Streetlights

The next day sucks. It sucks so much that John wants to leave and go back home as soon as he steps into the school grounds. The mere sight of Tavros sitting there, picking dejectedly at the grass in front of him, half-breaks his heart and half-makes his stomach sink. Sitting next to him – too close for John’s liking, but he pushes that thought out of his mind – is Sollux. It’s slightly comforting, though, knowing that Tavros has someone to see him through whatever. John admires Sollux, admires his dedication to Tavros and his love for Tavros – no matter how much John loved someone, he’s almost certain he’d never be able to see them with anyone else, whether the attraction was weaker or not. He’s just not that strong.

He still needs to talk to Sollux, he realises with an inward groan. Especially after yesterday. Sollux deserves to know.

“Hey,” Rufioh greets as he walks over, dodging another fistful of grass from Sollux, who grins up at John in welcome. “You going to lessons?”

“A couple, yeah,” John says, sitting down. He’s only skipping Chemistry today, actually, and that’s mainly because he doesn’t think he can take another hour of Mr Makara droning on and on about nanoscience. “You?”

“Nah,” Equius says. “We went to enough yesterday to last us for the rest of the week.”

“You went to one,” Sollux says.

“You went to one,” Equius throws back.

“I’m going to some today,” Sollux counters proudly. Rose snorts.

“Like what?” she says.

“Spanish,” Sollux says.

“That doesn’t count,” Rufioh says. “You're already fluent.” Sollux’s aim has apparently improved, as Rufioh’s hit with a faceful of grass.

“Do you go to Spanish?” Sollux says. “No.”

“I took my GCSE already,” Rufioh points out. “In Year Seven.” Sollux apparently has no counter-argument, so settles for another handful of grass. Rufioh squeals (in what he later recalls to be a ‘manly noise of disapproval’) and scrambles to his feet, darting behind the tree as Sollux runs after him with fistfuls of grass. It’s like the first time they were together all over again, and that makes John’s heart ache a little bit. This is what it was like before he fucked Tavros up, before he fucked himself up, before Dave fucked him up, before everything got fucked. John half-wishes he could turn back time and make it never happen. He’s clearly insane.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Rose mutters next to John, rolling her eyes, and John frowns, squinting in the direction Rose’s glaring.

“What?” Equius asks, turning in the same direction.

“Wait,” Rose says, getting to her feet and marching off angrily. John can make out a shape in the distance, but the angle of the sun prevents him from seeing exactly who it is. He guesses it’s Dave, though; who else would Rose speak to so irritably?

The two stand there and seemingly debate for a while, Rose gesticulating wildly as she does so.

“What’s going on?” Equius asks, shielding his eyes against the sun in order to get a better look. John copies him, but to no avail; all he can see now is slightly less blurry outlines of people and the back of Rose's head.

Eventually, however, Rose drops her hands at her side in what seems to be exasperated defeat and marches back over to the group, and Sollux having joined them, panting, asking what’s going on.

“John,” he says sharply, and John frowns. “Dave wants to talk to you.” John stares over at the figure shadowed by the sun – fuck – and gets up wordlessly.

“Do you know what about?” Rufioh asks worriedly. “He’s not going to hit you, is he? I’ll fuck him up if he does.” Rose laughs humourlessly.

“Oh, hitting John is the last thing Dave has on his mind,” she says, and John’s not entirely sure what to make of that or just how fucking angry Rose seems, but he leaves and makes his way over to Dave anyway.

“What are you doing?” he hisses, when he gets close enough. “Rose’s fucking pissed, man, what did you do?”

“Long story,” Dave says dismissively. “Can I talk to you?”

“Couldn’t you have waited?” John moans, rolling his eyes. “Fuck, Dave, everyone thinks you’re here to beat me up.”

“I just wanted to know you’re okay,” Dave says with a half-shy shrug. John’s heart softens a little.

“I’m fine,” he says, a little more gently. “You could have asked me that at any time. Did you have to come here now?”

“Well,” Dave says, slightly awkwardly. “You’re with Tavros, and Sollux, and I thought…” Yeah, that’s definitely John’s heart melting now. Great.

“I’m fine,” he repeats. “I promise. I’ll see you later, alright? We have Music last, right?”

“Yeah,” Dave says, but he sounds kind of distant and detached. He’s staring over John’s shoulder at someone in the group, and John glances backwards to see it’s Tavros.

Fucking great.

“Don’t start shit,” John warns. “They’re my friends.”

“Rose’s my sister,” Dave reminds him.

“Rufioh’s Tavros’s brother,” John says, watching Dave’s eyes slide over to the lankier brother. “Come on, Dave.”

“Yeah,” Dave says. “See you in Music.” And just like that, he turns his back on John and leaves.

John has literally no idea what to make of that conversation.

“What did he want?” Equius demands when John ambles back over, hands in his pockets.

“Nothing much,” John says, sitting down.

“Were you ever planning on telling me?” Rose bursts out. Everyone turns to stare at her. “Am I the only one who didn’t know?”

“Know what?” Rufioh asks, utterly confused. Sollux, Tavros and John share a look. Shit.

“That John and Dave are a thing,” Rose says, and Rufioh and Equius inhale sharply.

“What the fuck?” Equius says.

“Are you mental?” Rufioh practically shrieks. Sollux and Tavros remain silent, not making eye contact with anybody.

“So they knew?” Rose says accusingly. “Tavros and Sollux, they knew? Yet you chose not to tell any of us – Tavros, you didn’t tell your brother, and Dave didn’t tell me? As if I would have judged you or hated you.”

“I wasn’t afraid of that!” John protests, even though he kind of was. It just…well. For one thing, it seemed more fun as a secret, and for another, it was much better to keep it on the down low for everyone involved; Tavros, Sollux, John and Dave. “It’s…it goes a lot deeper than that.”

“I’m sure it does,” Rose says sarcastically.

“Jesus, why are you being such a twat about it?” John explodes suddenly. “It’s my fucking private life, I can choose what details I want to divulge with whom.”

“Because we’re friends! And he’s my brother,” Rose spits. “You’d think you’d tell someone if you were fucking their brother, right?”

“Not if their brother is the infamous school bully!” John shouts back. “Fuck, I’m done. I don’t want to hear another word about this.” And he stands up, brushes himself down and stomps off without a backwards glance.

He doesn’t give a shit anymore.
-
Luckily, Rose’s not in their last subject; Music. Rufioh and Equius aren’t mad at him; they’re far more understanding, and Rufioh’s not even mad at Tavros for not telling him. John’s actually surprised that Tavros didn’t tell, but he guesses that would involve spilling the whole story and Tavros’s hardly keen for everyone to know that. Tavros and Sollux are sympathetic, telling John that Rose’s overreacting, she's just a silly girl, and that everything will be okay by tomorrow.

He doesn’t really want to spend time with Dave either, though, especially after today’s debacle, so he hangs around in Tavros, Sollux, Rufioh and Equius’s practice room instead (it really is easier to call them the Sexicans. Can he do that? Refer to them as the Sexicans in his own head? Fuck it; he’s going to). They’re rehearsing yesterday’s song – apparently, they’ve been struggling for a title (so far Rufioh’s suggested Sexican Song One, Mexicore Band of Sexicans Play Songs #1, Song Where Only The First Line Is About Alcohol So Clearly Only The First Line Matters and You So Do Not Have A Million Girls You Filthy Liar You’re A Flaming Homosexual, all of which have been firmly rejected (mainly by Tavros)) – and another song that Tavros’s keen for John to hear.

“Guys, can we play him The First Punch?” Tavros whines, drooping his arms over the microphone stand.

“I don’t like The First Punch,” Equius whines back, pouting. “Can’t we do, like, Stay Away From My Friends?”

“Oh yeah, let me just grab my invisible piano,” Tavros says sarcastically, gesturing around the piano-less room.

“Fuck you,” Equius mutters, but he tunes out of the conversation to fiddle with his guitar instead.

“What about Props?” Rufioh suggests. Tavros frowns.

“Come on,” he says, gazing at Sollux pleadingly. “First Punch, please?”

“Fine,” Sollux sighs. “You’re the only one who likes it, though, y’know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Tavros sing-songs with a grin. “Ready?” Everyone nods, and Tavros yells a quick countdown (countup? He starts from one, either way), and begins the song.

The song seems unremarkable until the chorus, and John’s beginning to wonder why Tavros was so adamant that he hear that particular song when everyone else seems to hate it so much, when Tavros switches from the faster, erratic beat of the verse into the softer pre-chorus.

“Speak slow now, I don’t want to miss when you cry,” he sings. “Glass over diamond blue eyes. And it’s good enough to make me want to fall in love, so move a little bit closer, hear the sound of your voice. We’re screaming ‘why can’t we just be friends?’ It’s not that easy, but it’s half of the fun to see you throw the first punch.”

John’s half-overcome with wonder with how Tavros manages to fit hundreds of thousands of words of meaning into a couple of lines of music and half-unsure what Tavros’s expecting him to do with this information.

“I’ve got so much to give but, I would kill just to feel less invisible,” Tavros sings. “And you’ve got so much to learn about gravity, so live it up, baby, don’t look down.”

Shit. Everything Tavros writes has so much fucking meaning behind it that John finds it hard to fathom. He can’t put that much meaning in a poem, a novel, anything, and Tavros manages it in a few lyrics. It’s highly unfair, yet ridiculously perfect. John wouldn’t have it any other way.

“That’s one of our shittest ones-“ Equius starts as soon as the song is finished, looking bored and a little pissed off that Tavros made him play it.

“No,” John says, directing it at Equius but staring at Tavros. “It…has a lot of meaning.” Tavros raises his eyebrows and smirks. Damn right it does. Cocky bastard.

“It’s a piece of shit,” Rufioh exclaims, throwing his sticks onto the snare and making a sound that resonates throughout the entire room.

“It’s not,” John says, and it’s not, although he sounds less than reassuring. “I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?” Sollux demands, but John ignores him, slipping out of the door and hurrying down the corridor to his and Dave’s practice room, hoping Dave’s in there. He is – for once, luck is actually acknowledging John’s existence – and John walks in, making Dave look up from his guitar in surprise as he does so.

“Hello,” Dave says. “I wasn’t expecting to see you until tonight.”

“Tonight?” John frowns, confused.

“Yeah, you usually have an existential crisis at midnight every couple of days,” Dave says with a grin, and John scowls at him, although there’s no heat behind it.

“Fuck you,” he growls playfully. Dave smirks.

“If you insist,” he says graciously, and John’s scowl deepens.

“I heard their song,” Dave says after a moment, casually, as if he’s just thinking about it. John knows better, though. “Good, isn’t it?”

“Like the lyrics, did you?” John says, folding his arms, and Dave smirks.

“Hell yeah,” he says. “It is half of the fun to see you throw the first punch.”

“I did,” John points out. “Half the fun is over.”

“Still got half of it left to enjoy then, right?” Dave says, putting his guitar to one side and standing up, walking towards John and slipping an arm around his waist. John doesn’t even try to stop him, even leaning into his touch a little.

“Better make the most of it,” John mumbles, and he watches Dave light up a little as he grins before he leans down to kiss John. John kisses back right away, pressing against Dave as much as he can, glasses clinking together. He feels safe in Dave’s arms, secure, protected, and that’s better than he’s felt in years. When he’s in Dave’s arms, he feels like nothing can penetrate their little bubble, like nothing can get in and cause him pain.

And it’s good enough to make him want to fall in love.