The Fear
“This is simultaneously the stupidest and craziest fucking plan I’ve ever even heard of,” Raven exclaimed, “and I was the barely out of training zero-G mechanic with a heart murmur that took an unsanctioned spacewalk!” Turning quickly to the door that had just opened, the mechanic was quick to shout “You didn’t hear that Doc!” Simply shaking her head at Raven’s antics Abby replied, “Sure thing Reyes. Now tell me how our master plan is coming along.” Glancing back to her current project, Raven felt the weight of Doctor Griffin’s expectations heavy on her shoulders. “This pod is like four times as old as I am Doc. I’m not sure it would survive being moved let alone launched into space and sent down to Earth with people inside of it,” answered Raven. “That’s why I have the best mechanic the Ark has ever seen looking at it. Tell me what you need and I’ll get you the parts. You just worry about piecing it back together well enough that we can survive the descent to the ground,” Abby supplied.
“The sheet metal and rivets I can get from the scrap hub at work. That isn’t a problem. The only issue I’m going to have is the pressure regulator. I can’t just swipe one of those and hope Sinclair won’t notice.” Raven hung her head, “I don’t know if we’re going to be able to pull this off Abby…I’m doing my best but if that’s not enough then it’s not enough.” Abby knelt down to Raven’s eye level, stopping her work and resting her hand on the mechanic’s shoulder, “Like I said Reyes, you leave the wishing and the hoping and the planning to me. You just focus on building us a ship to get to the people we love okay?” Abby offered in comfort. “Got it Doc. Any news on the hundred?” Raven asked. Abby shook her head in the negative, “but at this point no news is good news. No more black screens and everyone’s vitals have stabili-.” The crackle of the intercom system interrupted Abby’s update, “Abigail Griffin report to Alpha Station Command immediately.” Raven peered up at Abby from underneath the pod, “You were saying Doc?”
Upon reaching the command center Abby was immediately assaulted by Jackson who attempted to drag her to the collection of displays in the center of the room. “We lost another one. Sort of. I’m not really sure. The screen didn’t go black like the others, but his vitals are dangerously low. Which makes next to no sense because fifteen minutes ago they were elevated in what we assumed was excitement. Now he’s barely hanging on. And a few of the others show spikes in heart rate; it happened all within five minutes. We don’t know what’s happening,” Jackson explained. Abby looked at the five screens in question, momentarily closing her eyes upon realizing Clarke’s was one of them. Raking her eyes quickly across the rest she recognized Raven’s boyfriend, Finn Collins, and Chancellor Jaha’s son Wells, were also displaying increased vital signs. “Which one has the low vitals Jackson?” Abby asked. “This one,” Jackson supplied, pointing at the uppermost corner of the screen on the left, “Jordan, Jasper.”
“JASPER!” All Clarke could hear over the sound of her own heartbeat was Octavia screaming for Jasper. She was still on the ground, covered mostly by another body, hidden behind one of the boulders to the side of the river. Twisting and turning trying to see who had pushed her to the ground she was met with the concerned brown eyes of Finn Collins, while Wells shielded Octavia on her other side. “What the hell is going on?” Clarke asked. “Sorry for the rough delivery Princess, but I assumed you wouldn’t want to be the next one impaled on a spear,” was Finn’s reply. Rolling her eyes at him she responded, “That isn’t what I meant spacewalker. And you know it. Octavia-are you alright?”
Pushing herself up off the river bed Octavia rose to her feet, favoring her injured leg, “I’m in better shape than Jasper must be. But I can’t walk on this leg, not on my own.” Clarke looked between Finn and Wells, attempting to choose the lesser of two evils. “Wells, stay with Octavia. Finn and I are going to cross the river and help Jasper.” With a silent nod Wells took up his post, guarding Octavia as she rested back against the rock holding her up. “Collins, you’re, unfortunately, with me. Let’s go.” Making her way out from behind the boulder Finn had thrown her next to as a shield, Clarke turned her attention across the river to where Jasper had been, only to find her eyes combing trees with no sign of her fellow delinquent. Stopping abruptly in her tracks Clarke could find no words. Failing to notice that Clarke had stopped, Finn walked right into her back, jostling her out of her silence. “Jasper, where the hell is Jasper?!” Finn looked up and gazed the same empty spot as Clarke and could offer nothing to explain why Jasper wasn’t there anymore.
“We have to get back to the others,” Finn said. “We have to tell them what happened. There’s strength in numbers. We’ll be safer together.” Clarke whirled on him in fury, “What about Jasper? We just leave him?!” Finn stepped back, explaining “We don’t know where he is Princess. Octavia can’t walk; Jaha here already had a bum leg. You and I can’t carry three people. We don’t have a choice.” Accepting the inevitable, Clarke agreed, helping Octavia to stand upright. The group made their way back to the others and was immediately bombarded with questions as soon as they entered the camp the delinquents had started setting. “Hey where’s Jasper?” some Farm Station kid asked. “Where’s my best friend?” Clarke tried to keep them calm, tried to keep them from totally losing their minds before she had a chance to explain what had happened. She saw Bellamy approaching from the corner of her eye and hoped he would be able to wrangle the crowd of scared teenagers.
“Quiet! Let them talk.” Bellamy ordered. A hush fell over the crowd as they all looked first at each other, then at Bellamy, awaiting the next directive. “Finn,” Bellamy continued, “what happened?” It was then that Bellamy caught sight of Octavia, and her lack of pants, and the blood running down her leg. “Octavia! What the hell happened out there? You were supposed to be searching for Mount Weather! I knew I shouldn’t have let you go alone.” “None of us are alone Bellamy,” Clarke answered. “There are others. Some kind of animal attacked Octavia while she was in a river. And something, or someone, attacked Jasper. We had to leave him to get Octavia back to camp.”
“What do you mean we aren’t alone Princess? What the hell are you talking about?” Bellamy yelled. Finn was the one to answer. “Well if the spear in Jasper’s chest is anything to go by-we aren’t as alone as we thought we were down here, right Princess?” Clarke could only nod. “So now what?” Finn asked. Not for the first time in her life, Clarke found herself overflowing with regret, worry, anger, fear. “Now, spacewalker, we go after Jasper.”
“We don’t even know where he is Clarke. We don’t know who’s out there or what kind of weapons they have. They threw a spear through his chest! It isn’t safe,” warned Finn. Blonde hair whipping behind her as she turned to face him Clarke said, “What makes you think we’re any safer here? Or anywhere? We don’t know who they are or where they are or how many of them even exist! But I will not leave Jasper to die. He’s one of us. So you can either help me look and rescue him, or you can stay here and hope whoever’s out there doesn’t come looking in this direction.” The boy who had asked after Jasper, Monty was his name, was the first to speak up. “I’m going with you. Jasper is my best friend. I won’t leave him out there alone.” “I’m going too,” said a determined voice from the ground. “O, you can’t even stand, you aren’t going anywhere,” replied Bellamy. Preparing to argue with her brother, Octavia was cut off by Clarke’s voice saying, “He’s right Octavia. You’re injured. You need to stay here so they can clean and bandage your leg better.” Accepting the fact that there would be no changing their minds, Octavia was supported by two other delinquents and led into a tent for her wound to be tended to.
“You aren’t going without me Clarke,” offered Wells. “I’m going to look out for you, whether you like it or not.” Clarke was getting really tired of having to tolerate the presence of the person she hated most in the world, or in space for that matter, but the more people they had looking for Jasper the better. She nodded silently in acceptance. Finn said he would be going too. Bellamy was the last to volunteer to go, and one of his lackeys followed him-John Murphy. Together they set off through the woods, retracing the footsteps they had just made to return to camp. Clarke made sure to walk ahead of the group, next to Monty rather than with Wells and Finn. She couldn’t deal with them both trying to capture her attention when it needed to be focused on saving Jasper. And Bellamy and John were both deeply entrenched in a conversation that they clearly didn’t plan on having with the others in the group. “Just as well,” Clarke thought, “I probably wouldn’t want to know anyway.”
Approaching the clearing they found the river in, Clarke was pushed from behind and sent down to her hands and knees, Murphy quickly reaching around her to subdue her. He held her down to the ground and extended her left arm, while Bellamy approached her with the metal rod he had been using to pry the wristbands off the others. Trying with all her might to get free, Clarke was surprised when suddenly the weight that had been holding her down disappeared. Finn was standing in front of Bellamy, blocking him from coming any closer to Clarke and when she turned her head she saw that Wells had tackled Murphy to get him away from her. Standing up she turned her eyes onto Bellamy in a stare that burned hotter than the sun. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? You think you can just force people to do what you want when they refuse? You’re no better than the council you say you hate so much. It is everyone’s choice whether or not they want their wristbands on. You don’t have to like it, but you do not get to go around like a vigilante taking that choice out of their hands and into yours. What is wrong with you?”
Bellamy made a move to go after Clarke again, stopped by Wells’ voice. “Take mine. Leave Clarke alone and take mine.” Turning surprised eyes onto the bane of her existence Clarke told Wells, “If you take that off your father will think you’re dead Wells. You can’t.” “He’ll understand. If they take mine and leave you alone, I’ll have been doing what I’ve been trying to do all along-protect my best friend.” Figuring he could get the Princess’ wristband another time, Bellamy agreed and while Murphy was holding Wells down, Bellamy removed his wristband before beginning to walk away to look for Jasper. Finn joined them, promising to keep an eye on both of them before they did anything else ridiculous.
“It’s noble of you to try to continue to protect me, but being that you’ve already failed miserably at that once, maybe you should let me take care of myself,” Clarke said. “Clarke, you don’t understand. I’m sorry about what happened to your dad, more than I could ever tell you, but it isn’t what you think.” “Isn’t what I think?! Wells you were the only person who even knew what my dad knew! I trusted you with this because you were my best friend and you betrayed me because you had to go running to daddy. And he floated my dad Wells. And then I got thrown in prison. So don’t tell me it isn’t what I think. It’s exactly what I think. I was wrong to trust you. That much is clear because you are the only person, besides me, besides my mom who knew anything,” Clarke yelled. At this Wells could not meet her eyes, instead hanging his head and staring at the ground silent.
Clarke knew Wells better than pretty much anyone in the world, she knew what he was feeling just by looking into his eyes, could tell how he was feeling using the micro expressions of his face as a guide, and was able to determine when he was lying when he couldn’t meet her gaze. “Wait…” Clarke thought. “Wells. Look at me.” He shuffled his feet but still didn’t lift his head. “What could you be lying about right now? You already admitted to telling your father when I confronted you about it…actually, no, you didn’t. You didn’t admit or deny anything. You just stood there silently, a lot like you are right now. But if you didn’t tell your father….then who?” Clarke wondered out loud. It took all of five seconds for her to realize there was only one other person on the Ark that knew about any of this. “Wells. Did you tell your father?” A shake of his head was her only response. “No. She wouldn’t have. She loved him. She was his wife.” “I’m sorry Clarke.” “My mother is the reason my father got floated? She’s the one that turned him in?!” “I wish there was more I could do for you, I really do,” said Wells. “Wells, why did you let me think it was you? Why didn’t you say something? Why didn’t you tell me the truth?” Clarke asked. “You were going to lose your father Clarke. I couldn’t take away the only parent you would have had left. You would recover from losing a best friend, but losing both of your parents-you wouldn’t have bounced back from that.” “So you let me hate you so I wouldn’t have to hate my mother?” “Well, what are best friends for?” Wells said with a grin that Clarke hadn’t seen in so long that she almost forgot what it looked like. Almost moved to tears by the sacrifice Wells was willing to make for her Clarke threw her arms around him and held tight. “I missed my best friend so much Wells. So much.” Wrapping his arms around her waist he squeeze as he replied, “Me too Clarke. Me too. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Abby said. Stopping what she was doing Raven turned to Abby with a raised eyebrow. “What are you talking about Doc?” Abby closed the door behind her, taking care to check that no one had followed her. “Here’s the pressure regulator you needed. You have fifteen minutes max to finish repairing this shit and get this hunk of metal off the Ark before we both descend to earth without the help of this pod.” Eyes widening in fear Raven stood up and asked, “What the hell is going on Abby? Fifteen minutes? We were supposed to have another three days for this! The pod isn’t ready. I’m not ready. We’re supposed to go together.” Shaking her head Abby explained the situation that was happening on the ground as best as she could with limited information. “Someone also knows that I got my hands on a pressure regulator, so this pod needs to be off this ship in fifteen minutes or neither of us are ever going to see Clarke or Finn again. You can do this Reyes. There’s a reason I came for you, why I chose you to be the one to help me with this. You’re the only one who can. The only one as motivated as I am to get down there.” “But Abby, Clarke…she needs you to be there too.” With a wry smile and a single tear tracking down her cheek Abby responded, “I know. And I will be. Just not today Reyes. Get back to work. Thirteen minutes now.”
Raven turned her attention back to the pod, finishing the wiring she had been working on when Abby walked into the room. Noting that the only repair she had left to make was to install the pressure regulator she realized that she was about to leave the Ark behind and head to the ground in a pod that had no guarantee of surviving. That she would be making this trip alone. That she would finally see Finn again at the end of it. The thought of being reunited with her soulmate filled her with warmth and the determination to see this through. While putting the finishing touches on the regulator installation she heard voices in the hallway. Looking down at her watch she realized she had three minutes before her time was up. Closing the hatch to the pod and turning the controls on she ran a quick diagnostic on the air pressure system only to find out that whoever had given Doctor Griffin the pressure regulator had given her a faulty one. Hearing the voices drawing closer, she looked around the room in desperation, trying to find a way in which she could still successfully complete her mission. It was on her third trip around the room that she found it. A spacesuit, probably as old as the pod itself, was propped up in the corner. “Well if I’m gonna go, I might as well go out in style,” she thought.
Abby thought of every excuse she could to keep the guards and Marcus out of the storage room where Reyes was working on the pod. “Come on Raven. I need you to get off this ship. Now,” she thought. Just as the guards approached the door and turned the handle she heard the distinct sound of a pod being released from the Ark. Releasing the breath she had been holding and sighing in relief, Abby turned to Marcus and said, “Well Councilman Kane, I believe this is the part where you take me under arrest.”
“Rest Octavia. You need to rest. That beast did a number on you. You’re going to be fine but for the next few days you have to take it easy and give your leg time to heal,” said the girl who had just finished bandaging Octavia’s leg. Nodding and feeling quite like sleeping anyway, the young brunette’s only response was a soft “Mmmkay.” Dozing off shortly afterwards, Octavia dreamed of those beautiful fluorescent butterflies, the trees glowing green with the moss that covered them. She dreamed of finding adventure and finally being able to be free, to be a person without having to hide, without having to live under the floor as a secret. Waking in the morning proved to be a painful experience for Octavia when she tried to jump out of the bed she was in before she remembered the damage that had been done to her leg the day before. Wincing at the pain radiating up her thigh she clamped down her teeth and remained silent, not wanting to alert anyone to her wakefulness. “I refuse to be kept a prisoner anymore. Fifteen years of my life was enough: first under the floor, then in an actual prison. I’m done. Bellamy thinks I can’t take care of myself, well I’m going to prove him wrong.”
Packing a small bag with supplies, Octavia snuck out of the dropship under the cover of a still unrisen sun, quietly creeping through the camp and into the woods. “Sorry Bell, but I can’t be held hostage anymore,” she thought as she made her way over rocks and through trees before cresting a small hill. Occupied by her thoughts of searching for and finding Jasper and rescuing him Octavia wasn’t paying close enough attention to her footing on the uneven ground and slipped on an exposed root, rolling down the hill, only coming to a stop with a crack of her head against a large rock. Slipping rapidly into unconsciousness she couldn’t help but to think that her luck might never change after all.
When Clarke and the others reach the tree where she had last seen Jasper they agree to split up. Wells, Finn and Clarke head in one direction while Bellamy, Murphy and Monty take the other. After a short walk further into the woods Clarke comes upon a sight that has her bent over against a tree and dry heaving in seconds. Looking back at what she found she sees Jasper has been strung up on a tree, bleeding profusely and seemingly unconscious, possibly even dead. Wiping her mouth she goes to move forward, fully intending on untying him from the tree and doing whatever she is able to save his life. She is stopped by a hand on her arm and meets Finn’s eyes as he shakes his head in the negative. “Together Princess. We’re in this together.” Nodding at him she turns to Wells and together they approach the tree. Stepping up to the base of it to get a closer look, Clarke feels the ground disappear from beneath her feet and plummets into a hole in the ground with a scream. “Clarke!” she hears from both Wells and Finn. Before she can hit the ground she feels a hand around her arm, holding her suspended in midair halfway between the surface and the bottom of the trap she walked right into. “Bellamy! Murphy! Monty! Over here!” she hears Wells yelling. Looking up she sees what she least expects-Finn Collins holding onto her with a vice grip. His face is red with exertion but his eyes are alight with determination and Clarke, for maybe the first time since they hit the ground, finds security in the fact that she knows he will not let go.
Bellamy Murphy and Monty appear from the other side of the tree and rush forward to help Finn pull Clarke out of the crater. Once she is back on solid ground Clarke breathes a sigh of relief and turns to Finn, offering him a nod of appreciation as well as a small smile. “Maybe the spacewalker isn’t as much of an ass as I thought he was after all,” she thinks. After catching their breath the delinquents come up with a plan to release Jasper from the tree and get him back to camp. Once he is cut down Clarke reaches for his neck to check for a pulse and finding a faint one says, “He’s alive. I have no idea how, but he won’t be for much longer unless we get back to camp and I can treat his wounds.” As they begin their trip back towards the others, mission successful, Clarke catches herself looking at Finn. She wonders if maybe she had been too quick to judge. It’s no secret that Clarke is hesitant to let people in, but maybe it’s time for her to try to change that. “And who better to do that with than the boy who literally just saved my life,” she ponders. Deciding she will give him a chance she speeds up a bit to walk next to him. “Hey Finn. I wanted to thank you. For saving me back there. And I’m sorry for being so hostile towards you from the beginning. I’m not really good with people.” “You don’t have to thank me Clarke. I know I’m not your favorite person, but I’m not a bad guy. If you gave me a chance I could probably prove that to you.” “Maybe. You can start by not calling me Princess anymore.” “Deal. See-people aren’t so hard,” Finn remarks with a wry grin. With a slight smile and roll of her eyes Clarke nudges him and they continue the trip back to the others.