The Aftermath
When Alex arrived home later on in the evening, she found Tobin in their backyard juggling her soccer ball, she looked to be in intense focus.
“Don’t look at it too hard, or you’ll scare it.” Alex joked as she took a seat on their patio which gave her a clear view of Tobin. Tobin smiled lightly before dropping her ball and joining Alex on the patio.
“Don’t come too close, you’re sweaty.” Alex said scrunching her face in mock disgust.
They sat in silence after that, opting to watch the sun descend below the horizon instead.
“It’s so beautiful.” Alex mused, commenting on the combination of pink and orange hues that painted the sky.
“Yeah, it is.” Tobin said turning to Alex, “I’ve always loved watching the sunset.”
“So, how did it go?” Alex asked, addressing the elephant in the room.
“Honestly, I don’t know. She told me why she left, and she apologized. But that’s about it. She also asked me to come to lunch with her” Tobin admitted, slightly confused and frustrated about her whole situation. She was ready, so ready to move forward from her past, however, there was something holding her back. Tobin wasn’t quite sure what it was, perhaps it was the fact that she felt as if the chapter in her life which involved Christen wasn’t finished, maybe there were more words to write, maybe, Christen was the one who she would finish her book of life with. Or, maybe Tobin’s reluctance could be attributed to her simple fear of rejection, fear of going through what Christen put her through again. It was far easier to crawl back into the arms of her familiar lover who would accept her with open arms than to enter the foreign arms of another.
“How did that make you feel?” Alex pries, blue eyes seemingly piercing into Tobin’s soul.
“Confused, I can feel myself already subconsciously forgiving her for all the crap she put me through.”
Alex let out a long sigh, she was partially disappointed in Tobin. Living with Tobin for all these weeks though, she picked up a lot on her personality, she was caring, thoughtful and forgiving. Alex experienced this first hand; thinking back to the time before she and Tobin became friends, she absolutely hated Tobin, and she wasn’t afraid to let Tobin know either. Yet still, when Kelley proposed her crazy living together scheme, Tobin welcomed her with open loving arms.
“You’re a forgiving person Tobs.” Alex said, reaching her hand across the table to place it comfortingly on Tobin’s.
Tobin looked wearily at the hand that rested on hers. She had grown so fond of Alex these past few weeks, she was everything Tobin wasn’t and that excited her to no ends. They had both a physical and mental connection – a characteristic Tobin thought every relationship should possess.
Tobin enjoyed her and Alex’s growing relationship, although she could not fully commit, at least not now anyways.
Tobin was happy to enjoy the small moments in their relationship before things eventually turned serious. In which case Tobin wasn’t quite sure what she would do. Perhaps if she got the closure her soul so desperately craved she could maybe turn friendship into something more. Or maybe she was permanently broken as and was destined to live out the rest of her days alone. In any event though, Alex was a great friend and person, whose presence made Tobin happy, which is what lead her to asking Alex on a second date anyway.
“Enough about such confusing matters though.” Tobin started, grabbing Alex’s hand that rested atop of hers, tangling their fingers together.
“Here’s something I’m 100% sure of, I want to take you on a second date.” Tobin said confidently.
Alex’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, before she caught herself, “Yeah, sure. Under one condition though.”
“And what is that?”
“You have to go to the open tryouts the Thorns are having next month.”
Tobin’s heart leapt a few feet of her chest it seemed, as she clutched it in effort to slow its sudden erratic thump. She wasn’t scared or anything, at least she didn’t think so, she remembered the feeling though, it was like excitement, with a sprinkle of underlying anxiety. It had been so long since she had played the sport competitively, hell, she had only began playing recreationally like a few hours ago it seemed. But the thought of playing again was definitely thrilling. Sometimes she event dreamt of a world where, she was a soccer star, and had thousands of adoring fans cheering her name as she gracefully moved about the pitch.
“One month isn’t a lot of time.” Tobin said thoughtfully, she had maintained her fitness sure, but technically speaking, Tobin wasn’t sure she could get up to par with others in such a short span of time.
“Well, you better get practicing huh?” Alex smiled, and Tobin, who appeared to be weighing out her options for a brief moment smiled back. The worst thing that could happen to her was that she didn’t make the team, and that wasn’t so bad.
**
The night progressed rather smoothly after Tobin and Alex’s talk on the patio. Both women were uncharacteristically quiet after said talk, but with good reason. They both had a lot on their minds. On Tobin’s end was the woman who had drastically affected her life these past few weeks in addition to the woman who had severely impacted the past few years of hers. It was a bit of a complicated predicament to be in. On one hand, she could feel herself garnering a collection of unique feelings towards Alex. But her ex, even after all she had done, had a great effect on Tobin that she couldn’t ignore.
Alex on the other hand, was floored at how in the small space of a month and days, she could fall for the one person who she had so strongly despised. ‘Fall’ per say was a strong word, considering the time frame, although they spent most of their time together. In a simpler context, she would be upset if Tobin decided to pursue anyone else and she was certain Tobin would be too if it were the other way around.
That being said, after such an information filled day it certainly didn’t hurt to ask.
“Hey Tobs” Alex had whispered as she stared at the ceiling of their shared bedroom. Never quite understanding why Tobin had never bought the mattress to her guest bedroom like she said she was going to. Not that Alex was complaining now, the company at night was nice.
“Yeah.” She breathed back, not being able to fall victim to the comfort of the mattress and pitch darkness of the room.
“Would it bother you if I like, pursue other people?” Alex asked bravely before she could stop herself.
Tobin marinated on the question for a moment, of course it would bother her, but she didn’t want Alex to think that she was obliged to only pursue Tobin and Tobin alone beca-
“Because it would bother me if you did.” Alex sheepishly added, and Tobin was stumped. Of course she knew that there was something brewing between the two, but she hadn’t really known to what extent.
“You know what? You don’t have to ans-“
“Yeah, it would.” Tobin mirrored Alex’s whisper from before.
“Just don’t feel like you owe me anything alright?” Tobin outlined, “If there’s someone you like, you go after them, don’t let me hold you back.”
“There isn’t anyone.” Alex admitted, catching the underlying meaning of Tobin’s words. “Only you.”
Tobin’s heart warmed at Alex’s declaration; If smiles gave off warmth, Alex would surely not need the duvet her and Tobin were sharing.
“Good.” Replied the selfish part of Tobin’s mind, the part that dealt with logic would certainly conclude that that was a bad idea though.
“Good?” Alex asked, and Tobin could hear the smile in Alex’s voice.
“Mhm.” Tobin mumbled, closing her eyes lightly, letting the sudden feeling of contentedness wash over her.
“Does that mean that we can cuddle now? I’ve been tempted to ask you for a while, you know? For the health benefits, I hear it helps reduce stress and lowers blood pressure.”
“Sure.” Tobin mumbled again, on the cusp of falling asleep.
“I get to be the big spoon.” Alex said, knowing Tobin was too tired to put up a fight.
She didn’t mind though, because that night, Tobin was lulled to sleep by Alex’s light breathing against her neck and her warm hands securely around her body.