Scarlatina

Therese slept most of the night without needing another dose of aspirin for her fever. She did, however, wake up several times whimpering in pain and scratching her rash. Carol pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"Shh, sweetheart. Oh, I know you don't feel well. My poor baby."

"It's so itchy, Carol," Therese pouted. She scratched her arm, where, in the half-light, the garish red circles of the rash gleamed. Carol looked at her arm and then up at Therese's miserable face.

"Well, I'm sure I've got some calamine lotion that might help." She slipped out of bed, and Therese sat up, slipping her thumb into her mouth, and then promptly removing it again with a grimace. Carol smiled at her. "Doesn't taste very good?"

"It tastes awful. Carol, I need you." Therese tossed her head in irritation. "I'm thirsty."

"All right, darling. I'll bring some water, too."

In the bathroom, Carol found the calamine lotion she usually used for mosquito bites and rashes with Rindy in the back of the medicine cabinet. She filled Therese's bottle with water and brought it back, hoping that the girl would have fallen back to sleep. Instead, she met Therese's eyes across the room and had to stifle a laugh at her pouting face. At least she was doing well enough to pout, thought Carol.

"Here's your water, Therese." Carol handed Therese the bottle and then, after Therese had sucked thirstily at it for awhile, uncapped the bottle of lotion. "Where do you need it, darling?"

Therese squirmed uncomfortably. "I don't know. Everywhere. It's so itchy." And suddenly, she burst into tears, rubbing at her red and slightly swollen face. "I just need you."

"Oh, Therese. Shh." Carol climbed into bed beside her baby and took Therese in her arms, brushing Therese's sweaty bangs away from her forehead. Therese turned her face into Carol's nightgown and let out a long, shuddering sigh. At that, Carol's breasts twinged, and she stroked Therese's hair.

"Would you like to nurse, sweetie?"

Therese nodded against Carol's nightgown. "I'm thirsty."

Carol suddenly realized what Therese had meant by her earlier insistence about being thirsty. "You can just ask me," she said softly, untying the front of her nightgown. "It's all right, darling."

Therese immediately latched on, her latch stronger than it had been in the past twenty-four hours. Carol felt a strange welling feeling in her breasts as Therese sucked, and then suddenly Therese choked a little bit, unlatching to wipe her mouth. She looked confused.

"It came out so fast!"

"I think the milk is probably in now," said Carol, trying not to feel uncomfortable by this turn of events. "And you've been nursing almost like normal, haven't you?" She reached over to the nightstand and took a tissue from the box, wiping Therese's face, and then smiling as Therese latched back on, sucking more slowly this time. She kneaded Carol's breast a little, almost unconsciously. The feeling was strange, but almost pleasurable, and Therese swallowed more often when she kneaded.

Holding Therese close like this and knowing that she was finally taking in some nourishment made Carol relax. She closed her eyes and leaned against the headboard, feeling her body melt bonelessly into the bed. Therese smiled contentedly around her breast and after a moment, unlatched, yawning. Carol opened her eyes.

"Do you feel better now, darling?"

"Not thirsty anymore," murmured Therese, but she squirmed. "Um . . ."

"But you need to be changed. That's actually good," said Carol, and kissed Therese's forehead. "It means you're not as dehydrated as you were. I don't think you've been dry for so long ever - it was making me quite worried."

Therese put her thumb in her mouth again, but immediately removed it and whimpered, tossing her head irritably against the sheets as Carol turned on the bedside light and went to the wardrobe to get Therese a fresh diaper. Carol made a noise of sympathy and came back to Therese, rubbing her tummy comfortingly.

"I'm sorry your thumb isn't giving you any comfort, sweetheart. Maybe we should try to find a pacifier for you."

"You're just happy I can't suck my thumb," grumbled Therese. Carol couldn't help a smile, then.

"Well, you might not have scarlet fever if you did keep your hands away from your mouth," she reminded Therese, but before she changed her, Carol unscrewed the nipple of Therese's bottle and handed it to her baby. "Try that and tell me if you feel any better."

Therese put the nipple into her mouth as Carol unpinned her sodden diaper. She sucked a few times on it and grimaced, but she continued to suck on it regardless, her blue-green eyes following Carol as she folded Therese's new diaper and pinned it on her securely. While Carol had Therese undressed, she rubbed some calamine onto her bottom and considered Therese's plastic pants.

"I can't help but think they're just making that rash worse."

"We don't have any clean sheets," said Therese around her pacifier. "I can't go without."

"Oh, darling." Carol leaned down and kissed Therese. "I know you worry so much about that. I'm so sorry for bringing it up. It's all right, you know. It's so very inconsequential."

"I don't want to make trouble for you," murmured Therese, and turned her face away from Carol. She picked up the pants and handed them to Carol. "Better put them on."

Carol did as Therese asked, but after she'd gotten Therese dressed, she washed her hands and then spread calamine lotion on Therese's itchy rash. "There now," said Carol. "That has to feel better."

Already Therese's eyes were drooping. "Yes, mama," she murmured, and Carol felt a faint shot of surprise at the word. So Therese was going to continue to call her "mama", then. She went to wash her hands again, the distinctive scent of the calamine lotion clinging to her hands regardless of soap and water, and then climbed back in bed beside her little girl. Therese immediately turned into Carol and nuzzled into her breasts again.

"Are you still thirsty, sweetheart?" Carol stroked Therese's hair, feeling an exhaustion settle over her. Therese nodded and shyly pulled at the ribbon on Carol's nightgown. She knew she wasn't to fiddle with Carol's clothing, but Carol bit back the reprimand on her tongue as she saw how sweet Therese looked, her little fingers playing with the ribbon at Carol's chest.

"You know better than that, you little monkey," Carol whispered, but she kissed Therese's forehead and cheeks and then pushed her hands away gently. Since Therese had nursed on the left side before, Carol gently guided her to the right side, and pulled her close as Therese closed her eyes and latched on. They had only tried side-lying nursing once or twice before, Therese not really liking it much, but Carol was too tired to sit up. She fell asleep as Therese nursed, feeling the exhaustion and worry of the day overtake her.

//~//

Carol woke Therese the next morning for her penicillin dose. Therese moaned and threw a hand over her eyes. "No. No pill," she murmured.

"Therese. If you don't take your medicine, you're going to feel worse again. Much worse, in fact, because your body is still fighting this illness. Now, be a good girl and take your pill, and then I'll bring you some breakfast in bed, how does that sound?"

Therese squinted open her eyes and grimaced at Carol, but she obediently took her pill and then held out her arms to Carol. "Carol, can't I nurse to take the yucky taste away?"

Carol climbed back into bed and took Therese in her arms, patting her bottom securely. "You can nurse, but I think you need to be changed first. And I'd like you to eat some real food this morning. You can't live on milk, darling."

"But I don't want anything to eat," pouted Therese. "My tummy doesn't feel good."

Carol smiled down at her fussy baby. "And it probably doesn't feel good because it's hungry. I can tell that's why you're so fussy this morning."

Therese looked a lot better than she had yesterday - her eyes were definitely brighter - but she was very weak, and even sitting up had her slumped against the headboard of the bed. Her face was flushed with the signs of the rash, and her voice was hoarse. She needed to drink quite frequently because, as she said, "My throat feels like someone's stuck a softball in there," and even swallowing too hard made her gag.

"I'm going to make some oatmeal for you - nothing too hard to eat - and then you can nurse afterwards if you're still hungry, all right?" Carol kissed Therese's forehead and patted her diaper again. "Now, let's get you changed before you leak."

Therese obediently lay back, but she frowned at Carol grumpily. "Don't want any oatmeal."

"Goodness, you're like a wounded tiger this morning, Therese," teased Carol gently, dropping a kiss on Therese's tummy and watching the frown lift a little from Therese's face. The girl's dimples showed a tiny bit in response to Carol's cheeky smile.

"Well, I'm sick. Sick people are allowed to be grumpy," grumbled Therese, but she started to giggle when Carol tickled her tummy a little. Carol was careful - Therese was still weak - but she couldn't help laughing in response as Therese curled up and away from Carol to avoid the tickles, giggling all the while.

"Take it easy, sweetheart," said Carol, backing off and changing Therese's diaper while Therese tried to suck her thumb again. "I shouldn't have tickled so much."

"It's all right, mama," said Therese offhandedly, and then slipped her thumb into her mouth. But she spat it out and looked upset. "Yuck."

"Oh, baby." Carol finished with Therese's change and then kissed her forehead. "I'll have to see if maybe Abby can bring some pacifiers by today before she gets too caught up in the conference. She's not too far away."

Tucking Therese in again securely and leaving her with the New York Times to read (the only paper that they took, being as Therese got a free subscription), Carol wandered into the kitchen and started a pan of water boiling. This "mama" business . . . Carol wasn't exactly sure how she felt about it. Rindy had never called Carol "mama" - always "Mommy", on Harge's insistence. He'd thought that "mama" was too babyish for his daughter.

Carol added the rolled oats, started milk heating in another pan, and sighed. It wasn't that she wanted Therese to call her something else. It was simply that she wasn't sure she wanted to turn their relationship into something different. "Mama" put another spin on things - made their little quirks, the nursing, the diapers, the way Therese needed to be little and Carol needed to care for her, into something strange and perverse. But at the same time, it was endearing, the way that Therese's eyes softened when she used the word; the way that Carol felt an answering tug of warmth towards Therese when she heard it.

Carol vowed to ask Therese about it and finding the oatmeal finished, she topped it with the hot milk and some brown sugar before bringing it into Therese.

Therese's tummy made an audible growl when she smelled the oatmeal, but she looked a bit unsure. "It hurts so much to swallow, Carol," she murmured.

"Well, it's nice and soft, and it shouldn't hurt your throat, darling. I'm very anxious for you to get something into your tummy, especially if you're taking medicine like penicillin. Rindy took it last year for an ear infection and it was a bit hard on her system." Carol spooned a bit of oatmeal into Therese's mouth and watched her carefully as she chewed and swallowed. It seemed painful, but not excruciatingly so, and after a moment, Therese opened her mouth again for more.

Carol gave her more and gently brushed a stray hair out of Therese's eyes. "There. That must feel much better."

Therese nodded and then smiled, her dimples flashing in the early morning light. "Thank you, Carol. I know it hasn't been easy the past day or so."

"You're not an easy patient," agreed Carol. "But I love you, and you gave me quite a scare, sweetheart. You don't get sick often, but when you do . . ."

"It's always been that way," said Therese, opening her mouth for more oatmeal and chewing thoughtfully. "In the Home, Sister Alicia would have to quarantine me away from the other children if one of them got sick, because she knew that she'd be calling in the doctor if I did, and it was so expensive to have him come all the way out to the Home. It was a fair distance away from the city."

Carol suddenly understood Therese's ramblings during her fever spike the night before. "Oh, sweetie, that sounds hard."

"I'd try not to show any signs of it, because the sisters would get worried, and they'd talk about it when they thought I was asleep," said Therese, taking the spoon from Carol and feeding herself, now. "So I'd hide if I felt a fever coming on, or if I was sick to my stomach. But they always found out, mostly because another child would tell them if I threw up or was lying on my bed in the middle of the day."

"Were they cruel to you?"

"The children? No. And the sisters were wonderful," said Therese, sounding firm. "It just was so hard for them to figure out how to stretch the donations we got to cover every child. And, of course, I never went home. They had me all the time."

"My little orphan," said Carol, and took the bowl away from Therese, since she was starting to look tired. Therese had eaten most of the oatmeal and looked much less pinched than she had before. But a loud growling came up from her tummy, and Therese looked worried for a moment.

"Are you all right, Therese?" Carol asked her. "Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

Therese shook her head, but her tummy growled again. "Maybe it's just not used to food?"

"Well, it's been awhile since you've had anything except milk. Maybe we should have taken it a little more slowly," said Carol, and got into bed beside her little one, who immediately curled up against her. Therese let out a long sigh and closed her eyes. Even the short time she'd spent eating had tired her out, and Carol kissed the top of her head.

"Have a little nap, darling. I'm going to go and call Abby."

Therese nodded, just barely, before she turned over and fell asleep. Carol found herself slightly amused that Therese hadn't even asked to nurse, but figured she'd get a lot of that later. She went to go and call Abby.

Abby sounded cheerful, as she always did in the morning. "How's Therese doing?"

"She's better since she's gotten some antibiotics into her," replied Carol. "She was actually willing to eat this morning. Poor little lamb, she's having a rough time. Abby, I've got a strange request . . ."

"Well, it can't be any stranger than the time you asked me to go out and buy bottles and rubber pants for Rindy," said Abby, sounding amused. "That was interesting. I had no idea what I was doing in Frankenberg's that day."

Carol laughed. "And you were so put out by the time you got back to New Jersey! Ah, I do love you, Abigail Gerhard."

"I know you do, you nitwit. Well, what do you need this time? I don't have a lot of time before the conference opens at ten. It's almost seven-thirty now," Abby reminded Carol.

"Therese is having such a time with her thumb, Abby. I think the scarlet fever is making it hard for her to comfort herself. I know it's an odd thing to ask, darling, but could you pick up some pacifiers for me today? I just can't stand watching her struggle."

"You're far too soft by half," scolded Abby, "But of course I'll do it, Carol. Have you taken time to eat or sleep with all this illness? I'm worried about you, sweetheart."

"I'll get some coffee in a moment. Therese is asleep."

"Don't even bother. I'll bring you some breakfast as well. Go and lie down for awhile and try to rest so Therese and I aren't taking care of you next week."

Carol smiled, feeling tears prick at her eyes. Besides Therese, Abby was the only one in her life who really cared about her health and well-being. "Thank you, darling."

"Don't mention it. I believe Frankenberg's opens at eight-thirty this morning. I'll be over soon."

Carol hung up with Abby and lay down on the couch and tugged the soft blue throw that usually lived on their bed over her. She was exhausted . . . her back was still sore and achy, and she knew she'd need to nurse Therese soon - her breasts were sore and felt full. Carol still felt strange about this turn of events. But how to speak to the doctor about it without letting on that, well, she did have a little one that needed to nurse and did frequently? She didn't even want to tell Abby . . . with her worry on her mind, Carol drifted into a light sleep.

She was abruptly awakened an hour later by a light knocking on the door. Rubbing her eyes and trying to settle her hair, she got up and let Abby in.

"Hello, Carol. Oh, sweetie, you look exhausted." Abby ran her cool hands over Carol's cheeks and kissed her on both cheeks, French-style. "Now, I've brought you some coffee, and a bagel from that place you like. You need to eat to keep up your strength."

"Thank you, darling. You're a lifesaver. Did you find the pacifiers?"

"I did. I think the little one will be happy with these." Abby pulled out a package of pacifiers from her bag and handed it to Carol. "Now. Come on and eat. I can't stay long."

Carol, sitting across from Abby, sipped her hot coffee like it was the elixir of life. "Ah, Abby. Thank you so much."

"You look better already." Abby chewed on her own bagel. "How's it really been, Carol?"

Carol opened her mouth to speak, but then suddenly burst into tears, surprising herself. Abby immediately put her food down and came to sit beside Carol, drawing her into her arms.

"All right, sweetheart, you're exhausted. Poor thing." Abby smoothed Carol's hair. "It must have been so frightening for you, kiddo."

"She just got so sick, Abby, so fast . . ." Carol wiped her eyes and Abby took a tissue from her purse and wiped Carol's face for her. "And I guess I'm much more exhausted than I thought."

"Jane called me after she got back, said that Therese was in rough shape. I'm so sorry for you both. I'm glad she's doing better this morning." Abby kissed Carol's cheek. "You're so good to her, you know."

"She's good to me," said Carol, smiling a little through her tears. "Thank you so much for asking Jane to come. She got the doctor out in double-time. I was so blind . . ."

"You were worried. It's all right, it's over and done with now," soothed Abby, wiping two more stray tears that fell down Carol's cheeks. "And everyone is safe, and Therese is getting better. Poor baby," said Abby, and cuddled Carol to her. "It's all right."

Carol let Abby cuddle her for awhile, and then detached suddenly when she felt her breasts well and then a wetness on the front of her nightgown. Shit, she thought. Abby's sharp brown eyes noticed everything, and she knew full well that Carol had never nursed Rindy, not even once. She crossed her arms over the wet spots on her nightgown, thankfully small, but Abby noticed the sudden movement and then looked Carol straight in the eye.

"Carol, is there something you're not telling me?" Abby was straightforward, and Carol looked away. She didn't want to share this part of her relationship with Abby . . . but nor did she want her to think she was ill.

"I have milk," she said flatly. "It just started within the last few days."

"But you're not nursing anyone," said Abby, looking as confused as a childless woman in her mid-thirties could when confronted with a situation like this. "Rindy is five years old, and anyway . . ."

Carol sighed. "Therese . . . nurses. I don't want to discuss it, Abby, but I think it began two or three days ago. It started in earnest yesterday. I don't know if it's normal. I don't know." She heard her voice break. "It happened with Rindy but it dried up quickly . . ."

Abby looked incredulous for a moment, and then started to laugh. But she stopped fairly quickly once she saw Carol's face, and then cuddled Carol to her again. "It's normal, sweetie, if you have someone who's regularly stimulating your breasts like that. I've heard of it before, mostly with women like us who have recently fed babies and are also with someone. I'm not sure why it'd happen to you, but it is a normal part of biology, though I confess I don't know anything more about it than that."

Carol leaned against Abby. "I was afraid something was wrong with me," she murmured. "I haven't been feeling well."

Abby stroked her hair. "I don't think anything is wrong with you, or with Therese either." She kissed the top of Carol's head. "Give my best to the little one. I hope she feels better. Get some rest; I'll try to drop by tomorrow after the conference is finished."

Carol saw Abby to the door and watched through the window as Abby briskly walked towards the subway, feeling better. Just then, she heard Therese whimper a little. "Carol . . ."

"I'm coming, darling," she said, and turned back towards the bedroom.

//~//

Within the next week, Therese started to get better in leaps and bounds. She did have a little trouble with the medication - it gave her some nausea and some diarrhea - but its benefits far outweighed these nasty symptoms. She also continued to nurse regularly, and Carol believed, privately, that the breastmilk she was getting made her better much more quickly.

But she was bored, and even Carol reading from the paper to her or reading Therese her favourite books had paled. The radio programs they both enjoyed weren't on until the evenings. She now wandered around the house, wrapped up as warmly as Carol could convince her to in the humid July heat, and complained.

"I don't really want to hear another story," Therese said on the following Friday, a week after she'd fallen ill, flopping onto the couch and pouting. "I want to go out."

"Darling, you're not well enough to go out. The doctor said you need to finish your medication. You still have a few more days."

"Just a little walk? Please, Carol?"

"No, Therese. Now, stop complaining. Why don't I go to the library today and get you some new things to read?"

"I guess that would be nice. Thank you," said Therese, clearly trying to sound grateful, but failing. "I just need to get back to work . . ."

Privately, Carol agreed - she, too, wanted to go back to work. Bob called daily, asking if she could come in for a few hours. She had come in today, but had come home at lunchtime to be sure that Therese ate and took a nap. She had given Therese her lunch and medicine, and now could already see Therese's eyes starting to droop.

"Come on, sweetheart. It's naptime for you. I think you'll be less crabby after a little sleep."

"Okay," grumbled Therese, but she obediently got up and followed Carol into the bedroom. Carol had remade the bed with fresh sheets that morning, and it looked very inviting indeed. Therese wandered over to Carol, pushing one of her pacifiers into her mouth, and tugged a little bit at the front of her pajama pants.

"Do you need to be changed, darling?" Carol checked Therese's diaper and found it soaked. "Let's get you more comfortable."

Therese's rash was almost gone, having faded quickly once the medication took hold. Carol made quick work of the diaper change, noticing Therese's eyes closing. She wasn't always asking to nurse at naptime, now, so Carol's milk had tapered off a little bit and wasn't so abundant. But today wasn't one of the days that Therese would fall asleep without nursing. As soon as Carol came back after washing her hands, Therese immediately fastened her fingers onto Carol's skirt.

"Someone's a little clingy today," smiled Carol, climbing onto the bed and taking Therese in her arms. She kissed Therese's forehead. "Would you like to nurse, Therese?"

"Yes, mama," murmured Therese, and Carol quietly unbuttoned her blouse, but just as Therese latched on, something in Carol made her ask.

"Why 'mama', Therese? You've been saying that a lot," said Carol, trying to sound unconcerned.

Therese opened her eyes and then a sudden embarrassed, almost frightened expression crossed her face. She abruptly unlatched. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice sounding a bit discomfited. "I guess I didn't really notice I was doing it as much as I was."

"It's all right, darling, relax," soothed Carol. "I'm not angry. I'm just curious."

"I don't know . . . I guess because you're like a mother to me. Oh, not like that," said Therese quickly, noticing Carol's face. "I mean . . . I don't know, I just feel safe. And it's a safe word."

Carol was silent, but she gently guided Therese back to her breast and for awhile, the only sound was Therese's mouth on her nipple. But Therese was clearly thinking, too, because she unlatched and looked up at Carol.

"What's wrong, Therese?" Carol stroked Therese's hair and kissed her forehead. "I'm really not angry at all, sweetie."

"If you don't like it . . . or if Rindy calls you that . . ."

"Rindy has never used that word for me," said Carol truthfully. "I don't know how I feel about it, Therese. But I don't dislike it. I think it's rather sweet. And I'm glad that you feel safe, angel. I don't want you to ever feel unsafe. I'm always here for you."

Therese smiled, then, her lips milky and her eyes sleepy. "I love you."

"I love you," replied Carol. "And if you want to call me 'mama', that's all right with me." She cuddled Therese for a few moments, letting Therese latch on for a little while, and then unlatched her once she felt Therese's mouth go slack on her nipple. Therese was asleep in her arms.

Laying Therese gently down on her pillow, Carol slipped out of the bedroom and closed the door. Therese would easily sleep two hours. She had an idea for a surprise.

//~//

When Therese woke up, Carol changed her and then kissed her forehead. "I have a little surprise for you, sweetie."

Immediately, Therese's eyes brightened and she smiled in anticipation. "Really?"

"Yes. Come on out to the living room."

Therese scampered out, forgetting to put on her slippers as Carol would have preferred, but Carol didn't call her back. She just smiled and followed her little one, laughing aloud as Therese stopped dead in the middle of the room.

In the place of the radio stand, there was a TV cabinet. Carol had called Bob and had him bring out one of the cabinets they'd had on hand in the furniture store. It hadn't taken the boys at work more than an hour to bring it over and set it up - the only difficulty Carol had had was to implore them to be as quiet as possible so that they wouldn't wake Therese.

"We got a television? Really, Carol?" Therese turned around, her eyes shining. "Oh, how wonderful!"

"Well, I can't have my little one complaining she's bored and making herself more ill trying to get outside." Carol flipped it on, and it scrambled for a moment while it warmed up. Then the picture clearly came through - it was a children's show, being as it was around 4 o'clock, but Therese sat down in front of it, enthralled.

"No, darling. Come and sit back on the couch. You'll catch a chill on the floor like that."

Therese obediently got up and settled beside Carol on the couch, her thumb in her mouth. For once, she didn't grimace - her throat must be totally better now, thought Carol.

"Ah, Therese, you must be feeling much better if you're sucking your thumb again."

Therese nodded. "I love you."

"I love you, too, darling."

And Carol breathed a sigh of relief.