The first time Carmilla did it, they were still trapped in the library.
Laura was still staring at the wall in silence, though she’d allowed Carmilla to gently help her into a clean change of clothes. The library had provided a bowl of warm water and a rag, and Carmilla was carefully cleaning the cut on her chest, and then her head, before dropping a tender kiss on the cut that marred Laura’s forehead.
She paused after she did it, seemingly taken aback by herself. She used to do that all the time. After a long day of fruitless research, when they were huddled up in a drafty cave in the Styrian mountains or curled up in their plush bed at the apartment, both panting and slick with sweat after finishing, or just as they were falling asleep, tangled together. She had surprised herself though because it had been such a mindless action, a reflex, something so normal to do, even though she hadn’t done it since...
Well.
Since before.
Carmilla’s eyes flicked down to Laura’s. If the little human had registered Carmilla doing it, she didn’t show it. Carmilla let out a sigh of relief. That was too complicated a road to contemplate at the moment.
-------
The second time it happened, they had escaped the library and were settling down in yet another abandoned apartment with LaF that they found, not too far from the caf.
Carmilla had found a hammer and was busy boarding up the windows while LaFontaine got the electricity up and running again. At least their luck in accommodations hadn’t changed too much. This apartment wasn’t as grandiose as the Dean’s but it promised hot running water and real beds and somewhere to cook, and they knew that they’d never be able to get anywhere if they continued to run on the discomfort of choppy sleep, cold showers, and a diet of pure sugar. Laura was in the living room, writing down what they knew, which, arguably, was not much, but they had to start somewhere, have some sort of basis for where to go next. They had to get Perry back, and JP. And they had to find Kirsch.
The banging of the hammer eventually ceased, and Carmilla sat quietly beside Laura at the coffee table, watching her as she furiously wrote everything down.
“Cupcake,” She said gently after a moment, resting a hand on Laura’s lower back. Laura didn’t answer, but continued to furiously write even as the pencil tip threatened to snap. “Laura, hey,” Carmilla tried again, laying a hand on Laura’s arm now, trying to get her to stop.
“I need to get everything down, Carm,” Laura said roughly. “we need to find out where to start fixing the absolute mess I made,”
“I know,” Carmilla said, moving her hand to Laura’s now, and gently wrapping her fingers around it. “but you need to rest first, you haven’t slept since yesterday. We all need to rest. We’ll start fresh in the morning, okay?”
Laura turned to Carmilla, determination and frustration and the ghost of anger in her eyes, but it receded once she saw Carmilla’s, her dark eyes soft and filled with concern that she really wasn’t trying to mask anymore. Not since the library. “Sorry,” She whispered, shaking her head a little, her eyes falling to her lap. “I didn’t mean to snap,”
Carmilla brushed a few strands of hair away from her face and tucked them behind her ear. “I know, it’s okay,” She said. She ran her thumb lightly over the cut on Laura’s forehead. It was healing nicely, and thankfully hadn’t gotten infected, all things considered. She’d checked the cut on Laura’s chest not long ago, and it too was healing nicely, which eased the tension in Carmilla’s chest. They really couldn’t afford for them to get infected without any kind of medical supplies, or Perry’s first aid expertise. And she couldn’t bear to watch Laura fall sick on top of everything else.
Again, without thinking, she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the cut on Laura’s forehead.
She drew back, biting her lip as she realized what she did, and hoped to god she hadn’t ruined what little progress they’d made.
Laura looked up at her, her eyes wide and maybe just a little hopeful. “I felt you do that in the library,” She said quietly, after a moment. “it,uh...it helped,”
Carmilla’s face softened, the worry receding from her dark eyes as she let out a breath. “I didn’t realize I was doing it,” She murmured, “but I’m glad it didn't upset you,”
A rueful smile flickered over Laura’s face. “How could it?” She asked, “It’s you.”
------
The third time it happened, Laura was scowling at herself in the bathroom mirror.
Camilla paused as she walked by the bathroom, catching Laura’s adorably bunched up face in the mirror. “What’s wrong, creampuff?”
Laura heaved a sigh and lifted her hand, running a finger along the slightly raised, pale line across her forehead. “It scarred,” She mumbled.
Carmilla stepped forward and leaned against the doorframe, crossing her arms as a small smile pulled at her lips. “I think it looks badass,” She shrugged. “battle scars,”
Laura rolled her eyes. “That’d be funnier if it wasn’t literal,”
Carmilla breathed out a chuckle and glanced down at her feet. “I suppose so.” She said. “We match now, though,” She looked pointedly at the scar on Laura’s chest that peeked out from the collar of her shirt, and tugged down the collar of her own to show the marred patch of flesh she still bore from the silver arrow. Turns out vampires did scar, under certain circumstances.
Laura glanced at Carmilla’s scar and winced, the image of Mattie supporting a half conscious and bleeding Carmilla still etched into her mind in excruciating detail.
(God, Mattie.)
Laura shook her head a little and looked back to herself in the mirror. “How am I ever going to explain this to my dad?” She asked, poking at it again. “There is no explanation on this earth that would make him not completely flip his lid,”
“We’ll think of something,” Carmilla said, watching her. “and hey, isn’t it on the same side as that boy wizard you love so much?”
Laura rolled her eyes at Carmilla’s remark and breathed out a laugh, but her eyes turned dark again after a moment. “I guess there’s always the possibility that I won’t make it home,” Laura said, leaning back from the mirror. “it’ll save me an awkward conversation, at least,”
Carmilla was behind her in a second, her hand gripping the hem of Laura’s shirt. “Don’t say that,” She breathed.
Laura turned to look at Carmilla, and her eyes softened when she saw the anguish in Carmilla’s. “I’m so--”
Carmilla shot he head, her eyebrows pulling together as she shushed her quietly. “Hey, no, don’t be sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She said. “It’s just...we’ll get out of this place, okay? You’ll see your dad again. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but we will,”
“We?” Laura asked, that hopeful look shining in her eyes again.
Carmilla smiled a little. “Yeah, we.” Her hand moved from the hem of Laura’s shirt to Laura’s hip, where it gently rested as Carmilla glanced up at Laura’s scar again. “And for the record, your dad will still think you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on, scar or not.” She leaned up and pressed a kiss to Laura’s forehead. “I know I do,”
-------
The fourth time it happened, Laura had fallen asleep among the piles of books that were spread out on the kitchen table.
If Laura’s work ethic was insane before, it’d only gotten more ridiculous. She had sat down at the table at six that morning, and had only gotten up to eat and use the bathroom. It was nearing three in the morning.
Carmilla walked into the dining room with a small glass of blood in hand (her and LaFontaine had raided what was left in the student health center) and sighed when she saw Laura sprawled out over the table. She wasn’t letting herself get enough sleep. Not that sleep was easy for any of them to attain these days.
She set her glass of blood down and gently picked Laura up, gripping her around her back and under her knees, and tucked her head under her chin as she carried her up the stairs to her room. They still weren’t sharing a room. With everything that was happening, taking the time to sit down and talk had fallen on the back burner, despite the fact that their discomfort at being near each other or touching rarely existed anymore. They both hesitated on the way to bed more often than not, not wanting to go to bed alone, but they knew it was for the best, for now. They had things they needed to work out.
Carmilla placed Laura on the bed and leaned down to take her shoes off before pulling the covers over her and tucking her in. She leaned over and kissed Laura’s forehead, just below her scar. “Goodnight, libeling,” She said softly.
Carmilla turned to leave the room and head back to her own, but paused when she felt a small hand wrap around her wrist. She turned to see Laura looking up at her, her bleary honey eyes open a crack.
“Can you stay?” Laura asked in a whisper, her thumb brushing back and forth a little on Carmilla’s knuckles.
“Yeah,” Carmilla nodded a moment later.
Laura scooted over as best she could while still half asleep, and Carmilla took her vest off and kicked off her boots before sliding in under the covers next to her. She kept a safe distance between them until Laura tugged her closer by her shirt, and then she couldn’t help it. Carmilla wrapped herself around Laura, and held her tight to her chest, wanting to keep her safe.
Maybe, she though, they should bump talking up on their list of things to do.
-------
The fifth time it happened, Laura had woke up screaming.
Carmilla had burst into the room, fangs bared and braced for a fight, but instead of her Mother’s goons, she saw Laura tangled in her blankets, shaking and crying.
“Laura, Laura, hey,” She said gently, hurrying over and laying a hand on her shoulder. “hey, you’re okay, you’re safe,”
Laura looked up at her through tear filled eyes, and griped onto her hand, pulling her closer once she realized who was leaning over her.
Carmilla followed wordlessly, crawling under the covers and pulling Laura close. “Shh, shh, you’re okay,” She whispered.
“I dreamt that you died,” Laura sobbed, “you all died, your Mother killed all of you and we never found JP or Kirsch or Perry and she made me watch and I couldn’t do anything,” She gripped Carmilla’s shirt, burrowing further against her chest. “she killed you last and I couldn’t do anything!!”
“It was just a dream,” Carmilla soothed, kissing Laura’s forehead. She didn’t pull her lips away this time, whispering the words against her skin. “it was just a dream, Laura, just a dream,”
Laura pulled away just enough to look at her, and studied her in the dark. Carmilla’s eyes were tired, and soft in the dim light, her brow creased in worry and her lips parted. Laura's eyes lingered on Carmilla’s lips the longest, missing the feel of them desperately. She’d treasured the times over the last month or so that Carmilla had kissed her forehead, tucking away those moments, those shreds of intimacy and holding onto them tight. Her heart wanted more, but after thinking that she’d never be this close to Carmilla again, she’d been content with those fleeting moments for a while.
But her heart was screaming again.
Laura snuggled closer, letting out a sigh as she wrapped her arms around Carmilla, tucking her head into the vampire’s neck. Carmilla did the same, resting her chin on top of Laura’s head and letting out a quiet sigh through her nose.
“I miss you,” Laura mumbled, her arms tightening ever so slightly around Carmilla.
“I miss you too,” Carmilla whispered back.
Laura leaned back again, and looked up at Carmilla, her brow creased, and her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. She leaned forward a little, slowly, and watched Carmilla for any sign that said she didn’t want this. Carmilla didn’t move, and just stared back at her, hope flickering in her dark brown eyes.
Laura let her eyes fall closed as she pressed her tear stained lips to Carmilla’s.
The kiss was slow despite their racing hearts and tasted of salt, fingers curling in hair and clothes, gripping onto each other tightly. Floating away felt all too real should their grip on each other loosen. Carmilla gently tugged on Laura’s lower lip and then let go, soothing the skin with her tongue as Laura’s hand curled in the hair at the nape of her neck, pulling Carmilla closer and crushing their lips together harder.
They had gotten to talk. Here and there, when they couldn’t look at another word on a page and needed to think about something else, in quiet moments at three am when Laura couldn’t sleep, or at seven in the morning when Carmilla couldn’t. They hadn’t worked everything out yet, not even close, but they understood each other better now. They understood why they’d fallen apart.
They pulled apart eventually, both panting, puffs of warm air ghosting over their still closed eyes. They didn’t move for a long time, not wanting to break the moment they seemed to be suspended in.
“Carm?” Laura whispered finally, opening her eyes.
“Hmm?” Carmilla hummed, her eyes still closed.
“I know we haven’t worked everything out, but...” Laura hesitated for a moment, swallowing hard. “do you think, maybe, we could figure the rest out together?” She traced the corner of Carmilla’s mouth with her thumb, her other hand still loosely curled into Carmilla’s hair.
Carmilla opened her eyes and looked into Laura’s, watching the tentative hope that was reflected in them. “I think so,” She whispered.