Through The Looking Glass
Kara had been acting strangely all week. Well, stranger than usual. Every time Cat had tried to initiate a conversation, or invited her for lunch in her office, she was always mumbling out an excuse before scurrying away. Cat had thought they were getting closer, she thought that they could even consider themselves friends...if not, something more. But after this week, Cat wasn’t even sure if Kara still wanted to work at Catco, let alone have any sort of friendship with her.
Cat had thought that the quotes, and the books had meant that they had a chance. But maybe...maybe she was reading too far into things. Kara was a sweet girl, and this hero worship she had could be the direct cause of this novel nonsense. But the rationalization that it probably meant nothing, didn’t make Cat feel any better. In fact, it made her feel worse. She couldn't quite pin down the feeling, but it felt something like loss. Or longing. Longing for something that she knew she could never actually have, and would never actually happen.
So that’s how she found herself at eight o’clock at night, long past anyone else, sipping scotch in the cool night air of the balcony.
Cat looked out into the city, remembering the speech that Kara, no Supergirl, had given her after she had thrown her off this very balcony. That every person is a light, and every person is a part of her. Cat just wished she could be one that played a more significant part. But Kara didn’t even trust her enough to tell her she was Supergirl. If she couldn’t trust her with that, how could she possibly trust her, or want her for something more.
Cat was startled out of her thoughts by a soft knock at the balcony door, followed by Kara herself timidly walking towards her.
“What are you still doing here? I assumed you went home hours ago.” Cat said flippantly, taking a long sip of her drink.
“I wanted to talk to you.” Kara said nervously.
“So you stayed this late to do it?” Cat said, rolling her eyes and looking back at the skyline.
“I had to make sure we were alone.” Kara said, taking another step forward and leaning against the balcony railing, mimicking Cat’s stance, mere inches between them.
“What could possibly be so pressing on a Wednesday night that you needed to get me alone to say it.” Cat asked with a sarcastic laugh, downing the rest of her drink.
“Cat please-”
“Oh so it’s Cat now is it.” Cat said, turning to face Kara before continuing “For the past week you have been ignoring me and making every possible excuse not to even be in the same room with me. But now, here you are, long past your work day is done, calling me Cat acting like everything is normal.” Cat finished with a slight waver to her voice, before taking a deep breath and looking through the door at the decanter she desperately wished was closer.
“I didn’t mean to do that, I’m sorry. I just got nervous and I just didn’t know how to tell you this and I thought avoiding you was the best option because you would’ve known something was wrong within like two seconds.” Kara rambled nervously.
“What did I do?” Cat asked softly, not daring to look at Kara as she said it.
“Nothing! You didn’t do anything! I promise, if you’ll just give me a chance to explain, please Cat.” Kara said, almost desperately, as she put her hand on Cat’s bicep, trying to get her to look her in the eyes.
Cat turned slowly, looking at Kara in her watery eyes before saying “You have five minutes.”
“I won’t need that many.” Kara said with a nervous laugh as she took Cats hand and guided her over to the chairs off to the side.
“If this is a coming out speech you didn’t have to be so dramatic about it, I’ve had my suspicions.” Cat remarked, trying to ease the growing tension in the air.
“No, it’s not a coming out speech” Kara said, before shaking her head and continuing “at least...not in the way that you’re thinking. But we’ll definitely come back to that at a later date.”
Cat raised an eyebrow at that deflection, ready to say something before Kara interrupted her reply.
“Before I say anything, I need you to promise me that what I tell you will stay between us. I know you won’t publish it, that isn’t the issue. I know you would never do anything like that. But what I’m about to tell you...You can’t tell anyone. Not even Carter. Do you understand.” Kara said, pacing in front of where Cat was sitting.
Cat said nothing, simply nodded her head slowly.
“Telling anyone else, will put them and you at a greater risk. I don’t know why I’m even doing this because it’s just going to put you in more jeopardy but it’ll also make it easier for me to keep you safe.” Kara said, bringing her hand up to her collar and toying with the top button.
“Kara you don’t have to tell me anything.” Cat said, offering the girl an out.
“But I want to. I need to. You deserve to know.” Kara said unbuttoning the top button of her shirt.
Cat quickly stood up, placing one hand over Kara’s at her collar before saying “Kara only do this if you are absolutely sure. Once you do this, there’s no going back. There’s no more pretending. You can walk away right now and we can act like nothing ever happened.”
“No!” Kara said almost immediately, startling them both with how loudly she did so.
Cat let go of her hand, and carefully sat back down in the chair. Nodding for Kara to continue.
Kara let her shaky hands undo each button carefully, watching as Cats eyes trailed down, watching her fingers intently as the deep blue and red of the suit became visible from the parting shirt.
Cat let out a long trembling breath before saying “Thank you...For finally telling me.”
Cat sat quietly, staring at the crest for what seemed like forever before Kara finally broke the silence.
“Is that all you’re going to say?”
Cat took a breath before standing up and looking Kara in the eyes.
“What do you want me to say Kara? Do you want me to leave and just bask in the glory that you’ve finally told me, all while completely ignoring the fact that you’ve been lying to me for the past year!”
“Cat, I’m sorry, I really am! At first, I was telling myself that I was lying to protect you. But then, the first time you figured it out you threatened to fire me and after that I was terrified of what would happen when I finally did tell you! I can’t wear the cape full time, I’d never stay sane.”
“You didn’t want to get fired?” Cat spat out incredulously, “That’s why you didn’t tell me, because you were afraid I would send you packing?”
“If I was fired, that means I wouldn't get to see you anymore and you’re the reason I can even wear the cape in the first place.” Kara said, trying to catch Cat’s eye line.
“That’s not true.” Cat said, shaking her head and sitting back down on the chair.
“You taught me how to be a hero, you inspire me to keep going even when it gets hard. You’re the one that has the most faith in me out of everyone. So yeah, you’re the reason I can fly into a burning building. You give me strength to keep fighting.” Kara said, willing Cat to understand.
Just as Cat was about to respond the loud sound of sirens blared from the street below. Followed by the distinct sound of the earpiece crackling to life in Kara’s ear.
“Cat I’m so sorry, but I have to go.” Kara said, wishing just this once that she didn’t have to fly off into the night.
“Go.” Cat said quietly, picking up her empty scotch glass and walking into her office without another word, hearing the swoosh of Kara taking off behind her.
Cat let a tear fall freely before filling her glass back up and downing it all in one go. She poured herself another drink and went back to her desk, desperately looking for something to distract her.
It was three hours later when Cat finally found herself stumbling out of her buildings elevator, towards her penthouse door. She fumbled for her keys in her pocket as she walked the familiar hall. It wasn’t until she was right at her front door that she saw it laying there. Another book, with that damn pink post it sticking out.
Cat picked it up with trembling hands as she opened the door to the penthouse, dropping her purse on the kitchen island as she made her way towards her bedroom. She turned on the light and sat down carefully on the bed, staring at the cover of Through The Looking Glass, trying to convince herself to open the book.
It took another long moment before Cat finally cracked the book open to the marked page. There, just like the others, was an underlined passage with ‘Cat’ and a smiley face written in the margin. Cat took a breath before reading:
“Well now that we have seen each other,” said the Unicorn, “If you’ll believe in me, I’ll believe in you.”
Cat read it again, wishing it wasn’t so damn sentimental, making every lingering bit of anger towards the girl dissipate instantly. She slowly closed the book, and put it on her nightstand, before laying down and succumbing to sleep.