Chapter 8
Green eyes looked at Clarke, taking in the way that the blonde held herself. Her shoulders were slouched and she leaned against the desk. Her eyes were looking anywhere but at Lexa, and the brunette knew that it was because she had yet to say anything in regards to what Clarke had told her. She stepped towards a wall, looking up at dusty pictures and posters that lined the wall. One stood out to her- it looked to be a team photo of kids. Lexa reached up and carefully brushed away the dust on the glass, revealing the picture. Arkadia Community Little League Soccer, 2005.” Looking at all the faces she recognized a few; the younger images of Bellamy and Raven (who was sporting very thick framed glasses- Lexa almost didn’t realize it was her) smiling up at her with missing teeth. Her eyes scanned the old image until she found the coach, a tall and handsome man who seemed to be in his early thirties. He had a light in his eyes and she could see the smile lines already starting to form around his eyes and his cheeks. He looked to happy- and so did the young blonde who stood in front of him with his hand on her shoulder. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail with a black headband to push back strays, and while her top right tooth in the front was missing, that didn’t stop her from smiling brightly. Lexa smiled at the picture, then turned around to see the same blonde, yet older, watching her.
“This was your father’s car shop.” Lexa confirmed, not needing Clarke to do it for her. She walked up to where Clarke was sitting; her sneakers making soft thuds in the old car shop.
“Yeah.. When he..” Clarke sighed and ran a hand through her hair, shaking her head. “My mom never sold it, but people stopped coming around because nobody was working. To this day she still pays the bills on it even though it’s not taken care of.”
“Why?”
Clarke smiled sadly at her. “Like I said, it’s my safe haven.” The blonde slid off the desk and walked around it, looking up at the rooms of what Lexa assumed was her father’s office. “My mom doesn’t like to say it but I know she comes around here, too. We don’t have a lot left; this building is someplace where we can go to relive memories, to remember him.”
“So he died.”
Clarke nodded sadly, then looked to the floor.
Lexa was silent. She walked over to Clarke and placed a hand on her shoulder, hoping to meet blue eyes. It seemed like they stood there forever, basking in the silence that surrounded them. It was quiet enough to hear the wind blowing outside and the crickets chirping, but not quite quiet to where Lexa had a ringing in her ears. It felt like that the world was calm outside them- almost like they were entirely alone in the town if even for a small amount of time. She traced her bottom lip with her tongue as she slowly slid onto the wooden desk next to Clarke, letting her free hand fall to the polished surface. Her fingertips came up slightly dusty, showing that Clarke probably hadn’t been there in a while. She could hear the small inhales and exhales that came from the body sitting next to her, drawing her eyes towards the blonde when she felt her shoulders shake a little bit.
“I’ve lost someone, too.” Lexa admitted quietly, watching as Clarke’s head turned towards her- a look of curiosity showing through the sadness that had been upon her face moments prior.
“You think about them every day, wondering how they would of reacted towards you now. Wonder if they would be proud of you, if they would love you the same, if they wished they could have done something differently..” Lexa continued, her hand trailing down from Clarke’s shoulder to her hand where she took it gently in her own. “You spend your time trying to make them proud, wherever they are. It gets easier, even if seeing their picture makes you sad sometimes. You learn to smile, because they would want you to be happy.”
Clarke looked down at their hands as she listened to Lexa. The way the brunette was talking it seemed like she had lost someone she was close to, and it piqued her curiosity even more. Who did Lexa lose? Was it family? Or a friend?
“Lexa.. Who did you lose?”
She could see that Lexa was about to speak when her phone went off with a text message. She pulled it from the pocket of her sweatpants. As she opened her phone her eyes widened slightly- they had been gone for far longer than Clarke had thought. 2:56 am. Knowing they’d have to head back home soon she opened her messaging app, seeing a text from Monty.
Monty; 2:55 AM: Will u come open ur door pls
Clarke’s brow furrowed but she slid off the desk with a sigh and dusted off the back of her sweatpants.
“Everything okay?”
“Apparently Monty is outside my house right now.” Clarke stated, starting to head around the room and blow out the candles. She didn’t want to leave, not yet at least, but if they didn’t leave soon Monty would probably knock and knock until he woke up her mother and then she’d be in trouble for sneaking out so late at night. That was the last thing she wanted.
Lexa was confused as to why Monty would be outside Clarke’s home at almost 3 in the morning, but she didn’t question it. She knew a lot of things happened when people were drunk, and from what she remembered Monty had been drinking quite a lot of alcohol at the party. She wondered why he didn’t stay at Murphy’s, like almost everyone else they knew, but once again she didn’t question it. Instead she went to help Clarke with her candles around the room. There were many of various scents and sizes, ranging from Christmas Limited Editions to small Yankee Candle samples. Lexa was impressed by the sheer amount of time it would of taken for Clarke to have to bring all of those candles down here- especially if she only came at night and every now and then.
“You have quite a lot of candles, Clarke.”
“A lot of them were my dads, or gifts.. He always kept one or two lit in his office when he was doing paperwork because the smell of the candles reminded him of home and masked the smell of oil and gas. Kinda weird, because it’s a car shop, but he’d say that his office is supposed to be his home away from home.” Clarke explained, finishing with the candles and waving her hand around so the smoke would clear up.
“It’s your way of feeling his presence, even when he’s not around.” Lexa confirmed, earning a nod from Clarke.
“Yeah, kind of.”
The blonde led them back out of the shop and onto the gravel road that didn’t seem to change from when they were last on it an hour or so earlier. The rocks seemed to crunch under Lexa’s shoes, some flying in various directions due to her tired legs slugging along. It didn’t hit her how tired she really was until the cool breeze blew by them, causing the brunette to yawn as she accidentally bumped shoulders with Clarke.
“Keep walking Sleeping Beauty, we’ll be to my house soon.” Clarke stated with a smirk, glancing over at Lexa to make sure that the girl wasn’t about to fall over. It had been quite a long day, that was for sure, so she didn’t blame Lexa for being so tired. As she watched the girl finish up her yawn she saw tinted pink cheeks in the moonlight matching tired eyes that still seemed to be so full of life- it was a sight that Clarke really didn’t want to forget.
“I didn’t feel tired in your father's shop.”
“When you’re intrigued by new things your mind forgets that your body needs rest. It happens a lot when I’m traveling for games.” Clarke explained, chewing on her lip as she diverted her eyes from Lexa to the ground below them. They fell into another comfortable silence after that, letting the sounds of the night guide them back to Clarke’s house in the suburbs. As they approached the house Clarke could clearly see Monty sitting on her steps with his head between his hands and his hair ruffled.
The blonde walked up to him and placed a hand on his shoulder gently to get his attention. He looked up and in the glow of the porch light Clarke saw that Monty’s eyes were puffy and red and his cheeks were moist. Clarke gave him a look of guilt that she hadn’t been there when he got there, but he shook his head and stood up as the blonde unlocked the door for the three of them.
“Gotta be quiet- mom’s asleep upstairs, alright?” Clarke whispered, earning a nod from Monty. She locked the door again behind them and helped Monty over to the couch before she walked upstairs with Lexa, letting the brunette pick which side of the bed she slept on as Clarke got a spare pillow and blanket from the hall closet.
“Don’t wait up for me- I’m gonna go see what’s up with Monty.” Clarke told her as Lexa slipped under the covers.
“You’re a great friend, Clarke. Don’t forget that.”
Clarke smiled at her and turned off the light to her bedroom before she walked back down the stairs, confused when she didn’t see Monty on the couch in the living room. She set down the sleeping materials on the couch and glanced around for any sight from her drunken friend. Seeing the light on in the kitchen she slowly made her way over to the threshold, leaning against it as she watched Monty fiddle with the stove. She heard him mumbling to himself as he fiddled with the knobs, furrowing her brow in confusion.
“One, two, three, four.. One, two, three, four..”
She stepped forward towards him, tapping her fingers against the counter to not startle him too much. “You know, if you wanted to make food we have stuff for sandwiches..”
He jumped nonetheless, his hands shooting back from the stove. He turned to Clarke in fear, his hands falling immediately to his sides. Clarke could tell that he was afraid, and upset, and she slowly reached out for his hand but he refused.
“Monty, what’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Monty. You were on my doorstep crying.” Clarke whispered softly, crossing her arms.
“I was supposed to stay with Jas tonight but he uh.. Maya took him upstairs at Murphy’s and they never came down..”
Clarke rose an eyebrow. “Why didn’t you just crash at Murphy’s? Not that I don’t want you here, but if you were supposed to be with Jas, why not stay with him?”
Monty waited a few moments before responding. His hands slipped into the pockets of his jeans and as Clarke glanced down for the movement, Lexa saw how his shirt seemed to be wet.
“I tried. I tried sleeping on the couch, finding an extra room, even tried sleeping outside in the grass- that’s why my shirt’s wet- but every time.. Every time I tried I just..” He took a deep breath. “All I could see when I closed my eyes was him, upstairs with her, forgetting all about me once again. Does.. Does that make me selfish, Clarke? Wanting him to pay attention to me?”
Clarke shook her head and gave him a look of remorse. She reached out to place a hand on his shoulder, but he stepped back. She didn’t think too far into it. “That doesn’t make you selfish, Monty. I’ve noticed that he’s been focusing a lot more on Maya, too. C’mon, I got some pillows and stuff for you to sleep down here.. I’d offer up our spare bedroom but Lincoln’s up there passed out.”
Monty nodded sadly and followed Clarke out of the kitchen to the living room. She got him set up in the living room and once she was sure that he was going to be able to sleep, she headed back upstairs to her own room. She carefully opened her bedroom door and walked inside, seeing her friend seemingly asleep in her blankets on her bed. She smiled to herself and climbed into bed on the other side, letting out a soft, relaxed sigh. Her pillow felt amazing under her head but her eyes didn’t close, instead looking at the back of Lexa’s head. The brunette had obviously taken her hair down before she fell asleep and now her hair fell in small curls against Clarke’s pillow. Lexa lay on her side and Clarke watched as her body moved ever so slightly with every breath the girl unconsciously took. The blonde smiled to herself, moving a little closer to Lexa. She hesitantly pushed Lexa’s hair out of the way and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the brunette’s cheek. Her tongue ran across her bottom lip as she moved her hand slowly under the covers to place her hand on Lexa’s side, wanting nothing more than to hold the girl in her arms. Then she got to thinking about how Lexa might react in the morning if she didn’t want that and so Clarke sighed, gave one last look to the back of the girl’s head, then turned over to her other side.
If only she had known that Lexa was awake the whole time.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Clarke woke up the next morning to the feeling that something was definitely different. She blinked her eyes open slowly and furrowed her brow- she was definitely in her room. Everything was in place, so why did she feel like something was different? She went to turn over to stretch, but then she felt what was different. Her eyes widened slightly as she leaned back again, feeling the body pressed against her tightly again. Making sure that she was fully clothed she realized that she was just being held by the body behind her.
The body that belonged to Lexa.
Clarke squeezed her eyes shut, thinking that maybe it was a dream, but when she opened her eyes again she realized that it wasn’t. She looked over her shoulder and saw Lexa sleeping softly, and Clarke sighed. Lexa had to of done this in her sleep. The blonde shook her head and slowly removed herself out of Lexa’s arms, no matter how much she really wanted to remain there, and made her way out of her room and down the stairs. Her mother was making breakfast with a smile on her face, and out of the corner of her eye she could see both Monty and Lincoln on the couch with the tv on very quietly, the both of them having water bottles in their hands. She chuckled and leaned against the counter, watching as her mom worked.
“You know, I remember you asking about your friend and her brother, but I don’t remember you asking about Monty.” Abby stated with a small smirk- Clarke was just glad that her mother wasn’t upset.
“He showed up on our doorstep last night.. I couldn’t just say no to him.” Clarke began, glancing over at the threshold to the living room. “He’s been going through a lot and I know that his mom would really get on his case if he showed up drunk.. Jasper abandoned him last night.”
She watched as Abby nodded, fully believing the story. “Why did Jasper abandon him?”
“He got a new girlfriend.. You know how Jas gets when he’s dating someone. His world begins to revolve around them and he loses interest in his friends. Monty was on the blunt end of that.. Jasper has barely made any time of him.”
“Sounds like Jasper has to get his head out of his girlfriend’s ass.”
“Mom!”
“What? Monty’s a good kid- he deserves a friend that won’t push him aside like that.” Abby explained, pouring the pancake batter onto the skillet. “I’m glad that you didn’t push him away, Clarke. I’ll let it slide just this once.. But next time, at least send me a text, okay?”
Clarke nodded and left the kitchen. She contemplated going upstairs and seeing if Lexa had moved, or was at least awake, but she didn’t want to jinx it. She didn’t want what she remembered that morning and last night to fade away. Lexa probably only did it in her sleep- maybe she was dreaming of someone she liked or something and did it upon instinct or something. Clarke didn’t know.
She walked into the living room and fell into her dad’s chair, feeling the worn-down leather against her arms and smiling internally. Her dad’s chair always gave her a sense of comfort and serenity. “So how’s your guys’ mornings been?” She asked, a little louder than necessary.
“Must you yell so loud?” Lincoln groaned, squinting his eyes as he looked over at Clarke. The blonde chuckled and shook her head.
“How’s your hand?” Clarke asked him, her voice a little quieter.
“Hurts quite a lot.. I’m pretty sure Murphy’s head is just a giant brick.”
Clarke got up from her spot and walked over to him, taking his hand in hers. His knuckles had already swelled up and she sighed, chewing her lip.
“Hey mom, we still have some bandage wrap, right?”
“In the bathroom closet, Clarke. Why?” Abby called from the kitchen.
Clarke set Lincoln’s hand down and stepped into the threshold. “Lincoln, my friend who stayed in the guest room, got into a fight last night defending his sister and I guess the guy he hit has a pretty hard face..”
“Say no more. Put some cream on it then wrap it up, then give him an ice pack from the freezer while I finish this up. I’ll check it in an hour or so.” Abby stated and Clarke nodded, heading to the bathroom to get what she needed. By the time she had tended to his hand and they had watched half an episode of Criminal Minds on Netflix, Lexa had come downstairs and Abby was saying that breakfast was finally all ready.
They all went into the kitchen and Abby suggested to Lincoln that he unwrap his hand while he ate, seeing that it was his left hand that had gotten injured and he was left handed. He didn’t show any wincing in pain or anything and Lexa had stated that Lincoln always tried to show that he didn’t feel pain but he was really a big baby sometimes.
“I’m sorry- I don’t mean to be rude but Clarke didn’t give me the names of her friends last night. I only learned Lincoln’s this morning.” Abby asked.
“Oh, that’s quite alright. I’m Lexa. Lincoln’s my brother. Well, adoptive brother.” Lexa stated with a smile.
“Lexa as in Arkadia High’s Juliet Capulet?”
“Mom!”
Lexa chuckled. “Yes, actually. I take it Clarke told you about me?”
“Octavia, actually. She was quite impressed by your abilities.” Abby spilled, glancing over at Clarke who only shook her head and put a piece of fruit in her mouth.
“Don’t let O know you told Lexa that- she’ll regret telling you.” The blonde joked.
“If anything your mom shouldn’t of told Lex- Lord knows Heda needs her ego bigger.” Lincoln teased, smirking then going back to his food.
“Heda?” Monty asked from next to Lincoln. He looked quite small in comparison to their friend.
“Long story- shut up, Lincoln, or I’ll tell mom about your little incident tonight.” Lexa threatened, sending a glare his way. Clarke chuckled.
“I definitely want to hear this story someday.” The blonde commented.
“Maybe someday you will.” Lexa looked over at her and smiled.
The rest of the day was spent with most of them lounging around in the living room just watching movies or tv shows after Abby had gone to work. They wanted to make sure that Monty and Lincoln’s hangovers were gone before everyone went home as to not get anyone in trouble with family or anything. Clarke had texted Bellamy once she was sure he was awake to have him pick up Lincoln’s bike and he complied, setting it in her driveway when he got home with the help of Marcus, who didn’t question why he had to help unload a motorcycle.
A few hours later had Clarke removing the signs for the bathroom in the hallway as Lexa got her things ready to leave, with both Monty and Lincoln downstairs. They had agreed that Monty was going to stay a little longer with Clarke to make sure that his hangover was fully gone, and then she’d walk him home. Clarke walked back into her room and set the signs on her dresser, watching as Lexa set her bag on the bed. “Tell Lincoln that I just have to get dressed really quick and then we can go?”
As much as Clarke didn’t want to see Lexa leave, she shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. You can just give them to me on Monday during rehearsal or something.”
Lexa smiled at her and put her clothes from the night before in her bag. Clarke walked her downstairs and out to her driveway, where Monty was talking to Lincoln as the taller guy slipped onto his motorcycle. Lexa turned to Clarke on the porch with a smile on her face, and Clarke rose a brow.
“What is it?”
Lexa leaned in a little bit. “Thank you for letting us stay last night. And for the record, I’d much rather be the little spoon.” The brunette kissed her cheek then headed down the stairs to get on the back of Lincoln’s bike. Clarke stood there confused and shocked, but definitely glad that she had agreed to it.
Once the bike was out of sight, Monty turned to Clarke. “You’ve got it pretty bad, C.”
“Shut up, Monty.”