Waterloo

Six months later

“Dannie, should I leave this here for you or throw it in the trash on my way out?” Therese pointed at the small tin jar on the sink of the kitchenette. She was busy packing the last crates for her impending move. “Leave it, it might come handy… who knows where I’ll need to hide my stash when my sponsor comes for a surprise visit…” wiggling his eyebrows, Dannie flashed a wide smile. “Not funny!” Therese shouted throwing a tea towel at him. Ultimately she had to join in his laughter if not for any other reason than for her happiness at how his things seemed to be working out.

He’d been clean for five months now and even though it wasn’t a particularly long time yet, Dannie had a lot to look forward to – a place of his own, Therese’s old flat, and a part-time job with a full time potential.

Therese was indeed moving out. She had rented a cozy one bedroom apartment near the Royal Opera House in Covent Garden.  It wasn’t as close to Tate Modern as her old flat but the neighborhood was more to her liking. She loved the liveliness of the area, both the classic and the contemporary vibe of the district. She could also afford it now since Miss Gerhard had kept her promise of a raise topping it with a promotion. They worked side by side, she and “Abby” as she had asked Therese to call her now.

Her work at the Tate Modern had become significantly more rewarding. Therese rarely gave tours any more since she had her hands full with the upcoming exhibitions. Every once in a while she did peek into the Rothko Room and spend a leisurely moment drinking in the paintings. Carol stayed away, though, and it took something out of the experience. Therese had grown so used to seeing her there she had a hard time envisioning the room as the perfect whole it once was.

When the inevitable day came by, the day when the room was finally dismantled and the individual works placed elsewhere or loaned to other museums, Therese was sad but not as sad as she had thought she would be. Casting a final glance at the tantalizing reds, browns and blacks she was certainly sadder but also wiser. Or at least she hoped she was.

“How’s the presentation coming along?” Abby asked Therese one late Friday afternoon. “Getting there, don’t you worry!” she quipped amusedly. “Do you have time for a drink? It’s the London Cocktail Week after all and we’ve been working like dogs for two weeks already.” Therese liked the idea right away and not just because of the gist of it took place right next to where she lived. “Yes, of course.” 

The streets of Covent Garden were bustling with locals and tourists alike. Therese and Abby chuckled at the humorous sight of people going about with tiny cocktail cups in hand tasting different liquors with gusto only the beginning of the weekend could afford them. They joined in the inebriated fun clinking their plastic tumblers every chance they got.

“Why don’t we go to the London Cocktail Club and sit down for a change? This stand-up tippling isn’t really working for me anymore.” Abby grinned adorably at Therese who couldn’t agree more. “Sit-down boozing it is, then…” she snickered and started towards the Great Newport Street. They were both members of the self-proclaimed “Victorian speakeasy”.

“I’ll have the Brixton Riot!” Abby shouted to the bartender over the bar room noise. “How about you, Therese? An Oyster Bomb, perhaps?” Therese shook her head. “No more oysters for me, please…” she managed to blurt out. “A Rose Petal for my friend, then…” Abby decided. They got their cocktails and wiggled their way back to the corner table.

“About the presentation, are you really ready for it? It’s coming up in two weeks…” It was typical of Abby to fuss over things she knew were already taken care of. “Yes! I told you already. I have everything sorted out, I just need to polish it a bit before Giverny,” Therese assured her. “I have my tickets, the schedule, everything… quit being such a pain in the ass!”  Abby seemed contented enough.

“So how’s life treating you? Are you still single?” Abby started carelessly. The choice of her words sobered Therese up significantly. She had never told her anything about her love life. “How did you know I’m single?” she asked sharply. Abby looked as if she hadn’t heard the question. Therese repeated it.

“Well, you’ve never mentioned anything about a boyfriend or a girlfriend for that matter…” Abby tried failing miserably. “Abby. What is this?” Therese wasn’t going to let her off the hook. “Okay, okay, it’s not like I’m hitting on you, if that’s what you’re afraid. A friend of mine happened to mention it some time ago.” Therese drew a quick breath.

“What friend?” She knew the answer but wanted to hear it anyway. “My friend – Carol. I mean Mrs. Aird.” Abby smiled at her apologetically. “She was curious about it. That’s all.” Finally she caved in under Therese’s relentless scrutiny. “What the hell happened in Paris?” Abby pried suddenly. She sounded guileless in her direct inquiry. “Nothing,” Therese replied sullenly. “Nothing happened in Paris.”

The memory of the weekend dampened her spirits and Abby seemed to pick up on it. “Whatever it was, it probably doesn’t matter anymore. She genuinely likes you, you know? Always asks after you.” Abby patted her hand gently. “Why has she then kept away from the museum?” Therese found herself asking. “There’s the divorce for one thing. It was an ugly debacle for everyone concerned,” Abby shuddered thinking about it.

“The only good thing is it’s finally over. She didn’t actually come out of it unscathed. In the end she had to give up her half of their joint assets just to keep her daughter to herself.” The news of Carol’s divorce proceedings bothered Therese. She wanted to ask more but wasn’t sure how to approach the matter. “Go ahead, ask, I know you want to”, Abby urged her out of the blue. She’s quick, Therese thought an uneasy smile forming on her face.

“Uhm…. is she okay?” she managed to say. “As good as can be expected. She got Rindy and that’s all that really mattered so I suppose it’s safe to say yes.” Abby’s eyes searched her closely. “For the love of God, Therese, what the fuck happened in Paris? I know something did but neither of you will speak a word about it!” She sounded almost angry.

“Listen, I’ve known Carol my entire life and I’ve known you, like, five minutes but I can see what a wonderful person you are and if there’s anything I can do to sort this mess or misunderstanding out, I most certainly will.” Shaking her head, Therese smiled. “I appreciate the sentiment but it’s okay, so let’s just drop it.”

For a while it seemed as if Abby was going to keep pushing on but she didn’t. She did however return to her earlier question. “You still haven’t answered me…” Therese stared at her not giving away a thing. “If it’s for Carol you’re asking, why don’t you tell her to find it out for herself.”         

The movie was nearing its end. Therese and Dannie sat on the fifth row at the NFT1. It was the BFI Hitchcock season at the National Film Theatre and the entire audience seemed to be holding its breath at one of the pivotal moments of the quintessential tale of obsession, Vertigo. Kim Novak and James Stewart filled the screen with their mad passion and insistence.

 JUDY/MADELEINE

The trouble is, I’m gone now. For you. And I can’t do anything about it. I want you to love me. If I let you change me, will that do it? If I do what you tell me, will you love me?

SCOTTIE

 Yes.

 JUDY/MADELEINE

 All right. Then I’ll do it. Because I don’t care about me anymore. I just want you to love me.

Bernard Herrmann’s haunting score lingered on when the credits started rolling. The lights were turned on gradually, and Therese felt as if she was waking up from a strange and sad dream all too weird to be anything else except terrifyingly lifelike.

“Have time for a quick pint?” Dannie asked her once they got out of the cinema. “Sure, let’s have it in the bar”, she replied happily. Therese had seen Vertigo several times and each one had left her seriously out of breath. This was no exception and she was happy to have company to hash it over once more.

“That’s one seriously fucked up piece of cinema”, Dannie chuckled, “in the best possible sense, of course!” he added. “I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it but every friggin’ viewing leaves me positively dumbfounded.” Therese couldn’t agree more. “I know. It’s a study of a purposefully constructed identity, and of how a falsified personality can sometimes be more tempting and seductive than a real one.” Dannie nodded eagerly. “Like Scottie, we all have these romantic dreams we are tempted to surrender to. The passion of Vertigo really stems from the obsessive need to repeat one’s past mistakes, right?” Like her friend, Therese was in awe of Hitchcock who never shied away from probing the darker sides of human nature.

“Scottie Ferguson is one sick puppy. I mean he never gets his shit together in the film. He starts out as a mess and ends up like one… phew! ” Dannie let out an admiring whistle. “I guess the most thrilling part of it is the fact the film never strays far away from authentic, recognizable feelings,” Therese mused wistfully. “It’s certainly melodramatic and the plot is over the top but it still reads like a tragedy of human existence, of our desperate need to idolize and merge with another person.” Dannie was quick to follow up. “And the real tragedy is the truth that it will never happen, that our encounters will be doomed from the very beginning if we have such an impossible and unhealthy idea of love.” He had a dreamy look in his eyes. “At best we can only hope for those rare epiphanies, the fleeting moments when we finally realize what we have right now could not be more right or more perfect.”

Suddenly curious, Therese smiled at Dannie. “Why, Mr. McElroy, whatever has happened to you? Could it be love I hear chiming in your sweet little voice?” To her great surprise Dannie blushed. “Well, yeah, kinda, I guess…” He looked like a little boy. “I met this guy a couple of weeks ago. He came to the office and we sort of started talking.” Therese was grinning ashamedly. “My, my… and it took this long to tell me?” she chided playfully. Dannie looked a bit guilty. “I guess I didn’t want to jinx it…”

It was still quite early when they said their goodbyes. Any other time they would have lingered by some bar till the early hours of the next day but tonight Dannie had someplace else to go. He was meeting Paul.

At Southbank, Therese walked along the Thames and watched the crowd gathering around street performers. She thought of what Dannie had said about the film paralleling protagonist’s impaired vision with the obsessive and possessive gaze of a lover. “What happened to that Hitchcock blonde of yours?” he had asked referring to Carol. “You never talk about her anymore.” My Hitchcock blonde, she chuckled while passing the ice cream stalls, I suppose Dannie’s onto something with his novel characterization.    

There were a lot people queuing up to the London Eye, and Therese did her best to avoid bumping into impatient tourists waiting their turn to be lifted across the night sky. “Therese…” Did someone just say my name? Slowing down, Therese looked around not recognizing anyone in her close proximity.

“Therese!” This time she was certain of it. Therese turned around and saw a very familiar blonde woman approaching her from behind the ticket stall of the city’s most popular ferris wheel. “I thought it was you but couldn’t be hundred percent certain until you turned your head…” Carol smiled at her warmly. Speak of the devil...

“How have you been?” she continued watching her very closely. “Oh, I’m fine,” Therese replied in a carefree manner, “and you?” Carol’s smile widened. “I’m doing great, thanks for asking.” She gestured towards the London Eye. “I’m here with my daughter Rindy – she and her school mates are next in line to the Eye…” Therese tried to catch a glimpse of the girl Carol had so dearly fought over.  “You’re not going up?” she asked her dimples making a sudden comeback. “Good God, no… I’m afraid of heights,” Carol laughed self-deprecatingly. Therese couldn’t help but grin for she was thinking of Vertigo and Carol’s vertigo all at once.

“Abby tells me you’re thriving at your new job,” Carol said suddenly. “Well, I do love it so I guess I’m just really motivated to do my best,” she explained conscious of Carol’s scrutinizing gaze. However she didn’t really mind it this time, it didn’t seem to rattle her quite as much as it had before. Therese met her eyes so openly Carol seemed startled for a second.

“I finally did what I had to do, and it has made my life so much better already,” the blonde woman continued. “I’m very happy for you,” Therese said meaning it. The group of girls was getting restless by the wheel entrance. “I’m sorry but I’m afraid I must go and see what on earth is happening over there…” Carol had a distressed look on her face. “Ther…” she started but Therese interrupted her right away. “Look, you’d better go and see to them… and I must be on my way anyway.” She wasn’t quite sure why she felt the need to do so.  

Already turning to leave, Therese hesitated one second but decided to face her once more. Carol hadn’t moved an inch yet. It was a bold, surprising move on Therese’s part. “Carol…” she started slowly, “the answer to your question is yes, yes I am.” She didn’t stick around to see what kind of an effect it had on her.