Chapter 4
Sarah wakes up to Beth screaming, a sound that raises gooseflesh up her arms and has her bolting out of bed. “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” she says softly, but Beth can’t hear her, she’s still too deep in her nightmare.
Sarah lets out a soft sigh before she’s gripping Beth’s shoulders firmly, shaking the girl until there’s a sudden gasp and a hand flying out toward her face. Sarah takes the hit easily, ignoring the sting as she gathers Beth into her arms.
She squeezes the shaking girl tightly, rubbing her hands up and down Beth’s back slowly. “It’s alright, I’ve got you.”
They stay like that until Beth’s breathing starts to even out and Sarah is overly aware of a pair of eyes on them in the doorway. She puts a hand on the back of Beth’s head as she turns her own, finding her mother standing there looking proud.
They share a look, one where it seems like Siobhan is asking if she needs help and Sarah assuring her that she’s got it before the door is closing again. “Are you okay?” Sarah asks after a moment, her fingers running through Beth’s hair.
“No,” Beth replies honestly, her face still pressed against Sarah’s chest, tears soaking the band tee her hands were currently gripping. “I’m sorry I woke you.”
“Hush, love,” Sarah murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to the top of the other girl’s head. She’s not sure why she does it, other than she had found comfort in the same gesture when she was upset.
Beth nods slightly, her grip tightening on Sarah’s shirt like she was grounding herself. “Can we turn on the light?” She asks softly, though she continues to cling to Sarah’s shirt like a lifeline.
“Yeah, we can,” Sarah hums, pulling away slowly. “I’m not going far, it’s okay,” she whispers as she gently moves Beth’s hands from her shirt.
Beth whimpers ever so softly, the sound making Sarah’s heart clench painfully in her chest. She opts to turn on the lamp next to her bed, the light making her eyes burn. “There, no more dark,” she smiles, turning back toward Beth, who looks horrified once she catches sight of the punk. “What?”
“Your cheek...” Beth starts, a hand coming up to cover her mouth. “Did I-did I do that?” And she sounds so broken that Sarah moves to sit next to her again, taking her hands in her own.
“Hey, it’s okay,” she hums, brushing her thumbs against the backs of Beth’s hands. “I scared you awake, it’s not your fault. It doesn’t even hurt.”
Beth doesn’t seem convinced as she frees one of her hands from Sarah’s, brushing her fingers against the tender flesh. “It’s already bruising, Sar.”
“Beth, I box, this isn’t the first time I’ve been hit in the face,” the punk chuckles, bringing her hand up to press Beth’s against her cheek. “It won’t be the last either.”
Beth’s brow furrows as if she’s going to argue but she just shakes her head, offering her a watery smile. “I can’t believe I get to know you?”
“Don’t go getting soft on me, Childs,” Sarah grins, letting their hands fall back into their laps. She didn’t need any more reason to lean in and press her lips to Beth’s. “Do you want to talk about your dream?” She offers, breaking the tender moment.
“I-well...I don’t even know what was going on,” Beth says after a moment, her eyes shifting from Sarah’s eyes to the hands in her lap. “One minute I was talking to my parents and the next there was just the sound of screeching metal and I felt like I was on fire...”
Sarah frowns deeply, shifting so their knees are pressed together. “I’m sorry, Beth,” she murmurs, biting her lip. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”
“It’s my fault,” the older girl whispers so softly that if Sarah hadn’t been so close, she would have missed it. “They were trying to make it to my game. I only know because I made a big deal about them having a case meeting out of town and whined about them missing it.”
“Beth, you can’t think like that,” Sarah starts, running a hand through her hair. “These things just happen, there’s no blame to be placed. Don’t put this on yourself.”
“It was just a stupid basketball game,” Beth snorts softly, roughly scrubbing her face with the sleeve of her hoodie. “I don’t know why I made such a fuss about it. It’s wasn’t important at all.”
“Listen to me,” Sarah says firmly, tilting Beth’s chin up so they’re looking at one another for what seems like the hundredth time that night. “This is not your fault. Shit just happens and there’s nothing any of us can do about it. It sucks and it’s scary and it’s totally unfair, but it’s life.”
“You can’t keep thinking like you are. It’s only going to make this all harder for you and you already have enough to deal with, okay?” Sarah finishes, brows raised at the other girl.
“Okay,” Beth whispers, her lower lip trembling slightly. “I’m sorry.”
“Hush,” Sarah hums, shifting to pull Beth into a tight hug. “Do you want me to stay up with you until you can sleep again?”
“You don’t have to do that,” Beth mumbles into Sarah’s shoulder, but her arms tighten around the punk and it makes Sarah smile slightly.
“I know I don’t have to,” Sarah chuckles softly, pulling away to stretch her arms above her head, humming contentedly when her shoulders pop. “But if that’s what you need, then I’m here to help.”
Beth nods slightly, fingers picking at the blanket before she looks up, her cheeks stained pink. “Would it be weird if I asked you to sleep with me? I just...don’t want to be alone.”
Sarah smiles softly, shaking her head a bit. “Not weird at all,” she replies before she gets up from the bed. “My bed is bigger, come on.”
Sarah makes a show of piling the extra pillows onto her bed before letting Beth crawl in first. “One more thing,” the punk smiles, moving to grab Cu off of the other bed, handing him off to Beth before climbing in herself.
“Thank you,” Beth murmurs once Sarah has turned off the light and gotten settled. “For everything.”
“You really gotta stop thanking me,” Sarah chuckles, shifting until their arms are pressed together. “I don’t mind helping you through this.”
“Still,” Beth starts and Sarah can feel her squeezing the teddy in her arms. “I just want to make sure that you know how much I appreciate you.”
“You’re sweet,” Sarah replies softly, her eyes trained on the dark ceiling, trying to ignore how comfortable this all is. “Goodnight, Beth.”
“Goodnight, Sarah.”
The next time Beth wakes up, it’s in Sarah’s arms, her face pressed against the younger girl’s neck. It’s startling at first, the situation making her heart hammer in her chest, but once she realizes that Sarah is still asleep, she starts to calm.
She couldn’t believe this was happening, it was like they were in a fucking slow burn fanfiction. “Oh no, there’s only one bed,” she whispers to herself, trying not to smile.
After a moment of debating, she decides to stay curled up with Sarah, enjoying the warmth far too much for her own good. She was surely playing with fire, but she didn’t mind. Danger was her middle name. So, she snuggles a little closer and buries her face in Sarah’s neck and lets herself enjoy the moment.
She finds that Sarah is a peaceful sleeper, her chest rising and falling steadily as she snores softly. Usually, such a sound would annoy Beth to no end, but Sarah made it work for her, she seems to have that habit.
She lays like that until Sarah starts to stir, closing her eyes so she doesn’t give off the impression of someone who watches other people sleep. She can feel the way Sarah turns her head and buries her nose in Beth’s hair, the action sending shivers down her spine.
“Morning,” Sarah says softly, her voice raspy from sleep. “Do you always koala in your sleep?”
Beth chuckles softly, forgetting that she was pretending to be asleep and instead tilts her head back so she can look at Sarah. “I have no idea, I’ve never actually shared a bed with someone before.”
Sarah’s brows shoot up at that, a slight smirk on her lips. “So, you and Paul never?”
“Oh my god!” Beth gasps, her cheeks burning at the thought. “No, Paul and I never...oh for fuck's sake,” she huffs, pushing up and away from the punk.
“Oh, relax, I’m just giving you shit,” Sarah chuckles, shifting so she can grab Beth around the middle and pull her back down. “I’m not surprised, honestly, you were too good for that arsehole.”
Beth does her best not to overthink that statement and instead lets herself relax back into Sarah’s arms. She and Paul had been together for almost a year before they broke up, there was too much pressure from him for her to be someone she wasn’t.
“You know, he wanted me to quit sports,” she muses, unsure of why she was offering up such information. “He said too many people thought I was a dyke and that it was bad for his image and I told him that if his image meant more to him than I did, that he could get fucked.”
“Proud of you,” Sarah murmurs, though Beth can almost feel the restrained anger coming off of the girl. “Why on earth would people think you’re gay because you play sports?”
“Probably because my cousin let slip that I’m bisexual earlier in the year,” Beth snorts, shaking her head a bit. “And you know how people are at school, any inkling that you aren’t straight and everyone loses their minds.”
“Ridiculous,” Sarah huffs out, her arms tightening around Beth ever so slightly. “You’d think people would learn to mind their own damn business.”
“It’s high school, Sar,” Beth chuckles, jumping when her phone starts to ring. “Oh shit, that might be Art,” she says, scrambling to get out of the bed, managing to elbow Sarah in the ribs on the way out.
“I’m so sorry!” She exclaims before she grabs her phone, smiling softly at the picture of her family friend before answering it. “Hello?”
Beth’s heart sinks a little when he mentions finding her parents’ will, she does her best to stay calm but her heart is pounding in her chest. “So, who was named my guardian?” She asks because she needs something to focus on that’s not her vision blurring around the edges.
Her aunt was left as her legal guardian, which meant she would be living with her cousin Ali and while she didn’t necessarily mind it, she had been hoping she would end up with Art. “Oh, okay, yeah that’s...cool.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later then, bye,” she drops the phone to table, her shaking hands unable to keep their grip as new tears stream down her face, hot and unyielding.
“Hey, hey,” Sarah says before she’s rolling out of the bed, her arms wrapping around her tightly. “It’s okay, you’re okay.”
Beth shakes her head, wiping her face against Sarah’s shirt. “They’re actually gone, Sarah” she whispers helplessly, her whole body trembling. “When I woke up, I thought maybe it was just a dream but...”
“It’s okay,” Sarah murmurs, brushing her fingers through Beth’s hair slowly. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”
And Beth knows she should be comforted by these thoughts, but right now she just feels small and broken. Though she knows she should be getting ready for the day ahead of her, she lets Sarah hold her for just a little longer. Maybe if the punk squeezed just a little harder, her pieces wouldn’t drift so far apart.