DIDNT HEAR ANYTHING LAST NIGHT THO

plantastic: i HTHOUGHT U WERE BANGING

plantastic: and FEUILLY I //KNOW//// UR INTO KINKY SHIT

_feuilly_: thats because?? you didnt get home?? until like??? 4:30?? am ???

plantastic: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SEROIUS

johncena: yeah i rememebr because u WOKE US UP

_feuilly_: but thats ok bc since we were both up we banged again::))

johncena: yeah jehan u fell right asleep u were out SO HARD oh my god he must have worn you out ;)))))

epo9: aww look at u guys :))) finishing each others sentences ::))

epo9: its disgusting

plantastic: i will block u bahorel

epo9: ok we have jehan and monty, feuilly and bahorel,,,..,., who else hooked up last night

MariusFucker: im pretty sure you kissed me eponine

epo9: i dont remember that but that sounds like something i would do

epo9: no shame

courffee: i have a video actually

CosetteFucker: is it bad that im okay with this

CosetteFucker: like, am i worried that the women im in love with is going to leave me for one of my best friends?

CosetteFucker: no

CosetteFucker: of course not

CosetteFucker: why would you even say that?

MariusFucker: dont worry babe im a #MariusFucker for #Life tbh

MariusFucker: except for our agreed upon list of freebees of course

CosetteFucker: yes of course.

CosetteFucker: if ur sugnificent other says that they would stay loyal even when someone like Beyonce or Daveed Diggs was leading them to their bed then break up with them now, you shouldnt build your relationship off of a mountain of lies sorry

MariusFucker: you cant see it but me and Marius just high fived

courffee: did u guys hook up tho

CosetteFucker: is everything about sex to you courfeyrac?

courffee: no wtf sex is gross im just nosey as fuck

plantastic: yeah sex is so gross overall. waitin on the government to ban it tbh

MariusFucker: we had sex ya

chettta: me and bossuet had sex after we cleaned joly up

BossAssBitch: we had sex right next to him as he was tryinh to sleep oh my god i feel so bad he kept throwing pillows at us saying that he would divorce both of us if we didnt shut up

AP0LL0: ASKJDFHASD oh ym go d

johncena: relationship goals tbh

moth_erfucker: you can add US to the list of people who hooked up ;))))))

moth_erfucker: us being me and courfeyrac ;;))))

courffee: yeah if you call drunkenly trying to makeout with me but missing my face and falling onto the floor and then throwing up in our bed “hooking up””” then yes, we hooked up.

moth_erfucker: hell yeah ;)) king of romance ;))

courffee: i love u

moth_erfucker: i love you too

AP0LL0: oh my god everyone did something with someone except for me wtf!!

courfee: and grantaire!!

-o-

you have entered the group chat “PLACE YA BETS” with epo9, jolyranchers, courffee, and moth_erfucker

4:05 am

epo9: reply to this in the morning shit happened

1:57 pm

courffee: wait what was this about ^^^^^^^

moth_erfucker: tell me quickly what’s the story who saw what and why and where. let them give a full description let them answer to ferre.

epo9: ok jolys phone is still broken so im adding musichetta and bossuet in so that joly can know

epo9 had added chettta and BossAssBitch to the group chat “PLACE YA BETS”

epo9: ok quick rundown, me, courf, ferre, and joly have had a running bet about if enjolras and grantaire will hook up

chettta: yeha we know joly has been live tweeting to us whats been happening IRL. so not so much tweeting but yelling everything thats going on.

chettta: i wanna make a bet too

BossAssBitch: tbh? same.

epo9: ok great but also u might wanna wait a minute bc i have news on #ERgate.

courffee: WHAT HAPPENED

epo9: here let me send u screenshots

epo9: sent an imagereceipts5.jpeg

epo9 : sent an image receipts6.jpeg

epo9: ok so this is where grantaire had a mini heart attack when?? apparently?? enjolras tried?? to ?? kiss?? him??

epo9: all bets aside, we need to approach this matter with extreme delicacy. these are both very very fragile people when it comes to feelings of love and the smallest comment could ruin everything

epo9: we hold their love lives in our hands like a tiny bird

courffee: right but…..,,,,,. i technically win right/….//.

epo9: r u srs

courffee: i mean,./,..,.,,..,,.,. enjolras DID teCHNICALLY try to make a move on grantaire so/,/,,,.,..,.,/.,.,/ i win right

epo9: this is no time for politics, courfeyrac

courffee: ur just bitter cause u know im right

moth_erfucker: technically, the bet was them actually HOOKING UP which they have yet to do

courffee: who thE FUCKS SIDE ARE YOU ON??

courffee: WHATS THE POINT OF HAVING A BOYFRIEND IF HE WONT EVEN BACK YOU UP ON PETTY BETS YOU MAKE WITH UR FRIENDS??

moth_erfufcker: hopefully there are a couple more reasons

courffee: MMMMMM NOPE

moth_erfucker: WOW

epo9: ANNYWAYS. grantaire is in a deep denial and when i tried to bring it up hes like “HMM IT NEVER HAPPENED I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT TBH”

moth_erfucker: he said “tbh” outloud?

epo9: YEAH

courffee: are you sure he just doesnt remember bc he was drunk

epo9: nope i can tell

chettta: joly suggests that someone should talk to enjorlas. maybe see how hes feeling about all of this.

BossAssBitch: thats a really good idea but that would mean that enjolras would know that he told one of us because him and grantaire are the “””only people who know””””” about this

epo9: yeah and i didnt tell grantaire that im telling all of you so we need to handle this SO CAREFULLY

moth_erfucker: no

moth_erfucker: NO

courffee: :)

moth_erfucker: NO COURFEYRAC

chettta: whats going on

moth_erfucker: courf just got this really big villainous smile and that can only mean one thing

courffee: I HAVE A PLAN

moth_erfucker: NO

BossAssBitch: ok but lets hear the man out

moth_erfucker: remember the last time you had “””a plan””””

courffee: i seem to remember that that plan ended up really well

moth_erfucker: IT ENDED WITH ENJOLRAS IN JAIL, BAHOREL WITH THIRD DEGREE BURNS AND VALJEAN HAVING TO DRAG MARIUS OUT OF A SEWER

courffee: ok but the plan worked.

courffee: AND the charges against enjolras were dropped AND the scar that Bahorel has is shaped like a bumble bee AND now we have a great story so???? tbh??? everything worked out in the end.

chettta: joly said we should trust courfeyrac

moth_erfucker: ok fine but only because im going to get to say ‘i told you so’ and its gonna be great because COURF is always the one who says that to ME but NOT THIS TIME SATAN

courffee: ok so here is what were gonna do

-o-

!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!

claudemoneY: what was that last text from enjolras???

cluademoneY: “everyone did something with someone except for me”””

claudemoneY: what the fuck

claudemoneY: does he not remember

plantastic: not remember what

plantastic: ???
epo9: oh my god grantaire

claudemoneY: OH SHIT I DIDNT MEAN TO TEXT THIS CHAT WTF I MEANT TO TEXT EPONINE

claudemoneY: HAHAHAH NOTTHING HAPPENED LMAMOOO

plantastic: thats such bullshit what the fycj you have to tell me now

claudemoneY: ok but dont tell anyone i dont want this getting back to enjolras ok

plantastic: you dont want enjolras to know about the thing that he presumably did but doesnt remember?

claudemoneY: i think so

plantastic: oh my god what did he do

plantastic: did he accidentally say he was a communist again in front of a cop

plantastic: WAIT NO HE WAS TALKING ABOUT HOOKING UP WITH PEOPLE

plantastic: DID YOU AND ENJLRAS HAVE SEX GRANTAIRE

plantastic: OH MY OD

plantastic: oh ymgod

plantastic: where was it

plantastic: no let me guess

plantastic: at the musain?

plantastic: in the back of an uber?

claudemoneY: jehan, no

plantastic: under a bridge?

plantastic: bathroom stall?

claudemoneY: JEHAN NO PLS

plantastic: i bet it was like, really kinky

plantastic: youve told me your kinks before grantaire

plantastic: i bet enjolras has the same kinda kinks

plantastic: but, with more historical references

plantastic: when he climaxes does he recite France's national anthem?

claudemoneY: I STG I WILL BLOCK YOU

plantastic: ok im done whats up

claudemoneY: he was too drunk to get home alone so i got us him an uber and walked him to his apartment.

claudemoneY: and i helped him up the stairs, granted, i wasn't much help bc i was drunk too but not as far gone as him tbh

claudemoneY: and brought him to his  bedroom and i was heading out the door when i got a text from him hang on lemme send screenshots

epo9: can i add musichetta or bossuet so that joly can be in this convo

epo9: bc joly broke his phone remember

claudemoneY: yeah thats fine

epo9 has added chettta and BossAssBitch to the group chat “!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”

epo9: to catch you guys up on a subject that you have NO prior knowledge to, grantaire is confused bc enjolras did something last night and then grantaire thinks that enjolras forgot what he did

epo9: taire brought enjolras home last night and he was about to leave when enjolras texted him

epo9: grantaire is gonna send screenshots

BossAssBitch: okay GOTCHU

BossAssBitch: AWWWW are grantaire and enjolras FINALLY gonna hook up???? :))))))

chettta: its about damn time

claudemoneY : sent an image receipts7.jpeg

chettta: tag urself im “stays over”

BossAssBitch: tag urself im “dont leabe”

chettta: joly said “im ur drudnk” “so ur too”

claudemoneY: so basically he asked me to stay over and i was like no ur drunk and hes like so are you and then he told me to come back to his room and i assumed he wanted water or smthng

claudemoneY: and when i walked him i tripped on smthng and kinda like fell right next to his bed so basically my face was at the level of his face and then like

claudemoneY: ok this is so embarrassing

chettta: GO ON

claudemoneY: ok and then like he like really drunkly like, shoved his face into mine and he mADE MY LIP BLEED?? BC??? HE HIT MY LIP WITH HIS TEETH??

claudemoneY: and then he fell asleep

claudemoneY: so now im left with utter confusion and a bleeding lip

chettta: ODFHGAKDLHFA SL;DKFHA;SDLK FOHJ MY OG

BossAssBitch: ALKSDJHF;AS IM SOBBING THIS IS SO CUTE

BossAssBitch: JOLY IS SCREAMING INTO A PILLOW

BossAssBitch: HE JUST FELL OFF THE BED

chettta: THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

plantastic: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN THE MOMENT WEVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR.

claudemoneY: OK BUT NOW IT SEEMS LIKE HE DOESNT REMEMBER!!!

claudemoneY: AND HE CALLED ME NINE TIMES

claudemoneY: NINE !!! TIMES !!!

claudemoneY : all of which went to voicemail bc my phone died on the way home and i listened to them this morning???? most of them are complete gibberish talking about conspiracy theories and politics but then there was one where he accidentally said “we should bang” instead of “we should hang” and then blamed autocorrect??? even though it was a verbal voicemail???
epo9: text him

cluademoneY: or i could do the opposite of that

chettta: ask him to marry you

claudemoneY: or i could ask him to kill me

plantastic: punch him in the face

claudemoneY: yes

claudemoneY: but why

BossAssBitch: u gotta

claudemoneY: ok ur right

claudemoneY: but im not actually gonna do that

claudemoneY: should i bring it up to him or should i just sit in a pool of angst for the rest of my life knowing that enjolras tried to “”kiss””” me

epo9: kill him

BossAssBitch: dude just say the word and im there with the getaway car

chettta: we can cut up his body and throw it into the river piece by piece like they did in daredevil

BossAssBitch: joly said “even though enjolras is one of our best friends i will not hesitate to help with the murder of our leader”

plantastic: i have a guy who could make us fake IDs so we could fake our deaths and create new identities

chettta: how we gonna kill him

epo9: knife? gun? i could borrow one from Montparnasse

claudemoneY: we are not killing him

BossAssBitch: so we ARE gonna kill him?

epo9: texting parnasse about the gun rn

epo9: though i feel stabbing him would be more therapeutic

claudemoneY: WE ARE NOT GOING TO KILL THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

BossAssBitch: D;FAKSDHF;ASD LSDKFJA ;LSKFJ OH MY GOD

chettta: OH YM GO DO MOY GOD LOVE OF YOUR LIFE YOU SAID THE L WORD

claudemoneY: what the fycj no i didnt goodbye

chettta: JOLY JUST SPILLED HIS CEREAL ALL OVER HIMSELF BC HE SCREAMED

BossAssBitch: GRANTAIRE THIS IS JOLY I STOLE BOSSUETS OPHONE YOU NEED TO FOLLOW UR DREAMS. GO OUT AND GET EMMMMM

BossAssBitch: PUNCH ENJOLRAS IN THE FACE WITH UR MOUTH

claudemoneY: JESUS CHRIST

-o-

you have entered the group chat “bes frens” with AP0LL0, moth_erfucker, and plantastic

AP0LL0: guys i think i might have done something last night but i cant remember what i did

moth_erfucker: what do you mean

plantastic: wow tell me about this event of which i have NO prior knowledge to

AP0LL0: ok so like? i remember grantaire bringing me home after almost everyone left last night and i read our last text conversation and my phone said i made like a billion outgoing calls to grantaire, all of which went to voicemail

AP0LL0: i dont remember what i said but i do remember only sleeping for like 45 minutes and then getting up at like 5 am and doing research about a dream i had where i was the president of the world but i was also an alien masquerading as a human by wearing a human flesh suit and i needed to control all the people because they were being really annoying and racist so i woke up and automatically pulled out my laptop and started researching ways to control people and somehow got to the wikipedia article on chemtrails??

plantastic: jesus christ this is such a mess

moth_erfucker: oh my god

plantastic: is that the thing you think you did but cant remember doing?

AP0LL0: no i dont think so? it had to have been bigger than that

AP0LL0: i woke up with the taste of blood in my mouth so i must have killed someone right

plantastic: did u bite a lip

moth_erfucker: that happens a lot with drunk ppl

AP0LL0: my lips dont have any cuts in them though?

plantastic: well yours dont

AP0LL0: what?

plantastic: have you talked to grantaire today yet?

AP0LL0: not besides in the group chat

plantastic: maybe you should text him and thank him for getting you home safely

AP0LL0: thats a good idea ok i will

-o-

claudemoneY has a new message from AP0LL0

AP0LL0: hey grantaire

-o-

“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”

claudemoneY: GUYS SHUT UP HE TEXTED ME

claudemoneY : sent a message receipt8.jpeg  

epo9: oh my og d

plantastic: you got this grantaire

BossAssBitch: do you think he remembers

chettta: what are you going to say

claudemoneY: i DONT KNKOW

chettta: just say something chill and NOT sarcastic

claudemoneY: ok i got this

-o-

AP0LL0 has a new message from claudemoneY

claudemoneY: hey apollo, did ya see any chemtrails today?

-o-

“!!GRANTAIRE SUPPORT SQUAD!!”

claudemoneY : sent an image receipts9.jpeg

chettta: IFH;ALSKDFJA; SDLFA;LSKD

chettta: WHAT DID I FUCKING SAY

claudemoneY: IM SORRY IT JUST HAPPENED

-o-

claudemoneY has a new message from AP0LL0

AP0LL0: oh my god ok bye

claudemoneY: NO WAIT whats up

-o-

you have entered the group chat “best frens”

AP0LL0 : sent an image receipts10.jpeg

AP0LL0: HES SO SARCASTIC I HATE IT BUT I SECRETLY THINK ITS FUNNY AND CUTE BUT I THINK HE USES IT AS A COPING MECHANISM WHICH ISNT GOOD

plantastic: its okay just thank him for getting you home

AP0LL0: ok i got this

-o-

claudemoneY has a new message form AP0LL0

AP0LL0: i just wanted to thank you for getting me home last night, i vaguely remember you walking me up the stairs to my apartment? im sorry i shouldnt have gotten that drunk

claudemoneY: its no problem dude, its nothing compared to the amount of time IVE been carried home. ur slackin bro, gotta catch up to the master.

AP0LL0: haha oh my god if i wanted to do that i would have to get blackout drunk every day for the rest of my life

claudemoneY: slayyyy mee yasss fuck it up that was so savage wow just put a bullet in my heart why dont you

AP0LL0: OH MY GOD IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN IT THAT WAY

claudemoneY: haha its chill dude im kidding

claudemoneY: how much do you remember

AP0LL0: not much, i was at the musain, then in a car? the stairs? and then thats basically it

claudemoneY: so you dont remember passionately trying to convince the uber driver to take us to america so you can “take back the statue of liberty”

AP0LL0: oh my god. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

AP0LL0: WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT

claudemoneY: because “those cops are being racist they dont deserve our gifts” and then you had a surprisingly well put together debate with the uber driver about wrongful incarceration

AP0LL0: ok that i DO remember

AP0LL0: whenever i paused you would repeat the last would i said but louder
claudemoneY: ur welcome

AP0LL0: oh my god

AP0LL0: but really, grantaire, thank you, your show was really good and last night was really fun

claudemoneY: youre welcome.

claudemoneY: do you seriously not remember anything else?

AP0LL0: besides that i called you at like 5 am talking about chemtrails?

AP0LL0: no

claudemoneY: not even when you..,.,.,,.

AP0LL0: when i what

claudemoneY: when you tried to uh, kiss me?

AP0LL0: i

AP0LL0: wait

AP0LL0: what

AP0LL0: im uh

AP0LL0 has left the conversation

-o-

you have entered the group chat “best frens”

AP0LL0 has left the conversation

-o-

you have entered the group chat “Les Amems”

AP0LL0 has left the conversation