Rain beat down on the top of the car Angie had borrowed from her brother. She had parked the car a block from the house that Peggy shared with Daniel since their return from LA. She drummed her fingers against the steering wheel, trying to decide if she was actually going to get out of the car.
It had been six months since Peggy had returned from LA. It had been six months since Peggy told her that she would be moving in with Daniel, but she was welcome to stay at Howard’s mansion. It had been six months since Angie moved back to the Griffith. It had been six months of only seeing Peggy twice a week when they got together for lunch. It had been six months of listening to Peggy go on and on about how happy Daniel made her. It had been six months since Angie’s heart broke.
She couldn’t take it anymore, seeing the woman that she loved be happy with someone else. She had missed her chance with Peggy, if she had just told her how she felt before Peggy left for LA things might have been different.
What if’s kept Angie awake at night, laying in bed crying into her pillow for not being brave enough to just tell Peggy that she loved her, that she had fallen in love with her the moment she had first walked into the Automat.
Angie sighed deeply, trying to collect her thoughts. There was no point on dwelling on the past any longer, she could not change it and even if she could, she probably wouldn’t. Peggy was happy with Daniel and as much as it hurt Angie, she would not take Peggy’s happiness away just for her own happiness.
Angie was leaving New York tonight. She had told her family that it was just a road trip with some of the girls from the Griffith to see as much of the US as the could before they settled down, but that was a lie. Angie was going alone and she knew that she probably wouldn’t be coming back to New York.
She needed to get away from the city she failed to be an actress in. She needed to get away from the city where memories with Peggy haunted her at every corner. She needed to get away from the city that the woman she loved was happy with another.
Angie had come to say goodbye to Peggy but now she did not think that she could look into her big brown eyes and tell her that she was leaving. She knew if she left with saying goodbye to the British woman and she found out from someone else, she would hunt Angie down to make sure she was okay, and that was the last thing Angie wanted.
She needed a clean break from New York and a clean break from Peggy. The only way to do that was to face the object of her affection and break her own heart saying goodbye.
Angie stepped out into the cold rain with a shaky breath and walked down the block towards Peggy’s home. She wrapped her arms around her slender frame to try to keep herself warm. She probably should have grabbed an umbrella or a jacket.
The whole way down the block, Angie fought with herself in order not to turn around and run back to the car. She knew that she needed to face Peggy but part of her knew that if she looked into Peggy’s eyes, she may not want to leave and she had to leave. She could not live this way anymore.
She could not continue to pretend that she was happy for Peggy. She could not continue to listen to Peggy go on and on about her life with Daniel and how happy she was with him. She could not continue to fake interest in what Daniel had to say when he tagged along on their lunches. She could not continue to fake a smile or fake a laugh at something Daniel had said. She could not continue to live the life she was leading.
Angie stood in front of Peggy’s door, just staring at the dark wood in front of her. She did not have to courage to knock just yet.
After a few moments Angie raised her fist to the wood, then dropped it. She began pacing in the small space in front of the door. The rain was still beating down on her, causing her to shiver and wrap her arms around herself again, but she couldn’t find it in her to care. She wanted to get this over with but she could not find the nerve to knock on the door.
A few minutes went by and Angie finally stopped pacing and turned to the door. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door a few times. Part of her wished that Peggy wasn’t home, so she did not have to face the woman.
“Coming!” Peggy’s voice sounded on the other side of the door and Angie’s heart started to race.
You can do this Angie, just tell her goodbye and leave.
The door swung open, revealing the British women sporting a messy bun, sweatpants that were obviously Daniel’s and a one size too big t-shirt.
Angie bit down on her bottom lip. She had never seen the women in front of her look so beautiful. Peggy always looked beautiful to Angie, but there was something to be said when Peggy wasn’t so put together. Angie missed seeing her like this.
“Angie!” Peggy grinned at her, grasping her arm and tugging her towards the door and out of the rain. “You must be freezing, get in here.”
“I can’t, I can’t stay long.”
I can’t stand to be inside the home you share with him.
“Angie?” Peggy questioned, her eyebrows knitted in concern. She grabbed a jacket hanging on a hook beside the door. Stepping closer to the younger woman, not caring that she was now being soaked from the rain, Peggy wrapped her jacket around the soaked woman’s small frame.
“What’s going on Sweetie?” Peggy’s voice was full of worry for the woman standing in front of her. Peggy rubbed her hands up and down the shivering woman’s arms, trying to warm her. She knew something was wrong but she did not push Angie, knowing that she would tell her when she was ready and, she would stand in the rain with Angie until she was.
Angie sighed, trying not to fall into Peggy’s touch. This was a lot harder than she thought it was going to be. She wanted to get it over with. She wanted to say what she had to say then run but, with Peggy practically pressed up against her and with Peggy’s hands on her, she could not find it in her to move away and tell her she was leaving.
Peggy’s left hand moved to rest under Angie’s chin and gently tilted her head up until their eyes meet. She could see the uncertainty, the fear clouding normally clear blue eyes and it broke her heart. She did not know what was wrong or how to help the woman standing before her.
“I’m leaving, I’m going on a road trip and I don’t know if I’m coming back,” Angie spoke quietly, looking anywhere but at Peggy’s face.
“So you came to say goodbye?” Peggy asked, dropping her hand and taking a step back. The thought of Angie leaving and never coming back sent a sharp pain straight through Peggy’s heart. She had lost a lot of people in her life and she could not lose Angie. If she did, she knew that she would not survive it.
Angie meet Peggy’s eyes and bit down hard on her bottom lip at the tears that shined in them. How could she hurt this woman? How could she leave her knowing that it was going to cause them both pain. Did she really have the strength to walk away from her and never look back?
“I came to ask you to give me a reason to stay,” Angie whispered before she could stop herself.
She shook her head and turned on her heels. “No, I’m sorry, I did not mean that, that’s really unfair to you, I’m sorry I have to go.”
“I could give you a million reasons to stay Angie,” Peggy whispered, catching Angie’s wrist before she could get down the steps. “But it would be selfish if I asked you to stay when you are unhappy here.”
“I only need one, English.” Angie found herself saying as her eyes flicked down to Peggy’s lips then back up to her eyes.
Peggy’s hand slid from Angie’s wrist to her hand, she intertwined their fingers and pulled Angie inside, shutting the door behind them.
She pressed Angie against the door and rested her forehead against the other woman’s. “Just one reason?”
“Yes,” Angie’s answer came out no more than a breath. She could feel her heart beat wildly against her chest as Peggy’s eyes darted down to her lips then back up to her eyes.
She was going to kiss her and Angie wasn’t sure she was ready for that. She had wanted to kiss Peggy for more than a year but now that it might actually be happening, fear settled over Angie.
What if they kissed and Peggy realized that she did not actually want this? Whatever this was. What if Peggy was just going to kiss her to get her to stay because she did not want to lose her best friend? What if it was all just a game to Peggy? She was with Daniel after all, and she was happy with him. What if she was just an experiment to Peggy?
“Stop thinking so much,” Peggy whispered, her hands coming up to cup Angie’s cheeks. Her thumbs gently caressed Angie’s soft skin. “I’m going to kiss you now Darling, you can stop me.”
Stop her? She couldn’t even if she wanted to. Her mind might be swimming with doubt and telling her to run, that this will end up breaking her more but, her heart? Her heart was screaming at her to kiss the woman in front of her and never stop, never let go of her, never leave this moment.
Peggy’s right hand slid down Angie’s jaw slowly, down and around to the back of the younger woman’s neck. She pulled Angie into her more firmly, till every inch of their bodies touched.
Angie gasped at the feeling of being pressed against the woman she had been pining over for more than a year. She had imagined this moment a thousand times but nothing her mind conjured up could prepare her for the actual feel of Peggy against her. Their bodies molded together perfectly.
Angie’s hands were no longer limp at her sides, they grasped at Peggy’s hips pulling her as close as humanly possible.
Finally Peggy brushed her lips against Angie’s, so softly Angie barely felt it, as if she was testing the waters. Once she was sure that Angie wasn’t going to pull away, Peggy pressed her lips against Angie’s more firmly, drawing a moan from both of them.
After a few seconds their lips moved together slowly, almost lazily. The kiss was soft, exploring and hesitant but filled with so much love and passion that it took Angie’s breath away, leaving her gasping for air as she pulled back, resting her forehead against Peggy’s.
No one had ever kissed Angie so gentle, so slow and right then Angie knew that she was ruined for anybody else. No one would be able to make her feel the way Peggy did in that moment. No one would be able to send her heart racing and leave her breathless with just a simple kiss. Angie’s heart and her soul would never belong to anyone but Peggy.
“What about Daniel?” Angie asked so low that if Peggy had not been pressed up against her, she wouldn’t have heard her. Half of her hoped that Peggy hadn’t heard her, she was afraid of the answer she might receive. She was afraid that Peggy’s answer would shatter the bubble that they found themselves in.
“All this,” Peggy began, waving her hand behind her at the house. “Is pretend, it’s fake, what you and everyone else thinks Daniel and I have together, is a lie, it’s not real.”
Angie opened her eyes and looked into those deep brown orbs with flecks of gold swirling in them, confusion clear as day in her eyes. She did not understand. How could it be pretend? How could it be a lie? Was Peggy not happy with Daniel? Was he not the person Peggy thought he was but she was too scared to leave him?
“He’s gay,” Peggy said, the fingers that held Angie’s neck moved up into brunette locks and began to lightly massage Angie’s scalp. “I’m gay, this was all a show, for our parents, for the people we work with, for our friends, I would have told you Angie, I wanted to tell you but it was not just my secret to tell.”
“If I had known how you felt Angie, I would not have kept it from you,” Peggy brushed a stray wet lock of hair out of Angie’s eyes and tucked it behind her ear. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you always talked about how happy you were, how happy he made you, how much you loved him.”
“I was playing a part Dear,” Peggy told her, brushing her lips Angie’s once more in a quick kiss. She could not get enough of the feel of Angie’s lips on hers. “Surely you understand that right?”
Angie wanted to argue with her that she did not understand. She had been miserable for six months because she thought she had missed her chance with Peggy, because she thought Peggy was happy with someone else, because she thought she would never get to tell Peggy how she really felt and now she finds out it had all been a lie.
Angie was hurt, she was angry but more than anything she was relieved, she was happy. Now she could finally have her chance with Peggy. She could finally be with the woman she loved and that had her grinning at Peggy.
“I love you Peggy, I have since the moment I met you.” Without giving Peggy a chance to reply, without giving her a chance to break Angie’s heart all over again, Angie drew Peggy in for another kiss.
Peggy pulled away before she could get too caught up in the kiss. Brown eyes locked with blue as Peggy caressed Angie’s cheek.
“I love you too Angie, I have for a really long time.”
Angie kissed Peggy again, this time with an almost desperate need to feel the older woman’s lips against her own. This kiss was hard and sloppy as their teeth hit and nails dug into soft skin and they tried to pull the other into them more.
Peggy pulled away again. “Does that mean you’ll stay?” She asked breathlessly, as her hands wandered down Angie’s back to her ass. She kneed the flesh there as she trailed open mouth kisses down Angie’s jawline and neck.
“Yes,” Angie moaned out as Peggy lightly nip at her pulse point.