Sway

Ashlyn’s good days and bad continued to be dictated by soccer, her family, and Ali, but despite the fact that Ali was back in Germany and they hadn’t seen each other in person in months, Ashlyn found her good days adding up quickly. In mid January, she got some very good news.

“Ali, I have something to tell you,” Ashlyn said in lieu of a greeting once Ali picked up the phone.

“Hmm?” was her reply. She yawned and Ashlyn checked the time. She made a face. She’d forgotten about the time change again and knew that Ali had probably been sleeping.

“Sorry,” she said sheepishly. “You should go back to sleep. I can tell you tomorrow.”

“No, it’s okay,” Ali said with another yawn. Ashlyn could hear the rustling of covers and imagined that Ali was sitting up in bed, maybe turning on the light. “What’s up?”

“So, I didn’t tell you this before because I wasn’t sure anything would come of it, but I’ve been in discussions with my agent and the coach of the Flash for a couple months now,” Ashlyn said.

There was a pause, then, “But something has happened now, right? Do they want to sign you?”

“Yeah,” Ashlyn said. “They’ve been saying they wanted to sign me since the beginning of December but we’ve only just finished working everything out. It’s all set, and next season I’ll be playing for the Flash — as their starting keeper.”

Ali yelped excitedly and Ashlyn laughed at how much energy she had been able to muster together for that. “I’m so proud of you, Ash,” she said. “Oh my gosh, that’s great!”

“They said they saw my games from the Freedom last season and that I’d been called up a lot by the National Team and that sealed the deal for them. They said they think I’m ‘pretty hot stuff’. I’m not lying — those exact words.” They both were cracking up at that point.

“Well, I think you’re pretty hot stuff, too,” Ali said, her voice a bit lower. Ashlyn groaned exaggeratedly.

“That was bad, Alex, I’m not gonna lie,” Ashlyn said. She sighed. “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“There’s that February camp, but I don’t think I’ll be allowed to leave,” Ali said. “They were already pretty upset about me being gone most of November. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Ashlyn replied, but even she could hear the disappointment in her voice.

Ashlyn never mentioned it to Ali, but she really missed her. Ever since she’d left to return to her club again, there had been an excess of bad days as she had nothing to do but wait for her National Team duties to start again at the end of the month. She spent time with her friends from high school, Liz and Jess, as well as with Chris, and spent a great deal of time training or at the beach, but she was always thinking about Ali. She wondered if Ali did the same.

“Did you pack for China yet?” Ali asked.

“For the most part,” Ashlyn replied. “You’re sure you can’t hop on a plane and come kick butt with us?”

“I have games over here,” Ali said. “Play well.”

“We both know I’m not going to play.” Ashlyn’s tone challenged Ali to even try to say otherwise. It was a Four Nations tournament and, though US Soccer specifically decided against bringing their big guns (Abby and Hope would be missing it), Ashlyn knew that Barnie would get all the field time and she was just lucky to dress out.

“Coaching staff will still be watching,” Ali said. “You haven’t been left out of a camp since October. That’s a pretty good streak going, there.”

“Yeah,” Ashlyn said, but she wasn’t impressed with herself. Part of her wondered if she would forever be called into camp without a cap to ever show for it. What would be the point then? What did they keep calling her in for? On top of it all, she realized that she was keeping Ali awake and just like that, Ashlyn’s exhilaration at finalizing the Flash deal turned into bitterness. “I should let you get some sleep. I’ll text you or something before I leave.”

“Okay, babe,” Ali said. “I’m so proud of you. I really am. I’ll have to become a New York fan now.” Ali sounded so sincere, Ashlyn couldn’t help but smile slightly. There was a pang in her chest from missing her.

“Western New York,” Ashlyn corrected, “The colder cousin of New York.”

“At least it won’t be winter when you’re playing there,” Ali offered.

“It’ll still be snowy when I start training with the team,” Ashlyn said with disgust. “I can’t believe I have to find an apartment over there soon. It’s gonna be so cold.”

“Oh, baby, just bundle up,” Ali cooed. “I miss you.”

“Miss you too,” Ashlyn replied. “I’ll talk to you soon. Goodnight.”

China was a good distraction for her until it wasn’t. She was able to explore around their facility and the city itself with HAO and Tobin and she was able to spend time with the rest of the girls. Training, on the other hand, was growing frustrating. She felt that she was never making enough progress. Around every corner, there was another obstacle, and most existed within her own body.

If only she was a little bit faster. If only she was a little bit stronger. If only she was a little bit taller. The big one: if only she was as smart as Barnie. Barnie, who had a calm, quiet demeanor, was never one for goofing off in practice. She watched players with a steady eye and, reflected in there, Ashlyn could almost see the gears turning. She was intimidating — Stanford grad and Plutarch’s biggest fan, the bane of every crossword puzzle in existence. Ashlyn began to think that she’d never be able to match up to her, let alone Hope.

She spent those afternoons where the hopeless thoughts plagued her so heavily and intensely she felt as though she couldn’t move, holed up in the common room, where games and activities were set up to keep everyone occupied and out of trouble. She would think and half-heartedly watch whatever was on the TV that was in English and watch the clock, waiting for a decent time to call Ali.

“Aww, are you sad that your girl isn’t here?” Ashlyn shot up and looked around to see Pinoe leaning over the back of the couch, making a face. Ashlyn looked around, but it seemed as though no one else in the room was in hearing distance.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ashlyn hissed in return. Yes, she thought to herself, but that’s not the only thing. She did miss Ali intensely whenever she felt badly, though. Even just her presence seemed to help pull Ashlyn out of her stupor and set her on the right path.

“Yeah right,” Pinoe scoffed. She launched herself up over the back of the couch and landed with a hard bounce next to Ashlyn. “Your girl — the beautiful Alexandra — who you were making googly eyes with all New Years.” Ashlyn opened her mouth to protest but Pinoe cut her off with a glare, shoving an accusatory finger in her face. “Don’t try to lie to me, Ashlyn. I may have been drunk, but I wasn’t that drunk.”

Ashlyn shifted, uncomfortable. “Ali doesn’t want to tell anyone right now and, honestly, I agree since we’re apart so much.”

“Well sorry to say, but you both were pretty obvious. But Abby told me to shut up when I asked about it, so we didn’t say anything. If Kriegs thinks that she was in any way subtle, she’s got another thing coming.”

“Yeah, okay, just don’t mention it to anyone,” Ashlyn said. “Ali’s not comfortable with everything yet.”

“I get it,” Pinoe said, clapping a hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder. “Just remind her that hickeys aren’t attractive. Your cover-up job was a bit sad.” Ashlyn’s jaw just about dropped as she watched Pinoe walk away.

It had taken another month and a half after that for Ashlyn and Ali to finally see each other in person again. The Algarve Cup. Portugal. 2011 was already turning into a year of firsts as Ashlyn attended her first Algarve. She was pretty giddy for that reason, but more so because she would soon be in the same country as Ali Krieger, let alone the same room. Ten days. That was how much time they were guaranteed together, and Ashlyn wanted to ensure they made the most of it.

Ashlyn let her head fall back onto her pillow, utterly spent and breathing heavy. Glazed eyes stared at the ceiling. She felt Ali moving, shifting next to her, until she lay herself down next to Ashlyn. A hand stroked up and down her arm lazily. Ashlyn tried to regain her breath and come down from the bliss that had just wracked through her body, making her bones weak.

As her sweat cooled, Ashlyn raised an arm and wrapped it around Ali, who curled further into her side. Ashlyn could feel Ali grinning into the skin of her shoulder where years of sun dotted her with dark freckles.

“That was so good,” Ashlyn breathed, impressed. She saw Ali’s eyebrow quirk and hurried to correct her words. “I mean, Vegas was good too, but this…Ali, you are amazing.” And a damn quick learner, Ashlyn added to herself. Whereas Ali had been nervous and unsure of herself in Vegas, exploring uncharted territory with trepidation, startled by every reaction, she had attacked Ashlyn with newfound confidence and, as if that wasn’t sexy enough, the way she touched Ashlyn made keeping quiet a challenge.

“You better not have been practicing on some German milkmaid,” Ashlyn warned with mock concern.

Ali picked herself up on one elbow so that she could look at Ashlyn who was still lazing back on the pillows. “Truthfully,” Ali started, her cheeks going pink. Ashlyn’s heart stopped. And then Ali mumbled something so softly Ashlyn could only pick out a couple words. From what she heard, though, she was filled with relief, and then amusement.

“What?” she said, moving closer to hear her. A silly grin pulled at her lips. Ali ducked her head sheepishly.

“I googled how to do a couple things…So that I would know better,” Ali admitted, loud enough this time that Ashlyn could hear everything. She couldn’t help herself. Ashlyn cupped a hand over her mouth to hide her laughter but it bubbled up anyway, especially seeing Ali’s deepening blush. She slapped Ashlyn’s arm and spun away, laying with her back facing her.

“Aw, Alex, I’m sorry I laughed,” Ashlyn cooed. She wrapped herself around Ali’s back, resting her chin on her shoulder. “I’m sorry; I think it’s really cute, and obviously it worked pretty well.” She watched as a slow smirk grew on Ali’s face.

“Yeah, didn’t last very long there, did you?” she quipped in return.Truthfully, she had turned into a veritable puddle as soon as Ali touched her and that was that. Ashlyn set aside her wounded pride, resolving to get Ali back later. There was something else she had on her mind that was far more pressing.

“You know, if you’re so concerned with ‘doing it right’, we could practice more,” Ashlyn suggested, her voice low. Her hand slipped lower down Ali’s body. Ali let out a breathy gasp. “And I’m a much better teacher than Google, babe.”

There was always a meeting before the game where players were alerted as to what to expect in terms of starters and minutes. There were the usual suspects who got their start, the sometimes predictable candidates for the, “Be on standby; you’ll see a few minutes towards the end,” talk, and then the ones who were passed over. Out of the twenty-three called into camp, only twenty would dress for the game.

In the history of her call-ups, these meetings hadn’t been very nice to Ashlyn. She’d only just gotten to dress out for the Four Nations games in China but, especially with Hope back in camp, there was no such guarantee. Sitting next to Ali, she tried not to glance over at her biggest competition at that point — Alyssa. The first two goalkeeper spots secured tightly, she felt like she was constantly jockeying with the younger keeper for the last spot.

“Harris,” Pia said. Ashlyn looked up, waiting for those words she’d grown so familiar with: You’ve done well this camp, but we’ve decided not to use you for these games. “You’ll be dressing out for these games. Barnie will get the start, so don’t expect any playing time.” Ashlyn nodded in acknowledgement of this small honor. She’d at least get to wear the kit out, her name emblazoned on the back of her senior National Team jersey.

“Hope, you and Alyssa won’t be dressing for the game.” Pia then moved on to the other players. She hinted at Ali that she’d be playing the whole game, bar any injury, and told Alex Morgan to be ready to warm up and go towards the end of the game — she would be their fresh legs at the end, most likely pairing up with Abby.

They hit the training field for the last time before their first game for a night session. The air was cooler and the sun began to set as they started heading back in, packing up balls and cones in mesh bags and loading them in the team vans. Ashlyn had had a good practice and made lots of saves during their short scrimmage. Paul pulled her aside as she was helping Ali gather the abundance of water bottles scattered around the goal.

“Harris,” he said. Ashlyn stood up straight, hands filled with US Soccer water bottles. “You did well today. I’d like you to stay back a little and take a few penalties. Your instincts are getting better, and more practice with this will only help you figure out where players want to go, read their cues.”

“Alright,” Ashlyn said.

“Oh, I’ll take those,” Paul said. He plucked the bottles out of Ashlyn’s arms. “Krieger!” Ali was still gathering more. “Put those down, lace your boots back up, take a few shots at Harris, alright?”

“Okay,” Ali said. She glanced from Paul to Ashlyn and back again. As Paul left to continue packing things up, Ali pulled a couple balls out of the last bag left on the field and lined them up on the penalty spot as Ashlyn headed back to her line.

“So you think you can score on me tonight?” Ashlyn asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“Just for that, I’m sending this one at your face,” Ali quipped in return. Ashlyn exaggerated her offense at such a suggestion.

“You wouldn’t,” she said. “You like my face.” Ali raised an eyebrow at her.

“Who said that? Get ready, Harris. I’m really gonna go for it.” She picked up a ball and spun it in her hands before placing it down on the circle. Ashlyn clapped her gloved hands together and got into position on her line, watching Ali’s movements intently. Ali was keeping her head down, but she could still see how the defender was looking slightly to Ashlyn’s right. Ali stepped back, then started her run and let her shot loose, the same direction Ashlyn had guessed. She managed to get a fist to the ball and punched it out, flopping on the ground by the post.

“That’s going for it?” Ashlyn teased, picking herself up. Ali was scowling and Ashlyn knew she really was frustrated. After a few more shots — of which about half went in a middle trajectory that Ashlyn could get to easily — Ali really was fuming.

“Here,” Ashlyn said. She ran over to pick up a ball and joined Ali at the penalty spot. “I can see you’re trying to go for the upper corners, but your shots aren’t really getting there; it’s not consistent. What would really be difficult for me is if you just slotted it in the lower corner. It’s hard to dive so far so fast. As long as there’s enough power, you’ll get past me every time.”

“Okay,” Ali said. Ashlyn gave her a smile and clapped her on the shoulder before getting herself back to her line and back in the zone. She let out a breath as she got into position and watched Ali’s movements closely again. She could tell which side she was going to — her right, again — but as Ali let the shot loose, a streaker that flew straight to that lower ninety, Ashlyn could tell she wasn’t going to get there. She dove to her right and stretched an arm out and the ball went right past her, hitting the net hard.

Ali was over next to her in the next second, celebrating elaborately before helping Ashlyn to her feet.

“Alright, teach,” she said. “Let’s go again.”

Their first win came easy, then their second, then their third and they were heading straight for the finals. There was a longer break in between for proper recovery, some more training, and some much-needed time off and away from even thinking about the game. The area around the hotel they were staying in was beautiful, all beaches and rocky cliffs, and too-green hills. Most of the team took to running around, exploring to their hearts’ content. Others, traveled a little ways into the town and hit the shops instead.

In their off time between games, Ashlyn took Ali down into town where they happily cheated on their diets by grabbing an ice cream each and walked up and down the streets, looking at all the shops. Empty cups discarded and bellies happily filled with the deliciously indulgent desert, Ashlyn reached out to intertwine her fingers with Ali’s. It was one of the warmer days there in Portugal. The sun beat down on them and Ashlyn breathed out contentedly.

They turned back onto the main street, which had a great deal more foot traffic. Ashlyn could feel Ali’s fingers leave the back of her hand and then she broke away, seemingly drifting another step away from Ashlyn. She looked over at Ali, a question in her eyes, but Ali shook her head.

Around the next corner, they began to head back towards the hotel and the flow of pedestrian traffic lessened until there was only an odd person here and there and Ali’s hand found Ashlyn’s again. Ashlyn didn’t have to ask.

“I could feel their eyes,” Ali said quietly. Ashlyn wanted to kiss her temple there and tell her she was okay, but she realized that that would probably only make it worse. Sans liquid courage, Ali was still very reserved about showing anything. Ashlyn let her thumb caress the skin on Ali’s hand between her thumb and forefinger and smiled at her gently, hoping it was of some comfort.

“I want to hold your hand in public,” Ali admitted. They were sat together on a large, plush armchair that honestly was big enough for about three people. Situated behind roughly everyone else in the room who had carted pillows and blankets out of their rooms to create a cushy place to sit on the floor in front of the TV. It was movie night and, in the darkened room, most everyone’s attention was fully focused on the television, which cast steely blue light over those laying closest to it, and Iron Man 2. So there they were, having a conversation in whispers they probably should’ve had anywhere more private.

“I do too,” Ashlyn replied. She kept her eyes focused on the screen, but she’d seen the movie before and wasn’t much interested in it.

“I just want to be able to be with you without people worrying about it so much.”

“No one’s said anything, Al. We’re fine.”

“They would…” Ali played with the zipper at the bottom of her sweatshirt. “I’m not talking about the team or even my family, but just…people.”

“Can I hold your hand here?” Ashlyn asked. Ali rolled her eyes at her.

“I suppose,” she teased, reaching out to grab for Ashlyn’s hand. The way they were curled up on the chair, legs bent and crossed over one another’s, each leaning on the opposite arm rest, their entwined fingers were hidden from view. Ashlyn looked into Ali’s eyes, watching how the blue light on her face cast shadows across her features.

“I think I’m going to tell Kyle,” Ali stated. Ashlyn smiled a little at that, remembering his knowing looks.

“He knows already, hun,” Ashlyn laughed quietly. Sobering, she said seriously, “But I think that’s a good step and I think he would really appreciate it.”

The last game was an easy win as well, and after ninety minutes, the US celebrated their win. Ashlyn joined in the revelry happily but, in the back of her mind, a little voice nagged at her. How much did she really deserve this when she didn’t step foot on the field?

“We are the champions baby!” Pinoe yelled, ripping off her shirt as they all got back in the locker room. A couple lockers down, Carli shook her head.

“This isn’t the World Cup,” she said.

“It isn’t,” Pinoe agreed, “But this will show the world…Watch out! We’re coming for them with guns blazing. The whole of Germany isn’t prepared for all this, right Kriegs?”

“You’ll take Frankfurt by storm,” Ali agreed, rolling her eyes slightly. “Actually, I can’t wait to show everyone around…I mean, if I get on the roster.”

“Shut up,” Mittsy said. “We all know you’ve locked down that starting spot. Pia was loving you out there.” Ali blushed, heading towards her locker.

The way it was set up — one dozen of the teammates in a row to the left, the second on the other side of a middle bench and wide walkway, Ashlyn wasn’t placed very far away from Ali at all. She changed out of her pristine kit quickly, pulling on a button-down and chinos, and watched Ali out of the corner of her eye. Their gazes met as Ali, clad only in a sports bra and shorts, grabbed her things and began to head towards the showers.

“You did good, babe,” Ashlyn mouthed at her. Ali smiled in return, tucking a strand of sweaty hair behind her ear. Watching as she left, Ashlyn wondered if that was always how it would be. Watching Ali succeed made her amazingly happy — she loved cheering her on as she went up for the hard tackles and made those great, dynamic runs up the right flank that she was known for. But she did wonder if one day Ali would be a star, and she would be left behind.