Home
Things haven't always gone so easily between Sara and Nyssa, but somehow, they found a balance that suited well for them. Outside their quarters, they're both fearsome, lethal, living weapons that could kill with their bare hands. Alone by themselves, they're almost the opposite. All the emotions they keep buried as an assassin are released in terms of passion when they talk, touch, make love, or even in a simple look they share. Their love exerts a powerful aura that no one could doubt or dare contest.
They've gone to a number of missions together. And out on the field, they were unstoppable. Alec had countlessly voiced out that there would come a time that one of them would seriously get hurt or even die because of the other, but what has been happening says otherwise. They don't fight just for themselves. They fight for the survival of each other. They live to protect the other. They both can't live without the other and they both don't want the other to be broken by the loss of their own life. It was like they were two bodies and souls linked together to live one life.
"Ta-er Al-Sahfer."
"Al-Hami." Sara greeted her friend formally as an assassin.
"You two did great on the last mission. I just had to stop and watch the way you two fought side by side."
"Jealous?"
"Maybe. But she's happy. Really happy. That's the happiest I've ever seen her be. And that's all I want for her."
"I won't hurt her." She knew Nate well enough to know what he wasn't saying, but her response wasn't simply to convince him but also to convince herself.
"You never wanted to. Let's just hope that you wouldn't hurt her again, because I don't know what that would do to her now."
"I'm glad she has you, Nate. Al-Hami. Her protector. I know you will always protect her, even from me."
"And I am yours as well, as long as you don't hurt her again."
She never wanted to hurt Nyssa but she usually ends up doing so. It had got to be the longest time that she hadn't hurt her the way that could tear her apart ever since they have come to find each other again. Sara hopes that the time wouldn't come that she would once more.
Sara parted ways with Nate and went to look for Nyssa. She found her in their shared quarters. She slipped out of her gear and approached her lover. She held her tightly from behind.
"What's the matter, my love?" Nyssa leaned into her embrace.
"I love you, Nyssa."
"Now, you are worrying me."
"Why? Can't I just tell you I love you?"
"Not like that. I know there is something. What is it?"
"You're happy. We're happy. I'm afraid I'd mess things up and hurt you again."
"Who put that thought in your mind? Alec?"
"No one. It has always been there."
"Hurt me. I will love you nonetheless."
"And that is what I fear even more."
Nyssa knew that to be true. Sara never thought herself worthy of the love Nyssa has for her. She has come to accept her love and return it as much as she could, but to her it would never seem enough. If only she knew that Nyssa felt the same, that she is not worthy of Sara. That is maybe why her love for her seems so unconditional and endless. To Nyssa, it is like that is all she could offer her, her undying love.
"We both see ourselves unworthy of the other, but I still would not stop loving you. Hurt me, don't ever worry because we would get through it, as long as you love me. That's all that matters."
"How can I argue with you when you say things like that?"
"I am not perfect, Sara. There might come a time that I would be the one to hurt you, and I hope you will still find it in you to love me."
Sara doubted that. After everything they have been through, she doubts that there is anything Nyssa could do to hurt her that would make her stop loving Nyssa. Whatever worst thing it is she might do to hurt her, she knew the only reason for it was because she hurt her first. Therefore, she can't imagine hating Nyssa for reacting to the pain she could have caused.
They left the depressing topic alone, and both had vowed to themselves that they will give all the love they could give and accept whatever the other could offer. It was not a conversation that could easily be wiped off their minds. It left their souls bare and vulnerable for the other to see, making their connection and love for each other deeper.
There are times when they are off to different cities, towns, villages, and countries on a mission, after they have accomplished what they had to do, they would wander off to explore and experience the different places. Each place they go to, they would find something even the simplest of things and make it special and memorable. They would dine at the city's finest restaurants or at some homely local joint or some street vendors at the market. The elegance and delicacy of it all was not the standard of how grand their experiences were, it was the enjoyment and intimacy of them all.
"Where are we going?" Nyssa asked as Sara dragged her heels off through what seemed to be a park.
There were barely any people there making the place quite serene. The went up and over a small hill and found themselves by the foot of a pond. The view was entrancing. The still waters of the pond reflected the glimmering lights of the stars and beautifully lit face of the moon. That was one of their favorite kinds of places. Places that embodies the simplicity and enticing beauty of nature. It's open and public, yet significantly intimate. They could just sit by the pond in each other's arms and take in the bountiful glory their surroundings possess.
A few feet from the edge of the water, Nyssa spotted a blanket with a basket and a bottle of wine. She smiled, thinking of how much thought and preparation Sara did for this. It was simple but with all the things they do, they barely have much time in their hands to think of such things. Most of their romantic adventures were on a whim to go out see the town and be together, but something that takes even quite a bit of planning like this, they seldom do.
"What's all this?"
"It's a romantic picnic under the moonlit skies with your beloved girlfriend."
"I got that part, but what for? And don't you go 'why can't you just do something like this' speech on me. I may come off as the more romantic one here, and it may not seem like it, but you're more sentimental."
"Fine. It's our anniversary."
"I didn't know we do that or that we have one, after all the..."
"Rollercoaster of our relationship?"
"Yes. Why today?"
"You don't know what day it is do you?"
"The specificity of days blend and blur with me."
"But you remember my birthday."
"Yet, I tend to forget mine."
"Guess what happened to us on this day?"
"You're really gonna make me do this?"
"Definitely."
"Can't we at least have a glass of wine first?"
"No."
Nyssa thought of significant events in their relationship that would warrant an anniversary date. She scanned through memories, going through every detail.
"It's not the day I found you on Lian Yu, not the first time we told each other 'I love you', nor the first time after we got back together." Nyssa smiled and chuckled as the right memory hit her. "Of course."
"You remember, now?"
"How could I forget? It was the first time we actually met, and you accused me of trying to kill you."
"Well, how do you expect a normal person to react when they see an arrow hurtling towards them?"
"Of all days, why this? It's not exactly our finest moments."
"I know, but everything changed for me then. I met you, though you kinda tried to kill me."
Nyssa loved how they could just laugh at such memories, even though they weren't that good, but remembering how those moments got hem to where they are now, it's so nostalgic. There are still those that they avoid talking about, moments that they wished they could change and often regret, but then they wonder whether things between them be how they are now if those never happened.
"You will hang that over my head for a long time, won't you?"
"I won't get tired of it."
"I won't get tired of you."
"Happy Anniversary, Nyssa. I love you."
"Happy Anniversary, my love."
Days turned to weeks, weeks to months then to years. It all came fast and in a blur, but they continued to make memories and make their relationship grow along the way. They added that day to the ones they considered special to celebrate, along with their birthdays. Things have been going great since then, until that one mission.
When Sara got back, she could feel everything was amiss. Nothing felt right or even fine anymore. She could still see flashes of the moment before she let go of her arrow.
After giving her the informations he needed, the man stood before her pleading for his life and the life of his daughter he was holding close to himself as if to protect her. The girl's eyes stared back at her, blurry with tears. She held tight to her father, calling out to him, clearly scared and confused.
"Please! Please don't kill me. I will do whatever you want. Just spare me and my daughter." The man pleaded. "At least don't do it in front of my daughter. Please, I beg you."
The man was a crooked cop, but all Sara saw standing before her was a loving father, willing to do whatever it takes for her daughter. Then she saw a quick glimpse of her own father pleading for his life with her in his arms. It tugged hard on Sara's heart.
She had almost forgotten about them. About her father, mother, sister, her family. Her entire life in Starling City. How could she have forgotten about them?
The girl's cries brought her back to the mission. The father still pleaded. She drew her bow, hesitant but let her arrow fly. The father and daughter had braced themselves, but were surprised to find the arrow had missed by only a few inches.
"Go, but you have to disappear. Or someone else would come and find you."
Sara could not bring herself to kill them after the vision she saw. She got back with that guilt over her shoulder. How much pain has she caused her family? She knew they would have thought her dead after all those years, and she just let them. She let the guilt stir in her for days as she thought more about them. When she had found resolve, she was conflicted with how to go about the decision she had made.
Sara and Nyssa had barely seen each other the past few days, so Nyssa hasn't noticed the change in Sara's disposition. Nyssa also had her mind else where, decisions that could gravely affect the direction of her life.
"Nyssa, can we talk?" Sara asked as she walked in their room and found Nyssa staring out into the vast moonlit sky. She didn't see the look of uncertainty on Sara's face that she quickly hid when, Nyssa turned.
"I was just thinking about you. What is it?" The loving look in Nyssa's eyes tugged at Sara's heart.
"I want to go back to Starling City."
Nyssa tried to brush off the worry she felt at the tone of Sara's voice.
"There might be complications, but it can be arranged. What do you plan on doing there?"
"I want to go home. I have to go home."
Nyssa tried to hide the pain that shot at her.
"I thought this was your home."
"You know what I mean, Nyssa."
"They already think you're dead. They've moved on with their lives."
"It doesn't matter. I'm alive. They need to know I'm alive."
"What if they don't need you?"
"Don't say that. Of course they need me and I need them."
Nyssa tried to contain all the emotions pulling at her, her fear of losing her growing every second.
"You know they won't let you come back to me."
Sara's silence gave away all her thoughts on the matter, which broke Nyssa's heart even more.
"You don't plan on coming back. You're not here for a discussion. This is a goodbye."
"I'm sorry but I can't do this anymore."
"Which one? The killing or being with me?" Nyssa could no longer contain the anger and hurt she was being consumed in.
"Nyssa, I love you. I still want to be with you, but I can't live this life anymore."
"You know, Sara. If you had come here and asked me to go with you and live a different life, maybe I would have said yes."
"Then, let's do that."
"But that wasn't the choice you made. You came here with your mind made up on leaving, leaving this life and leaving me. And you were fine with that as long as you get to come home to your family. Did you ever think how it would be for me when you leave?"
Sara didn't know what to say, she has done it again. She was hurting Nyssa and she couldn't bear it, but there was no going back now.
"Have you ever felt or thought that what if you're not needed nor wanted by your home? You're my home, Sara, and for the longest time, I have asked myself that question. What if you don't need me nor want me? The times you were gone, the times you left, I was completely lost. I felt empty without you. It's a great deal of pain not do be wanted or needed by the one you love most. I may not actually need you, but I never stopped wanting you to be by my side each and every moment of my life. I always hoped that you would need me even if you don't want me. But I fear you don't even need me at all."
It was only then that Sara noticed the shiny object Nyssa gripped firmly in between her thumb and index finger.
"I could never make you stay. I could never make you love me enough to choose me."
"I do love you, Nyssa. Please don't question that."
"How could you honestly make me believe that? You're breaking me, Sara. Again."
That moment, Sara knew how much she had broken the woman she loves and everything between them, because of a decision she hastily made.
"Leave, if you must. We both know we'd be miserable if you would stay now. Just know that when I come looking for you, I will do whatever I have to by the League."
Sara saw the hurt in Nyssa's eyes as she gave her one last look into them. It might have been better if she had just stabbed Nyssa in the heart, because the pain in her eyes spoke volumes that she could no longer grasp. Nyssa walked out of the room after placing the the object she was holding on top of the letter on the table next to Sara. It was a ring. A gold band, pieced with a single white diamond, encrusted with blue sapphire crystals.
Sara picked it up along with the letter. She broke down as she saw the engraving inside the ring and the message written in the letter.
'my everlasting light'
My dearest Sara,
I tried to keep this life away from you, but you chose to be in it with me. There was a time that I would have left all of this behind, if you had asked me to. If it was what I had to do, to be with you. I would have gladly left this life for you. Then here you are, not letting me have to make that choice. You let me have this life that I have always known, and the life I have always wanted with you. And I love you even more for that. I am very grateful to have you in my life.
Being with you has grown to weigh far more importance to me than being a worthy heir, and one day being Ra's al Ghul. You are everything to me. You are my world, my life, my every sense of being. I want to wake up and your angelic face being the first one I see. I want to lie in bed at night, holding you in my arms, and still your beauty the last I see before I sleep and dream of you still. I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side. Be my light now and til the end of time.
I can't promise you anything and I won't. I can't promise you a life without pain and sorrow. I can't promise you a life filled only with happiness. All I can offer you is my undying love and devotion.
Be mine, Sara Lance, because I am yours, always has been, and forever will be.
- Nyssa