Take Care Of My Paper Heart

Alex Morgan is

"What are you doing?”

Tobin turns around so fast that her head spins and her vision blurs.

Soon enough the image of Alex standing a few feet away with a worried look on her face becomes clear.

“Are you crying?”

The younger girl takes a step forward but stops when Tobin moves backward, hitting her back against her desk in a desperate try to hide what is behind her.

“Tobin what’s going on?”

The novelist opens her mouth to answer but only releases a small whimper, her voice dying in her throat.

Alex starts to walk towards her again but stands still once again when Tobin raises her hand to stop her.

“Stay there,” Tobin is finally able to rasp.

“What? Why? Is it about what you said on the beach? Are you upset that I didn’t answer or follow you?  I didn’t follow you immediately because you were looking upset and torn, I thought you needed some space. But if you really want to know I lo-”

“Don’t say it.”

The sharp words quiet Alex.

“Please don’t say it.”

If Tobin sounded harsh the first time, her voice cracks and her eyes are pleading this time.

The novelist sees the incomprehension, hurt, and sadness passing through Alex’s eyes before the younger woman crosses the living room, ignoring the shakes of Tobin’s head.

“Stay away from me.”

“You don’t mean that,” Alex kneels in front of Tobin, her eyes trying to see through the novelist’s.

“I do.”

“No you don’t.”

Tobin seems to look everywhere but at Alex. She needs to find a way to finish her sentence without Alex seeing.

Soft hands force her to look deep into gray blue eyes.

“I get that it can be overwhelming to have feelings for a girl. I get that we basically just met, and love can appear as a big word. But you said it Tobin. I didn’t make you say it. And I feel it. You love me and I feel it. I lo-”

“Please Alex don’t say it.”

“Why?”

Alex’s pleading eyes hurt Tobin more than the younger woman could ever know, and they always make the novelist give in.

“You can’t feel that. Not when you don’t know me or what I’ve done,” Tobin pushes Alex’s hands away from her face, trying to ignore how much Alex seems to suffer at her words.

“I know you,” Alex argues, her voice trembling.

“You think you do. But you don’t know the awful things I’ve done… I’m hiding so much Alex. So much that you can’t know about.”

“What do you mean the things you’ve done? You’re the most caring and kind person I’ve ever met. You wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Alex breathes as she tries to take Tobin’s hand but the novelist seems to avoid any physical contact.

“I’ve hurt someone Alex. Believe it or not, I have.”

It’s unconscious but Tobin glances at her sheets of paper behind her while talking. It doesn’t go unnoticed by the younger woman.

“Is it what you were doing? Writing about the ‘awful’ things you’ve done?”

“What?” Tobin starts to panic; unaware that Alex saw the sheets behind her.

Instead of replying Alex reaches for the sheets of paper. It’s too quick for Tobin to understand what she’s doing when she stretches her arm. However when the forward stands up with the sheets in hand Tobin’s eyes widen.

“Give that back. You can’t read it,” Tobin shots up but Alex is already at the other side of the room.

“No I want to read it. If you’ve really done a bad thing, I wanna know about it so I can prove you wrong. I want to prove you that I can have feelings for you, even when I know all the dark parts of your life.”

“Alex, please…” Tobin whimpers desperately but it’s too late, Alex’s eyes are already scanning the words.

As she reads her face goes white. Her eyes become empty, her figures become impassible, her mouth becomes a thin line.

Tobin doesn’t notice she’s crying until a tear hits the wooden floor, breaking the unbearable silence with a ‘plop’.

Plop.

Plop.

“Tobin what is this?” The voice isn’t the usual raspy one filled with life.

Plop.

Plop.

Plop.

“Tobin what is this? Why is this dated one day before we met?”

Plop.

Plop.

Plop.

“Tobin, answer me. How would you write about me before knowing me?”

Brown eyes are lifted to meet vacant blue look.

“I’m so sorry Alex.”

“Explain this to me.”

The novelist’s legs can’t carry her anymore. She lets her body fall on the ground, sitting there with her eyes fixing her hands.

“I stopped the ball of a young girl that day. We talked for a bit and she told me she wanted to become a soccer player. Her name was Alexandra.”

Tobin hears Alex move. For a moment she thinks the younger woman is getting fed up with her avoiding the subject and is going to slap some sense out of her. A second later she sees Alex’s legs in front of her as the woman sits facing Tobin. However the novelist keeps her gaze on her hands, afraid that if she looks at Alex she’ll stop.

“When she left I had this great idea for a new book. I was going to write about a lost girl, with a difficult childhood, who was going to experience amazing things after college. I was going to make her meet great people, visit so many places and play for the best soccer team in the world where she would meet her second family. She was going to mature so much, becoming an inspiration for so many people.”

Tobin takes a sharp breath, tears burning her eyes.

“So that night I started to write a quick description of that character. I wrote her difficult childhood and early adulthood; how she lost her parents and then her grandparents. How she was so focused on soccer and studies she didn’t have any friend. I also wrote what she looked like; a tall, brown haired, blue eyed girl, with a sweet smile and a raspy voice. And I named her.”

A soft hand lifts Tobin’s chin. When she looks up Alex is crying.

“I named her Alex Morgan.”

She can’t stand Alex’s quivering lips, her eyes filled with tears, her frown of incomprehension, but she can’t look away.

“The next day she was standing on my doorstep,” she finishes in a murmur.

“How?”

The choke sends a shiver down Tobin’s spine.

“I don’t know…” The novelist shakes her head.

“So… You wrote me?” Alex’s voice is heavy.

 Tobin doesn’t know if it’s from sadness, anger, incomprehension, hate, or all of them.

“Yes.”

A weight is lifting off Tobin’s shoulders. She doesn’t have to lie anymore. But there is a new weight in her stomach making her feel sick.

Tobin closes her eyes tight, dropping her face in her hands, before letting all her feelings out.

“I’m so sorry Alex. I’m sorry I lied but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth. When I understood who you were I was so shocked. And then I started to hate myself. I hate myself for giving you such a hard life. I’ve made you go through so much. You deserve so much more. You’re sweet, caring, tender and kind. You really deserve more than what I gave you. I know I should have told you but I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to make you suffer again. And I couldn’t bear the idea of you hating me for what I did. So I stayed silent, hoping that I would find a solution. I am so sorry Alex.”

Heavy silence is the only answer she gets.

The novelist sighs, before letting her sobs escape freely.

Alex hates her.

She is a horrible person.

“Hey.”

For once Alex’s hands feel warm when they cup her face.

If she looked lost, with tears streaming down her face before, she looks composed and understanding as she brushes Tobin’s tears away.

“Don’t cry.”

Her fingers brush Tobin’s stubborn baby hair out of her forehead. Gray blue upset eyes have shifted into warm ocean blue ones roaming Tobin’s face with nothing but care filling them.

“Shh don’t cry, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay Alex. I’ve hurt you. I’ve hurt the most important people in your life. Why are you so calm about it?”

“You didn’t know Tobin,” Alex’s calm voice is almost enough to sooth Tobin’s fears and pain.

“What?”

“How could you guess that what you wrote would become reality? You didn’t write my life in order to hurt me. You wrote it because it was a book idea. It was never supposed to be real. I can’t be mad or hate you for something you didn’t plan. Especially when I see how much you’re hurting because of it.”

Tobin stares at Alex in disbelief for so long Alex eventually chuckles at her blank look.

“How are you so okay with everything? I mean… I’ve basically told you that you aren’t supposed to exist in this world and that I created you.”

Alex shrugs.

“I don’t have any explanations for what happened, how I was brought to life, how I appeared on you doorstep. But I don’t care about it. What I care about are the weeks we’ve had together. I’ve never felt more alive than during these past few weeks. You care about me Tobs. I’ve seen it. I don’t care if I come from that brain of yours. I am grateful to have you. That’s all that matter to me. I didn't have anyone before, and now I have you. ”

“You can’t take the situation as lightly as that Alex,” Tobin rasps, shaking her head.

Alex knowing everything doesn’t mean she doesn’t have to send her back.

“Of course I can. Watch me,” Alex challenges. “I forgive you for everything you wrote, so please forgive yourself. We can move past that. You’re not a horrible person. Lives like mine happen all the time. You just wrote something realistic. You did your job.”

“And I have to finish it,” Tobin whispers, lowering her head, once again unable to look Alex in the eyes.

“What do you mean?”

“I have to send you back Alex.”

“Send me back where?”

“To your world.”

The silence is back again. But this time when Alex’s hand forces Tobin to look at her, her eyes are burning with anger.

“What do you mean to my world?”

“You can’t stay here Alex. It would be too hard for you. You don’t have any money, you don’t have an identity here. In this world you don’t exist. And it’s too dangerous. I don’t know how this thing works. I rather send you back and know you’re safe in your world than wake up one day with you gone, vanished for God knows why. I’m going to send you back and give you the best life I can think of.”

Alex’s jaw clenches. It clenches so hard Tobin thinks it’s going to break.

“You don’t get to choose what’s best for me Tobin.”

“Yes I do.”

“May I know why?”

Tobin swallows hard. She knows Alex will hate her for what she is about to say. But it’s the only way to make her eventually agree. If she hates Tobin she doesn’t have any reason to stay in this world. She will want to go away from the novelist.

“Because you’re my character. I created you. I wrote and I’ll write your life. I owe you. I choose.”

“You don’t believe that.”

“I do. You’re not real. You don’t belong here. You’re just my creature.”

If Alex is hurt by her words she doesn’t show it.

Tobin also tries her best not to show any emotions.

“I’m just your creature. I’m just a character,” Alex repeats in a whisper.

“You are.”

“Then why were you crying two seconds ago, apologizing for hurting me?”

Tobin is about to answer but Alex doesn’t let her.

“If I’m your character, you should know everything about me right? Because I’m only the fruit of your imagination, nothing more.”

 Tobin nods slowly, unsure of where Alex is heading.

“What’s my grandmother’s name? According to what you think, you killed her, so you should know.”

The novelist’s lack of answer doesn’t seem to surprise the soccer player.

“I see… Memory troubles maybe. Did you know I broke my arm when I was five while riding my bike? Did you know I had a mouse called Roquefort because The Aristocats is my favorite Disney movie? Did you know my English teacher’s name in eighth grade was Anderson? Did you know my mother had taking the habit of writing a letter for each of my birthday so I could always have pieces of her? Do you know the reason why I am afraid of the dark since my parents died?”

As she speaks, Tobin finds it harder and harder to keep a straight face. Blue eyes pierce holes into brown ones, searching for any hint of weakness behind them.

“Do you know Tobin?”

Tobin used to play with Ashlyn when they were children. They would climb the big oak in Ashlyn’s backyard and settle in the tree house their fathers had built up there. They played board games, cards games, but their favorite was staring contest. Don’t ask why, it just was. They would sit during long minutes just staring at each other’s eyes until one of them would burst out laughing. Tobin won most of the time.

However, Ashlyn’s eyes weren’t piercing blue. They weren’t staring at her with anger and determination. They weren’t staring at her with a deafening silent surrounding her.

Ashlyn’s eyes weren’t Alex’s.

Ashlyn would laugh.

Alex waits.

Ashlyn would lose.

Alex wins.

“I don’t.”

The younger woman just nods, her face expressionless.

“But you understand why you don’t know right?”

“Alex don’t try to m-”

“No you let me finish. You don’t know because I’m more than just your character and you know that. I am a person, I am real, and I have a life that you didn’t completely write. You don’t know everything about me. You don’t know my thoughts, my doubts, my feelings, my tastes, or my entire past. You don’t decide what is best for me. I do. I am a human being Tobin. I make my own choices. I am real and you know it.”

Alex’s voice softens as she speaks, turning her last phrase into a whisper.

Her eyes have melted, letting Tobin sees the flow of emotions behind them.

Suddenly she stands up, startling Tobin, and pulls the novelist up on her feet.

“This feels real, doesn’t it?”

The pads of Alex’s fingers brush the back of Tobin’s hand, moving up to her forearm slowly.

Tobin nods, losing all her intentions under Alex’s touch and eyes.

The tips of her fingers moves back down to Tobin’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

“This feels real too?”

Soft fingers closes Tobin’s eyes before tracing the novelist figures; slightly brushing her eyes, nose, cheeks, jaw and finally mouth.

Tobin nods.

“And this?”

Warm lips take the place of Alex’s fingers, brushing the novelist's sharp jaw and soft throat with small kisses, making the hair of the back of her neck raise.

“It does.”

“Good. What about this?”

Tobin feels Alex take her hand and moving it up.

It is surprisingly steady. It is strong against her palm. It feels warm.

“Open your eyes.”

Tobin lets her brown eyes meet blue ones.

Alex’s hand is covering Tobin’s, squeezing it between the warmth of her skin and the warmth of her heart.

“You have it you know. It’s yours.”

The younger woman takes a step forward, closing the distance between both women, and Tobin clutches the fabric of Alex’s shirt over her heart.

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“I’m so afraid I’m going to lose you.”

Alex frowns at Tobin’s murmur.

“You won’t. I’m not going anywhere Tobin.”

“But we don’t know if this is going to last. What if you disappear one day? I won’t be able to live through that; not knowing where you are or if you’re okay.”

Both Alex’s hands drop Tobin’s to cup the novelist’s face.

“Look at me. I am here. I am real. I’m not going to vanish.”

“You don’t know that.”

Alex seems to be at loss of words, her eyes fluttering around Tobin’s face, looking for the right words.

“You don’t belong here Alex. You don’t belong in this world.”

“I belong with you.”

Tobin lets a small cry escape her, mute at Alex’s words. She circles Alex’s waist, locking her hands behind her back before bringing their foreheads together and closing her eyes.

“Let me say it Tobin. Please.”

Her fingers caress Tobin’s cheeks, waiting for any word of disapproval. When Tobin stays silent the younger woman slightly leans forward, letting her breath collide with Tobin’s. Their lips brush with Alex's murmur.

“I love you too.”

**

Tobin knows deep down that Alex isn’t just coming from her imagination.

Her thought is confirmed when Alex’s clothes hit the floor, leaving her naked in the middle of her dark bedroom.

From this instant Tobin knows for sure her mind isn’t good enough to create such a beautiful person.

Alex makes her understand that even more with every touch, every sigh, every kiss, every moan, every scratch, every breath and every word.

Tobin spends the whole night exploring every part of Alex’s body with her fingers and with her mouth; kissing every freckle, brushing every muscle, biting tender skin, caressing every scar.

Each time her fingers come across a scar she stops her movements and ask Alex to tell her about it.

How the scar on her ankle is from a fall in the stairs. How the scar under her chin was an accident of scooter. How the scar on her forefinger comes from Roquefort, the nice mouse who one day decided to bite her.

In the early hours of the morning she enjoys the way Alex’s eyes are heavy with sleep but still filled with adoration and blown by desire.

She enjoys how she grips her hand, how she pulls her closer not wanting any space between them, how her breath becomes erratic, how her back arches, how her body freezes.

The grip on her hand tightens before loosening up and she catches the final breathless moan in her mouth.

It’s only minutes later, with the younger woman’s arm around her waist and eyes closed that Tobin finds her voice again.

“You’re real.”

A squeeze on her waist and a soft hum against her neck are the only responds she gets before letting herself slide into a deep slumber.

**

Tobin wakes up to kisses placed down her spine, then up to her neck.

“I know you’re awake,” Alex rasps against her skin.

The novelist rolls on her back and Alex lies next to her, head resting on her hand.

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“You’re beautiful.”

Alex offers her a wide smile and pulls Tobin on top of her. The novelist drops a kiss on the younger woman’s pink lips before looking at her again.

“You know we’ve got to find a solution about you?”

The soccer player sighs and pulls Tobin in for another kiss.

“Can we talk about that later please? And like not talk at all right now?”

“No Al, I really want to sort it out.”

“There is nothing to sort out.”

“I don’t think you understand how dangerous the situation is,” Tobin shakes her head slowly.

“What’s dangerous?”

“I have a power on your life Alex. I don’t want to write anything more about you but what if someday I’m pissed at you. We don’t know how I could react. I could blow a fuse and write that I want you to die.”

“You would never write anything like that Tobs, you know that,” Alex chuckles, playing with the hair on the back of Tobin's neck.

“Please take this seriously Al… Okay, I probably will never write that but what if the paper is torn, or thrown away, or burn?  Then what? You die because your story is destroyed?”

“We’ll hide it Tobs. Stop being paranoid, nothing is going to happen to me,” Alex soothingly says, caressing Tobin’s face and the novelist sighs.

“I just want you to be safe.”

“I am. Don’t worry babe, I’ll be alright.”

A glint of amusement flashes in Tobin’s, previously serious, eyes.

“What?” Alex wonders.

“Babe? I like the sound of that,” the novelist winks.

Alex laughs before letting her hands slide down Tobin’s back to reach her butt and squeezes it.

“You do?” She seductively asks.

“Hm hm,” Tobin bites the younger woman’s bottom lip. “Very much so.”

“And how does this sound?” Alex rasps before sucking on Tobin’s pulse point and grinding her hips against the older woman’s.

“How does what sound?” The novelist keeps a moan from falling of her lips.

“Breakfast.”

In a second Alex is on her feet, throwing shorts and a tank top on her.

Before disappearing in the hallway she turns away and winks at the shocked novelist.

“You are the biggest tease on earth,” she shouts after Alex before laughing.

“And you didn’t even have to write it! Come on, I’ll make you your tea.”

Tobin rolls on her back, spreading her arms on her bed, and looks at the ceiling.

If her mornings are going to be like this from now on she is more than in.

**

Tobin enters the kitchen a few minutes later with a fresh pair of shorts and a loose t-shirt on. She chuckles to herself when she sees Alex sipping her coffee lost in her thoughts, still unaware of her presence. The novelist walks towards her before circling the younger woman’s waist and kissing her temple.

“Deep in thought love?” She asks while sitting next to the soccer player and grabbing the steaming cup Alex made her.

“Yes, I was thinking about our discussion… Why are you so convinced that everything comes from the paper? I mean, it could be the pen you used, or just you.”

“That’s because it’s never happened before. So it can’t be my pen, because I’ve had it forever, or me, because… well I’ve been writing forever.”

“I see…” Alex nods her head slowly, looking as if she is still in her thoughts.

“Is there something else on your mind?” Tobin wonders.

“Actually yes… I know you said you didn’t want to write anything more about me; but what if you write that I have my identity and my money. Do you think it could work?”

“I don’t know Lex…” Tobin scratches the back of her neck. “I mean, we could try I guess.”

They both get up and walk towards Tobin’s desk, where the sheets of paper were forgotten the previous night. Tobin grabs her pen and looks at Alex for confirmation.

“Yes, do it. We’ve got nothing to lose,” Alex encourages her with a sweet smile.

“Okay.”

Alex Morgan is registered in the Police’s and United States’ data. She is a legal citizen of the US and has an identity card, a driver license and a passport to prove it.

Alex Morgan has a band account and owns

“Hm Alex… I’m sorry to ask that but I need to know how much money you had back there,” Tobin blushes a little.

“Oh… Hum I had” Alex leans in and whispers the amount in Tobin’s ear, like she doesn’t want anyone else to know even though they are alone.

“Wow, that’s a lot for someone as young as you,” Tobin says, surprised.

“Well I received my parents’ and grandparents’ money when they died so…” Alex fidgets with her fingers.

Tobin closes her eyes, cursing herself for being nosy.

“Hey it’s okay, I don’t mind talking about them,” Alex reassures her when she sees the novelist beating herself in her head.

“I still feel guilty about what I’ve done to them...” Tobin sheepishly says.

“It wasn’t your fault Tobs. I told you that last night. One day you’ll understand that.”

The younger woman pecks the novelist’s lips gently, chasing all the bad thoughts away.

Tobin finishes her sentence and they both stand still for a few seconds.

“I don’t even know what we’re waiting fo-”

Tobin’s ringing phone cuts Alex off. The novelist slowly takes it and picks up.

“Hello?”

“Hi. Are you Miss Heath?” A deep man’s voice asks.

“Yes I am.”

“Hello Miss. I’m Boris Williams, the police officer who took care of your friend’s problem. You told me to call you if I had any news because Miss Morgan doesn’t own a phone.”

“Yes I remember you. Do you have any news?”

“Actually I have. I’ve been checking for any change every morning since you came and this morning all the data seem to have come back. Miss Morgan doesn’t need to worry anymore. It must have been a problem in our system.”

“That’s wonderful to hear sir! Thank you very much, I’ll let Alex know!” Tobin can’t contain her grin at this point.

“No need to thank me, I’m just doing my job. Send Miss Morgan our apology for causing her troubles.”

“It’s okay; she is a very forgiving person. Have a good day sir.”

“Goodbye Miss.”

As soon as Tobin hangs up Alex is shaking her arm violently.

“What was it? What was it?”

Tobin offers her a wide smile before cupping the younger woman’s face and kissing her.

“You’ve got your identity here baby.”

“For real?” Alex’s eyes starts to shine with joy.

“It worked!”

“Do you think the bank will cal-”

Tobin’s ringtone interrupts her once again.

“Apparently, not letting you finishing your sentences is their new game. Do you want to pick up this one?”

Alex nods before taking the phone in Tobin’s hand.

“Hello… Yes this is she… Yes, I have… I see…. Don’t worry, I understand… Okay I’ll come by… Thank you… Goodbye.”

The soccer player hangs up but keeps looking down at Tobin’s phone. The novelist almost wrings her neck when she tries to look at Alex’s eyes.

“Was it the bank? Did it work too?” She asks while rubbing her neck.

“Will you go on a date with me tonight?” Alex asks in return.

“What? I mean, of course I will but can you tell me who it was please?” Tobin replies, confused.

“Great, I’m going to treat you with the best meal you’ve ever had,” the soccer player winks playfully and Tobin lets out a sigh of relief.

“It worked too then?”

“Yes, they want me to come by this week to check is everything is as it ought to be and sign some papers and stuff,” Alex says while circling Tobin’s waist with her arms before pecking the novelist’s lips.

“Good, two problems down. Still one to go.”

“What do you mean still one to go?” Alex frowns.

“We still have the sheets of paper.”

“Tobs, we’ll just hide them somewhere.”

“But what if someone finds them and writes stuff about you,” Tobin pouts.

“We’ll find a secure place. Like a special hiding place only we will know about.”

The novelist eyes suddenly widen and she wriggles out of Alex’s embrace. She quickly grabs her sneakers and struggles to put them on.

“Tobs what are you doing?” Alex asks after a moment.

“I’m going back to the stationer where I brought the sheets of paper. You just said ‘special hiding place’ and something clicked up there.” She pats her temple. “The woman who gave them to me was rambling about her ‘special paper’ and that I should come back to tell her if I liked her ‘special paper’. She said it quite a few times to be innocent. Maybe she knows something or she’s done something like cast a spell. Ah-Ah!” Tobin exclaims when she finally manages to put her shoes on.

“You mean like she’s a witch?” Alex raises an amused eyebrow at the older woman.

“At this point I don’t know what can be real or what is just surrealist or imaginary. So who knows? You coming?”

“Oh yes I am! Wouldn’t want to miss how you’re going to accuse her to be a witch without getting punched in the face,” Alex chuckles before following the determined novelist outside.

**

“Good morning Miss. What can I do for you on this fine day?”       

A voice greets them as Tobin enters the small stationer, fingers intertwined with Alex’s.

“Hello. Hm… So here the thing: I don’t know if you remember me but I came here like a month ago to buy paper,” Tobin starts slowly under the woman’s interested gaze.

“Yes I remember you. You were about to start a new book. One that you thought would be special.”

At the word Tobin quickly glances at Alex in a way which means “See? The word again”.

“Exactly. Well, you gave me what you called a ‘special’ paper and I have a few questions about it if you don’t mind.”

“I’m listening my dear. What do you want to know?” The middle-aged woman politely asks.

Tobin takes the sheets of paper out of her backpack, and places them on the counter. She opens her mouth to speak again but a loud gasp beats her before she can make a sound.

“Oh my… Is that what I gave you? This paper is pure garbage; I used it to protect my floor when my dog was just a puppy and he would still pee in the house. I didn’t pay attention to what I was giving you apparently!”

“Well, I’m not complaining. I wouldn’t say that it’s pure garbage,”  Tobin replies, a little frustrated by how the conversation is going when she wants to have answers to her problem.

“As a professional I’m telling you; this?” The woman grabs the sheets in one hand. “It doesn’t worth anything.”

Before Tobin or Alex can say a word the gray-haired woman drops the sheets in a shredder and tiny pieces of paper fall on the ground.

The novelist’s eyes widen, all color draining out of her face, and she violently opens her backpack again, looking for the sheet where Alex’s story is written.

“No…” She fumbles into her bag, only finding pens and sticky notes. “No no no it can’t be happening.”

“Are you alright Miss?”

Tobin ignores the woman and cups Alex’s face.

“Are you okay? Do you feel sick? Do you feel weak? Can you understand what I am saying?” The novelist fires questions, eyes looking at Alex’s body for any wounds.

“Tobs you’re hurting my cheeks,” the younger woman mumbles, face compressed between Tobin’s hands.

“I’m sorry,” the novelist apologizes, her hands falling on her sides. “Are you okay though?”

“Yes I am. You’re scaring me, what’s going on?”

Tobin leans to whisper in Alex’s ear.

“The sheet where I wrote you was in that pile.”

Alex’s eyes widen a little, like the novelist’s did previously.

“Oh…” She pats her arms, chest and face slowly. “Well I feel fine,” she eventually shrugs.

Tobin sighs loudly in relief.

“Are you okay?” A worried voice asks behind them.

“Oh yeah, sorry about that,” Tobin reassures her. “Just a little fright for nothing, don’t worry.”

“If you say so…” The woman says, not convinced but lets it go. “So about that special paper; the real one this time,” she reaches for something behind her but Tobin stops her.

“It’s okay. I don’t need new sheets; I already have some at home waiting for me.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I am. I’ll come back when I need some, but for now I’m okay,” Tobin assures, a grin spreading on her face.

“And about the questions you wanted to ask?”

“No it’s okay. I already have all the answers I need,” Tobin smirks and looks at Alex who has a glint of amusement in her eyes. “Goodbye, have a great day.” The novelist laces her fingers with Alex’s and drags her outside.

They don’t hear the middle-aged woman’s answer, and they don’t see the puzzled look on her face at the weird acting couple.

Tobin can’t contain her joy for too long. Once outside she circles Alex’s waist and lifts her in the air.

“You’re alive. You’re real. We don’t have anything to worry for!” She chants and Alex chuckles.

“I told you I would be okay,” she smiles sweetly.

The happy moment is short as she takes a sharp breath and brings her hand to her chest.

“Are you alright?” Tobin’s voice is filled with concern as she places Alec back on the ground.

“I… can’t… breathe…” Alex chokes.

“No no no. I knew the paper was linked to you. Come on baby breathe with me. Breathe Alex please.” Tobin’s heart pounds in her chest harder than ever, her hands cupping the younger woman’s face.

A loud laugh startles her and a wide smile stretches Alex’s lips.

“You should see your face!”

Tobin freezes for a second.

“What the fuck?”

“I’m kidding. I’m perfectly fine,” Alex keeps laughing at the novelist’s shocked face.

Her laugh is stopped by a small punch on her arm.

“Ouch!”

“Don’t ever do that to me again you idiot! You scared the shit out of me,” Tobin groans, out of breath as if she had just run for 10 miles.

“I’m sorry babe, but I had to do it!” Alex chuckles, earning a new slap on her arm. “Ouch again!”

“You deserve it! You have the worse ideas ever,” Tobin rolls her eyes, finally getting amused by the situation.

“But you love meeeee,” Alex coos, taking Tobin’s hand.

“That I do,” Tobin admits with a smirk.

She’s rewarded by Alex’s biggest smile and a kiss on her lips.

They make their way back to the house, feet digging the warm sand.

As they walk in a comfortable silence Tobin takes advantage of Alex’s fascination for the ocean to stare at her.

The woman she loves is safe, by her side, and loves her back.

If you had told her this a month ago she would have called you crazy.

**

Alex keeps her promise and takes Tobin on a date.

They find themselves sitting in a quiet restaurant, conversations and laughs coming one after another smoothly. It’s simple but Tobin loves it.

As the date goes on they come up with crazy theories about how Alex arrived on her doorstep. 

“Parallel universe?”

“Pff don’t be ridiculous, I’m still convinced Ms. Special Paper is a witch or something,” Tobin says, taking a bite of her desert.

“Maybe that’s the secret of life? Like we’re living in someone’s imagination, who is living in someone’s imagination, who is living in someone’s imagination, who is living in someone’s imagination, who is living in-”

“I get it babe, you can stop repeating,” Tobin chuckles.

“Or it’s from a Genie, like in Aladdin?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, I didn’t wish for you…” The novelist playfully teases the younger woman. “Don’t pout I’m joking! Al I was kidding… I love you.”

The soccer player finally smiles.

“Yeah yeah yeah, I love you too,” she rolls her eyes, feigning annoyance.

Tobin lets Alex pay for their diner and they make their way back home.

As they walk along the beach Alex intertwines her fingers with Tobin’s and moves closer to the novelist.

“It was nice. Thanks for taking me out Lex,” Tobin softly says before kissing the younger woman’s temple.

“You’re welcome. It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me.”

They walk in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Alex speaks again.

“I was thinking… Since I have my money back, I can look for an apartment or small house,” she slowly says.

“What do you mean?” Tobin frowns and moves back a little to look at the younger woman who is now fidgeting.

“Well… You don’t have to let me stay at your place anymore. We’ve just started to date so I’d understand if you wanted me to live somewhere else and not rush things. Because living together is supposed to be like a big step in a couple’s life,” Alex explains, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.

The novelist can’t help but smile at the younger woman’s cuteness.

“Oh… Yes I guess you’re right. Maybe it’s the best thing to do and I’ll understand if you decide to move out,” Tobin responds seriously, looking deep into Alex’s eyes.

Alex nods and looks away, making Tobin smirks at how bad she is at hiding her deception.

“But I’d be really sad if you do,” the novelist adds in a murmur.

Alex’s head turns to look at her so fast she’s afraid the younger woman is going to stiff her neck.

“You would?” She asks hopefully.

“Of course I would. I love living with you Al,” Tobin gently smiles and Alex brings her into a hug.

“I was so hoping that you would say that! But I wanted to be sure you want this as much as I do,” she whispers into the older woman’s neck.

Tobin moves back to kiss Alex’s lips.

“Lex my house started to become our house from the moment you made me move your dresser around your room,” Tobin playfully smirks, making Alex laughs, before adding seriously. “You’ve transformed my house into a home.”

The billions stars over their heads will never shine as brightly as Alex’s eyes when the words leave her mouth.

**

It takes Tobin a few weeks to start writing again.

Partly because she is busy living her life with Alex, partly because she is afraid her words will be brought to reality.

So to begin, she writes insignificant things.

A volley ball is sent in my garden accidentally.

The ugly flower my mom offered me dies mysteriously.

The Spice Girls come back together.

Moses stops destroying every toy I buy him.

When nothing happens she starts to relax a little. However she tenses up again a few days after when Alex asks her to write about her to see if they are still somehow linked.

After long minutes of argument she reluctantly agrees, writing a little thing that won’t have a lot of impact if it becomes real.

Alex Morgan has a scar on her right knee.

The soccer player’s knee stays blank but they decide to wait a few days, not wanting to jump on conclusion. However, seeing that nothing happens Tobin gets more and more creative.

Alex Morgan hates coffee. (“I swear to God if it happens I’ll force you to drink a cup every morning, you traitor.”)

Alex Morgan’s favorite song is Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO (“Jesus you’re caught dancing once and it follows you your all life.”)

Alex Morgan cooks breakfast for Tobin every morning. (“Ain’t got time for that. I do it sometimes though, you should be happy.”)

Alex Morgan can fly. (“No, sorry to disappoint you baby…”)

Alex Morgan knows where Waldo is. (“Seriously?”)

Alex Morgan’s favorite person in the whole world is Tobin Heath. (“I love you with all my heart babe.”)

**

“Baby… Babe, wake up.”

Tobin’s eyes flutter open to see Alex kneeling in front of her, the younger woman’s soft hand caressing her wild hair out of her face.

“What time is it?” She grumbles sitting up.

She immediately misses the heat of her pillow, aka Moses. The dog lifts his head off the ground lazily before returning to his peaceful sleep.

“It’s almost 4 am. I woke up and you weren’t there, I wanted to check on you. Should I be jealous that you rather sleep on the ground than sleep next to me?” The soccer player playfully nudges Tobin’s shoulder as they make their way to their bedroom.

“I’m sorry Al. I just had this great idea for the book and I had to write it. I didn’t want to wake you up so I went downstairs. I guess I fell asleep while re-reading it,” Tobin explain as she rubs her eyes tiredly.

“It’s okay Tobs. Are you happy with what you wrote?” Alex asks while sliding into their bed and switching off her lamp.

“Yes…” Tobin moves closer to her and wraps her arm around her waist. “I finished the story actually,” she whispers and Alex can feel the smile in her voice.

“Really? That’s awesome Tobs, I’m so proud of you,” Alex kisses the novelist’s neck.

“Thanks babe. I’m proud of you too; you nailed that job interview,” Tobin’s lips brushes the top of the younger woman’s head.

“Thanks you. I can’t wait to start.”

“You’re going to be the best soccer coach ever,” Tobin states sleepily before yawning and Alex chuckles.

“Go to sleep, we’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Goodnight my love.”

**

Living with Alex was easy in the first place. However, Tobin finds it even easier now that she doesn’t have anything to hide.

The months go by swiftly and her feelings for the younger woman only grow.

Her heart misses a beat every morning when Alex opens her eyes for the first time.

She has never enjoyed silence as much as she does with Alex, just appreciating the simple moments with her person by her sides. Not that there is a lot of silences with the younger woman, she seems to always have something to say (And Tobin loves it.)

When she thinks of it, she had written in Alex’s description that the woman was going to learn what living means. However she quickly realized that Alex was the one to teach her what it means to really live and not just take everything as it comes.

Tobin cherishes every moment, every smile, every touch, every joke, every kiss, every laugh, even the tears and the shouts when she’s done something wrong.

Their relationship isn’t perfect.  She wouldn’t have written it this way if she had had the choice.

But now, living it, she is glad she didn’t write it. It never would have been as great as it is.

Alex breaks everything she has ever known, everything she has ever written.

Before her Tobin wouldn’t have change a thing in her life. Now she knows how lucky she is that things have changed.

Kelley fake gags when Tobin tells her.

**

“I’m exhausted. Practice was so hard, even for me.”

Tobin laughs as Alex buries her face in the crook of her neck before wrapping her arm around the younger woman’s shoulders.

“You’re such a wimp.”

“Shut up Kelley,” Tobin tosses a fries to her agent who’s sitting across her.

“I want a girlfriend…” A whine interrupts what Kelley was going to say.

Tobin shots an amused gaze at Ashlyn while her best friend points at both her and Alex.

“Don’t you want a girlfriend too?” She whines again, poking Kelley’s shoulder.

“Nope, I’m perfectly fine on my own,” Kelley shrugs. “No drama, I can have sex with whoever I want, I don’t have to put a password on my phone… Yep, perfectly fine without a girlfriend,'" she says, putting her napkin on the restaurant table.

“The Hope girl took her on a second date last week,” Alex mumbles into Tobin’s neck, missing the death glare Kelley sends her.

“What? Kels you never go on second dates!” Ashlyn and Tobin exclaim at the same time, making a few customers narrow their eyes at them.

“It was a moment of weakness okay? It won’t happen again…” Kelley blushes, fidgeting with her napkin.

“She’s supposed to have dinner at Hope’s place tomorrow. Hope’s cooking.”

“I swear to God Alex… I don’t even know why I tell you stuff!” Kelley tosses a piece of bread at the soccer coach but Tobin catches it and eats it.

“Dinner at her place? Bro she’s so going to ask you to be her girlfriend.”

“No, we’re just going to have amazing wild great sex and that’s all,” Kelley states firmly, her cheeks turning redder as the seconds pass.

“Oh, they haven’t had sex yet either.” This time Alex smirks against Tobin’s skin.

“What? You? Kelley? Even after two dates? That’s so not like you usually proceed,” Tobin says, genuinely surprised.

Ignoring her friend's shocked face Kelley lowers her gaze.

“I hate you Al.”

At her friend’s embarrassment something clicks into Tobin’s mind.

“I can’t believe it…”

“What?” Ashlyn asks, as oblivious as ever.

“She likes her.”

“No I don’t.”

Tobin’s smile grows even wider.

“Yes you do! Look at you!”

“Maybe I do okay! Can we just go back to Ashlyn and her desperate need to find someone please?” Kelley whimpers.

“Oh yeah I totally need a girlfriend,” Ashlyn agrees, changing the discussion to help her flushed friend.

“Do you have a type Ash?” Alex asks, finally lifting her head of Tobin’s neck to sit back in her chair.

Kelley mouths a little “Thank you” and the blond woman winks at her.

“Not really… Kinda have a thing for brunettes though. And like athletic women too. And you know kind, funny, cute, smart and all that jazz. But I swear I’m not picky,” Ashlyn laughs.

“Why doesn’t Tobin write you a girlfriend?” Kelley playfully asks before sipping her beer.

Ashlyn and Kelley are the only people aware of Alex’s story.

If Kelley was calm, understanding and low-key when Tobin had told her, Ashlyn was another deal.

She had busted out laughing, and when Alex and Tobin had remained serious she started searching for any hided cameras. She’d come around… eventually.

“Yeah Tobin? You write yourself a girlfriend but you aren’t willing to help a friend. You’re so selfish!” Ashlyn plays along with a smirk.

“Hey, if I could help you I would buddy,” Tobin laughs.

“You don’t want to try and write something on the napkin?” Alex nudges Tobin’s shoulder and the novelist rolls her eyes.

“Not you too. You know it won’t work," Tobin says but gives in when Alex pouts. "It can be fun to give a try I guess. Okay, let’s see…” She takes a pen out of her pocket. “I need a full name. Well maybe my magic only works if the first name is Alexandra,” she smirks.

“I don’t know… I don’t care about the first name; you can go with Alexandra if it’s the only thing that works,” Ashlyn chuckles at her friend’s antics. “But maybe a fierce last name. You know like she’s a strong woman, a warrior or something. Maybe something German. It could go well with Ale-”

“Excuse me… I’m sorry to interrupt you.”

The four friends lift their eyes to look at the person, surprised when they realize it’s not their waiter but a blushing brunette who is starring at Ashlyn.

“Hum… I’m not always that forward but my friend sitting back there dared me to give my number to the hottest person in the restaurant. She’s paying for my dinner and my drinks after if I do so… Here,” the woman hands a small piece of paper to Ashlyn while brushing a strand of hair behind of her ear with her other hand.

Ashlyn stays motionless for a few seconds, staring at the brunette, until Kelley elbows her in the ribs.

“Ouch… Uh I’m sorry. I uh… Thanks?” She takes the piece of paper in her trembling hand.

Kelley and Tobin face palm at their friend’s awkwardness and Alex kicks her under the table and mentions her to present herself.

“Oh yeah sorry, I’m Ashlyn by the way,” the blond woman offers her hand to the brunette.

“Nice to meet you Ashlyn. My name is Alexandra Krieger, but my friends call me Ali.”

The next few seconds are worth a comedy scene.

Kelley chokes on her drink, spilling beer on her shirt.

Tobin strangles herself with a piece of bread, coughing loudly and hitting on her chest to try and swallow it.

Alex gasps and grips Tobin’s thigh tightly making the novelist yelps in pain which ends up helping her unblocking the bread caught in her throat.

 Ashlyn only stares at Ali in disbelief with her jaw on the floor.

“Are you guys okay? What’s happening?”

Ali’s concerned voice snaps Ashlyn out of her trance and the blond woman looks at Tobin with a questioning eyebrow raised.

“Don’t look at me dude, I didn’t write anything,” Tobin rasps, her throat still sore, while Alex soothingly rubs her back.

“That world is fucking crazy. I’m not strong enough for that,” Kelley mumbles making the table laugh.

“What happened guys?” Ali is still standing next to Ashlyn, a puzzled look on her face.

“Sorry about that. Your name just reminds us of something, don’t worry about it,” Ashlyn quickly reassures her, not wanting the woman to believe they are a bunch of crazy people (even though she knows it is exactly what they are, Ali just can’t know that yet). “So you were saying your friend is going to buy you drinks after that?”

“Yeah, we’re going to hit some bar near the beach,” Ali nods.

“Would you mind if I buy you those drinks instead of her?”

“Not at all.”

Ashlyn already likes that smile.

**

“Dude that was really smooth. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks Kels.”

“You totally patted your back at that one, didn’t you?”

“You’re just jealous you don’t attract ladies like I do Tobs.”

“Pff I can attract any girl I want.”

“Hey!”

“Oh yeah, sorry Alex.”

**

“Good morning Miss. What can I do for you on this fine day?”

Tobin has got used to that greeting along the years.

“Hi Rebecca. I told you a thousand times to call me Tobin,” the novelist smiles before hugging the woman.

“I’m sorry, habits die hard,” Rebecca chuckles, hugging her back. “So, what do you need today?”

“You know how I had told you I needed paper for a special book the first time I came here?” Tobin asks with a smile dancing on her lips.

“I remember it like it was yesterday. I can’t believe it’s already been three years.”

“Yeah, time flies… So yeah I needed paper for a special book. Today I need paper for a special occasion.”

**

Alex comes home exhausted after a hard practice. She is disappointed when she doesn’t find Tobin anywhere; not on the beach, not on the couch, not in their garden, not on the roof. Not seeing Moses anywhere either she comes to the conclusion that the older woman is gone on a run with him or is walking him.

She starts to boil water for her tea (with the years she’s started to appreciate the beverage more and more. But she’d never tell Tobin) and pours herself a cup.

The soccer coach sits at the kitchen bar, facing the ocean behind their bay window, when her eyes catch a glimpse of something.

A small book is sitting on the bar, with a leather cover. When she takes it in her hands she’s surprised to read the title.

Will You Take Care of My Paper Heart?

Her fingers brush the title as she remembers when Tobin had murmured the same words in her ear in the darkness of the night.

When she turns first page she finds the word her own raspy voice had immediately answered.

Always.

The page facing the word announces Chapter Oneand Alex turns the page, eager to find out what the chapter contains.

I had always been the person writing the stories, writing the heroes. I had never been the hero of a story.

Until one day, when Alex Morgan rang my doorbell, and by entering my house entered my life.

It was crazy in the first place, admitting that who I wrote was real and asleep on my lap.

My purpose was clear: sending Alex Morgan back to her world, sparing her the pain of knowing the truth.

I was such an idiot. I’m still sorry for lying Al.

You’ve made me realize that I am the hero of the story that is my life. I could never thank you enough for that.

Chapter Two                           

Until finding a solution I had to take care of Alex Morgan.

Living with Alex Morgan was, and is, probably the easiest thing to do for me.

As each day went by I found myself getting closer and closer to her.

She was, and is, like a magnet attracting me with a mysterious force.

Thinking back at that time, I always had the solution to send her back. I just needed to write.

But that mysterious force was keeping me from doing it.

And as the days went Alex Morgan started to become Alex, my Alex.

Alex Morgan, she and her became Alex, you and your.

Alex Morgan started to become a person and not just a name I wrote.

You are so much more than what my imagination could come up with.

You are an amazing, strong, smart, funny, talented and gorgeous person.

You are my angel, my miracle, fallen from Heaven.

You fell from heaven but I that time I was the one falling in love.

Chapter three

If I had known how you would react I would have told you the truth earlier.

I was so scared that you would be hurt, pained by it that I didn’t consider the possibility that you’d take it well and be understanding.

I was also so afraid that you would hate me.

And you surprised me once again.

That night is still as clear as crystal in my mind.

You were so tender and understanding, reassuring me when I should have been the one reassuring you.

I was still a fool, thinking that I knew what the best thing for you was. Luckily you convinced me.

I knew deep down that you should be the one making the choice, having the power on your life.

And it all became clear with your murmur against my lips.

My heart has never been the same since you murmured the three words back.

Chapter Four

Having you by my sides every day is the best gift God could ever give me.

Since the day we became sure nothing could happen to you anymore I’ve been loving my life with you. I’ve been loving every day since that day.

I love waking up to you.

I love watching you sipping your first coffee of the day.

I love putting your cup in the dishwasher after you abandoned it in the sink.

I love walking Moses with you.

I love the look in your eyes when you go to work, excited about what this new day will bring.

I love how you can watch me write during hours without moving, with that beautiful look of adoration in your eyes.

I love calling you my girlfriend and acting possessively in bars when someone hits on you, even though I know they’d never have a chance.

I love how you try to teach me how to cook. In other words I love how patient you are.

I love your voice when you yell at me. But I love it even more when you whisper sweet nothing in my ear.

I love how competitive you are.

I love how you laugh at my jokes, no matter how bad they are.

I love how you are the only one able to make Kelley shut up with your smart remarks.

I love that I am the only one you want to be with when you cry. I love kissing your tears away. But I hate seeing you upset. Especially when I am the reason you are.

I love how you are always willing to go on a trip with me, even if it is out of the blue, even if it is to the grocery store, even if it is on the other side of the planet.

I love to touch you. In all the possible ways. I love to hold your hand, I love to kiss your lips, I love to touch you with my voice, I love to touch you with my words, and obviously I love to make love to you.

I love how you curl up on my side on the couch when we watch a movie.

I love how you snuggle closer to me in bed, always finding the crook of my neck.

I love feeling your steady breaths on my skin.

I love how loved you make me feel.

I love the journey we are on together.

I’ve loved these pass three years with you.

I love you.

And I can’t wait to live the next chapter of my life with you.

A drop falls on the page and Alex finally realize that her eyes are filled with tears and that her cheeks hurt from smiling.

Having Tobin’s vision of their relationship, how her feelings have evolved from considering Alex as a simple character to cherishing every part of her, means something Alex can’t put into words.

Her fingers slowly caress the last phrase.

She can’t wait to see where the next chapter of their life brings them. She can’t wait to keep living with Tobin and loving her.

Caressing the last word she realizes that something is written on the next page.

Chapter Five

Her eyebrows clench together as she grabs the page to turn it.

“I wonder what she wrote there.”

Her breath gets caught in her lungs.

Will Alex Morgan marry me?

“Will you?”

Blue eyes shift from looking at the words to looking into deep loving brown ones.

Tobin is sitting next to her, a beautiful ring in one hand while the other hands a pen to Alex.

Silence fills the room, and is only broken when Alex’s hand grabs Tobin’s pen.

The familiar sound of her pen scratching paper comes to Tobin’s ear.

When she reads what Alex wrote it’s in a soft murmur while a tear escapes her eye and a wide smile stretches her lips.

“Yes.”

Warmth spreads in her body when Alex kisses her with everything she has.

Tobin feels as if she is on cloud nine, holding the woman she loves, the woman she is going to marry, her fiancée.

Her heart is surprisingly steady when Alex moves back a little, letting their lips brush slightly.

“I promised you I would always take care of your paper heart.”

FIN