The first surprise literally happens the moment she walks in her dorm.
There’s a black haired pale woman running her hands through long brown locks of hair and bruising her lips with a woman shorter and smaller than her.
Ally tries not to let out a yelp and steels herself in her spot instead of ducking out of the door and buying a ticket right back to Texas. Except, the image ahead of her caused her bags to slip out of her hands and land on the floor with a loud thud. The two women separate and turn to Ally with alarm on their faces. The black haired woman with ridiculously beautiful emerald eyes speaks her first– her voice raspy and low.
“So you’re my roommate. I’m Lauren and this is my girlfriend, Camila.”
Ally sputters and barely even stutters out a greeting before Camila kisses Lauren goodbye on her cheek and throws Ally a charming smile before slipping out the door. The Texas native seems frozen in her spot and can’t seem to speak to Lauren who turns away from her and continues to unpack.
“Sorry for Camila and I. Probably isn’t a daily thing to walk into your dorm and see that.”
“I’ve never seen that in general.”
“You’ve never seen two girls kiss?”
“No. I guess you could say I’m pretty sheltered. I moved here from Texas. I’m Ally, by the way.”
Lauren seems to immediately understand, nods, and becomes noticeably quieter.
“If it’s going to be a problem for you to see Camila and I together, I can go talk to the RA and ask for a room change because I’m not going to hide our relationship anymore.”
Ally shakes her head and she doesn’t know what possesses her to do it.
“No, it’s not a problem. I guess I’m just not used to it. I’ve grown up with all these stereotypes about gay people and I guess it’s shocking to see you two not fit into those requirements.”
Lauren squints her eyes in offense but the genuine look of curiosity on Ally’s face stops Lauren from scolding Ally for her judgment.
“You’ve got a lot to learn, short stack, if you plan on having a good relationship with your roommate.”
Ally nods and supposes she’ll be learning more from Lauren than her professors this year.
~.~.~
It’s not even been a week since Ally met Lauren and she can feel the discomfort that bothered her when Lauren and Camila kissed slowly fade. Lauren had showed her all the nooks and crannies and shortcuts around campus when they finished unpacking and settling into the dorm.
From time to time, Ally will accidentally let slip a sentence that sounds offensive and each time, Lauren stops herself from retaliating and instead educates Ally and allows for the Texan to wrap her narrow mind around new concepts.
It is a process after all, and Ally really is trying to get comfortable and accept the newer things she’s yet to fully experience. It’s a blessing that Lauren understands that.
Ally thinks Lauren is a savior–especially when she introduces Ally to her group of friends.
Lauren had invited Ally to one of their Thursday night hangouts and while Lauren’s friends were different, Ally understood why the Floridian had held them so dearly to her heart. Despite the contrasting personalities, Ally saw the acceptance and warmth they exuded just by how eager they were to welcome her to their friend group.
There was Camila, Normani, and Dinah.
Ally was understandably closer to Camila due to the Cuban-Mexican being in Lauren’s dorm almost nightly and through that, getting to know her.
And really, Camila was like any other person in the world. She had the same anatomy as Ally, the same attitudes towards certain hobbies, and truly, Ally had enjoyed her presence. The Texan didn’t see why she already had negatively judged Camila before she got to know her.
Then, there was Normani.
She was in college with a major in dancing and second in business. From what Ally learned, Normani was intelligent, cunning, and funny in a way that required no effort. The dark woman was tall, built, and lithe. Her smile was beautiful and it didn’t take long for Ally to realize her entire presence just called for attention in the most natural way.
Lastly, there was Dinah.
Dinah was majoring to be a child physician and minoring in music. She was barely taller than Normani, but a little thicker than her. She had a boisterous laugh and immediately, Ally sensed her carefree attitude. Dinah was beautiful with her dimpled eyes and goofy humor.
While Camila and Lauren appeared more on the serious side and Normani and Dinah on the joking, Ally saw how well the four got along by how they acted with a comfort that many people envied.
After the dinner at the local diner near campus, the group had gone to Normani and Dinah’s dorm to watch a movie. While Camila and Lauren cuddled up on the floor, Normani and Dinah fought over the couch with witty banter and large smiles.
“It’s my turn, Mani. You had it last week. And plus, I was gunna invite Smalls to sit with me.”
Normally, Ally found gestures toward her height tiring and overdone but she couldn’t help but be endeared at how Dinah looked at Normani with this child-like pout.
Normani relents hesitantly and sits herself on the floor.
“I’m only sitting here because you brought Ally into this. If you didn’t I’d have fought you off the couch.”
“Like you can fight me, Mani. I’m stronger and bigger than you.”
Normani pops up from the floor with her fists raised.
“You wanna test that? Square up!”
Dinah throws herself at Normani and if it weren’t for the loud laughter, Ally would’ve been concerned. Normani and Dinah were on the floor, wrestling and soon enough, Normani lied on top of Dinah’s back with her arms extended in victory only to huff out a sigh as Lauren drops onto her back with a giggle.
Camila lets out a laugh and plops herself on Lauren with a beaming smile on her face. She sweeps the hair out of her eyes, accidentally elbowing Lauren in the process who lets out an exclamation of pain.
“Join the dog pile, Ally. It’s better when there’s more!”
“Shut the fuck up, Chancho. If one more person lies on me I’m gonna barf my dinner on the floor.”
Camila is quick to roll off and pull Lauren to her feet as Normani scrambles off Dinah’s back with incredible speed. The action looked so planned and rehearsed as the three distanced themselves from Dinah. As the Tongan rolls over with her chest heaving, Camila turns to Ally with mild disgust on her face.
“We tried that before. Turns out, she was not exaggerating. We try to avoid any situation where any of us has to barf. So, next time Ally. You’ll be the first to pile on.”
Beside her, Lauren was quietly whining about the pain in her ribs and Camila was patting her on the stomach.
“I think my rib is broken.”
“Oh don’t be such a baby. I barely grazed you.”
Lauren sends Camila a glare that she withers under and the brown haired girl is quick to kiss Lauren on the lips in forgiveness.
The action, surprisingly, does not bother Ally in the least bit.
~.~.~
The weekend after their first gathering, Normani invites the group to her dance recital. Dinah, with her ever-present smile, bounces into their dorm with a snapback turned to the back.
“Mani’s recital is this week and here are your tickets.”
Camila comes out from the bathroom with a toothbrush in her mouth.
“And I figured Walz was in here since she basically lives with you two so I brought her ticket too.”
Camila raises her thumb up with a mint foam smile on her lips. The three in the room find themselves giggling at the sight.
After Dinah heads out the door, she peaks her head in.
“Also, dress fancy. Mani told me it’s classy as hell and to dress your best.”
On Saturday, the day of the recital, as Lauren is finishing up curling the strands Ally missed in her hair, a knock comes from her door.
When Lauren opens up the door to a flower-bearing Camila, the smile that the emerald-eyed woman reserved for Camila appears as she leans in to kiss her cheek.
“You look beautiful, Lo.”
“I’m still in my sweats, dummy. I was helping Ally get ready. But you, you look stunning.”
“I’m aware you’re in your sweats; I’m not blind, babe.”
Camila, clad in a mid-thigh, tight black dress, and lace sleeves, turns to Ally with her red lips and rosy cheeks.
“You look great, Ally. White looks good on you.”
“Thanks, Mila. You look really good too.”
Down the hall, Ally could hear the distant sound of heels clicking on the floor and soon enough, Dinah appeared at Lauren’s door.
“Y’all better be almost done with getting ready. We should be leaving soon.”
Lauren trips out the bathroom, stumbling out with one heel and hastily looking for her other pair. Camila pats to the bed and in her hand was the missing heel. With a sigh of relief, Lauren allows her girlfriend to slip on her heels and kisses her tenderly.
“Alright, we ain’t got time for your lovey cute shit. We gotta go!”
When Ally steps out of the dorm, Dinah’s jittering feet halt to a stop as her jaw drops.
“Wow, Ally. You look incredible.”
The Texan can only nod in agreement as she drunk in the blonde’s outfit. She was dressed in a long white dress with her long hair curled and pinned to the side with a pearl necklace resting on her chest.
Lauren shuffles out the door and locks it, slipping her hand in Camila’s after.
“I didn’t realize it was Match With Your Date night.”
With that, Ally couldn’t help but realize the similarity in their outfits as she was wearing a hemmed white pantsuit with a dipping neckline and pearls hanging off her neck.
Camila bumps into Lauren’s shoulder and silently chastises her for a reason unknown to Ally.
“Oh hush up Lo, you always match with Walz. You aren’t one to speak.”
“Yeah, but I’m actually dating her so it works out.”
Dinah lightly shoves Lauren with a certain look on her face, as if Lauren knew something Camila and Ally didn’t. Lauren shakes her head and smiles, as if to reassure Dinah that her lips were sealed.
The taller woman walks beside Ally as she fiddles with her hand and shortens her leg span so that the Texan can keep up with her without having to fasten her pace just to walk beside the Tongan. Dinah speaks in a softer voice and looks at her with gentle eyes as she regards Ally with sincerity.
“You really do look great, Smalls. Don’t worry about what Lauren says. She’s an asshole sometimes.”
Ally giggles and her whole body leans into Dinah as she laughs. Dinah slings an arm around Ally and rests her head on Ally’s as she holds her closer to her.
“You look good too Dinah. Dresses look really good on you. Very form-fitting.”
“You sayin’ you’re lookin’ at my bomb-ass form.”
Ally decides to play the game Dinah always initiates that she usually blushes and stutters out of.
“I’m always looking at your bomb-ass form.”
Dinah’s steps falter slightly and she feels Dinah’s grip lightly lessen. Ally almost wants to apologize at the sudden change in demeanor. However, Dinah quickly recollects herself and thanks Ally for the complement with a self-assured flick of her hair.
Normani’s recital runs through perfectly and as she bows with the rest of the dancers, Ally finds herself standing and whooping along with her friends as they cheer her on, ignoring the old judging eyes on them. Normani looks at them with a bright smile and a gleam in her eyes as she winks at them.
~.~.~
Finals week was quickly approaching and Ally found herself living in the library rather than in her dorm. From research papers to stacks of homework, it’s like the professors had decided to unleash all hell on her.
The girl next to her, who was doing her essay, now had her head tucked in her arms as soft snores came from her body and Ally couldn’t help but wish that were her instead.
Unexpectedly, Dinah slides into the seat beside Ally with a sandwich in hand.
“What’re you doing here, Dinah?”
“I was looking for you. I hadn’t seen you all week and you weren’t there on Thursday so I got worried.”
“Aw, that’s sweet, Dinah. I was just studying. My professors are going crazy! I’ve had five essays in the past two days.”
Dinah pouts in empathy as she nudges the sandwich towards her.
“I made it. Tragically, there isn’t a Waffle House in California, so I attempted your favorite sandwich from there myself.”
Ally’s day immediately becomes better as she opens the tin foil and the smell of bacon and eggs wafts to her nose. Sinking her teeth into the sandwich, Ally could taste the difference in sandwiches but that didn’t necessarily mean one was better than the other.
“Oh my gosh, Dinah, this is heavenly. I think I like this more than Waffle House.”
The Tongan basically beams and seems infinitely more confident in her abilities.
“Then I’ll make you one everyday if it makes you this happy.”
Ally almost melts in her seat at Dinah’s willingness to go out of her way to make her day better. Albeit, it’s just a sandwich, but Dinah’s thought and offer make her heart smile.
Dinah smiles at her with this peaceful grin and shuffles out of her seat.
“Don’t stay out too late, Smalls. You need sleep.”
~.~.~
The next day, Ally wakes up to a text from Dinah.
Baeyonce Jane Hansen: u plannin to go to the library again???
Smalls ☼: yea… probably why??
Baeyonce Jane Hansen: gotta knw so i can make a run to the store to get bacon. i told u i was gonna make u ur sandwich everyday. and i used the last of the bacon i had last night. and plus, mani needs tampons so might as well get sum fr her too.
Ally’s morning is already starting out better than her past ones and Dinah’s the one to thank for that.
Later on, when Dinah texts Ally if she was at the library, Ally replies and Dinah arrives faster than Ally would’ve thought. The sandwich in her hand is warm and Ally can feel her stomach calling for it as she pulls Dinah in close and kisses her on the cheek in gratitude. The Tongan’s cheek turn a rosy color as she sputters out a greeting as she slides in the seat beside Ally. While the shorter girl ate and resumed her essay, Dinah pulled out the book her professors had assigned for her to read and the whole situation feels like routine and strangely comfortable.
Almost daily, Dinah is beside Ally, sandwich in hand with a beaming smile.
~.~.~
Anyone in their group of friends would say that Ally was like the sun–smiling and always bright and happy–but the Texan would argue that Dinah was the sun. She had, without a doubt, made Ally happier than she had been in a while.
And there was a creeping feeling that maybe Ally wanted Dinah to be more than her friend as the affectionate taller woman would often pull her into her arms and nuzzle her cheek against Ally’s.
But, Ally is quick to dismiss the thought. Just because she was comfortable with Camila and Lauren’s constant public affection didn’t mean she could find it to be okay for herself if she felt the same pull for the same gender in her chest.
Despite that, Ally knew that she wished she could accept the change in attraction within herself, knew she would be happier if she could. But her roots soaked in conservative norms seemed to scare her away from the thought of freedom in happiness.
On one of the Thursdays they spent together, Ally couldn’t peel her eyes from Camila and Lauren as they kissed each other constantly, with different kisses that ranged in length and necessity but always affectionate. As they retired to Dinah’s room to watch a movie, Ally couldn’t help but watch how Lauren sunk in Camila’s arms as she kissed the knuckles on the Cuban-Mexican’s hand and how Camila stroked Lauren’s arms with a familiar touch.
When Lauren pulls Ally aside the day after, she crosses her arms and leans against the wall. The Texan can’t help but feel a little threatened as Lauren looks at her with a hint of calloused curiosity.
“You still haven’t got used to Camila and I, have you?”
Before Ally can rush out a response, Lauren beats her to it.
“I thought you were doing better. But you kept looking at us last night. I could tell. You’re not exactly subtle.”
Ally can feel panic rush to her throat as her fingers begin to shake and her voice trembles as she barely exhales her words.
“How did you know you liked girls?”
Lauren seems caught off-guard when she realizes what Ally said. She uncrosses her arms and the countenance of her face changes to one of understanding and warmth. The black haired woman pulls Ally into her arms and it’s the last thing Ally didn’t know she needed. The tears pour from Ally’s eyes and it’s like she can’t stop them from falling. The panic ebbs away as the stress releases from her shoulders and Lauren strengthens her grip on the Texan as she kisses her head.
“I think I’ve always liked girls. When I was a kid, I always liked the girls in my class more than boys and I remember I told my mom I wanted to hold hands with a girl in pre-school. And as I got older, it became clearer and clearer because in sixth grade, I wanted to do more than hold hands with the girl in pre-school. I guess, when I finally kissed her in my freshman year of high school, it really solidified my sexuality. Kissing Camila really did a lot for me. But Ally, not everyone is the same. Camila didn’t really care about sexuality and she still doesn’t. That’s why she’s unlabeled now.”
Ally nods as Lauren wipes the tears from her cheeks and offers a small smile.
“If you ever need me, to talk to me or Camila about this, I promise you we’ll try our best to help you.”
And before Ally can ask Lauren to keep the conversation a secret from the rest of the girls, Lauren reassures her and hugs her again.
“You’ll be okay. It may be scary now, but it’ll get better. Less scary and more approachable. Just let yourself feel whatever you’re feeling. Holding it in will hurt you more than you’d expect.”
Lauren kisses her forehead and silently offers the side of her bed usually reserved for Camila. Lauren figures this is an exception.
As Ally cuddles into her arm, she realizes Lauren was the one person she needed in her life.
While the Floridian didn’t make her heart race and cheeks blush, Lauren had showed Ally a completely different world with incredible patience and warmth.
~.~.~
The next time they get together, it was almost like the conversation Ally had with Lauren never existed.
Lauren doesn’t treat her like she’s fragile and doesn’t look at her like she was made of glass. It’s the lack of attention Ally needs.
As Dinah slides into the booth next to Ally and slings her arm around her shoulder, the comfortable affection makes Ally’s heart lighter and her mind forget about the constant wonder and fear. As Dinah jokes with Normani, the shorter girl reaches for the black snapback on Dinah’s head and places it on hers. An action so commonly done, the Tongan isn’t even fazed, and instead looks at Ally with tenderness and smiles a special grin for her.
In that moment, it’s like Ally has an epiphany as she realizes the poorly hidden feelings the taller girl had for her. It comforts her in a way that releases bundles amounts of stress from her body and reassures her heart as it beat quickly in her chest as Dinah subconsciously threaded her fingers through Ally’s.
It really shouldn’t be a surprise that Dinah was the one who unburied the hidden sexuality within Ally. Especially with the way she treated Ally with careful attentiveness, and it doesn’t hurt that Dinah just might be the most beautiful person in the world, physically and personality wise.
With her carefree demeanor, selfless and joking personality, it’s no wonder Ally gravitated towards Dinah. Ally found that if she were to ever find herself in a time of weakness, Dinah was the strength beside her that held her up, that reminded her better times are ahead.
Unbeknownst to the pair, Camila had seen the exchange with observant eyes. As her eyes flit to Lauren’s and connecting to Dinah and Ally’s, an intangible understanding seemed to pass between them as the Cuban-Mexican’s eyebrow rose in surprise. Lauren subtly nodded her head and just like that, the russet-eyed girl had a grip on the situation.
Normani, while being intelligent and smart, was still oblivious to the change in the environment. But then again, Normani was always the oblivious one. It had taken her almost a whole year for her to realize Camila and Lauren’s intimate relationship while Dinah had figured it out months earlier.
While Normani prattled on about her dance rehearsal and avoided Dinah’s attempts of throwing straw wrappers in her hair, Ally knew that something had changed.
~.~.~
Once Ally’s class ended and pulls out her phone to check the notifications, she is bombarded by a massive amount of texts.
Baeyonce Jane Hansen: theres a party tonite that i got invited to and tht means y’all are too.
Manibear: who’s party and is it byob??
Baeyonce Jane Hansen: naw its one of those frat boys. and they always have beer so we should b fine. wht abt thing one and thing two?
Loren: Surprisingly we both aren’t buried under homework so we should be fine to go. And honestly?? Thing One and Thing Two?? Is that the best you can do?
Baeyonce Jane Hansen: r u testing me ralph bc i hve many more r u sure u wanna start smth u cant finish?? u forget i hve blackmail material dont make me use it
Loren: Is that a threat Dinah Jane??
Baeyonce Jane Hansen: u bet ur ess it’s a threat!!
Mila: lauren’s not testing you!! and it’s not a threat!! do not provoke her lauren you know how far she takes things!!
Baeyonce Jane Hansen: wht’s tht suppose to mean??? i hvnt even shown u my full potential. if u think my pranks r too far u aint ready
Loren: Fine…you win this time. Only because you have blackmail material.
Manibear: omg stop texting on the gc it’s annoying hearing u fight. im tryna get me some beauty sleep
Mila: you don’t need beauty sleep, mani. you’re already the most beautiful girl on the planet.
Manibear: lo, u betta hold ur girl back before i steal her…
Mila: * one direction voice* everybody wanna steal my giiirrlll
Loren: Shut up, Camz. Don’t encourage her.
Mila: ...
Mila: * one direction voice* everybody wanna take her heart away!!
Baeyonce Jane Hansen: yall r so annoying. wht abt u sunshine? can u come?
Baeyonce Jane Hansen: ????
Baeyonce Jane Hansen: wait are u in class??
Smalls ☼: Im free tonight :)
~.~.~
College parties aren’t as fun and crazy as media portrays. That much is clear, as Ally has vacated to the roof and the fading sounds of the party died down as the hours passed by. The five friends stuck together until Normani strut off to a man who had been giving her the eye and Camila and Lauren snuck off doing whatever they do, which quite frankly, Ally didn’t want to know. Despite being comfortable around the couple didn’t mean the Texan would rather know what happened in their own privacy.
As the moon shone brightly in the sky, not a single cloud in sight, the faint buzz of the city and the cool wind gave Ally this sense of peace she craved.
Ally’s been trying to follow Lauren’s advice–to let herself feel whatever she’s feeling. And it’s a little freeing to be able to feel her heart call for Dinah, but at the same time it’s almost frightening. Not only is Dinah a girl, Ally has never felt so strongly for anyone before. Her silent attraction for the woman was threatening to spill out as Dinah had continued to treat Ally with the purest of intentions.
She had learned that despite Dinah’s loud and outgoing personality, the Tongan was quiet enough to hear Ally’s silent calls for help, aware enough to realize that Ally was acting a little different than before.
So when Dinah opens the door to the rooftop with a sense of urgency, worried over the absence of Ally, she breathes out a sigh of relief and sends out a text on the group chat to tell the girls she found the Texas native.
When the taller woman reaches Ally and stands beside her, she shrugs off her jacket and lays it on her shoulders in an attempt to warm her.
Ally knew in her heart that it was time.
“I love you, Dinah. Like, in love. I don’t know many things but I know that.”
For once, the witty girl doesn’t have a response. Instead, she turns to face Ally with a look of surprise but warmth in her eyes. Her large warm hands finds purchase on Ally’s and squeezes them with understanding and shuffles her feet closer to Ally’s heel clad ones. Moving to rest her forehead on the shorter girl, Ally has to shift her face up and crane her neck to appease the height difference to make eye contact. Ally reaches to cup her cheeks and it’s like the world has stopped for this moment to happen–like the world was just waiting for the pair to become strong enough to bear it.
Ally knows Dinah is strong enough to carry them both, to support them when Ally fails to find her feet but finally, Ally is strong enough.
So she strokes the pad of her thumb on Dinah’s cheek, nuzzles her nose against Dinah’s, can feel the grin making its way to her face. And tentatively, her soft lips meet Dinah’s waiting ones. It’s not eager or long or passionate. It’s simple and short but it’s enough to make Ally’s heart burst and lift the pressure of the sky off her shoulder. It makes her rib cages call for Dinah’s name and makes her blood rush to her cheek. It’s enough for Ally to lean in for another one–a longer one with clashing teeth and airy giggles. It’s everything Ally ever imagined and somehow better than she dreamed.
It’s Dinah and it’s enough for Ally to feel like she’s on top of the world.
~.~.~
If someone told Ally that she would be wrapped up in a girl’s arm and kissing her like there was no tomorrow, she would’ve laughed and maybe peed her pants. But, here she was, dressed in one of Dinah’s shirts, cuddled on Dinah’s bed with her head on Dinah’s pillow with Dinah’s comforter covering her, surrounded and entangled in everything that was Dinah, kissing her and letting her explore parts of her no one else has.
When her phone vibrates on the bedside table, Ally can guarantee it’s one of the girls looking to hang out before the summer vacation and they all go their own way. So the couple slips out of bed, slips on their clothing and shares small kisses, long kisses, and every kind of kiss as they leave her dorm.
When their friends had found out, Lauren looked at Ally with pride and comfort, as if she were welcoming Ally once again into her open arms.
“It’s a lot better when you let yourself feel, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is. Thank you, Lo for being so understanding and helpful.”
Ally feels the light tapping on her arm as Dinah’s hands tread down her forearm and tickles her palm and finally tangles their fingers and bringing her hand to her lips.
So yeah, a lot has changed since the beginning of the year and Ally wouldn’t have it any other way.