Secret Desire (Nyssara Fanfic)

"You didn't reply to my text last night." Max said in a bit of panic. "What happened? Did you really tell her?"

Sara still felt a bit guilty that she had totally forgotten and of the events that had transpired last night, even if some of those were just in her dreams.

"No. I fell asleep."

"The whole time?"

"Sort of. We were eating ice cream, then she found a letter in my book."

"Really? What did it say?" Max asked, curious. She had forgotten the real reason she wanted to talk to Sara.

Sara can't remember as her thoughts were wandering when Nyssa was reading it to her, but of course, she doesn't have to tell Max about that. Of how soothing and sensual Nyssa sounded as she read the poem. How it made her insides flutter and turn. She had kept telling herself that the only reason she had pictured Nyssa in her dreams was because her voice was all she could hear everytime she thinks of reading the letters. She also thought that she might be in denial, but what the hell, her friend just told her about her long life crush and she can't and shouldn't screw it up.

"It was a poem. Can't exactly remember the words. I'll let you read it at home next time."

"A poem? Wow! He's sweet, thoughtful and poetic! Can't wait to read it. Just tell me if it's good."

"Yeah. It's..." Sara paused thinking of a safe way to describe the poem she barely recalls.

"Wow! It's leaving you speechless. It has to be good. Anyway, I'll see you later."

Sara had been thinking about Nyssa all day. She had also been looking for her so she could talk to her about the kiss and about Max, but Nyssa was no where to be found. A number of thoughts came rushing through Sara's mind as to why Nyssa could have been absent.

She could just be sick, even thought Nyssa doesn't seem to be the type to be fazed by any sickness, maybe unless it was life-threatening. With that thought in mind, Sara's heart sank as panic came kicking in. Then the thought that maybe she had gotten into some accident or something added. Sara was really starting to get worried. She knew that those things are less likely to happen, but she couldn't help but worry. Then there was one more thought that has been bothering her. And it was the one that hurt the most. It's that maybe she had driven her away after what she had done, but she kissed her back right after, or she was just being polite and was too nice to say otherwise.

It hadn't helped any of Sara's worries when Nyssa was still gone the next day. And the only person she could think of that might know where she is and how she is, which is Alec, is also not around. It relieved her a little though, that maybe since Alec was also not there, he might be with Nyssa. At least she not alone. And it does seem to her that Alec would make sure nothing bad would happen to Nyssa by the way her hovers and guards her.

Max had noticed and called her on her strange paranoid behavior. Of course she can't tell her why without letting her know that she had basically screwed her over with Nyssa. She tried telling her some lame story, and knew that Max didn't buy it, but at least she would leave it alone for a while.

And it wasn't only Max who had noticed Sara's odd behavior. Nate had seen her incessantly looking around like she was in grave search of something or someone the past two days. It was only then that he realized that maybe she's looking for Nyssa. Of course she wouldn't think of asking him. He's not exactly someone relevant to Nyssa for him to know all her plans, but he has an idea where she is. And it wasn't ever her who had informed him. It was Alec who told him about the unexpected trip because he said he was going to miss a couple of football practices.

Nate walked up to a seemingly stressed out Sara. She was again looking through crowds, waiting for Nyssa to magically appear there.

"Hey."

Sara hadn't noticed him and was startled by his greeting, she almost jumped out of her skin.

"Oh, Nate. Hi."

"How are you?"

"I'm good." Sara lied, wanting him to just go away and leave her alone. She didn't take her eyes off the passing crowds.

"I'm sorry about yesterday."

"It wasn't your fault."

Nate could see that she was starting to get annoyed and clearly wanted to be left alone, so he just had to get straight to the point.

"Looking for Nyssa?"

Sara whirled to look at him and eyed him cautiously. Was she being too obvious, she thought, and just stood there without any answer.

"Okay. If you are looking for Nyssa, you should know that they'd be gone for about two weeks."

Sara wanted to ask more. She wanted to know how and why he knew. Where exactly did she go? What is she doing? How is she? Is she okay? Is she really going to come back? But she didn't want it to look like such a big deal to her, so she pretended like it was trivial information.

"Okay. Thanks."

She badly wanted to call Nyssa to ask her all those questions herself, but she remembered that she doesn't have Nyssa's phone number. She doesn't even know if Nyssa has a phone. She hasn't exactly seen her using one.

Sara was starting to get frustrated that she was fretting over Nyssa so much. She doesn't even know why. She knew she's starting to care about Nyssa but she's not even like this when it comes to Max. She's really getting confused with what she's feeling.

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Nyssa was walking on her way home from Sara's when a messenger of the League approached her and told that she was being summoned to Nanda Parbat. She didn't want to go. She didn't want to leave Sara even if she knew it was just going to be for a week or two. She definitely didn't want to go without letting her know, but she couldn't just turn back around to her house to tell her. Time is essential. And if she is being summoned to Nanda Parbat, she couldn't waste any time. She knew she shouldn't make her father wait. She doesn't want to give him anymore reason not to let her go back to Starling City; back to Sara. He already doesn't approve of her staying there, especially for her reasons, but he still lets her.

When she had arrived to Nanda Parbat, there was no warm welcome for the daughter that had been gone for quite a long time. She had long accepted that she would never have a normal relationship with her father, the way fathers and daughters are as she had seen during her stay at Starling City. She doesn't resent it, but she just wishes for it even a little bit. However, she knew that it would never happen, her father is not like those other girls' fathers. Theirs may be a head of a corporation, but hers is the Head of the Demon, Ra's al Ghul.

She was given a mission along with Alec and two more members of the league. She couldn't wait to get it done. The time couldn't move fast enough for her to finish it and get back to Sara. A bit distracted with thoughts of Sara, she wasn't able to react fast enough and a bullet grazed her on the left arm, which she tended to when the mission was done.

"What were you thinking?" Alec reprimanded as she stitched herself up.

She just looked up at him and continued tending on her wound.

"You weren't thinking clearly. You could have gotten yourself killed."

"Well, I wasn't. I am not easily killed."

"You know that your father is right. She is a weakness."

Her gaze grew deadly that warned him that if he dared say more, he would be the one needing stitching, so he just left her alone.

The journey back to Starling City seemed faster than it actually was, as she took that time to rest. As Nyssa slept, Sara flooded her dreams. She had brought light to the darkness, as she had said. And before Nyssa knew it, she was back at Starling. She wanted so badly to go directly and see Sara, but it was in the middle of the night. She didn't want to disturb her sleep, so she just stayed at her house thinking of seeing Sara again.

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The two weeks have passed, and Sara was less paranoid about Nyssa, but she still worried a little. She would sit down at chemistry with a longing look at the empty seat beside her. She would do the same every time she passed by the archery grounds. And she hoped that it would be different that day. She hoped that Nyssa would finally be back.

She thought she was dreaming when she walked in her chemistry class and saw Nyssa at their table looking out the window.

"Is it really you? Or am I dreaming?" Sara cautiously asked. She didn't want to get her hopes up.

Nyssa turned and smiled at her, but it faded a little when she saw the worried look on Sara's face.

"It's me. I apologize if I had worried you for leaving like that."

Sara tried to contain the turmoil of emotions wanting to explode inside her. She didn't know if she was trying to deny how much it affected her to Nyssa or to herself. Either way, she didn't want to let all those confusing emotions out, so she just sat down next to Nyssa and didn't say anything else.

"Would you still want me to come over later?" Nyssa asked when the class ended.

"I...I'll think about it." Sara replied. She wants to spend some time with Nyssa now that she's finally back, but she doesn't know if she could deal with it yet.

Even though Sara was conflicted with Nyssa's return, she could see how excited Max was to see her back. She couldn't stop talking about her. More now that she's back. Max pleaded with her to go meet with Nyssa and talk to her like they normally do. She tried to refuse, but she would have to explain her reasons why she didn't want to. Reasons that aren't even clear to herself.

Sara caught up with Nyssa at the parking lot when the day ended.

"Hey." She said somberly.

"Hey."

"I know we need to do this. We definitely need to study since I understood absolutely nothing when you were away. And I need to talk to you about something."

"Okay."

"But can we do it at your place?"

"Alright. Let me just get the extra helmet in Alec's jeep."

"Helmet?"

"I brought my bike today. Or would you be more comfortable riding the jeep?"

"No. It's okay." Sara was a bit nervous. She hasn't ridden a motorcycle before.

Nyssa helped her put on the helmet and hopped on the motorcycle. Sara was standing beside her, staring at the thing in front of her.

"Have you ridden one of these before?"

"Yeah. Totally."

Nyssa raised her brow at her, clearly not believing her lie.

"No."

"You sure you don't want the jeep?"

"Yeah. This would be...fun."

She finally hopped on and put her arms around Nyssa in a tight embrace. They whirled through the streets and Sara realized that she was enjoying it. She hadn't noticed that the ride was over until she saw the huge house standing in front of her. It wasn't as big as the Queens' house, but it was still big.

When they went inside, she was in awe of he amazing architecture, but was a bit sad about the lack of personal touches, well lack of furniture even, in the beautiful spacious house.

"It's beautiful, but it looks so empty."

"We don't need much things and we need the space to train."

"Oh."

Nyssa led her to her room which was equally as empty and plain as the other rooms of the house. Everything was neatly tucked in their own places. They began to study in silence, which grew a little awkward, so Nyssa spoke.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was leaving. It was unexpected."

"It's fine."

"Are you mad?"

"No." Sara said without even looking up from the book she wasn't even reading.

"Really? You can't even look at me right now."

She finally looked up and saw the sincerity on Nyssa's face. She put the book down and crawled to sit on Nyssa's lap. She placed her arms around Nyssa's neck and leaned her forehead to hers.

"Oh Nyssa. I'm not mad at you. I'm hurt though, but now I know that you would have told be if you could have."

"I'm sorry."

"To be totally honest, I thought you left because of me."

"Never. I missed you every single moment that I was away."

Nyssa put her hands on both sides of Sara's hip, pulling her closer to her.

"Please. I doubt that." Sara said more at ease, then she saw the healing wound Nyssa had on her arm. Nyssa followed where she was looking.

"I told you."

"What the hell were you doing?"

"Nothing I couldn't handle and nothing that you should worry about."

"Okay. I trust you."

"You haven't told me how much you missed me." Nyssa said with a smile to lighten the mood again.

"Who said I did?"

"There I was thinking of you day and night, and you could even bother to give me a second of your day?"

Sara threw her head back and let out a hearty laugh.

"Oh, I missed you so much, Nyssa."

"I'm glad."

"Wait. Why is that Nate knows about your trip though?"

"Alec. He was here waiting for me and had the time to call him about missing practices."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"I don't have your number. And I rarely use my phone."

"Give it to me." Nyssa handed her her phone and Sara typed away on it. "Now you have a reason to use it more."

Nyssa just smiled at her and took her phone back.

"How are you and Nate anyway?"

"I already told him that we can only be friends."

"Oh. So, are you just not interested in him or all guys in general? Are you really more interested in women?"

"Yes."

"Are you interested in me?"

"I'd have to be stupid or blind not to be."

"Are you flirting with me?"

"I think you're the one flirting, and I'm just responding. And trust me, you'll know when I am. If not, I'll tell you."

That got another generous laugh out of Sara.

"Not what I need to be doing." Sara remembered that she had to talk to her about Max. "You know Max, right?"

"Your friend. Yes."

"Do you like her?"

Nyssa could sense where it was going and didn't answer.

"You see. She has this huge crush on you. Doesn't seem like it, I know. But I need a huge favor. Can you ask her out?" Sara said as quick as she could so she would lose the courage to do so.

"You're asking me to go out with your friend." Nyssa was a bit disappointed and hurt, but she wouldn't show, and decided to be a bit playful again. "While you're sitting on my lap and our arms wrapped around each other?"

Sara became hyper aware of how they might look at the moment and tried to move back, but Nyssa held her in place.

"Don't. If I'm going to do that, I don't want how we are together to change."

"You're going to do it?"

"Yes."

Sara didn't know why it pained her so much to hear Nyssa say that.

"Thank you."

"I want you to know that I'm doing it because you asked. If I do end up liking her, we'll see. But now, I'm doing it only for you."

Sara didn't know what to do. Her heart welled with emotions. Part of her wants to run off as far and as fast as she could. And another wants to hold Nyssa even closer to her and never let go.

If only she knew how much more Nyssa was willing to do just for her.