Natalie’s mind was still trying to process what had happened. She killed Ben; it was to put him out of his suffering, but it still felt so wrong, and now everyone hated her for it. She felt extremely guilty. They even made Shauna the leader because they didn’t want Natalie to be the leader anymore, and Shauna made her butcher Ben. But she wasn’t being mean about it; she even gave Natalie tips on how to make it less... traumatizing. Travis saw Natalie when she went outside at night to kill Ben, and he warned her, saying the others would never forgive her, but she just didn't want to listen.
Natalie and Misty were just starting to become friends (could you even call it becoming friends?), and now Misty probably hated her. She even called Natalie a murderer. Natalie thought that Misty, of all people, would understand why she did it. She wasn’t even sure if she could actually consider them friends; they just talked a few times while looking for Mari when she was missing for a few days, and after the trial, she comforted Misty a bit.
She was pretty much just lost in her thoughts; she couldn't get Ben's last words out of her head: “Thank you.” He was thanking her for killing him, and here she was, feeling extremely guilty about it. Of course, she believed that what she did was the right thing to do, but she still felt really bad about it. What made her feel even worse was the fact that the others all thought she was doing the wrong thing. Maybe she was really doing the wrong thing. What pulled her out of her thoughts was someone sitting down next to her — it was Mari.
She was silent, just sitting next to Natalie. Mari seemed a bit nervous for some reason, which was very unusual for someone like Mari because, most of the time, she was just a bitch, and she and Natalie never really had a good relationship.
"What you did for Ben — to Ben — it was, like, really, really..." Mari spoke, sounding understanding even though she cut herself off without actually finishing the sentence, hoping that Natalie would know what she meant.
Natalie nodded, her eyes on the ground for a second before she looked at Mari. “I know,” she answered, sounding upset. Mari felt bad for Natalie; she really did. She just wasn't very good at expressing how she felt about things, and she was also a bit scared one of the other girls would overhear what she was saying and get mad at her.
Mari went silent again, just nodding a little and looking around; maybe it was to make sure no one would overhear what she was saying to Natalie. “And you shouldn’t have done it,” she added, even though she clearly wasn’t actually mad at Natalie.
Natalie didn’t respond; she just looked at Mari for a moment, unable to stop the smile from appearing on her face. She didn’t really expect Mari to understand, but she was glad she did. Mari looked away again, feeling herself get a bit nervous for some reason. She honestly had no idea why she often felt like this around Natalie.
Nat was honestly really, really surprised that Mari was being so nice to her all of a sudden. She and Mari never talked much, and when they did, they were usually arguing. Natalie knew Mari was just mean to pretty much everyone, so that only caused her to be even more surprised.
Mari probably wouldn’t ever admit this to anyone; she probably wouldn’t even fully admit it to herself. But the actual reason she kept messing with Shauna a while ago was because she wanted Natalie to notice her, and she knew that if she got into trouble, Natalie would have no choice but to step in. She was actually a bit upset when Lottie suddenly decided to make Shauna lead them. Mari thought Natalie was a much better leader; she totally wasn't thinking this because she believed Natalie was really pretty.