I Trust You
Your name is Rose Lalonde and you have never been this worried about a simple hunting trip in your life. Roxy should have been back by now. Getting home after sunrise was a given, but after noon? Unthinkable.
Roxy and her most recent apprentice, Kanaya, went out on their own for the first time last night and you've been waiting up for them since they left. Something just felt wrong and you know better than to discount your gift of foresight. Unfortunately, you hit a bit of a blind spot, so to speak, since your mother died two years ago. You don't have sight so much as feelings and it drives you up a wall. Not literally, of course, since you lack the appropriate appendages for it, but you do love a good turn of phrase (especially when it keeps your mind off worrying). But then you're worried again and it sits, souring your stomach, and you decide to scour the floorboards for the seventh time.
You try not to think about Roxy and especially not Kanaya, poor sweet Kanaya, always so helpful and kind, when you quite literally punch the door to your room mid-scrub and the sharp pain of it forces some clarity of mind, followed by a pause. Your room. Of course. You stand on uneasy legs. The door sticks, as you know, and the hinges creak despite your valiant attempt at silence. Upon entering, you can feel your roommates, Vriska and Terezi, grimacing in your general direction. They were trying to sleep, but they know well enough not to engage you unless you want to talk about it, which you so clearly don't. You hear them shift in the background, probably turning to face the wall, and soon the room is filled with their soft breathing once again. You resume scrubbing. Something clutches in your chest when you look up at them to see they're spooning. You scrub harder as you try to beat down the fact that this gnawing worry is primarily for Kanaya and you feel a stab of guilt when you realize you’d be more upset if Roxy came home without her than not at all. You rise once again, dizzy, and decide to give the floors a rest. Instead, you take to reorganizing the storage room yet again.
First it was alphabetically, then it was by color, then purpose, then shape, size, texture, but all of it was wrong and it had to be right. Your mind echoes with the need to make things right. This time, you section off parts of the room by purpose and go about organizing the items in each section alphabetically. You finish organizing and promptly pass the fuck out on your way up the stairs. You’re not sure who drags your sorry ass up the steps, but someone tucks you into bed and handles the chores you were actually supposed to do last night. You sleep for an entire day, probably.
You don’t really know how long you slept for because suddenly the alarm is blaring. Someone, or something, has breached the gates. You ready yourself as best you can and rush out for battle. You expect pandemonium, but instead, everyone is just. Staring. You follow their gazes to find… Roxy. Your heart stops momentarily. Roxy, your sister, bloodied and bleeding. She crawls to you and collapses at your feet, a broken mess. You sense something like regret coming off her in waves. “Ka… naya”, she gasps out before she stops moving entirely. You carry her stiffly to the back of the building, feeling a vast and unknowable darkness wash over you, along with an icy and forceful detachment. You set her body down on the pavement and inspect it for the telltale marks.
As expected, four holes on the side of her neck, two twin puncture wounds denoting the bite of her murderer. You tie her down with iron shackles and wait beside her for the inevitable. With a grim disposition and more grim thoughts, you tell yourself this is not your sister. This is not Roxy. This is a monster. A loathsome beast that would kill you if it could. You must do the same. It is your duty. It is your birthright. You blink back tears to see that it’s begun.
Her body jerks violently as if trying to escape itself. It coughs blood, dried blood, black and putrid. It. Because it is not your sister. It is not Roxy. It is in pain. It is in pain and you want to hold her- no, it- no, her- Roxy. You want to hold Roxy and tell her it’s okay, it will all be over soon, it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay.
It’s not okay and it will never be okay.
Suddenly, she’s yelling. Roxy. It. Whatever. It’s yelling, cursing, spitting, anything, anything to make the pain stop, to make the hunger go away. It speaks with Roxy’s voice and uses Roxy’s words and begs you to kill her, kill her, please, please, I can’t live like this, I won’t live like this, please, please, please, make it stop, make the hunger stop, please.
You’re numb and it’s for the best and you hate it and you call for Vriska because you can’t do this, you can’t, you can’t kill Roxy, you can’t do this alone. They both come to you, naturally, they’re inseparable, everyone thought they were sisters before they, well, made it very clear they were not, and Terezi hugs you before Vriska hands you the ax. You stare at her blankly. She visibly swallows before saying, “I’ll light the fire, but you should deal this blow”. You’re crying again and you hadn’t noticed it and it’s worse now that you’re aware and you rub at your eyes roughly with your forearm. You take the ax and take a breath and then another breath until you’re calm again. Well, numb, anyway, but that’s what you need to be able to do this. To be able to kill this monster.
You look at it. Her. Roxy. She’s gazing at you serenely now that you’ve regained your resolve and it’s unsettling in a way. Several ways, actually. “You can do this, sis. I trust you.” and her eyes are shining in that way only hers can and your breathing hitches and you might not be able to do this after all.
You bite back the tears and rising bile to ask “What about Kanaya? Did she make it?” You hope she’s alright, but you can’t know for sure because you aren’t a real seer yet and your sister- the monster previously known as your sister- just looks at you with a strange expression. After a few tense moments, “I don’t know, but I can tell you, she’s not like me. I pulled her out of the bunker, before-” She tugs at her restraints, teeth gnashing, more feral than human. She strains and howls and then goes silent and serene as she comes back to herself. It's strange how she's not breathing. “You can still save her, if she’s alive.” She smiles softly. “But it’s too late for me.” Terezi and Vriska step back and turn away to give you two some privacy.
You swallow and tell her, “I love you. I’m sorry. I will make them pay for this.” For what it’s worth, she does her best to keep still as you swing and bury the ax in her throat. You walk away with Terezi to console you as Vriska lights the flames.
Your name is Rose Lalonde and you will avenge Roxy and rescue Kanaya.