Chapter 12
As the sirens filled the silence, Ali slowly woke up.
“What happened?” She said softly.
Ashlyn was choking back tears as she attempted to get a few words out. She couldn’t believe that this happened again. She had been scared enough the first time without having any idea of what was going on, but now that she had the cancer, it made it ten times harder because she couldn’t help but think the worst.
“You, uh, you fainted again.” Ashlyn said, tears welling up in her eyes.
Ali’s eyes widened. “Really?” and all of her teammates nodded.
Ashlyn sat their motionless. She had so many emotions running through her that she was afraid she would break. Anger that Ali had lied to her, fear that Ali wasn’t going to be okay, sadness that this was happening all over again, guilt that she wasn’t there when it happened, guilt that she was angry at Ali in the first place. She gripped onto Ali’s hand making sure that she felt her presence.
The sirens around them grew louder until the paramedics were finally rushing to Ali’s side. They tried to push Ashlyn away, but she wouldn’t budge. She continued to hold her hand all the way to the hospital.
///
“Hey Ali.” Dr. Carter said as she walked in the door. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired and weak.”
“So, what happened?”
“I don’t really know. I just got lightheaded and I guess I fainted. I don’t remember it that well.”
Before Dr. Carter could speak, Ashlyn jumped in. “The people she was sitting next to said she just suddenly fainted. Nobody saw it happen besides the two people she was talking to. When she woke up she didn’t even know what had happened. I was the one who had to tell her.”
“Okay thank you Ashlyn. We have you hooked up on an IV right now because you could have just been dehydrated, but we want to run a few tests just to make sure. We’re going to have to take your blood and we will bring you up for an MRI after that. Ashlyn, you can just wait in here until she is done.”
“Yeah. I know the drill.”
It pained Ashlyn to think of the first time this had happened. The time this whole process started. She didn’t want this to become a routine thing. She didn’t know if she could handle it, let alone Ali.
As Ashlyn waited for her to come back, she ran all the ideas of what the issue could be through her head. The idea that kept coming back to her was that the cancer had grown back. Every time this idea came to her, a wave of hurt and sadness overcame her body. This was her worst fear because she knew that the cancer would be harder to treat now. She would not allow herself to give into the thought because she would not allow herself to think of Ali dying. Ali was strong, she was aa fighter, no matter what was thrown in her way, she could handle it.
///
“How’d it go?” Ashlyn asked as Ali was brought back into the room.
“Fine. It was almost kind of nice because I got to rest.”
“Are you feeling any better?”
“Still really tired, but I’m okay.”
“Well, I’ll let you sleep for now. It’s going to take them a little to get the results.” Ashlyn said as she helped Ali back into bed.
Ashlyn started to walk over to the chair in the corner of the room, but Ali grabbed onto her arm and stopped her in her path. She patted the spot next to her on the bed and scooted over making space for Ashlyn to get in next to her. Ashlyn was reluctant because she wanted to let her rest, but gave in and cuddled up next to her. Ali needed the feeling of Ashlyn’s warmth up next to her desperately. She felt horrible, but she wasn’t going to let Ashlyn know that. She already felt terrible about lying to her in the first place especially because she caused such of an issue at practice. Her feelings of guilt went with her as she drifted off to sleep.
///
Ali woke up later that day only slightly better than she had the night before. She looked over in the spot next to her only to find that Ashlyn had already left. She knew that she wasn’t going to be able to sleep any longer since she was too anxious for the doctor to tell her the results of the MRI. Instead, she decided it was time to talk to Kyle.
As the phone rang, she patiently waited for the one of the only people she really wanted to talk with to pick up. Suddenly, a voice was heard from the other line.
“Hey Alex! How are you?”
The tired brunette replied quietly, “I’m okay. How are you?”
“Alex, are you sure? You don’t sound very good.”
“Um… actually I’m uh… in the hospital –”
“Wait what? Alex, where are you? I’m coming right away! What happened? Oh my god! Alex, please talk to me!”
Tears started to stream down her face. She hated listening to Kyle. She hated that she had to put everyone through this. She hated all of this.
“Alex, come on. Please. I need something.”
“Sorry, um, I’m at Holy Cross Germantown Hospital,” she said with a sniffle, “I was at practice with Ashlyn after my treatment and I uh, I passed out.”
“Alex, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“I just hate all of this. I hate that Ashlyn has to take care of me at all times. I hate that I make everyone worry at all times. I hate that I’m getting in the way –”
“Alexandra Blaire Krieger. Stop right there. I want to care for you and I’m sure Ashlyn does to. You are not getting in the way of anything. I don’t care what you think. You can’t help any of this. We all love you and want to do anything to help you, not matter what it takes. Now stop beating yourself up about this and tell me what the doctor’s said.”
Ali laughed a little. “I got a few test done and had an MRI, but I haven’t gotten the results back. I should be getting them within a few minutes.”
“Well are you feeling better now?”
“Only a little. I took a nap and was able to rest during the MRI, but I still feel really off.”
“Oh honey, I wish I could switch places with you so badly.”
“Kyle. Stop. You know we don’t have that option.”
“I know, I know. Just call me back when you get the results. I will be there in about 4 or 5 hours. Love you Alex.”
“I love you too Kyle. See you soon.”
Ashlyn walked in the door with Dr. Carter following right behind her.
“I got you some tea. Thought it might relax you a little bit.”
“Thank you, Ash. So what’s the news Dr. Carter.”
“MRI showed no change from the last one. Just the small piece of the tumor that your surgeon was unable to take out. Blood is fine. Only thing we noticed was low sodium and potassium so your just dehydrated.”
A weight was quickly released off of Ali’s shoulders and she felt a quick wave of relief.
“Were just going to keep you overnight for observation to make sure everything is okay. We might hold off on tomorrow’s radiation treatment depending on how you feel in the morning, but if we could avoid that, it would be best. We will bring another IV in once this one finishes because we want to be giving you as much fluid as possible. Now you should get some rest.”
“Thank you so much Dr. Carter.” Ashlyn said quickly before Dr. Carter left the room.
Ashlyn let out a deep breath before a large rush of tears started to fall down her face. She had been so worried about Ali that she didn’t know how to react when she found out that she was okay. This had all just been too much of a reminder of the last time.
“Ashlyn, come here. Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“I, I’m just so relieved. I thought that the cancer was back and I don’t know what I would have done if that had been the case.” Ashlyn said through her tear stained face.
Ali didn’t speak. She was having the same feelings of guilt that she had just minutes before when she was talking to Kyle. She tried to hold the tears in, but her emotions overwhelmed her and she let them come once again. Ashlyn walked over to comfort her, sitting down in bed next to her. The two of them sat there together for a long time allowing themselves to calm down before they both drifted off to sleep.
///
“Hey Ash, have you heard anything from Kyle lately?”
“No. I haven’t talked to him in a few days. Why do you ask?”
“Well, you know Kyle being Kyle, as soon as I called to tell him that I was in the hospital, he immediately felt the need to rush over here. He said he was going to be here in about 5 hours when I called him which would have been late last night. I’m just worried that he isn’t here yet.”
“I’m sure he just went to a hotel for a night knowing that it was late and you wouldn’t be awake anyway. He’s probably needed some sleep after the long drive over here anyway.”
“Yeah, I guess. So are you going to hand me the coffee, or are those both for you?” Ali asked laughing.
“They’re both for me. Don’t you think I’m in desperate need of this much coffee compared to the girl who is sitting in the hospital bed.”
Ali just smiled as Ashlyn walked over handing her the cup of coffee and giving her a peck on the cheek.
“So, how are you feeling?”
“I’m better. Feeling at least a little rested. I would think 10 hours of sleep would do a little more, but at least it’s something.”
“Maybe some food will help. You haven’t eaten anything since noon yesterday. Do you want to go to the cafeteria?”
“Yes please! I am starving!”
///
Ali and Ashlyn sat a table in the lunch room laughing and talking for a really long time. They seemed to block out every sight and sound around them. That is what Ali truly needed. Every conversation with someone in the last few days had been about her and her sickness, even with Ashlyn. What she desperately wanted though, was to be treated like she wasn’t sick. Like she was just the Ali that everyone knew. The Ali that she used to be, and hoped that she still was.
The conversation abruptly came to an end when Ali’s phone started to buzz on the table in front of her. It was a call from her mom that she knew she needed to answer. Ashlyn got up from the table, taking their treys and allowing her to have her privacy.
“Hey sweetie. How are you?”
“I’m okay. Still worn out, but doing better after my night’s rest. Just wish I could get out of here.”
“That’s good honey, but I uh, I need to tell you something.”
“What is it?” Ali said quickly.
“There’s been an accident. Kyle was injured pretty badly.”
As soon as those words came out of her mother’s mouth, the whole world went blank. Ali couldn’t speak, she couldn’t think. The only thing she could do was cry. Ashlyn rushed to her side, taking the phone that Ali had nearly dropped, hugging her tightly.
Ali could only think of her guilt. What if I had told him not to come? What if I hadn’t gone to practice? What if I hadn’t moved to D.C.? What if I wasn’t sick? What if this was all my fault?