A Part of You
For the first time ever since she got shipwrecked on the Queen's Gambit, Sara finally got a much wanted peaceful sleep. But when she awoke and turned to her side, she found the other half of the bed empty, except for a piece of paper lying neatly on the pillow next to her. She rubbed her eyes and reaxhed out for it to read.
My dear Sara,
Thank you for last night. It had been great to have shared such an enthralling moment with you once more. I missed having conversations with you like that. I missed holding you in my arms until we fall asleep. I missed waking up and your mesmerizing beauty being the first thing I lay my eyes on. But forgive me that I am not by your side as you wake. I had to get up early for training. I would have loved to stay and just cuddle with you or just watch you sleep, but duty calls. I will be back for breakfast.
- Nyssa
Sara smiled to herself thinking 'Nyssa and her sweet notes and letters.' She tried to recall the numerous letters Nyssa had sent to her before. She remembered how Nyssa was able to make her fall through simple words put together endearingly on a piece of paper. She has an incredible way with words. And when she writes them down, somewhat making them permanent, it just seems so powerful and moving. She is able to paint a picture in your mind with just her written words. Simply captivating.
She decided to take a long shower as she waited for Nyssa's return. She had also written a note for her to find by the table near the bathroom. She stood under the spray of water with her eyes closed, feeling more relaxed as the water washed away the last remaining tension in her body.
Nyssa returned sweating profusely from morning training, but found the room empty with just the faint sound of the shower running. She smiled and thought of joining Sara. She found the note Sara left pinned under a book before she got to the door of the bathroom.
Nyssa,
It was a great night, wasn't it? I missed those too. And I missed your letters as well. It was nice finding your note when I woke up, but it would have been better if I had found you there instead. I remember how easy and natural things came between us. I remember how happy and content we were just being with each other. I hope to get that back. Let's work on it. Join me in the shower? I also remember a few moments we shared enjoying each other's company in such a setting.
~ Sara
Nyssa laughed inwardly. She thought she would surprise her by joining her, but it turns out she is expected. And was she flirting with her just then? Sara definitely was. She bit down on her lower lip in anticipation as she entered the bathroom. Sara hadn't noticed her presense until she had gone under the spray of water with her, and she wrapped her arms around her waist from behind. Sara leaned back pressing their bare skin even closer.
"Took you long enough."
"I found your note." Nyssa stated kissing her shoulder.
"You were supposed to like you were supposed to be there when I woke up." Sara tried to sound serious biting down a bubbling giggle.
"I'm sorry."
"Whatever. At least I was asleep and had no idea you left until a while ago, but you had to go through your morning with the guilt of leaving me to find an empty bed." Sara resorted to guilt tripping Nyssa as punishment, though she totally understood and was okay with it. She just wanted to tease her like how they used to tease each other once.
"I know what you're doing."
Sara turned around placing her arms around Nyssa's neck. "Is it working?" She asked with a coy smile.
Nyssa kissed the tip of her nose before replying, "yes."
"Good." Sara's smile spread a little with a hint of success. "Don't tell me that's how we'll be talking most of the time now."
"Didn't you miss my letters?"
Sara pretended to think about it. "Uhm. I don't know. Sure. Maybe."
"Oh. Okay. No, then." Nyssa teased back.
Sara pouted at her.
"What?" Nyssa feigned ignorance and Sara just continued pouting.
"Why won't you just admit that you did and you'd like me to write to you again?"
"Fine. Would you?"
"Of course. So, how was your sleep?" Nyssa combed her fingers through Sara's golden locks before she rested her hand just below her shoulder blade.
"It was...nice." Sara closed her eyes again and rested her head on Nyssa's shoulders.
Nyssa twined her fingers with Sara, while her other hand smoothed her hair up and down her back.
"No nightmares?"
Sara just shook her head no. And Nyssa felt relieved. She deserves at least a single night without those haunting her.
She lifted their twined hand to check Sara's fingers. They were already wrinkled from being soaked.
"Let's get out of here?" She asked as she kissed Sara's fingers one by one.
"Just a couple minutes more." Sara was trying to make the moment last in her mind. She just didn't want it to end.
"Okay" Nyssa replied, thinking the same thing.
They stayed in each other's embrace, relishing the intimate moment.
Nyssa finally turned the water off and pulled Sara out the shower. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body. She got another one and helped Sara dry off. Sara took the towel from her to dry her hair. And when she glanced at the mirror, she found Nyssa intently immersed with the scars on her back. She flinched and took a step away from Nyssa's touch.
"Don't do that."
"Do what?" Nyssa seemed confused, not knowing what she could have done to make Sara suddenly pull away from her once again.
"They're...hideous." She said referring to her scars as she wrapped the towel around her body trying to hide them.
"Says who?"
Nyssa moved closer and took Sara by the shoulders and drifted just above her elbows. She's puzzled that Sara would ever think of herself like that. She may not have referred to herself entirely, but calling a part of herself hideous?
"Did you ever think my scars were hideous?"
Sara's gaze rapidly snapped to Nyssa's, seemingly appalled by the thought.
"Never."
"Then why think of yours as?"
"They're different. You're a fighter. A warrior. It's part of who you are. Mine, they're..." Sara broke off not knowing how to explain.
Nyssa touched her cheek and smiled.
"It's sweet that you think of me that way. A warrior. Yes, they're a part of who I am. Now, so are yours. You're also a fighter, a survivor. You went through what might have been hell, but here you are still standing. They're a part of you now. Embrace them. Don't let them remind you of the pain you went through. See them as a reminder of the strength you had to pull through. You're beautiful, Sara, and they do not make you any less."
"You only say that because you love me."
Nyssa couldn't help but smile at her stubbornness.
"Yes, I do. I do love you. But I don't say those words to make you feel better, I say them because it's the way I see them. You are beautiful. Your scars, they give you a certain character, but still you are beautiful. Those who don't see you that way, don't even deserve to have you in their life. Everything about you is beautiful. When will you see that for yourself?"
A tear slipped away and down Sara's cheek. Nyssa always has her way of making her feel good about herself and making her insecurities go away. She's wonderful that way.
"Only if you keep reminding me." She said smiling back at the wonderful woman before her.
"That, I can do." Nyssa replied as she kissed her lightly on the lips.
Their faces so close to each other they're exchanging breaths. The moment growing more and more intimate every passing second. Desire clouded both their eyes. Nyssa tried to hold back, not wanting to push Sara into anything she's not ready for, but then Sara spoke.
"Make love to me, Nyssa."
Then the fire of desire in her bursted into flames. She caught Sara's mouth with hers. The kiss was filled with passion, hunger, desire. Desire that they both needed to release.
Nyssa lifted Sara by her legs, which she wrapped around Nyssa's hips. They didn't part from the kiss as Nyssa carried her out the bathroom to the bed. She laid her on her back, pulled away from the kiss, and solemnly looked her in the eyes.
"You should never feel like you have to hide anything from me, not your scars, not your nightmares, nothing. I love you, every part of you." Not waiting for a response in return, she crushed her lips back on Sara's.
Sara felt the overwhelming emotion bursting inside her. The glorious joy, burning desire, and unyielding love; they all swam inside her like a powerful force rushing to the surface. Love, she bloomed inside. How is it that she is able to make her feel so much? How could she ever have forgotten how to love her? She thought that maybe she should let her feel that she really meant on working it out between them.
She flipped Nyssa so that she was now on top. It surprised her that Sara wanted to take lead. She rarely took lead in bed. And Sara could read it in her eyes as if asking if she was sure.
"You don't have to do this for me."
"I'm doing this as much for you as for me. I love you, Nyssa."
The profession of love also came as a surprise which Sara caught of.
"You may not believe it yet, but I do love you."
And she poured every ounce of it on the kiss she then initiated. She kissed her so passionately as if her life depended on it. She started trailing kisses along Nyssa's jaw, down her neck, her collarbone, shoulder; going over every inch of her, leaving trails off electricity everywhere her lips touched. It wasn't a sensation Nyssa was used to. She was usually the one amaking the moves. And it was Sara's turn to show Nyssa the pleasure of being loved. Nyssa loved how it felt to just let go and let Sara take action of things. It's not something she could really get used to but would definitely indulge in from time to time, but only with Sara. She could only open herself up with Sara.
It was a different sensation to be on the receiving end of the pleasure, especially coming from her beloved. It was not the first time that Sara did it, but somehow it was different than before, more intense; or maybe it just needed to mean more to them now than before.
Back then, it was more about the fun and pleasure of it, now it's more about the intimacy and the hope it represents for their future together. And they both knew that.
Nyssa felt the hot breath of Sara on her mound, making her shudder. Sara hovered for another moment, killing Nyssa with the anticipation. Nyssa gripped the bed sheets and arched her back when Sara finally made contact with her mouth, then also with her tongue.
"Sara. Oh, Sara." She said her name over and over as she writhed in pleasure. And that fueled Sara's determination to take her over the edge even more.
She braced herself and clutched onto one of Sara's hands that was resting on her stomach, then an onslaught of an orgasm flooded through her system. Sara continued her administrations prolonging the immense pleasure Nyssa was experiencing. She savoured the hot sweet juices pouring out of her. And when Nyssa body started to relax as her orgasm subsided, Sara planted one last kiss on her mound before she went up to meet Nyssa's lips with hers. She loved the taste of her. And Nyssa was intoxicated to taste herself on Sara's lips.
They smiled sweetly at each other.
"That was..." Nyssa thought of a word to describe what Sara made her feel, but couldn't find one to express it entirely.
"Amazing? Incredible?" Sara supplied her.
"I love you." That would have been the closest and the best thing to say about it. It wasn't just the pleasure, it was the outpouring love Sara put in it that she felt and was overwhelmingly grateful for the most.
Sara's eyes sparkled as she looked into Nyssa's and saw what was reflected in them. She saw that Nyssa was finally ready to believe in her promise that she could love her the way she wants her to, the way she deserves to be loved. She saw hope that they could be together again, happy with each other again. Nyssa deserves every bit of that, and she was happy that she was able to show it to her and hopes she could continually do so for her.
"And I love you."
Nyssa's smile grew even more fonder and content. She loved hearing those words coming from her, and she was starting to believe them too now.
They shared another passionate kiss that followed a couple more love making until they both fell asleep in each other's arms.
Sara woke up with a smile on her face remembering what they just did a couple of hours ago, but the smile faded when she found the space beside her once again empty except for another piece of paper. She laid her head back on the pillow feeling disappointed and hurt that Nyssa wasn't there again. She thought after that, after the bounderies they just crossed, she would at least want to stay with her until she wakes or would have woken her up before she left. She shook those thought away thinking that there must be something really important that had come up, and it's not like she could ask Nyssa to put her life on hold when she's the one who's entered her life now being in Nanda Parbat.
She reached for the note and read.
Hello beautiful. I can find no words to describe what we just shared. I believe this is a new beginning for us. And I am very grateful to have you back in my arms. If you just know how much.
You fear that this could be one of your nightmares, and that you'd wake up and all this would be gone. If this is indeed a nightmare, I would relive it over and over even if it means losing you everytime, as long as it means I could be with you like this just the same.
You are a dream and a nightmare to me. Everytime you are with me, everytime you smile and laugh, it lifts me up. It lights everything up for me. But everytime you hurt, it hurts me. Everytime you leave, it breaks and kills me.
If this is a nightmare, you will get through it. I have. You know I have and you are much stronger than I am, therefore you can. Embrace your scars and the horrors they bring, they are a part of you, like you are a part of me. No matter how much you wish them away, they would always remain, even if you physically remove them, the memories will always remain.
I love you. Every part of you. Forever and always.
- Nyssa
A tear slipped down Sara's cheek. She's forgiven her and she is hoping for a future together, that's what her letter was about. It didn't matter what they went through together or separately, they all lead to them being here with each other once more. Sara was a part of her. And she knew that there was no need to hide or deny that she has always felt that Nyssa would forever be a part of her. They are a part of each other.
"I made you cry."
It was only then that Sara noticed that Nyssa was sitting on the chair right across the bed, wearing only a silky black robe. She was watching her. She was watching her sleep.
"Sorry I made you think I left."
"You just had to, didn't you?"
Nyssa smile sheepishly before walking over to the bed, sitting beside Sara.
"Yeah, I couldn't help it. At least now I know never to leave without letting you know myself, unless it is urgent."
"Don't you have to go train or something?"
Nyssa lifted her chin to make sure she sees her in her eyes.
"This is where I'd rather be. They can try and drag me out."
"But no one would dare."
"True. I am all yours for the rest of the day."
"Just the rest of the day?" Sara challenged.
"I have always been yours. And always will be."
Sara loved the response she got from Nyssa. She knew how true it was for her. It made her think of a way on how to express herself in a grander way. How would Nyssa say it?
Sara took a deep breath before speaking. "You say I am a part of you. I want you to know that you are a part of me too. We are like two pieces bound to always find each other and be together for eternity. This may be a nightmare, but with you, I am less afraid, because I know, no matter what, we will always find one another."
And it was Nyssa's turn to be mesmerized by her words. Two pieces bound together for eternity. Bound by fate? By chance? By love? It didn't matter, because she also believes it to be true. They are bound to each other.