They were ripping at each other's skins just to get to the core, but what was underneath each layer frightened both of them. They fell in love once and it shattered both of them. So they both went their separate ways and mended their broken hearts, living pretend lives when they both still knew that deep down their love was still as raw as it had been when they first laid eyes on each other. But they'd spent so much time away from each other and even though the scars were fading the pain was still there, so they tugged at each other - ever so gently afraid that one wrong move would shatter what trust they had regained. And eventually it did. Everything broke down. What she thought couldn't get worse did. And the amount of betrayal she felt scarred her for life. But for some reason luisa still longed for her. She knew that, and more often than not it made her feel so guilty and horrible. She felt worthless and alone, betrayed by the one person whom she trusted the most. She was back in a place she despised. One she thought she got over a long time ago. It made her want to plunge something deep into her heart and leave this world and its misery. But then rose called. The anger burned for days but she had nothing left. Nothing except rose, and so she went.
X
A curly haired burly man was the one who greeted her. Hadeon. Rose said he was her right hand, said she could trust him. It was a two hour ride from the airport to wherever rose was gonna meet her in a few weeks. She hummed a few of the songs her shaman used to play, tapping out the tune with her fingers on the icy arm rest before drifting off to sleep.
X
The place was perfect with it's breathtaking view of a foreign city's skyline and rooms so eloquently furnished and decorated. Yet her new 'home' felt like a prison not unlike the past one. She could go for walks, discover the city's hidden secrets but not without at least two of rose's minions trailing behind her. Their presence was barely noticeable, just two shadows ordered to follow her every move. But that's what made it so unbearable. It sends chills down her spine. She got used to it after a while, but the uncomfortableness never left. She knew her way around a few neighbourhoods now and some locals faces started getting familiar. Hadeon came to 'check' every two weeks or so, probably sent by rose. She found a few good bars, a quiet spot in the park she could read in. She's managed to get a laugh out of one of the minions once. Not so lucky with the names though, so she just called them left and right. She was slowly getting used to this.
X
But day after day she started running out of things to distract herself with. Boredom, anger or exhaustion. That's all she ever felt. Most nights she'd either drink or cry herself to sleep. The radio's soft buzzes went from soothing to unsettling. The quiet neighbourhood filled her with paranoia and suspicions. She managed to sneak past left and right a few times, went to some random girls' home but never felt even a tinge of satisfaction. It was lonely and miserable.
But then rose came.
what surprised luisa at first was how tender she was. Hesitant when she touched her (so gently, like she would break) she would peck her lightly every time she has to go out for 'business' promising she'd be back, making sure she knew she was safe.
Luisa hated her. Hated that she still loved her, hated how her father's death meant nothing to her anymore. Hated how she felt so hollow and empty except for this burning passion for the one person that damaged her the most. She realised that she really did mean something to the monster she called her lover once maybe everything. So she made sure she got her vengeance, hurt rose the way she hurt her.
And sometimes she'd wait for her at night. Push her up against a wall and kiss her hard. she'd bite her neck and scrape her nails down her back- but she always ends up writhing under rose, murmuring her name over and over again along with a few i hate yous and i love yous. They would stay like that, all tangled limbs and mending hearts - shielded by the night's pitch black darkness. But the sun always rises up again and rose would wake up with only the company of a stiff back and emptiness beside her.
Then it turned into a routine. Same old list, boredom anger and exhaustion. But accompanied with lust now and the rare tingling sensation deep down in her stomach.
X
She was sitting in the living room, a little tipsy when it dawned on her. A fire raged within luisa, and the only person who could temper it is now turning into its root. Part by part her life was getting destroyed and it was so easy, so tempting to just trip and fall into the abyss she's barely survived from.
It ran in her blood, it was a part of her. But no one knew, no one understood. Not her wife, not her brother and not her father. She's never been the perfect sister or child nor will she ever be. Not now not when they're both gone. But no one understands that, no one except rose. She laughs at the irony.
she should've known. She should've figured it out. Right beneath her eyes yet she was so oblivious to it. And every time she gets a glimpse of her something flares inside in her stomach, but then it would die down and she'd feel tired again. So she picks up the half emptied bottle and an hour later she drifts off into a dreaded sleep, knowing she'll wake up again when the nightmares and the screaming start.
And soon enough it does. It leaves her shaking, with sweat on her forehead and heavy breaths. But it also draws a certain figure stalking into her room, quite as a shadow. She catches the momentary sting of pain in rose's eyes when she walks in. The brunette sits up and hugs her knees, resting her face on them and exhaling. Rose takes a seat on the other end of the bed hesitantly. She looks worried and it makes luisa burn with rage. She doesn't say anything, doesn't push her luck. They sit there silently both searching each other's eyes for something. Luisa looks for the devil and she finds one. But she also finds the woman she gave up everything for, the woman that no matter how fast she runs, luisa ends up colliding with over and over again.