“Your alternate self could consume you. If you let it.”
Clary tilts her head slowly, “Is there a way to not let it?”
“Focus on the differences between that world and ours. Find something or someone to keep you grounded to this one.”
-
Clary steps through the portal and everything is different.
She gets her mother back. She lives with her father, with Valentine.
He wears polo shirts and her mom makes waffles and he calls her 'kiddo'.
It’s wrong.
It’s all so damn wrong.
And it gets even worse when she sees Magnus Bane on the TV because for a moment she was consumed with something, and the second she saw his face that something disappeared.
-
The world seems so much brighter when she steps onto the sidewalk of the little town square, and she can’t help take desperate looks over her shoulder in attempt to find an evil that isn’t there anymore. Clary twirls in circles, moves through the people as she tries to take everything in only to collide with a solid figure and she gives a small gasp of surprise.
“There you are!”
Clary blinks as she stares into familiar brown eyes, “Here I am...?”
“You’re late.”
Clary doesn’t have time to react before soft, supple lips press to her own. She feels a spark and she melts into it, it feels so familiar and so right. Her arms move to circle around a slim neck as she tilts her head to deepen the kiss she never wants to end. But it does. And she blinks to gain her bearings and her jaw flexes in surprise when she sees that it was Isabelle Lightwood she was indeed kissing.
“Izzy,” Clary whispers and her voice seems heavier then before. “You kissed me.”
Izzy laughs as she nudges her glasses up her nose, “Is that a problem?”
“Um...I just wasn’t expecting it.” Clary explains. “Do you uh always kiss me like that?”
“I usually do since you’re my girlfriend.” Izzy scoffs as she rolls her eyes and twines her fingers with Clary and the redhead can only blink as she is tugged towards a waiting table. “I think you need some caffeine. You’re being weird.”
Everything is so confusing. It’s all backwards. Alec is bright and sunny, and seems so much lighter. Simon isn’t burning from the rays of the sun. And she manages to catch a quick glance of Jace as he peeks his head from the Java van and offers a smile and a coffee to a giggling herd of girls. She accepts the coffee Izzy nudges her way and hopes that it’ll jolt her back to reality, help her stay grounded.
“Is this new?” Izzy asks as she reaches out to brush the purple crystal.
Clary nods as she swallows down her coffee, “Um. Yeah.”
“Well, I hope it goes with your dress.” Izzy smiles. “You’re getting ready at my place, right?”
“Ready for what...?”
Alec sneers in disbelief as he looks at her with wide and confused eyes, “That is not even funny. I have poured my heart and soul into planning this anniversary party for The Institute. And the theme is amazing.”
“Oh. Yeah, right. Sorry. Didn’t sleep well last night.” Clary mutters.
“Babe, are you okay?” Izzy frowns as she reaches out to sweep a strand of hair from her face and Clary feels a shiver roll down her spine at the touch. “You should consider drinking a cup of tea before bed. I’m sure it’ll help.”
Clary doesn’t want to pull away and so she doesn’t. She sighs as Izzy’s hand slides down her face to guide their lips together. She hears Alec groan and she can almost see Simon rolling his eyes, but all her attention is on Izzy. All her attention is on hands that glide over her face and nails that press into her shoulders and a tongue that sweeps through her mouth.
Then she feels the ground shift beneath her.
Clary draws away with a gasp and stumbles back, “I have to go.”
She hates the way she pauses for a second when Izzy calls her name.
-
“Oh, the lovers. You’re in a loving relationship.”
This isn’t Magnus. That’s what Clary has to tell herself over and over as she stares at the man in front of her. He’s so...plain. There’s no glitter around his eyes and there’s no spark in his gaze, and his hair is colorless. She swallows hard and tightens her hands into fists as she watches him run his hands over the Taro cards before him before he wiggles his fingers and flips yet another one upwards.
”This person has a strong hold on you. You feel a magnated attraction to them that you cannot escape.” Magnus smirks and Clary bites her lower lip at the spark in her chest. “Tonight will define your relationship. You hope they’re your soulmate.”
She closes her eyes as that dizzy feeling comes again.
“I’m not here for a reading.” Clary cuts in and she sees Magnus arch an eyebrow as he slowly tilts his head her way and watches her for a long moment. “Look, Magnus, I know you’re a warlock. I’m a Shadowhunter.”
Magnus is silent for only a moment before he laughs, “There are no more Shadowhunters. There haven’t been for hundreds of years.”
“I can prove it...”
She feels stupid when he reminds her that this is another world, another time. There are no runes on her body, no markings to show where her life changed. She wants to scream because this alternate reality is too...good. It’s too safe. And it makes her stomach curl when she wonders if this is a reality that she wanted, a reality that she built in her head. A reality where she actually got be with the girl she loved.
“I’m from an alternate reality.” Clary begins as she grabs a paper and pencil.
Magnus rolls his eyes as he begins to collect his cards, “If that were true, without an anchor you’d be in-simulating into this world.”
“Believe me, I am trying to fight it.”
Clary cringes when a voice in her head tries to convince her to stop fighting it.
“Which is part of the reason that I need your help,” Clary mumbles as she focuses on the paper before she drops it in front of the warlock. “In my dimension, Shadowhunters still battle demons and now there is something so much worse. I need your magic to help me stop it.”
Magnus stares at her drawing for a long moment, “I can’t help you. My magic’s gone dormant.”
“Then wake it up!” Clary begs.
Magnus seems reluctant to help her, she can see it in his eyes. But then she sees a spark, she sees a flash of something and he’s blurring his way through the loft. He gathers and pours and stirs and mumbles as his brow furrows and his attention drifts away from Clary. It gives her time to think, time to look around as she continues to repeat to herself over and over that this isn’t her life. This wasn’t real.
“This better work.” Magnus sighs as he sips from a cup.
Clary frowns, “What does that do?”
“Hopefully kick start my magic.” Magnus hisses as his face twists in disgust.
They go through so much only to realize that all they needed was a touch from the crystal around her neck. It answers most of her questions and leaves others open, but it’s more than she came with and she can feel a rush of relief go flow over her. And also a flush of disappointment. She wants to stay. She needs to go home. Her internal battle is shattered as her phone gives a loud chirp in her pocket.
Clary stares down at the screen and her heart flutters, “I-I gotta go.”
“I’m going to guess that’s your soulmate.” Magnus smirks as he wiggles his eyebrows.
“Meet me at 7pm at The Institute.” Clary orders as she snatches her crystal from Magnus and flashes him a small smirk. “Dress to impress.”
-
“Clary.”
Clary flinches as Alec stares at her, “Alec.”
“Oh, no need to sound so excited to see me.” Alec scoffs as he opens the door of his and Izzy’s apartment and Clary stares at him for a moment as she steps past him. “Izzy is in her room, she had a little accident.”
“Accident?” Clary repeats, the worry clear in her voice. “What happened?”
“Her and that little kickboxing class she’s so involved and in love with.” Alec sighs as he waves a hand and rolls his eyes. “She managed to take a nice kick to the face. It’s a small bruise, it’ll heal soon.”
“Oh.” Clary nods as she breathes a sigh of relief.
Alec ends the conversation with a small smile and Clary is quick to hurry away from him and she feels the wave of dizziness rush over her as she runs her fingers along a familiar hallway. The door is barely open before she’s met with soft eyes, and worry. And the anger that rushes through her when she sees the bruise around Izzy’s eye causes her to halt for a moment, to once again remind herself: it’s not real.
“Is it bad?” Izzy winces as she presses a hand to her forehead, her eyes wide with worry as her lower lip tucks itself between two pearly rows of teeth. “Out of all the days for Lydia to land her roundhouse kick!”
“Hey, it’s okay,” Clary soothes. “We’ll fix it, baby.”
The petname slips out so easily and naturally that Clary barely even notices.
Izzy paces and tears build in her eyes as she takes deep breathes, “Oh my God. What are people going to think? Alec worked so hard to plan this and I just can’t not go to the party! What am I supposed to do?”
Clary rolls her eyes and moves forward to cup Izzy’s face before she draws her into a kiss that causes the brunette to gasp before she melts into the liplock. She wants to steal as many as these kisses as she can, as many moments as she can. In her real world, she has pictured kissing Izzy like this so many times that it’s become one of her regular day dreams. But here, here she can do it whenever she pleases.
Izzy draws away and pants with closed eyes, “Thank you.”
“Glad I could help.” Clary whispers as she nudges their noses together. “Let’s fix that eye.”
-
Izzy disappears moments after they arrive at the party.
There’s so much music. Too much light. And the beams cut through her vision as she makes her way through the crowds. She can see her parents dancing, sees the happiness that lights up her mother’s face and the adoration that never once strays from her father’s. She glances around and catches sight of Jace and Simon dancing with carefree expressions, gone are the shadows that usually show under their eyes.
Everyone is so happy. She shakes her head and glances down to wait for Magnus’ text.
“Hey.”
Clary jumps as she turns to meet soft brown eyes, “Hey, where’d you go?”
“Had to schmooze a few people alongside your father. He introduced me as his future daughter-in-law.” Izzy grins as she squeezes Clary’s empty hand and arches an eyebrow slowly. “How does that sound?”
“I-It sounds amazing.” Clary breathes out, the awe clear in her tone as she swallows around the emotions that dance in her throat. “Um, I-I’m going to go grab myself something to drink. Do you want something?”
Izzy glances up through thick eyelashes, “I want a dance.”
“I’m really thirsty...” Clary stutters.
“Come on, you’ve been off all day,” Izzy pouts as she reaches out to pluck Clary’s phone from her hand and set it aside on the table before she twines their fingers together. “Make it up to me with a dance.”
Clary doesn’t say no. She doesn’t fight it. She just allows Izzy to guide her forward and she can only imagine the goofy smile she knows is on her face. Everything seems so much quieter when Izzy steps into her embrace and Clary doesn’t hesitate to twist her fingers in the blue gown the brunette wears. Her eyes close and her nose brushes against Izzy’s cheek as the music becomes simple background noise.
She loses herself in Izzy’s arms and she gives into the blur.
-
Clary forgets.
Magnus finds her after one too many dances and a few drinks and she stares at him with vacant eyes. She wants to pull away, to go back to the safety of Izzy’s loud laughter and the little quirk she has of pushing her glasses up her nose every few seconds. But he snaps his fingers, shows her all the things she pushed away and she remembers. It burns worse then any rune that has been put on her body.
For the hundredth time that day, she remembers it isn’t real.
Izzy isn’t her girlfriend. Jace doesn’t own a Java truck. Simon isn’t carrying around a key with the intention of asking Jace to move in with him. Alec isn’t this kind, this confident. Her parents aren’t together. Her mother is in a coma. Her father is evil. All the memories and the realization causes her stomach to twist as she grabs Magnus’ arm and hurries him away from the party so she can escape this world.
Clary follows alongside Magnus with a frown, “What are we even looking for?”
“I’ll know it when I see it.” Magnus assures her as he runs his hand along the wall of the hallway they have disappeared into.
“What if this doesn’t work?” Clary demands.
Magnus sighs and rests a calming hand on her shoulder, “It will, biscuit. I can feel it.”
“Clary?”
Her gaze snaps quickly to the staircase and she hates the confusion that appears on Izzy’s face, she hates the way the woman’s steps falter for a beat as she patters down the stairs. Magnus arches an eyebrow at her as Clary jerks away from his touch as if his hand burns with fire, and she silently wishes it did so he could just rip out her heart now before she’s forced to go back to a life that isn’t centered around the woman walking towards her.
“What are you doing down here?” Izzy demands. “Who is he?”
“He’s no one.” Clary assures her with a shake of her head.
Magnus huffs softly, “I take offense to that.”
Clary can barely flash a glare his way before someone, something, drops before them and she barely has time to whirl Izzy behind her and offer up a kick before the demon lands. She can feel Izzy’s grasp on her dress and she hears the brunette’s frightened whimpers and all she can do is curl her hands backwards to grasp at Izzy’s hips before she backs her away from the stirring demon and rushes her after a running Magnus.
“Clary, what was that?” Izzy demands as she scrambles to keep up with the woman.
“I-I don’t know. Probably some guy in a costume.” Clary offers as she tightens her grasp on Izzy’s hand and pulls her further and further into the building’s hallways. “We just need to get you somewhere safe.”
“I don’t understand what’s going on.” Izzy whispers as she tugs Clary’s hand and jerks her to a stop and the redhead wants to pull her along but brown eyes hold them both steady. “Why are you down here with that guy?”
“It’s a long story, Iz,” Clary sighs as she shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter.” Izzy argues as she pulls her hand away from Clary’s and folds her arms over her chest and Clary tries to ignore the loss she feels as her hands curl into fists. “What promise did we make to each other when we first got together?”
Clary hesitates for only a moment, “To always be honest. No matter what.”
“No matter what.” Izzy repeats. “So, what's going on?”
“Clary!”
Clary turns with wide eyes and sees Jace running to them, “Jace?”
And it’s him. It’s the real Jace.
The man arches an eyebrow playfully at the redhead but the expression quickly turns into confusion as he notices Izzy clinging to Clary. He opens his mouth to ask, Clary opens hers to explain, and Izzy releases a scream that causes both of them to jump. Clary growls as she moves to push Izzy into the corner, away from the beast that launches itself at Jace. She’s quick to join the man and they swap hits and kicks with the demon before Jace plunges a broken broom stick into its heart.
Both stand over the demon and stare down at him to make sure he’s gone and that this world is safe, and then Clary remembers Izzy. She turns to look at the woman who stands with wide eyes in the corner of the room and the brunette gives an audible swallow as she pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose.
“Iz...”
“I found it!”
Clary wishes she could stay and explain. She wishes she could stay in this world and live this wonderful life. She wants to stay and be happy with her parents. She wants to watch Simon and Jace find happiness with each other. She wants to watch Magnus gain his power back, to become the person he is in her world. But mostly she wants to be with Izzy, sweet and nerdy Izzy with too much to say and a smile so bright it outshines the sun.
“I have to go.” Clary whispers.
Jace slips away from Clary and moves towards a weary Izzy, “We both have to go.”
“Clary?” Izzy frowns as she steps froward.
“I-I can’t.” Clary whispers as she stumbles back. “I’m sorry, Izzy.”
She has to look away when Jace moves to stand behind the brunette and presses just right on her shoulder and all at once the brunette is slumping into his arms. Her throat burns as much as her eyes do as she looks at the swirl of purple and back at Magnus who watches as Jace cradles Izzy with a soft gaze and moves to rest her in a corner.
“Take care of my sister.” Jace orders as he moves to join Clary.
“I will.” Magnus nods. “Thank you, Clary.”
Clary looks at him with tears in her eyes, “Shouldn’t I be the one thanking you?”
“No, you gave me my real life back and I won’t forget it. I’ll take care of Izzy, you two need to get out of here.” Magnus orders as he flashes her a gentle smile. “I hope you find the happiness you seek in the world you're returning to.”
“I do too.” Clary whispers as she spares an unconscious Izzy one last glance.
Jace whispers for her to think of her father and the anger appears in her gaze as she gives into the rage and vanishes into the portal. She finally lets her tears fall as she feels herself being ripped away from her happiness, and she sucks in a deep breath as they land in a warehouse. She’s back to her reality, back to the world she has to fight in every day.
Clary glances back to the wall where the portal once was.
She wants to go back and never return.