Chapter VI
CHAPTER VI
The following day, everyone was being busy going through the video tapes from the surveillance cameras inside the apartment building and Lexa had manage to get some footage from the CCTV cameras placed along the perimeter of the building. They went over the tapes once, twice, and for a third time but Clarke can’t recognize anyone nor had Lexa seen anyone suspicious or that appeared to be out of place.
“Do you have any idea who might be doing this, Ms. Griffin?” Lexa asked.
“No. Should I?” Clarke responded.
“Someone who might’ve been persistent with their advances? Someone you met at the opening? Or at one of the bars you’ve been to?”
“I already told you, I don’t recognize anyone from the tapes.”
Agent Lawrence cleared her throat and shifted on her chair, “Possibly someone you spent the night with, then?”
Clarke raised an eyebrow at the agent’s direction. “Most of the men and women I I slept with don’t even know who or recognize me. And even if they do, they’ll know me by Jane.”
“Right.” Lexa said, “And what about their names?”
Clarke let out a dry chuckle, “Not unless you think ‘baby’ or ‘pumpkin’ or ‘sugar’ will help you, I don’t have anything.”
“Someone you’ve been seeing more regularly?” Agent Hosh offered.
“No. There’s no one.” Clarke answered flatly as her gaze landed on Lexa.
Lexa let out a groan and leaned back further into the couch. They’ve been at this for hours now and she could feel the strain in her eyes. It was closing to 9 in the evening and Lexa had hope that maybe the security tapes would give them a lead. The agent had also taken in consideration that maybe the stalker might be someone from Clarke’s previous sexual escapades.
A sudden knock on the door had Lexa instantly alert and was on her feet in less than a second. Every agent on her team is in the room with them “Who is it?” She asked as she approached the door.
“Commander Hotpant? Is that you?” A female voice asked back.
“Identify yourself or else we’ll be forced to consider you as a threat.” Lexa ordered. She pulled out her gun and locked the security chain on the door in place.
“Lexa, that’s R—” Clarke got off the couch and approached Lexa but stopped short when Lexa whipped her head and glared at her.
“Stay quiet.” Lexa hissed. “For all we know she’s the sta—”
“Oh for the love of God, It’s just Raven and Octavia!” Clarke exclaimed as she pushed past Lexa and opened the door despite Lexa’s attempt in stopping her.
“CLARKEEEYYYY!!”
“PRINCESS!!”
Raven and Octavia both shouted at the same time the moment the door was opened and they saw Clarke. Arms were suddenly wrapped around the blonde and Clarke had to wiggle out of their tight embrace.
“Guys! I can’t breathe! Let me gooooo!”
Octavia shook her causing some of her hair to land on Clarke’s mouth. “Na’ah! We’re never letting go.”
“I swear to God,” Clarke wheezed out, “If you don’t let me go I’ll let Commander Woods shoot you both.”
Both woman reluctantly stepped back and gave a shy smile. Lexa openly glared at them and was clenching her jaw so hard that Clarke was kind of worried it’ll break any moment now.
“I was worried sick when you called and told us what happened.” Raven said as she pushed past them and walked inside, handing the bags of food to Agent Miller. “And we would’ve been here sooner but your friend over here,” Raven not so subtly glared at Octavia’s direction, “insisted that we go on a short trip and go grocery shopping.”
“In my defense, when Clarke said “safehouse”, I thought it was going to be a warehouse located somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I was just thinking about Clarke.” Octavia said as she smiled and winked at Clarke, “Wouldn’t want our princess to starve won’t we?”
Clarke shook her head but laughed, “Guys. It’s fine. I’m just so glad you’re both here.”
“Ms. Griffin,” Lexa said, it was obvious that the agent was barely maintaining a good grip on the anger that was brewing inside her. “Can we have a word?” Lexa pointedly look at Clarke’s friends. “Alone.”
“Uh, sure.” Clarke swallowed dryly. She could feel the burn of Lexa’s gaze and she knew she was in deep trouble with the agent. “Rae, O, it’ll b just a moment.”
“Take all the time you need, Clarkey.” Octavia said and winked at her direction.
“What the hell were you thinking, Clarke?” Lexa asked the moment Clarke closed the door to the master bedroom. Clarke had pulled Lexa inside the room when Raven and Octavia had settled down and started a conversation with the agents. Somehow she had the feeling this won’t end well. “Do you have any idea how dangerous that was? Calling your friends and telling them to come over? Someone could’ve followed them. Those people who tried to kill you last night or your mystery stalker could’ve have been keeping tabs on the people closest to you. Do you understand what could’ve happen if they had been followed? Do you?”
“I was ju—” Clarke began to explain.
“Just what?” Lexa interrupted. “Your life is in danger. Isn’t that clear enough? The point of you being here in the safe house is that for no one to know where you are. God! Why do you have to be so difficult?”
“I was scared!” Clarke suddenly yelled. She wiped at her eye when a tear threatened to fall. “I was scared, okay?” The admission felt like a huge weigh has been lifted off the blonde’s chest. She took in a shuddering breath and sat down at the foot of the bed. Looking up at Lexa, she continued to speak. “I was scared and that’s why I called them. That’s why I asked them to come. I was scared and I need someone. I need my friends.”
“I … Why didn’t you say anything?” Her tone suddenly shifted. Gone was the sharp and bitterness of it and instead became soft and gentle. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Lexa whispered as she sat next to the blonde.
A bitter chuckle escaped the blonde’s lips as she wiped the tears streaming down her face with the back of her hand, “What for? You like me to think that you care about me?”
“I do,” Lexa admitted. “I do care, Clarke.”
Clarke slowly lifted her gaze and her eyes locked on green eyes. When did Lexa get so close? What she saw made her heart skip a beat and a lump suddenly lodged itself in her throat. Lexa may appear stoic, she may appear strong, she may look hard, but Clarke knew better. The commander’s action may come off as her being insensitive and incapable of feeling but once you look in those green eyes; those captivating, tantalizing, sad, and haunted green eyes, you’ll see a different side of the usual stoic commander.
They were seated so close that Clarke could feel the body heat radiating from the agent. The smell of Lexa’s perfume invaded her sense of smell and she can’t help but gravitated towards it. “Well,” Clarke whispered as she leaned in closer to the brunette. “You have a very different and unique way of showing it, do you?”
Lexa tried to regulate her breathing and to force her heart to stop pounding so loudly in her chest but her attempts remained futile as she watched the blonde lean in closer. Her eyes kept shifting from those blue eyes and pink lips. A shiver ran down the commander’s spine as she was reminded of that one kiss they both shared in Clarke’s apartment. That one kiss that Lexa had etched on her mind that was currently playing inside her head and all she could think about was how good it would feel to kiss those lips again, to have them against her own and to have another taste at the intoxicating and addicting drug that was Clarke Griffin.
“Clarke,” Lexa breathed out.
“Lexa,” Clarke said back.
“What are you doing to me?”
A smile smug smile appeared on the artist’s face, “I don’t know. What am I doing to you, Commander?”
Lexa released a shaky breath and willed her foggy mind to clear up. Being this close to Clarke rips away her inability to form a single sentence. “You cloud my judgment. You keep me off my game.”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
Lexa sighed and pulled back. She stood up and faced the blonde; her eyes portraying her inner struggles. “Yesterday, people were shooting at us, at you. And I wasn’t even scared for my life. I was scared for yours. I violated a protocol because of you; I stayed behind with the hopes of finding the person shooting at us even though I should’ve gotten in the car with you. I want to do my job, Clarke. And I want to do it well.”
“You are doing a good job at protecting me, Lexa.” Clarke insisted.
“Not good enough.” Lexa shook her head, “I can’t do my job properly with you in my head. I can’t do my job if I’m letting my feelings take control of me.”
Clarke slowly stood up and walked the few steps to be face to face with the agent, “So, what? You’re saying it’s your job, your duty, over your happiness? Over me?” Clarke did a bold move and took Lexa’s hands and intertwining their fingers together. She took a step closer and rested her forehead against the agent. “Over us?” She softly whispered.
Lexa took a deep breath and closed her eyes, “No. It’s just me. There is no us, Clarke.” the agent whispered, “There can never be an us. No matter how much we want to.”
“Why can’t you have both?” Clarke freed one of her hands and cupped Lexa’s face; her thumb slowly wiped the single drop of tear that managed to escape.
“I can’t. We can’t.” Lexa croaked out, voice thick with unshed tears and filled with emotion. Green eyes slowly opened and stared right into soulful blue ones. “I’m damaged goods, Clarke.”
“So am I.” Clarke meet Lexa’s eyes, “What are you so afraid of? Take a leap of faith, Lexa.”
Green. Blue. Green. Blue.
The next words that tumble out of Lexa’s mouth surprised the agent herself, “I lost everything once. Everything. I can’t risk losing everything again just because of an assignment.” Lexa stared deep into the eyes staring back at her. Blue. Blue. Blue. “Even if that assignment is you.”
Silence followed and the air around them thickened with the tension and desire between the two women. It was clear that they were feeling the same towards each other, it was clear that both women wanted to be together. But why does it have to be this way? Why, when Lexa had finally admitted her feelings for the blonde, does life and reality have to stand between them? Why can’t it just be easy and simply?
“Do you trust me?” Clarke asked, breaking the silence.
“Clarke, there’s no po—”
“Do you trust me?” Clarke asked the second time.
Lexa gave a short nod as an answer.
“Can you do something for me, then? I promise, after this if you still don’t want this, if you still don’t want for there to be an “us”; I promise I’ll be the one to let go.” Clarke can feel herself starting to doubt what she was about to do but she needed this. She needed Lexa to be sure that this is what she wanted.
“Okay.” Lexa sounded unsure.
Clarke leaned forward and whispered right beside Lexa’s ear, “Close your eyes.”
When Lexa didn’t do it instantly, Clarke softly kissed the patch of skin below Lexa’s ear; she smiled when she felt the slight shiver of Lexa’s body. “Trust me. Close your eyes.”
Lexa closed her eyes and felt Clarke pull back.
“Will you just imagine, just for now, that right now, right in this moment, that nothing else exists except for you and me?” Clarke’s voice was soft and barely above a whisper but Lexa heard every word.
Lexa sighed and did what Clark had told. She was so lost in her own head that she failed to catch what Clarke had said next. She was about to open her eyes and ask Clarke to repeat what she said but she was stopped when she felt those lips kissing her.
Oh, God. Why am I being so selfish to myself? Why am I allowing myself to let this amazing woman slip out of my hands?
“Open your eyes.” She heard Clarke say.
Slowly, Lexa opened her eyes and her breath got caught in the middle of her lungs when saw the emotions swimming across those blue eyes.
Blue. Blue. Blue.
“What did you say?” Lexa asked, “What did you say before you kissed me?” She had a pretty good idea what it was; she felt it in the kiss. But she needed to hear.
“You know what.” Clarke answered.
“I need to hear it.” Lexa said as she pulled back, keeping a safe distance between her and the blonde. She needed to clear her head, she needed to think.
“I think I’m falling in love with you.” It was a fragile confession. Lexa felt the words reach her heart and something sparked inside her. Something she hadn’t felt since Costia.
“This is dangerous, Clarke.” Lexa whispered. Memories of the past started to flood her mind despite her attempts to stop it.
“What is? Love?”
“Hope.”
“Hope is the only thing stronger than fear.”
“I lost someone special to me.” Lexa said, she could hear the tremor in her voice but ignored it as she continued, “Her name was Costia. I lost her because I was stupid and naïve enough to hope; to hope that I could live a normal life and do my job.”
Clarke tried to smile amidst the tears that were freely streaming down her face as she reached out and took Lexa’s hand. “We can be each other’s new hope.”
“Maybe.” The agent looked up and gave a sad smile, “Maybe someday we can be.” Lexa leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the blonde’s cheek. “But I can’t risk you.” Lexa then turned around and headed for the door.
“Fine.” Clarke finally said. She was tired of being rejected by the agent over and over again. She was tired of pouring her heart out only to have it torn into pieces. “Fine. But look at me in the eye and tell me that you don’t feel the same way. Tell me that you feel nothing for me.” Lexa stood still, her hand on the door knob, as Clarke’s words pierced through her heart. “Look at me in the eye and tell me that when I was almost killed yesterday, you felt nothing. Tell me, that you weren’t even relieved when you walked in this safe house and you saw that I was safe. Tell me that the kisses we shared, those two kisses, meant nothing to you.”
Clarke was now standing behind Lexa and she can see the tension in the agent’s shoulders. Lexa was gripping the door knob so hard that her knuckles were starting to turn white.
“Tell me,” Clark whispered, “Tell me that I’m nothing more than just another regular assignment to you. Tell it straight to my face and just walk away because we both know that’s what you’re good at.” Clarke sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “You just walk away whenever something happens that you ca—”
Clarke was cut off when soft lips were suddenly on hers and hands were suddenly on her hips. The kiss was nothing like the kiss they shared earlier; this kiss was desperate, this kiss was full of unexpressed feelings and unspoken desires that was shared between them. Clarke can’t help but moan as she felt Lexa deepened the kiss and pulled her closer. In return, she grabbed the agent’s hips and pulled her flushed against her.
“Oh … wow …” Clarke breathed out as they both pulled up for air.
“It wouldn’t be easy, Clarke. I’m not easy to love. The baggage I carry around with me and the things that happened in my past, I don’t want it to inter—”
“I don’t care.” Clarke said, a huge smile plastered on her face. “I know I’m not the easiest person to love as well and to get along with,”
Lexa chuckled softly at that, “Yeah. That’s the understatement of the year.”
The blonde let out a soft chuckle as well, “But we can try.”
“I’m scared, Clarke.” Lexa admitted as she leaned her forehead against Clarke’s and closed her eyes. “I’m scared to let myself hope again.”
Clarke moved her hands to cradle the agent’s face and wiped the tears from Lexa’s cheeks, “I have enough hope for the both of us until you’re ready.”
After a few more hours of going through the security footage and still failed to find anything, Lexa had ordered the other agents to go home and rest. When her second in command, Agent Hosh, offered to stay, Lexa declined and insisted that she’ll be the one to stay with Clarke. The agent had estimated that it’ll take another day or two before they can go back to Clarke’s apartment building. They still need to replace the locks on Clarke’s door and adding more security measures both in and out of the building and they aren’t through questioning everyone in the building. When Lexa told Clarke the news, the blonde wasn’t too happy about it but understood. But of course, Clarke Griffin wouldn’t be Clarke Griffin if she didn’t do something to work her up.
“No.”
Clarke huffed like a little child and pouted, “But Lexaaaaa! Please?”
“No.” Lexa repeated; her voice steady and left no room for agreements.
“What do you expect me to do here for two days?
The agent shrugged as she leaned back comfortable on the couch and continued reading her book.
Across the room, Raven and Octavia were clearing up the boxes of take outs and could hear the conversation. “A lot can happen in a week.” Raven said, she wiggled her eyebrows at Clarke direction and chuckled when she saw Clarke rolling her eyes at her.
The moment Lexa and Clarke emerged from the room earlier after their “talk”, both Raven and Octavia knew that something was up. The two acted different around each other; more intimate, subtle touches, the occasional lingering gazes, the small smiles. Even the other agents noticed the shift in their commander’s relationship with their subject.
“Hey Lincoln,” Octavia whispered as she placed down her cards, “What’s the deal with your boss and our blonde princess?” Octavia risked a glanced at Lincoln’s shoulder and saw the two women talking in the living room.
Lincoln sighed when he saw Octavia’s hand and placed his own cards down in defeat, he already lost twice playing with her.
“Shit, Lincoln. You’re bad at this game” Raven observed.
“I don’t know either. They have this, connection, I guess.” Lincoln said as an answer to Octavia’s question.
“Who has a connection?” Ontari asked as she took a seat together with Monty and Miller.
“Commander and Wanheda.” Lincoln replied, “Another round?” he asked as he gathered the cards and shuffled them.
Octavia nodded and asked the other agents to join their game.
“Ooohh!” Monty exclaimed too loudly and Lexa looked in their direction curiously before focusing back on her conversation with Clarke. Ontari elbowed him and Monty groaned. “Keep it down, you moron.” Ontari smirked when Monty huffed and switched places.
“Want to join the bet?” Miller whispered.
“What bet?” Raven perked up and leaned forward on the table.
“We agreed that this stays between us.” Lincoln said.
Ontari waved a hand, dismissing what Lincoln said and grinned. “On how long will it take before the commander and Wanheda finally realize how stupidly in love they are with each other.”
“I’m in!” Raven yelled. Both Clarke and Lexa looked at her, “In the game.” Raven hastily added and grabbed the deck of cards for them to see, “I’m in the game.”
“Smooth, Reyes. Smooth.” Octavia snickered.
“$50 says that something’s gonna give sometime next week.” Raven said.
“Lexaaaaaaaaa,” Clarke whined when Lexa still wouldn’t budge, “Please? Let them stay until I can go back to my place.”
Lexa marked the page she was reading and closed the book. She took off her glasses and looked at the blonde. Both women held each other gazes, neither one wanted to break it first.
“Fine.” Lexa said. “But,” The agent added, interrupting the little happy dance Clarke was doing in the middle of the room, “They can’t leave the building until you do. It’s too risky.” The agent placed her glasses back on and resumed her reading.
Clarke nodded her head frantically, “Rae! O! You heard that?” Clarke called out.
“Louder and clear, Commander Hotpants.” Raven replied.
“Stop calling me that or I will kick you out the balcony. I don’t care if we’re on the top floor.” Lexa casually said.
Raven gulped down and let out a nervous chuckle, “Damn. You’re way too serious.”
After everything else was settled, the four of them were in the living room watching some random film on the television. The three friends were on the couch while Lexa sat on the love seat. Halfway through the movie, both Raven and Octavia fell asleep and were snoring lightly.
“Your friends are weird.” Lexa quietly said.
“They have their moments.” Clarke grabbed the remote, “You still interested in this?”
When Lexa shook her head no, Clarke clicked the TV off. The room lights were dimmed and Lexa’s face was partially hidden in the shadows. Clarke felt her heart skip a beat.
“Do you mind if I draw you?” Clarke asked.
Lexa looked at her and smiled faintly, “No. It’s alright.”
Clarke carefully extracted herself from the couch so not to wake up her friends. She entered the bedroom and came out a few minutes later with a sketchpad and some charcoals.
“Thanks, you know, for agreeing.” Clarke sat down on the floor, and placed her stuff on the table. “Most people say no.”
She began sketching, making sure to get every detail correct. Silence engulfed them but unlike before, it wasn’t awkward. The silence was comfortable, relaxing even. Clarke’s hand flew across the sketch pad, sketching the fine line of Lexa’s nose, the set of her cheekbones, and the structure of the woman’s jaw, all from memory. It was a face that imprinted itself in her mind the very first time she saw her. Lexa was everything Clarke found attractive in a woman. At the beginning she found Lexa’s presence in her life both disturbing and annoying. But the more time she got to spend with the agent, the more she got to know her little by little, Clarke found herself listening to Lexa’s voice whenever she was in the room or she was the first person she looked for whenever she enters a room. Little by little, Clarke decided to stop fighting the growing attraction she has for this amazing woman. And dear God, was it the best decision she ever made.
“I’m quite use to it, actually.”
Clarke looked up. “Really?”
“Hmm. My dad, he’s an artist.
“Do I know him?”
“Maybe.” Lexa said softly. “His name is Augustus Woods.”
“Augustus … You mean,” Clarke gasped when Lexa’s smiled only grew bigger.
“Gustus Wood. Yeah. That’s the one.”
“Well,” Clarke was momentarily loss for words, “I … Now I’m second guessing myself if I should even let you see this sketch. Your dad is Gustus Woods, he’s like, one of the best artist alive. Why am I only hearing about this now?”
Lexa chuckled as she listened to Clarke, “You never asked, Clarke. And your works are wonderful.”
“He’s from Italy, right? You grew up there?”
Something flickered across Lexa’s eyes but was gone before Clarke could even decipher what it was, “Yes. I grew up there. When I was twelve, my father and I moved here and settled.
Before her mind could keep up, the words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. “I remember reading something about her wife …”
“My mother was the American Ambassador in Italy,” Lexa replied, “Ambassador Indra Woods. She was killed by a sniper on her way to a theater when I was eleven.”
“Oh, Lexa. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring that up. It slipped my mind, and I..” Clarke apologized. As a young child, she had always been worried that something might happen to her dad; growing up with a security escort will do that to you. “It must’ve been hard for you. To lose someone so important in your life.”
“It was much harder for my father. He lost his other half, he lost someone who held his heart for all those years.” Lexa said in almost a whispered. She stared at a distance, remembering her own loss over someone she once loved. “If not for my father’s work, I’m afraid he wouldn’t have been able to pull through,
“You father never remarried?” Clarke asked softly.
“No. I don’t think no one else can compare on how much he loved my mother. He still does. For him, my mother was the only woman he will ever love. He believes that even death wouldn’t be able to stop him from loving her.”
“And you? Do you believe that?” Clarke asked boldly. Since Lexa had mentioned Costia, it made her curious about the death of Lexa’s lover. For a moment, she was jealous, and then scolded herself for her foolishness.
“I believe that once you truly love a person, it never does fade.” A sad smile appeared on the agent’s face, “You know what Albert Einstein said about energy?”
Clarke nodded, “Energy cannot be created nor destroyed. It can only be …”
“Changed from one form to another.” Lexa finished softly. “I believe the same concept applied to love, that it can’t be created nor destroyed and that it changes from one form to another. Otherwise, it isn’t real.” Lexa words were delivered with deep intensity and Clarke felt them travel down her spine and straight to her heart. It threatened to rock Clarke to the very core and the blonde was surprise when she realized she doesn’t want to fight the overwhelming feeling that was enveloping her. But even though Clarke welcomed the onslaught of emotions, it became too much and she tore her eyes from Lexa’s and focused on the unfinished sketch of the agent.
“You talk too much. I can’t draw when you’re talking.” Clarke said thickly and started to sketch again.
Lexa watched as Clarke’s precise hand strokes move across the sketch pad. The woman in front of her was beautiful, breath-taking, and an emotional minefield; one moment she was this seductive predator, hot and angry, and then, in a snap of a finger and so suddenly, just like now, she’s just a girl enjoying the simple things in life and losing herself doing something she loves. Clarke’s legs were tucked under her and her body was angled to cover her work protectively. Times like these are when Lexa can feel herself slowly falling in love with the blonde artist and the doesn’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing that she’s letting herself to. She and Clarke had agreed that they’ll take things slow. They’re not together, at least not yet, but they want to explore and see where this relationship will take them.
More than friends, less than lovers.
“You’re not gonna show me that?” Lexa inquired.
“Nope.” Came the short answer.
Lexa chuckled softly and picked up the book she was reading earlier and leaned back, getting herself comfortable.
“NOOOOO!” Clarke suddenly yelled, causing both the sleeping woman to sit up straight and knock their heads together.
“Ow. The hell?” Octavia mumbled as she rubbed a spot on her forehead.
“Clarke?” Lexa asked, eyebrow raised at her direction.
“You moved and now I have to start all over again.” Clarke pouted and tore the sheet, crumpling it and threw it somewhere behind her. “Now, don’t move an inch.” Clarke flipped to a new page and started a new sketch.
“Draw me like one of your French girls, Clarke.” Octavia and Raven said, imitating the voice of Rose.
Lexa snapped her eyes at her direction and glared at her. Raven and Octavia clamed up and pushed each other off the couch. “Move, move, move! Let’s get out of here before Commander Hotpants kills us with her deadly glares.” Raven hissed as she pulled Octavia to the bedroom and closed the door shut.
“I heard that!” Lexa exclaimed and smiled when she saw Clarke’s face turning red with the efforts of stifling her own laughter.