Waterloo

“Would you like to sample something quite out of the ordinary?” Carol’s question seemed to carry a whole set of meanings Therese hadn’t quite expected. “Sure. What have you got in your mind?” She tried to sound as light about it as possible. “Here. This could have been named after you”, Carol said putting a glass and a slotted spoon on the table next to Therese. “Really? What’s its name then?” she smiled curiously. “The Flaming Green Fairy,” Carol laughed, “because of your emerald green eyes…” she added winking at her.

Carol put the spoon over the glass containing a shot of absinthe and then placed a sugar cube on the spoon. “I have soaked the sugar in alcohol and now I’ll set it ablaze…” she explained slowly. Therese watched the flaming cube drop inside the glass. She was acutely aware of her own growing agitation as if she herself were clinging to the sides of the glass afraid to fall into its flaming abyss. “And now I’ll add some water to douse the flames…” Carol’s moves were calculated, exact. “There…” she offered the drink to Therese. “…a potion fit for a heroine.” Her eyes searched Therese keenly.

The strong drink burned Therese’s mouth magnificently. “You have now officially joined the ranks of such notables as Charles Baudelaire, Oscar Wilde, Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, Paul Verlaine and Arthur Rimbaud… not to mention our very own literary geniuses Ernest Hemingway and Edgar Allan Poe.” Carol raised her own glass in quiet salutation. “This is indeed a very stiff one”, Therese managed to say. Flustered, she felt the liquor make her tingle all over – if it was the liquor at all. “You don’t have to drink it all if you don’t like it. I wouldn’t want you to lose your faculties this early in the evening”, Carol smirked. “I just thought it would be interesting for you to get a taste of something completely different for a change.”

By the time they were ready to leave for the restaurant, Therese was certain she had had too much to drink already. “Finished your glass?” Carol asked kindly. “Good girl…” She placed her hand gently on Therese’s waist and ushered her out of the room. Her breath quickening, Therese focused on her feet trying to make them move forward but the floor beneath them appeared to wobble, to give away at each step.

--

“We’ll start with the foie gras, and then the steak tartare…” Carol informed the waiter. “And bring me a glass of champagne but just a carafe of water for her – une coupe de Champagne pour moi et une carafe d’eau pour elle, s’il vous plait.” She shot a quick glance at Therese. “I think you’ve had enough for now. I’ll let you have more when I think you can handle it again.” An inscrutable smile lingered on Carol’s face and it aggravated Therese. She thinks I’m a child, she thought angrily. The absinthe was playing tricks on her mind, but still she didn’t want Carol to decide for her.          

“Tell me more about your friend as you so poignantly put it at first,” Carol teased when their entrees had arrived. “Well, what can I say… we were together for five years, some of it good, some of it outright awful”, Therese explained not wanting to stress the better parts of their relationship. “Five years…” Carol mused, “...not a bad mileage for two very young people getting to know each other.” There it was again – young people. “Does it really matter how old a person is?” Therese asked unable to hide the apparent displeasure in her voice. “Not necessarily but you’ll have to admit you were terribly young – what, 22? – when you started your affair.” Carol’s tone was reconciliatory. “I think it’s only natural that relationships starting so early on won’t last forever…” she added, “…if they last at all, at any age, I mean.” The hint of cynicism didn’t go unnoticed. “You sound very disillusioned as far as relationships are concerned?” Therese asked in return. “I have every right to be”, Carol replied dryly. “It’s not like I’ve been having much success in any of mine.” She took a bite of her foie gras. “Delicious, isn’t it?”

Therese stumbled on words not knowing which ones to pick for her next question. She didn’t have to, though, for Carol was willing to continue. “What I gather from the little information you’re willing to part with is that you had a tempestuous time together, both in good and bad.” Therese waited for her to go on. “I’d take that in a heartbeat, anything but the never ending limbo of indifference between two ill-suited people.” Carol looked at her tenderly. “I’d take the fighting, the sheer hell of it, instead of the mere morose suffering, the feeling of not having any options open anymore.”

Distressed, Therese set her hand on Carol’s without really realizing it at first. Carol seemed to awaken from her sudden stupor. She looked surprised. “Surely there are always options?” Therese asked reluctantly pulling her hand away. “Of course but it’s always so much more difficult when there are children involved,” Carol specified. “But it is also a form of self-deceit to think a child could fix or even sooth things in one’s relationship.” Therese stared at Carol eager to have her finish her thought. “Children are conservative by nature, they want things to remain just as they are, and in some ways parents are always up to a surprise with their offspring.” Carol finished her plate.

“How do you mean?” Therese pried. “A child is not a tabula rasa by birth, don’t ever make that mistake. They are born with their own set of characteristics, personality traits which may or may not suit you.” Therese wondered if Carol was indeed talking about her own child and if so, was it about her displeasure of seeing what kind of person was emerging out of her? “I love my child more than anything in this world and I’d give my life for her if such a thing were required of me but sometimes…” Carol seemed to drift far away. “Sometimes what..?” Therese wanted to know. The waiter brought their main course – a plate full of raw meat with an equally raw egg yolk on top of it.

“Sometimes she reminds me of Harge so much it hurts.” She stuck her fork into the runny yolk. “Harge is your husband?” Therese asked discreetly. “Yes.” They ate in silence for a long time.

--

“Let me pour you some wine,” Carol offered smiling again. The high-end Rhône red complimented the steak’s lush and delicious taste perfectly. Therese wanted to continue their earlier conversation but she didn’t quite know how. Carol seemed to be in a better mood now and she worried her questions might tip the balance once more. “There are things I wish to ask you but I don’t know if you want me to”, she started hesitantly. Pursing her lips, Carol leaned towards her propping her chin on her knuckles. “Ask me things…” Her eyes flickered mischievously.

“Your divorce… you mentioned it earlier…” Therese feared her question was out of line. “What about it?” Carol retained her earlier posture. “How… how is it going?” Therese managed to say. Carol smiled self-deprecatingly. “We’re getting there, I suppose, slowly but eventually.” She seemed unfazed by the question. “But as I said, it’s not easy. It never is and with a daughter unwilling to come to terms with the idea it’s even more difficult.” Carol took out her cigarettes. “Sometimes I think she and Harge have ganged up on me to get me to give it up altogether.” She let out a sad laugh. “Well, that’s that. Let’s not dwell on it any longer.”

They walked leisurely back to the hotel. The air was crisp and the lights of the tourist boats on the Seine, The Vedettes du Pont Neuf,  cast their glimmer on the riverbanks. Carol amused Therese with stories of her previous trips to Paris, and every once in a while she felt her arm brush against hers quite accidentally as if the deepening dark had decided to nudge them closer each other. It was a perfect evening, Therese decided, something she would always remember.

They walked across the lobby of their hotel all the way to the elevator. Standing on opposite sides of the booth Therese was once again overwhelmed by Carol’s effortless charm, the way her hand combed back her fair hair, the curve of her waist accentuated by the perfectly tailored slacks. When Carol smiled at her she felt deliriously happy yet so unprepared for such loveliness she had to turn her gaze away for just a second to gather her wits.

Approaching their rooms, Therese could sense the air between them thicken, the walls of the narrow corridor closing in on her. The door of her room came first, just a few feet before Carol’s. Her key pressed in the palm of her hand she just remained standing there, watching Carol as she searched for the plastic card hidden in her handbag.

Carol turned around slowly conscious of her continuous stare. “Therese…” she started her voice unsteady, seemingly unsure what to say. Therese bowed her head not liking Carol’s tone at all. “It’s alright”, she muttered under her breath and fumbled the key card into the slot. The green light refused to go on no matter how stubbornly she pushed it in. Three quick steps and Carol was by her side holding her frustrated hand which couldn’t even open the damn room door.

She leaned in to help her and as she did, the languid, blonde tresses brushed lightly Therese’s right temple. The light went on. She expected Carol to retreat to her own door but instead their heads touched gently each other. Feeling her pulse quicken, Therese closed her eyes. Cool fingers caressed her cheek softly for a fleeting moment.

“Good night, Therese. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Three long days…”