Always
The offer never crossed Sara's mind, be a part of the league of assassins. She had always been curious how it must be like living in that part of Nyssa's world. The more she thought about it, the more it sounded more appealing. She would no longer be stuck in a room just waiting for Nyssa to go back and see her, she could be standing by her side at all times. She would no longer need protection, she would be taught how to do it herself. She could protect Nyssa and rip away the fear of losing her while not being able to do anything.
"So what would it be?" Ra's was waiting for her answer.
Nyssa got herself in between them and addressed her father. "May I have a word with, Sara, father?"
Ra's laid out his hand motioning to her to go right ahead.
Nyssa turned her attention to Sara.
"Don't. You don't have to do this."
Sara was confused. Does she not want them to be together? Does she think she can't handle whatever training she has to go through? She could be as strong as her. She would be able to fight by her side. Does she not want any of that?
"You don't know what you're getting yourself into. This life is dangerous. I have tried to keep this away from you as far as I could, but this is who I am. It doesn't have to be your life as well."
"I know, but what if I want it to be?"
"Please, don't"
"If you're afraid I can't do it, I can. Nate did, I could too."
"That's what I'm afraid of. You could be great with this, but it changes you. It changed Nathaniel. I don't know if I can handle that, if it happened to you."
"He did change, but he is still that good friend he has always been to us. Whatever happens, nothing will change between us. We'll just be together more, don't you want that?"
Nate was still indeed that loyal and trusted friend. He was still a bit playful when it's just them, but there is darkness in him now. When Nyssa had met him, she would never had guessed that he would be the cold-hearted assassin he had turned out to be. He has learned to detach himself from emotions the way she does, only to reveal them to his close friends. She does not want that for Sara. Her emotions and how she embodies each and every single one are one of the many things she loves about her. She doesn't want her to lose that side of her.
"More than anything else. But it doesn't have to be like this."
"I want to do this, Nyssa. Please, just let me."
Nyssa knew she had made up her mind, and it would be close to impossible to sway her. And she can't just prevent her from doing something because she's afraid of what it may lead to. How have the tables have turned between them in that moment, Sara being the brave one, and her being frightened of the possibilities. All she can do now is hope for the best, that things won't turn for the worst with Sara.
"I'm not really good at saying no to you. But promise me something."
"Anything."
"You don't let your light go out and never let the darkness consume you."
"I won't. I have you to keep me from going down that road."
They both hope that they wouldn't have to go down that road. Nyssa doesn't know if she would be able to keep her from doing so, and Sara doesn't want to burden her of ever having to.
"So, have you decided? Would you join and train with the league of assassins?" Ra's finally spoke up again.
Nyssa stepped away to let Sara speak for herself on the decision she has made.
"Yes, I shall give my life to the league as long as I could be with Nyssa." Sara said with resolve.
"I admire the love you two share. It is gravely powerful, as long as you don't let it be your downfall."
"You see it as a weakness, Mr. al Ghul."
"Don't get me wrong. Love is the most powerful motivation, child. But it is also the most dangerous weapon your enemies could use against you. Letting it be your weakness or overcoming it is entirely up to you."
Ra's words rang true. He may be the head of the demon, but he is familiar with love and emotions. That is the very reason he trains his assassins to detach themselves from emotions of any kind. Having emotions in their line of work is extremely dangerous.
Sara and Nyssa were dismissed by Ra's al Ghul and were given the rest of the day for themselves before Sara begins her training the day that follows.
"You're still not happy about my decision." Sara opened up the conversation again once they were alone.
"There's nothing more I can do about it." Nyssa was still clearly upset about her joining the league.
"Are we okay?"
Nyssa didn't know how to respond to the question. She wants to say yes but she doesn't want to lie because she is unsure of it herself.
"I know I made a choice, Nyssa. You're afraid this will change me, change what is between us, but you're the one who's already changing."
"I'm sorry."
"I know you are. I hope you accept my choice."
"Like you said, as long as we're together. We'll get through this."
They found hope in each other. They both knew as long as they both keep holding on to each other, nothing can keep them apart.
Neither wanted to argue any longer, so they laid in bed in each other's arms. Things have changed. They knew that. Nyssa wanted to hold onto how things were but knew she couldn't. She also knew they could work things out. They've been through much worse. They've been torn apart by circumstances, by themselves and their choices, this shouldn't. Sara's choice should not hurt them. She chose a dangerous life with her, but she did choose to be with her, now. She chose her. They're together. That's what's important.
"What's it like?"
"What is what like?"
"Your life. Being with the league."
She has seen what Nyssa's life was from the outside, but never imagined what it's like being a part of it. What is it that Nyssa doesn't want her to be a part of? She agreed not fully knowing what she is getting into, but she no longer cares. She has decided. She just wants to know what it's like.
"Growing up in this life, I never questioned its ways. I just accepted it was how things should be, because that's what was taught to me, how I was raised to be. It was the only life I knew for me, so I never thought of it as I see it now. It is darkness. Nothing but darkness and death. The darkness consumes you. You bring about death upon others and yourself. You may keep yourself alive, but your soul dies. You live for the purpose of the league, whatever purpose the head of the demon deems it to be. It is meant to be something bigger, but that is all you know. You give your life to them. You follow them blindly into the pits of darkness and death."
Nyssa didn't say those words to scare Sara, she said them because it was true to her. She didn't think she would find that much words to say about her life. She never stopped and thought about it, because Sara has changed everything for her. She sees things differently with her. She sees things with a shade of light.
"You're not trying to scare me, are you?"
"There is no way of scaring you out of this. I know that. I want you prepared for what is about to happen. I hope it'd be different for you, but the pull of death is unimaginable."
"I've already had a taste of death and darkness."
"I know. I watched you go through it. What happened to you then might be worse than what you'd have to do here, or this would seem easier after that, but this brings a greater transformation or might I say destruction of who you are."
"Going down that dark path is inevitable."
"Yes."
"Will you still love me, then?"
Nyssa held onto her tighter, drawing her closer to her.
"I am hurt in the slightest that you have to ask. I will always love you, Sara Lance. Always."
The next morning, even before the sun has risen, Sara was already up and about with Nyssa in her training. Assessing her strengths and weaknesses. Breaking the boundaries of her limits. It was tough and was already taking a toll on her, but she continues to endure. She chose this, she will thrive til the end.
"What's going on here?" Nate asked Nyssa when he saw what Sara was doing.
"She's training."
"I can see that. Why?"
"She wants to."
"Be in the league? Is she insane?"
"Have you asked yourself that?"
"Countless times."
"So, are you?"
"No doubt about it. Look at her."
They both can see the determination in her eyes. It's just her first day, her body is breaking, but her spirit keeps her standing. They felt pride boom in their chests, but were still quite disappointed of the situation.
"This is a mistake." Alec snarled at their side. He despised the idea as soon as the words left Ra's mouth. But he could never contradict him so freely. He had never gone against Ra's words no matter how much he disagreed.
"Ra's al Ghul made the decision. He would not have offered if he had not wanted to." Nyssa spoke the truth about her father. Even for her, he would not have done that. He must have seen the fighter in Sara that made him think her worthy of learning from him.
Alec left, still disgusted by the thought.
"She could be great at this." Nate spoke again.
"I know."
"Why are you letting her, then?"
"Even if I do persuade my father not to kill her, I would lose her if I don't. I can't go through that again."
"You will lose her still."
"I didn't lose you."
The thought of being someone of importance to Nyssa made Nate smile.
"Point taken. Let us hope for that, then."
Sara sauntered over to them as she was to take her break after the long continuous and very vigorous training.
"Hey, Nate." Sara took the water and cloth Nyssa was handing her.
"Sara. I see you're staying." He enunciated the word staying to show it means more than it usually does.
"And you also don't approve."
"Who am I to judge?"
"Good." She then turned her attention to Nyssa. She draped her arms around her and gave her a quick peck. "My body's killing me."
"You wanted this."
"You're a very supportive girlfriend, you know that? I'm not complaining, not entirely. More likely suggesting."
A spark of desire twinkled in both their eyes as their thoughts connected. And Nate's through ran dry when his own caught up with theirs.
"I don't know if I should feel uncomfortable or aroused by that."
Another thought came to Sara which brought a naughty grin to her face. Nyssa quickly read her.
"No. He is not joining nor watching."
"Definitely aroused."
Nyssa shot him a quick glare.
"That would be kind of fun."
"Maybe, but not if it's Nathaniel."
"I am deeply wounded by that, Nyssa."
"You go back there." Nyssa told Sara when she saw the other assassins getting ready again. "Give them all you got, and I will make it worth your while later."
Sara could feel the heat of desire burning through her. She gave Nyssa a passionate kiss before going back to show her that she'd be counting on what she said.
"Are you really sure that I can't even watch?"
"You are both definitely insane, and perverted."
At the end of the day's training, a hot soothing bath prepared by Nyssa was waiting for Sara. She slowly stripped out of her clothes because her entire body ached, and gladly stepped in the tub. It was helping to ease the tension in her muscles. She closed her eyes as she began to relax.
Nyssa carefully looked over every feature of her, searching for any trace of change. She was still her Sara, she concluded.
"Are you just going to stare at me, or are you going to join in?"
"In a moment. I have something for you, first."
Nyssa held out a piece of paper. Another note. Sara smiled.
"I'm all wet. Read it to me."
Nyssa nodded and carefully unfolded the piece of paper. She took a deep breath then read.
My beloved Sara,
Seeing you out there beating the hell out of your body, pushing yourself to the limits, I should have been hurt and scared for you, for the pain you were enduring, but instead, what I felt most was pride. I saw your determination, your unyielding will to fight, survive and live on. That's what kept you alive and will keep you alive.
Never lose that. I need you. I need you alive and with me. Keep fighting and I will fight alongside you through every dark corner of life.
Forgive me that I was not as welcoming of your decision as you might have wanted. I should have been. You chose to be with me. But I realize just now that it wasn't just because this life would put you in danger that I was so afraid to let you in it, I was also afraid that you won't need me to protect you. I've been so used to doing it, and have convince myself that at least if you need me, I could be by your side. Protecting you could be my reason to always be there. But it doesn't matter anymore if you'd need me or not, you chose to be with me and that should be enough.
I don't know how you do it, but somehow you always manage to find a way into every part of my life. You are my life. I love you with all that I am, Sara Lance.
Yours now and always,
Nyssa
Sara's eyes were clouded with tears. She was immensely touched by her words. She was proud of her, and she has accepted her choice, because she did also choose to be with her. She hadn't realized how much it meant to Nyssa until now that she somehow chose to be with her. There were other reasons but that was what's most important. She knew now that Nyssa truly believes that she does love her.
"I will always need you. I need you because I love you. I choose you because I love you. There could be countless of possible reasons for me to need you, Nyssa, but me loving you is all the reason we need. And I will always find my way to you. I love you, Nyssa Raatko. I love you, then, now, always."