Streetlights

The rest of the week passes relatively uneventfully. John starts attending even fewer lessons than usual, meaning his grades slip even lower because he doesn’t apply himself, inducing more arguments with his grandmother. His father’s away until Saturday, though, so he can’t really bring himself to care that much until he wakes up on Saturday afternoon, still slightly intoxicated from the night before, with the Sexicans, Sollux, Equius and Rose in his room.

“Hey,” someone’s slurring sleepily. “John, your- your dad. Wants to talk.” John groans, closing his eyes and burying his face in the pillow. Great.

“Well?” Tavros prompts. “Are you gonna go talk to him, or?”

“I’d rather not,” John mumbles, muffled by the pillow, but he knows he has to, so, with a heavy sigh, he heaves himself out of bed and walks over to the door.

“What?” he asks tiredly when he steps outside, coming face-to-face with his father.

“Your friends been drinking again, have they?” his father says disdainfully, with a look of pure, unadulterated disgust on his face.

“Yeah,” John says defiantly. “What about it?”

“I will not tolerate this in my house,” his father sneers. “Especially not from my own son.”

“I don’t count myself as your son,” John says, spitting the word out like it’s got a horrible taste. It does, if he’s honest; he hates that he’s his father’s son.

“You live under my roof, so you follow my rules,” his father hisses. “No more drinking.”

“Whatever,” John says, turning back to stomp into the room, rather more emphatically than he’d hoped.

“Hey!” Rose moans groggily, when John almost treads on her face. “Watch it.” John doesn’t reply, stalking back over and rolling into bed, groaning into his pillow.

“What’s up?” Tavros asks, sounding concerned.

“Daddy issues,” Sollux says, and the smirk is almost audible in his voice. John lifts his hand to give him the finger – what a twat – but karma gets Sollux first, as he mumbles ‘Oh God’ and runs off to the ensuite bathroom. John sighs, rolling over onto his back and staring up at the whitewashed ceiling blankly.

“Wanna talk about it?” Tavros offers, and John shakes his head. He doesn’t – not with Tavros, anyway.

“I’ll be back,” he says suddenly, swinging his legs over the side of his bed and standing on Equius’ arm, ignoring his pained protest as he walks swiftly out of the door, down the stairs and onto the street.

It’s colder than he was expecting – but then again, it is starting to get colder; he’s lived through enough winters already, he should know how they work – and he wraps his arms around himself as he walks hastily up the street, up to Dave’s house, knocking on the door and shivering slightly in the cold.

“Hello dear,” the woman who unlocks the door (presumably Dave and Rose’s mother, unless they have a dark secret they’re hiding from him) says. “Aren’t you Rosey’s friend?”

“Yeah,” John says awkwardly. “Uh, is Dave in?” The woman smiles, and yells Dave’s name up the stairs. John hears a faint, irritated ‘what’ come floating back down.

“There’s someone here to see you!” his mother yells.

“If it’s Cronus or Eridan, I’m not in,” Dave shouts back down.

“It’s Rosey’s friend, the nice looking black-haired one,” his mother yells back up, and there’s a sudden bang and the stampeding sound of footsteps, resulting in a dishevelled Dave appearing with a grin.

“Wasn’t expecting you,” he says. “Isn’t it a bit early?”

“It’s two in the afternoon,” Dave’s mother says, grinning.

“Exactly,” Dave says. “Look, d’you wanna…go out somewhere?” He glances over at his mother so John can see – she’ll be checking up on us every three seconds otherwise – and John nods. Dave pulls a blue hoodie off the hooks by the door, chucking it at John before pulling another red one off for himself, ushering John out of the door and closing it behind them.

“Sorry,” Dave says, shrugging his hoodie on and watching John do the same as they walk down the driveway. “She’s nosey.”

“Don’t worry,” John says. “My dad’s the same.”

“Is that what you want to talk about?” Dave says, and John huffs out a laugh. Dave’s shrewder than he looks.

“Yeah. No. I don’t know,” he says. Does he want to talk about it? Not really; he just wants to be with Dave. Dave makes him feel better.

“Alright,” Dave says easily as they turn absent-mindedly off into the dirt track that leads to the bridge. John needs the calmness right now.

They stay silent until they reach the bridge, swinging their legs over easily and letting them dangle off the side. John can actually see the water, for once, and it’s really fucking far below them. It must be at least a hundred and fifty metres; the waterfall opposite them is cascading down into a foamy sea of white at the bottom, so it’s pretty fucking far. It’s absolutely beautiful, though.

“Why did you want to kill yourself?” John asks, and it’s a really personal question and he’s about to apologise for asking it when Dave answers.

“I’m not sure,” he says. “I guess it’s just because it’s easier than living. It’s not that I particularly hate life – I can continue my life, continue living it, sure – I just find no joy in it. Everything takes ridiculous effort and I have to battle countless mental and physical obstacles to get the simplest of things done. It’s just not the way I want things to be.”

“And suicide would…be the solution?” John asks carefully. Dave sighs.

“I don’t know,” he says heavily. “No one can really tell us, can they? It would put me to rest, either way.” John doesn’t say anything else, just listening to the roar of the water tumbling down into the river below them.

“You know,” Dave says after a while. “I never really believed in happiness.”

“Why?” John says, unsurprised. He’s starting to get used to Dave’s quirky little deep moments.

“Because I’d never experienced it. How can you believe in something you’ve never experienced?”

“I don’t know,” says John, “there are plenty of religious people out there.” Dave shakes his head, but he’s grinning, and that makes John smile.

“You know what I mean,” he says. “I never thought I’d actually be happy, or anywhere close to happy. But here, looking out at the water, sitting next to you…I’m content.”

And the little hitch of John’s lips is all Dave needs before they’re kissing, the roar of the waterfall drowning out anything else Dave wants to say.
-
It’s dusk by the time John and Dave leave the bridge, walking home side by side, hands brushing but neither of them brave enough to make the first move. John says goodbye to Dave outside his front door, but they don’t kiss – as much as Dave's mother would want to see that – before setting off back to his house. He gets about halfway down the street before he realises he doesn’t want to go home, not yet, not today. He doesn’t want to bother Dave again, though, so he sets off for Tavros’s house instead with a small smile on his face.

“Alright?” Tavros says, when he opens the door. “Where’s Dave?”

“He went home,” John says. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Tavros says, stepping aside to allow John entrance. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“My father,” John says with a grimace. “Do you mind if I stay?”

“Not at all,” Tavros says, ushering him upstairs and into his room. “It’s fine.” John obeys Tavros’ mother-like shooing, walking up the stairs and into Tavros’ room, collapsing onto the bed and staring at all the band posters around him.

“Good taste,” he nods, eyeing a Fall Out Boy poster, and Tavros grins.

“Thanks,” he says. “My friends Aradia and Karkat introduced me to most of them.”

“Good friends you’ve got there,” John remarks, and Tavros sighs, grinning happily.

“Yeah,” he says. “I have got good friends.”

“Like Sollux?” John says with a smirk, and Tavros tries to scowl as he blushes deeply, but can’t manage it.

“Fuck you,” he says, sounding like a petulant child. John sits back on the bed, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“So,” he says. “What exactly’s going on with you two?” Tavros’ blush deepens – something which, had John not just seen it occur, he would have held for impossible – and he hides a small smile.

“Nothing,” he says, but the tone of his voice makes it evident something is.

“Come on,” John wheedles. “Tell me.” Tavros sighs, falling onto the bed and gazing up at the ceiling.

“Well, it’s basically how we were before…yeah,” he says. “Except maybe a little more intense. I think- I think I might be in love with him.” The words hang in the air for a moment, heavy and meaningful, and Tavros bites his lip. “I’m scared,” he adds in a whisper, and John turns to him, playing soothingly with his hair.

“It’s natural to be scared,” he says. “We’re all scared of what we don’t know.”

“What if he doesn’t feel the same?” Tavros says. “What if he doesn’t actually want me that much?”

“I think he does,” John says. “He stuck by you through everything you did, everything we did. That takes dedication and…well, and love.”

“I’m not so sure,” Tavros says. “I was a right shit to him. I basically cheated on him with you.”

“Love doesn’t end just because you want it to, Tavros,” John says gently.

“All I can do is hope,” Tavros says, blinking, and John notices his eyes are shining with tears.

“Hey,” he says softly, stroking Tavros’s cheek. “It’s alright.”

“Except it’s not really, is it?” Tavros chokes out. “I ruined everything, just because I was selfish and stupid.”

“You should talk it out with him,” John suggests. “Tell him how you feel. He probably thinks you don’t like him anymore, because of…yeah.” He doesn’t want to relive those memories; fresh wounds still hurt, and it’d just be throwing salt in them.

“What if he starts hating me?” Tavros whispers.

“If there’s one thing that will never happen, it’s Sollux hating you,” John says. “That boy loves you with all his heart, Tavros. He’d give anything to see you happy. He probably let me and you happen because he thought you were happier with me.”

“God, don’t say that,” Tavros says, closing his eyes in pain. “I’ve been such a dick.”

“Mistakes can be corrected,” John says.

“Okay,” Tavros resolves decidedly. “I’m going to tell him. Tomorrow.” John smiles.

“Good on you,” he says, and he really means it. He’s happy for them.
-
Someone’s throwing stones at the window, and it’s woken John up. He stumbles blearily over, hauling it up so he can bend down and lean out and yell at whoever’s causing such a racket. He doesn’t, however, because he realises who it is just in time.

“Dave?” he says incredulously. How the fuck does Dave know where Tavros lives? Moreover, how the fuck does Dave know that he’ll be here?

“Shh!” Dave hisses, looking around him warily. “Come down.”

“It’s like-“

“Three thirty-four a.m., dickhead,” Dave says, and John can’t see him rolling his eyes but he can imagine it. “Get down here.” John flips him off, shutting the window, but steals past Tavros’ sleeping figure and heads downstairs.

“Couldn’t this have waited?” he says, shivering in the cold as he approaches Dave.

“Probably, but then again, probably not,” Dave says. “I need to tell you something.”

“It could probably have waited, then,” John mutters, but he follows Dave out of the driveway and onto the pavement.

“I guess you spoke to Tavros about Sollux?” John nods. Why is that important?

“Tavros’s pretty much in love with Sol, right?” John frowns at the use of Sollux’s nickname, but nods again.

“Why?” he says. “Are you going to tell him?”

“No, but I bet Tavros’ about to,” Dave says. John doesn’t answer, and he sighs. “Correct.”

“Yeah,” John says. “Does it affect you?”

“No, but what I’m about to tell you might…affect things,” Dave says, and he sounds kind of worried. John’s stomach plummets, and he swallows thickly.

“Go on,” he says. Dave takes a deep breath, not looking at John.

“Sollux’s my ex-boyfriend,” he says in a rush.

“Sorry, what?” John says. He can’t have heard that right.

“Sollux’s my ex,” Dave repeats. His face looks paler than usual in the orange glow of the streetlights. “I…we dated, for a while.”

“You told me you were straight, until me,” John says. “You told me you were sure of your life.”

“I lied,” Dave says quietly. “I was…well, in denial, I guess.” He sounds pained, as if saying those words, admitting to what he is, is a huge effort.

“You lied to me,” John repeats. “Sollux lied to Tavros.”

“No, it wasn’t like tha-“

“You both lied to us,” John ploughs on, voice rising as he continues. “I thought Sollux loved Tavros.”

“He does!” Dave says.

“So that’s why you still talk to Sollux,” John says. “Because you-“

“We’re not together anymo-“

“But you still lo-“

“I don’t love Sollux, Jesus Chri-“

“You lied to me!” John yells. Dave lapses abruptly into silence.

“Are you going to tell Tavros?” he asks quietly. John considers it.

“No,” he says. “I think that’s for Sollux to tell him.”

“Okay,” Dave says, subdued. “I’ll- I’ll go now.” And he turns his back on John, walking dejectedly away from him, soon swallowed by the darkness. John watches him go, watches him until he can’t see him anymore.

Then he turns his back on Dave, and heads back inside.