Chapter 5
“We have the surgery set up for September 5th at 9 am. So you’ve got two days to prepare yourself.”
Ashlyn gripped her girlfriend’s hand knowing how nervous Ali was even though she was so confident in her choice.
“Okay. Thank you Dr. Fletcher.” Ashlyn said as he walked out of the room.
The three girls in the room all looked at each other taking deep breaths. This was a big step and Ali knew how much her choice scared everyone including herself. To think of a surgeon poking and prodding at her brain and cutting a large mass of cells out of her brain that had been there for who knows how long scared the heck out of her, but thinking of the pain of going through chemo scared her even more.
“You are going to fighting this tumor. After all, you are the princess warrior.” Kelley said.
The three teammates started laughing together. Kelley had been by Ali’s side when she tore her ACL and Ali had been by Kelley’s side when she recovered from her ankle surgery, so it was no surprise that Kelley was at Ali’s side supporting her at this moment.
“Okay. Now that you’re here. We might want to call some of the other girls to let them know.”
“You haven’t told anyone else?” Kelley asked surprised.
Ali just smiled and laughed a little. “No… We’ve kind of put it off a little. We know how much they’ll freak out.”
“True. Well thanks for dragging me into telling them.” Kelley laughed as she and Ashlyn pulled up a chair. “So who’s first on the list?”
“Well, let’s just say Megan might be a little mad if I tell more people before her so I think it might be wise to start there. Even telling you over her first willing probably be bad in her eyes.”
Just as Ali had pulled up Pinoe’s number and was about to press the call button, a text from Kyle came in.
‘Hsy Alex how arw you doinh’
Ali put a confused look on her face, attempting to interpret what Kyle was asking. Kelley and Ash were quickly leaning down to the phone to see what was happening. Nobody seemed to have any idea what was happening, but Ali had something in mind that scared her even just the slightest bit more than her upcoming surgery. She attempted to play it off.
‘Good. Where are you?’
The three of them sat there patiently waiting for a response.
“Why don’t we just call Pinoe now and you can talk to Kyle in a little bit.” Kelley offered.
“No.” Ali said quickly. “I’m going to wait for him to reply.”
Ali’s attempt to play it off was not working very well. As Ashlyn and Kelley knew her so well, they could sense each and every emotion coming from Ali. This meant they could sense how scared she was. For what, they had no idea, but they could definitely tell something was on her mind.
“Alex, what’s wrong? He just asked you a question.” Kelley questioned.
“Nothing. I just uh, wanted to talk to talk to him. He left a few hours ago and I wasn’t sure where he went.”
“Yeah. Okay sure.” Ashlyn and Kelley laughed knowing how much of a lie Ali’s last sentence was. “Seriously Ali, you can tell us anything, what’s bugging you?”
Ali sat there for a while deciding how to form her words and trying keep herself composed. She knew she could tell them anything, but she didn’t want to worry them over something that doesn’t end up being true. But Ali knew her brother well, and she just had this feeling that something wasn’t right.
“I um, I think Kyle might have…” Ali trailed off as a tear slipped down her face. Both Ash and Kelley were right by her side in an instant.
“Alex, it’s okay. Just get it out. You’ll feel better once it’s not bundled up inside of you.” Her best friends pressured her.
Ali took a deep breath, wiped away her tears and spoke quickly. “I think he relapsed.”
Everything in the room seemed to fall into slow motion. Now that the words had been spoken it pushed it into reality. Ali broke down into a pile of tears laying her hands in her face. Ashlyn and Kelley had fallen still and hadn’t moved even a centimeter since Ali spoke. The text, how long Kyle had been gone, how late it was getting all pieced together and the defender and goalkeeper now knew exactly why Ali was so worried. Nobody spoke for what seemed like 20 minutes.
///
“Where’s Kyle’s favorite bar?” Kelley asked.
“It should be just around the corner up here. At least it used to be his favorite. I don’t think he’s been there since you know…”
The car fell silent as they kept driving farther up the road. They turned into the parking lot of the bar and searched for Kyle’s car but had no such luck. Two ideas flooded to Ali’s head. Either he walked there, which was what she was hoping for, or he had already left, drunk, and in real danger of killing himself and a lot of other people. Their only choice was to look inside and desperately hope to find Kyle.
///
Kyle just couldn’t believe that Ali had chosen to go with the surgery, even against his wishes. He was her only brother and she loved him to the moon and back. How could she choose to do something that scared the living shit out of him. He needed a break to get out of the hospital, take in all of what was happening. The situation that had been thrown in front of him reminded him to much of what had happened to Ali just over 11 years earlier. It brought him back to a time that he really did not want to go back to in more ways than one. Bringing his brain back to the past, also brought him back to the way he coped with it all then too. That was drinking.
“My sister has a brain tumor and she is going to get surgery to take it out. She could die or lose the ability to speak, but apparently she doesn’t care.” Kyle said with a big laugh.
These words were spoken in the middle of the bar, to no one in particular, but rather just to get it out. By this time, Kyle was as drunk as could be. He had made the decision to break his sobriety and there was no going back.
///
Walking into the bar in search of Kyle was something that was all too familiar for Ali. She had done it too many times to count. She thought she was done saving Kyle’s ass, but apparently she was wrong. The lights and music were blasting, people were everywhere, and Kyle was nowhere to be seen. The three of them pushed through the people surrounding them, attempting to get closer to the bar, where Kyle was assumed to be. They were correct.
“Kyle. What are you doing? Do you really want to go back to the life you had before?”
Kyle jumped up and turned around to face his sister. He was a little surprised to see that they had found him there.
“Well do you want to lose your life or your way of life because it seems that’s what you are trying to do.”
The words spilled out without a thought. Even in Kyle’s impaired state, he was still able to tell how much he had just screwed up. Ali stormed out of the bar. She was done dealing with Kyle, but Kyle wasn’t done with her. He dropped his drink, rushed out of the bar, and attempted to catch up to her. Ashlyn and Kelley just stood there shocked at what they had witnessed.
///
Now Ali was the one who was nowhere to be found. She had just barely been let out of the hospital after she had pleaded with the nurses to let her go find her brother, and now that they couldn’t find her, everyone was in trouble.
“Where do you think she could be?” Kelley questioned.
“She wouldn’t be at the house because that’s too obvious. She could be… at Kyle’s house, but she definitely wouldn’t want to be there right now. I honestly have no idea.”
“I lost sight of her really fast. I just barely saw her get in her car and thankfully I wasn’t dumb enough to get into my car and go after her.”
Kyle was still quite drunk, but he was so focused on finding Ali, that it didn’t seem to be making that much of an effect. He was pissed at himself for drinking, for not thinking before he spoke, for not being able to follow Ali. Ashlyn could see him sitting in the corner of the room looking as though he was ready to cry.
“Kyle. Please. Don’t be this hard on yourself. You were drunk –”
“No. Being drunk does not give me a right to say any of that. She is my sister. I need to support her. No matter what she chooses to do and whether I like it or not.”
“I think we should let Ali let off some steam. It’s late and we’re all tired. She’ll be able to find a place to stay for the night.”
Kyle and Kelley didn’t seem satisfied, but they agreed. Ali wouldn’t be willing to talk tonight anyway. They told the doctors what was happening and to say the least, they were not happy, at all.
///
Ali found a hotel to stay in for the night as she desperately didn’t want to deal with her drunk brother for the night. He had made his choice. He was obviously not happy with her choice and she didn’t want to be involved with anyone who didn’t support her in this. She needed some time alone and this was the only way she could think of to do that.
Her phone kept ringing on her bedside table, but knowing that it was Ashlyn, Kyle, or Kelley calling her to find out where she was, she just turned it on silent, flipped off the lights in the room, and tried to fall asleep.
///
Kyle couldn’t sleep that night. He kept yelling at himself for being so stupid. He couldn’t believe he had broken his sobriety of 10 years, something that he was so proud of. He couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth, especially directed towards his sister, who was likely feeling as scared as he was about the whole situation. He knew he has royally screwed up and he needed to fix it now or who knows when the next time he was going to sleep was. He tossed and turned in his bed at home until he finally gave up at 2 in the morning and decided that he was going to call Ali now, whether she liked it or not.
As the phone rang in his hand, he anxiously awaited to hear his sister’s voice. The seconds that ticked by felt like hours until Ali, just as groggy as Kyle, spoke on the other line.
“Kyle. Please don’t do this right now.”
“Alex. Please, I’m begging you. Just let me at least apologize then I’ll let you –”
“No. I’m not doing this right now. You miserably fucked up and I hope you know that.”
“Of course I know I screwed up. I haven’t been able to sleep because of it. You’re my sister and you mean the world to me. What I said was completely unacceptable. Like I told you when you decided on your surgery, I may not agree with your choice, but that does not mean I am not going to support you. There is not a single part of me that does not support you.”
“Then how come you decided to go out and drink. How come you ruined such a good thing that you had going for yourself. You had been doing so well, even with all of what has happened in your life and just the moment that I start tumbling down the hill, you decide to make one of the dumbest decisions of your life.” Kyle could clearly hear the tears coming from Ali at this point. “I need you to be there for me, really, fully, there. I don’t want you drunk in any way. I need you to be sober and from what I can tell at this moment you are nowhere near that.”
Kyle just sat there on his bed and listened to all Ali had to say. He deserved every single word that was spilling out of his sister’s mouth. Not only did he deserve it, he needed it to knock him back to the right state of mind to be there for her.
“What the hell made you think that going back to drinking was going to solve any issue because I thought you had learned long ago that drinking doesn’t solve anything, it just causes more issues.” Ali thought back to the last time she had seen Kyle drunk and she broke down into a puddle of tears, but even through her tears she managed to get a few words out. “You scared the shit out of me tonight Kyle. I am scared enough as it is about my surgery, but you know what scared me more? The thought of you going back into the dark place that I had to help pull you from.”
Kyle took a sharp intake at those words. He knew he had screwed up, but had underestimated the extent of it. He knew his drinking had affected his family in the past, but he now knew that he was to the breaking point.
“Alex. Thank you. I deserved all of that. Where are you? Please let me come stay with you.
“I’m, um, at the hotel across the street from your apartment building. Room 112”
“I will be over in two minutes. I love you Alex.”
“I love you too Kyle.”
///
“I guess I just didn’t know what to do. The only way I coped with it when you were in the hospital with your embolisms was alcohol. Seeing you in such a frail and weak state just brought me back to that time way too much. Then hearing you choose to get the surgery scared the heck out of me and I really didn’t know what to do with myself. It was overwhelming. At first, I was able to hold myself back, but then it all really hit me and I just broke. The bad thoughts in my head just took over and I drove myself over to the bar. I honestly don’t even remember making the decision to go to the bar because the thoughts were so consuming. The only time when I actually clicked back into reality was when you started running out.”
Kyle and Ali had been up together talking for the last few hours. By this time, the sun was already up and neither had gotten any sleep. Both of them felt immensely better now that had gotten the chance to express their feelings and actually see the other side.
“Kyle. I’m sorry for being so mad –”
“No. Ali. I was the one who went out and drank. I was the one who said things to you that should have never been said out loud. I am supposed to be there to support you. I am you brother. You are the one who is supposed to be laying in a hospital bed sleeping right now. Speaking of that, we should be getting you back otherwise we will get in more trouble with the doctor’s than we already are.”
“Fine. We can go back, but only after I ask you one question. Were any of the things you said last night true or what you are really thinking?”
Kyle stopped and thought back to just hours before. “I guess that is what I thought, yes. I mean brain surgery is a big deal and all the risks Dr. Fletcher talked about scared the crap out of me. I don’t want you to end up not being able to play soccer. I don’t want you to die. I still support you of course, especially now that I see your point of view, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still nervous for the surgery.”
“Of course I don’t want to die or lose the ability to play soccer, but there are those risks for any surgery. I’m scared half to death for the surg…” Ali’s voice trailed off as she slowly leaned her head forward placing her head into her hands. Her eyes started to well up from the amount of pain she was feeling.
“Ali, Alex, what’s wrong? Please talk to me.”
“My, my head. It hurts. Bad. Let’s go… to the hospital.”
Within seconds, Kyle was grabbing Ali’s stuff and helping her walk out the door. She could barely walk under her own power, which quickly showed Kyle the severity of the headache that had overcome Ali.
Kyle lightly whispered to himself as they started the drive to the hospital. “This is all my fault. Why didn’t I take her back to the hospital earlier?”