Dreams
Sara almost forgot to write a reply letter the night before, after she and Nyssa had finished studying. And she almost left it at home because she was so nervous about the test. She realized how much more nerve-racking it was that she had prepared and the possibility of her failing still there. She took a deep breath to calm herself. She opened her locker and didn't find a note. Good she thought, she wanted to leave hers before the guy.
Dear...YOU,
Yeah. Ialsocan'tthinkofanametocallyou. So, tellmeaboutthosedreams? I'vealsodreamtofyou. Well, sortof. CauseIstilldon'tknowwhatyoulooklike, you'rekindoflikeashape shifterinmydreams. Iimaginedifferenttypesofyoutryingtoguess. Maybeoneofthoseguessesmightbeclosetotherealone. IhopeIdon'thavetoimagineanymore. Soon.
~Sara
"Hey! God! I've been studying all night and I don't know if something did get stuck in my brain. I think I'm going to be sick. I don't want to take the test."
Max walked up to Sara by her locker being dramatic and feigning sickness.
"You look awful."
Max had dark circles under her eyes.
"I know. And you look...nervous. But other than that you look...great. I hate you. What did you do? Didn't you study?" She was giving Sara an accusatory look.
"I did. With Nyssa."
"Oh. And?" Max tried to mask the jealousy with disinterest.
"I think I understood some. I just hope I don't forget."
"Oh. I hate you."
"You love me. And I didn't tell you to figure all those out on your own."
"Yeah. My mistake. Ben's notes are neat and very organized. He even put sticky papers to guide me."
"But?"
"It's freaking boring and difficult to understand nonetheless!"
"You should ask him to teach you. He'd do that. He likes you."
"Maybe. Or can't I just group study with you and Nyssa? It'll be more fun?"
Max was hoping. It will be like killing two birds with one stone. She'd get her studying in and get to spend time with Nyssa...well, and Sara. She loves her best friend and she knows she'll have to tell her eventually, so whatever goes.
"I don't know. It's kinda off when you put studying and fun together. It mostly ends up fun with you." Sara was a bit hesitant. She'd want to help Max but she considers those study sessions, if they were to continue, to be her and Nyssa's thing. It's weird that she's feeling kind of possessive about it. She just really enjoyed spending time with Nyssa. Just the two of them. "But, sure, I'll ask Nyssa."
As if on cue, Nyssa walked by them and heard her name being said.
"Ask me what?"
Feeling a bit shy and not wanting to be part of the conversation, especially in case Nyssa says no, Max excused herself. Nyssa on the other hand was just looking at Sara waiting for the question.
"Walk with me."
Nyssa obliged even when Sara took her hand in hers.
"What is it about?"
Max saw them walking through the hallway hand in hand, and couldn't help but feel envious. But at least they are close enough that maybe Sara could persuade Nyssa to let her join their study sessions.
"Sara." Nyssa held her ground with Sara's hand still in hers to keep her from walking and avoiding the conversation. And she can clearly see the hesitation in Sara's movements.
"Nothing. It's just... Max was wondering if you could also help her study. If she could join our study sessions."
Sara was nibbling on her lower lip and wouldn't look at Nyssa.
"I see. Why do I get the feeling you don't want me to?"
Sara's head snapped up to look at Nyssa. The frankness of Nyssa's words had caught her off guard.
"It's not that. I... Ah... Nevermind."
Sara tried to walk away but Nyssa's firm grip kept her in place.
"Sara. Look at me."
But she wouldn't look.
"If you don't want it, then we won't do it."
"She's my friend. I want to help her. Is it okay with you?"
"Is it okay with you?"
"Nyssa."
"Sara, you got me first. To be honest, I don't even do this at all, but I'm doing it for you. I'm making it up to you, aren't I? This is all you. It's your call. If you're not comfortable with it or you think you won't be able to concentrate with her around, then we won't do it."
Nyssa was hoping that Sara won't change her mind and insist on Max joining them. She too doesn't want to share her time with Sara.
Sara finally looked at Nyssa.
"Why do you have to be so nice?"
To that, Nyssa just smiled.
"But I don't know what to tell her."
"Then let me."
They started walking again, hands still linked together.
"No, she's my friend. I should tell her."
"Okay."
When they had to part ways for each of their classes, both were reluctant to let go of the other, but they had to, so they just lingered a little longer.
"I'll see you later. Thanks, Nyssa."
Nyssa gave her hand a slight squeeze before letting go.
"Of course."
---------------
Sara was still thinking about how selfish she was being trying to keep Nyssa to herself, when wasn't even hers to keep. It's stupid really, she thought, added to the fact that not just long ago she was so pissed at Nyssa when she almost drilled an arrow through her head, and now she's being possessive of her. She can't think about it now. She really shouldn't, especially since chemistry was her next class. Fog-headed, she hadn't realized thay she had gone to her locker and opened it. When she did, she found a beautiful lively sunflower and a note.
Thoughtthiswouldbrightenyourday. Thelivelinessofsunflowersalwaysremindmeofyou. Goodluckonyourtest.
~ME
Sara let out a small giggle. 'ME. That'scute.' Sara thought to herself as she took both the note and the flower and tucked both carefully in her bag.
Sara sat beside Nyssa in class as they waited for the test papers to be handed out.
"You're happy." Max wad seated just in front of them. "Who's that from?" She pointed to the sunflower hanging on Sara's bag. "Is it from him?" Max gleefully asked.
Sara blushed a little and hoped Max wouldn't make so much fuss about it. "Yeah, it is."
"It suits you." Nyssa commented which made Sara blush even more.
"Thanks. You think I could pass this?"
"You can do this." Nyssa reached out for Sara's hand under the table and gave it a reassuring squeeze. It eased Sara's nerves and was able to answer the test with extreme concentration and clamness.
"Oh, that was hell! I don't want to do that again. I need to eat something good. Burgers or pizza later?" Max kept on complaining after the test, she was mostly confused about everything, but Sara thought it wasn't that bad, she remembered some and hopefully she'd get a good grade.
"Sure. Hey, Nyssa! We're going for pizza or burgers later after school. Would you like to join?" Sara hurried off to Nyssa when she saw her. "It's just me and Max. She's stressed, she wants to eat. A lot. You can bring Alec...or Nate."
She deliberately mentioned Nate to tease her and got a small in return.
"I would love to, but I actually have plans for later."
Sara was a bit disappointed which she tried not to show but Nyssa caught on.
"Oh. Alright. You going out with Nate?" She tried again to be playful.
"Not a chance. Anyway, I have to go. And Max is waiting for you."
Max was impatiently looking around and glancing back at them.
"Have you talked to her?"
"Not yet."
Now, it was evident that Sara was a bit uncomfortable about it and was chewing on her bottom lip again.
----------
Sara and Max were walking by shops choosing where to eat.
"So, you haven't told me. What did Nyssa say?"
Sara's mind was else where. "Say about what?"
"The group study thing."
"I...I don't know. She's not sure about it."
Sara's been trying to avoid having the conversation the entire day and now she still doesn't know what to say
"You two seem close already and she kinda owes you, right? Can't you persuade her?"
"Don't you think that's imposing too much?" Sara's tone came out a little harsher than she had intended.
"Woah! Okay. Maybe I'll ask her myself. Cranky much? Anyway, let's eat here."
They entered the small pizza place and were looking for empty seats, when they spotted a beautiful blonde girl waving and calling out to them.
"Sara! Max! Hey!"
They walked over to her and didn't notice the other girl sitting across from the blonde.
"Hi Rebecca!" Sara greeted her with a warm smile and a hug lifting her cranky mood a little.
Rebecca's like an older sister to Sara. Sometimes even more than her actual sister, Laurel is. She was the captain of the cheer squad before she graduated the year before and had always looked out for Sara.
"It's been a while, huh? It's great to see you two. Oh, by the way. I don't know if you know each other she also goes to school and is the same year with you guys..."
It was just then that Sara and Max noticed the dark-haired beauty sitting across from Rebecca.
"Nyssa?" Sara said with a bit surprise.
"Hi Sara."
"Good! You know each other. Join us. I already ordered if you don't mind."
The two girls slowly slid into the booth sitting beside the other two. Max beside Rebecca. And Sara beside Nyssa.
"So, how do you know each other?" Max asked while Sara just sat silently.
"Well..." Rebecca adjusted herself in her seat trying to get more comfortable.
"Nyssa and I..." She looked over to Nyssa as if asking permission, and Nyssa just shrugged her shoulders giving her one. "We...dated."
Max and Sara went wide-eyed in shock.
"You dated? As in each other?" Max asked and couldn't help but gape at them.
"Yeah. That's how it works."
"You're gay?"
Rebecca gave out a hearty laugh.
"God, Max! That wasn't a secret. I can't believe you didn't know."
Sara looked at Nyssa accusingly. She didn't exactly know how she felt about the information and what to say or how to react to it.
"You said you don't date." She finally said to Nyssa.
"I don't." Nyssa answered flatly. She could feel the stares of the three girls, all full of question, which she just ignored.
"Then... Why? I'm confused." Sara huffed out a frustrated breath, straightened in her seat, and paid no attention to the curious looks of Max and Rebecca.
"What is she talking about?" Rebecca asked Nyssa, but Nyssa didn't answer.
"Nyssa. Sara?" Rebecca's tone became more serious.
Nyssa gave a quick glance at Sara, waiting if she was going to tell the story. Nyssa really wanted to reach over to Sara, hold her, tell her what ever it is she wanted her to say, wipe away the pissed off look on Sara's face, and make her smile, but she clamped down the urge to do so.
Not being able to take Sara's silence any longer, Nyssa spoke up.
"Nathaniel. Remember the guy I just told you about?"
Max's brows drew closer together in confusion, not being able to follow through with the conversation, while realization dawned on Rebecca's face.
"Oh. The one who asked you out."
She looked closely at Sara trying to get a read on her reactions.
"In all technicality, Nyssa doesn't date. We were together but we didn't actually date. We sort of just happened. We were together for months already before I was able to get her to go out on a date with me. I know it's confusing. Basically, she doesn't like labeling things. If it happens, it happends. No need to define it. And no offense to Nate, he's cute and nice, but he's not Nyssa's type."
"But it's okay if you label it?" Max added.
"Yeah! Of course. She'll agree to anything I say. Not really. Almost. She loves me that much to let me define us."
"Then why did you two break up?"
"I graduated. We agreed to giving each other the chance to see someone else."
Nyssa and Sara were just silent at their side of the booth as Max and Rebecca talked.
"Drifted apart?"
"No. We still love each other." Rebecca longingly looked at Nyssa pausing a while before she continued. "But I knew Nyssa was in love with someone else."
Any other thought on the subject was cut off when their pizza arrived. Other topics were discussed, but Sara just sat their silently as she ate her pizza slice.
They finished and said their goodbyes, with Sara not saying another word throughout.
-----------
Sara was lying asleep on her bed. She twisted and turned a little, and felt slim strong arms wrapping her in a tender embrace. She carefully turned to face the person beside her, wanting to keep the warm touch on her.
"Nyssa?"
Nyssa opened her eyes and lifted her hand to brush Sara's cheeks.
"I'm here, Sara."
Sara drew her body closer to Nyssa's, wanting to feel her warmth. She looked back at Nyssa's face, taking in the beautiful woman lying beside her. She could feel her heart racing as she leaned in closer. Inches away from touching her lips to hers. She took in a shaky breath...
Sara opened her eyes finding her heart racing from the dream she just had. She turned in her bed and there was no one there with her.
"What the hell was that?"
----------
Sara,
Inmydreams, Ioftenfindmyselfrunning. Runningfromsomething. Runningaftersomething. Sometimesafteryou. Eachtimealongtheway, Iwouldfindyou. Wenormallydon'ttalk. Ijustwalktoyou, holdyou, andhopeIwouldneverhavetoletgo. TherearetimesthatIwouldfindyou, Iwouldruntoyoubutyouseemtoofaraway, thenyouwouldsmileatme, andnothingelsewould matter. Iwouldwakeupwithasmileonmyface.
TherewasatimethatIwaschasingafteryou. Iwasrunningdownstairs, jumpingoverthings. Youweren'tgoingthatfastbutIfeltIhadtodoallthosethingsjusttocatchuptoyou. AndwhenIdid, Ifoundyoucrying. Itbrokemyheart. Iaskedyouwhybutyoudidn'tanswer. Iheldyouclosetome. Itoldyouitwillallbeokay. I'mhereforyou. AndItoldyouhowIfeelaboutyou.
Iwanttobethatforyou. Theonetomakethingsokayforyou. Theonetomakeyousmileandmakeyoufeelbetterwhenyoucry. ButIguessIhavetoletyouknowwhoIamfirst. Intime.
~Me
The letter and the dream she had of Nyssa the other day had left Sara's thoughts floating. She wanted to apologize to Nyssa for how she acted the other day with Rebecca. She still hadn't talked to her. Hadn't thanked her for helping her get a C+ on her chemistry test. Her mind had just been somewhere else all day.
She looked all over for Nyssa when classes ended. She found her fixing her things by the archery range.
"Nyssa, can we talk?"
Nyssa was getting her gear ready for a practice. She put everything down and turned to Sara.
"Are you still mad at me?"
Sara bit her lip feeling embarassed by her actions.
"I wasn't mad at you. I actually don't know how I felt then. Most likely stupid. I guess. I'm sorry."
"No need to apologize."
"I also wanted to thank you for helping me study and I thought maybe you'd like to go buy some ice cream or what."
Nyssa walked back to her things without saying a word, making Sara think that she was shooting her down.
"I'll just put these back."
When she finished putting away her gear, she walked over to Sara. She lifted Sara's chin a little with her finger to make her look at her straight in the eyes.
"We're not going anywhere unless you smile for me, Sara. I feel you're still mad at me when you don't."
Sara blushed a little and smiled.
"Better."
-----------
They went to a cozy pastry shop for some cake. Sara bought them a slice each. A decadent chocolate cake for herself and a creamy cheesecake for Nyssa.
"Of course." Nyssa smiled to herself.
"What?"
"Nothing. Do you know you smell like cheesecake?"
"Really?"
"Yeah. I caught your scent when you were getting too close to me in chemistry. Sweet, subtle, and a touch of lemon."
"Oh. Maybe my soap." Sara was surprised and touched that Nyssa noted little details about her like that.
They fell in silence for a while. Just taking small bites off their cakes and glancing up at each other.
The image of her dream still vivid in her mind and the one that the guy had painted in her thoughts from the note, Sara got curious about Nyssa's dreams.
"Nyssa. Can I ask you something? I know it's strange, but..."
"What is it?"
Sara put down her fork and looked at Nyssa straight on.
"What do you dream about when you're sleeping?"
The oddity and randomness of the question made Nyssa smile and think.
"Mostly, it's darkness. There are times that I would see a light. Sometimes faint, sometimes bright. But there's always darkness."
Nyssa looked out to the distance as if she was dreaming while awake. What she left out to say was that in her dream, the light was Sara.