Chapter 2
"You. You were my safe place, Root." The tears welling up in Root's eyes are enough to tear Shaw apart. She'd never seen the perky woman so broken, and she wishes she never had to. But this was what needed to be done.
"I won't hurt you, Root. I won't let them." Shaw says, her throat tight and her heart pounding in her head. "But I can't control myself... And the only thing I can control is this..."
She brings the tightly held gun up to the side of her head. Root stays planted in her spot, staring at her with wide, watery eyes. Shaw wills herself to keep her eyes open and looking at Root. She wants this woman in front of her to be the last thing she ever sees, even if it's not the smiling, flirty version she had grown to love. She takes a final breath, her gun hand shaking and unwavering of its task.
The last thing she thinks before she squeezes the trigger is how much this is all worth it to keep Root safe.
Her body jolts in the hard bed and the fast beeping of the monitor beside her tells her observers just how much her heart is racing. All she can see, however, is black. Nothing but the black simulation goggles covering her eyes.
"Another suicide, sir." Stewart's voice says from beside her.
"Very well," Greer's voice says from in front of her. "That's about it for the night. We shall start back up tomorrow morning."
The goggles are pulled off of Shaw's face and she stares up at the bright hospital lights shining in her face.
"Miss Shaw, you truly are a fighter." Greer says to her. She doesn't respond to him. "I look forward to seeing you in action when you finally join our side."
Shaw slowly turns her head to finally look at him. "I look forward to seeing you bleed out in real life when I finally get out of here."
Greer smiles at her as though she had just complimented his suit instead of threatening his life. "Can't have that, now can we? Tell me, Sameen. Don't you get tired of killing yourself every single time?"
"I've done worse." Shaw’s throat is dry from dehydration and lack of use and comes out croaky.
"I'm sure you have." Greer says. "Well, I must be off now. Matters to attend to and such." He turns away and leaves without another word, leaving Shaw and Stewart alone as he gathers his equipment.
Shaw stares up at the lights until she's seeing spots and looks up at the ceiling instead. When Stewart finishes up, he sets off for the door. "Enjoying the simulations?"
Stewart turns around and gives Shaw a questioning look. "What do you mean?"
Shaw continues to look up at the ceiling. "You've watched me and Root fuck in all these different places nine-thousand and sixty-three times. I'm sure that's all the action you've gotten in a very long time. You must be enjoying your time here."
Shaw doesn't need to look at him to know Stewart is glaring at her, and also probably quite flustered. She hears him exhale exasperatedly. "I'll be seeing you soon, Shaw. Same time tomorrow?" His voice is teasing and Shaw grips the sheets at her sides as tight as she can.
"When I get out of here," Shaw says quietly. "You're third on my list."
Stewart scoffs and turns back to the door. "Nurse Briggs will be in soon to help you sleep." He locks the door from the outside when he's gone, leaving Shaw alone finally.
By "help you sleep" he means inject her with enough sedative for her to be knocked out all night so she can't find a way to escape. Shaw sighs.
Her body is tired. Her mind is tired. Her spirit is tired. Shaw is tired. But she won't break. She doesn't care how long they keep her until they finally decide to kill her, she will not break. She has no idea how long it's been since she was first captured. The last time they told her, it had been twelve months. Literally twelve months exactly. Lambert thought it funny to celebrate the one year anniversary of her capture. He brought in a cake and everything. Vanilla. Not even a chocolate cake. Vanilla is such a boring flavor. He probably didn't find the joke funny after Shaw drew enough strength in her mostly doped up body to shoot up and smash the damn thing into his face so hard she broke his nose before they pinned her to the ground and sedated her.
It must have been at least another month or two since then, however. Honestly, she wouldn't know; the days and nights blend together in this giant concrete box.
This psychological torture was the worst. She hardly got a break. Simulation after simulation, back to back to back to back until it was time to eat, then a small break, and then back to more simulations until they gave her another break, then more until it was time for them to sleep. Honestly, she wishes they would just go back to the physical torture they used on her in the very beginning. She was far more used to that kind of pain, after all.
Shaw looks at her wrists and stares at the faded scars left from fighting against the sharp binds they use to put her in. In those days, she took her training from ISA and put it to use. When things got too bad and painful, she would go to her safe place...
"Here's your vanilla creamer with a tiny bit of coffee." Shaw says as she slides into the driver's seat and hands Root the coffee cup. Root takes it and inhales, letting out an exaggerated moan that has Shaw rolling her eyes in irritation. This girl knew every tick that annoyed Shaw and she was sure to use them at any chance she had. Root takes a sip of her overly sweet coffee.
"Delicious. You know me so well, Sameen." She says with that same flirty tone she always used on Shaw. Shaw hums her response and puts her cup of black coffee to her lips. Root shifts in her seat. "Oh, I brought you something too!" She pulls a bag out from the back seat and sets it on her lap before she starts pulling out the items. "I know how hungry you get when you're doing a stakeout."
She pulls out a pack of beef jerky, a few bags of chips, crackers, dark chocolate, and a paper wrapped sandwich from the deli Shaw loves so much. Shaw takes the sandwich and unwraps it, checking to make sure all the ingredients are in it before nodding her approval and taking a bite out of it.
"What, no 'you know me so well' back?" Root probes, wriggling her head just past Shaw's personal bubble. Shaw turns her head to look expressionlessly at Root before deliberately taking a large bite from the sandwich so she didn’t have to talk to her. They both know just much Root does in fact know her so well, though Shaw wasn't entirely sure if that was a good thing. Root was the only person who actually got her, and Shaw did appreciate that. She did. Somewhere in that sociopathic little heart.
"I got us a little something else too." Root says mischievously, lifting an eyebrow up at Shaw as she reaches in the back seat and brings up a pair of handcuffs and a black studded riding crop. This grabs Shaw's attention and she narrows her eyes warningly at Root as she swallows.
"Root, now is not the time to be screwing around."
Root smirks and leans closer to Shaw until their faces are only an inch apart from each other. "Literally."
She keeps her eyes locked on Shaw's, challenging her to break the contact, and as expected, Shaw rolls her eyes and turns her head to stare at the office building their new number was working a late shift in.
"Don't worry, sweetie. These aren't for now." Shaw looks back at a smiling Root, who has tossed the two items in the back seat again and is taking a banana from the bag of food. Root raises her eyebrows at Shaw alluringly. "Maybe we'll finish saving our number early tonight. Leave some time for a little R and R."
Shaw stares at her for a few beats longer than necessary before shaking her head softly, turning her head back to the building, and failing miserably at hiding the smile splayed on her lips.
It wasn't long until their number left the office and Shaw took out the man following the girl home with a gun in his hand.
Shaw coughs the water from her lungs and gasps for air when it's finally given to her. It's dirty air; sprinkles of water and whatever nasty shit the rag over her face is covered in gets in her mouth as well, but it's air nonetheless, and it feels like it's the first decent amount she's been able to breathe in for at least an hour.
"Come on, Shaw, just tell us where The Machine is located and we can finally be done with this. I'm sure you're tired of this now." Lambert says with a smile unfitting of the situation. At least, unfitting for Shaw's situation. She can't see him, but she knows he's standing somewhere to the right of her, and Greer is standing somewhere else in the small room they have her in. She's tied to the hard table she lies on and her back is sore as hell from it.
When the rag is pulled away from her face for the first time in God only knows, she glances around the dimly lit room. Greer and Lambert stand on either side of the table and a big brawly man stands over her with an empty bucket.
Shaw breathes heavily, still trying to catch her breath. She looks back and fourth between Greer and Lambert and sneers. "Please. You act like I've never been waterboarded before. This used to be just another Tuesday for me." She laughs a rough and chilling laugh. "I've met children who can do this better than you." Lambert and Greer exchange looks. "Give me your worst."
Greer turns his head to the man with the bucket and nods. The man sets the bucket down and walks toward the wall with a running faucet. When he comes back, he's holding a hose with an endless supply of water spilling from it. Her vision is obstructed by the cold rag again and the next downpour of water has her fighting for air again.
The pain is excruciating. The muscles in her entire body are tense and jerky as she convulses. Fuck, she thinks, but doesn't say out loud. This wave of electricity was far worse than the other ones inflicted on her by the Taser in Martine's hand. Martine doesn't even speak as she waits for Shaw's spasms to cease. Shaw doesn't say a word to her, only glares up at her. Martine's tortures were the worst. Greer allowed her to do most of her work without him around, giving her the ability to amp up the pain as much as necessary without killing her.
"Still?" Is all Martine says when Sameen's body relaxes and slumps forward. The sweat dripping from the Persian face has already covered the chair she sits in and is dripping into a puddle on the floor beneath her. Shaw says nothing, but keeps her stoic eyes on the menacing brown ones in front of her. "Good. I'm quite enjoying myself, aren't you?"
"I kind of enjoy this sort of thing." Shaw hears herself say in her head.
“I'm so glad you said that." Root's voice is next. "I do too."
The volts hit her even harder than the last time, and a groan rips through her throat apart as she throws her head back and her eyes roll back. She feels like her whole body is on fire and she forces her mind to other places.
"We're supposed to be translating this crap, Root." Shaw says, waving her hand halfheartedly at Harold's lengthy instructions on destroying the virus. They were two hours into it by the time Root started to grow bored, and ten minutes after that, Shaw started to zone out as well. Another hour later and Root starts throwing popcorn at Shaw for her to catch in her mouth while some action movie plays on the TV. Shaw is the first to try and bring her attention back to the task at hand, but it is fallen on deaf ears as Root leans against the couch's arm rest and looks alluringly at Shaw's profile.
"Aren't you bored of this already?" Root asks.
"You're the one that usually yells at me for getting sidetracked." Shaw says, flipping through the pages of the packet and staring blankly at them. "What's got you so distracted?"
"Well for starters, it's past my bedtime." Root says, and though Shaw isn't looking at her, she can hear the playful pout in her voice. "Not to mention you've been rubbing your leg against mine for the past two hours until I started throwing food at you."
Shaw turns her eyes to Root's face. Her head is tilted to the side and she's giving Shaw a knowing look, her lips pulled into a smile that Shaw hates to admit she likes so much. Shaw looks away with a smug smile of her own. Yeah, she was purposely doing that to Root, knowing how any sort of physical contact with the sociopath makes the girl fidgety and restless.
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Root says, shifting her legs just slightly, her eyes never leaving Shaw's. "You were doing it on purpose." Like an animal pouncing on its prey, Root pulls herself to her knees on the couch and swings a leg over Shaw's lap, straddling her. She rests her hands on Shaw's shoulders and her face is just inches from hers. A smirk plays on Root's lips as she sees the black in Sameen's eyes grow wider. "Much better."
Shaw's eyes dart to Root's lips and back up and she hesitates suddenly. Root brings one of her hands up to cup Shaw's face softly and it's Shaw's heart that starts racing that almost has Sameen leaning in to capture those lips. Instead, Root pushes on her cheek harshly, turning her head so she can lean in and bite down on the part of her neck that always made Shaw moan. This time was no different. Root bit and sucked hungrily on Shaw's neck, leaving a couple of bruises that Shaw would probably kill her for later. Shaw brings her hands to grip hard on Root's hips, but Root takes her hands and pushes them to the back of the couch on each side of Shaw's head. Shaw can easily break the grip, but she doesn't. She lets Root have her way with her, just as she usually does.
When Root finally lets go of her hands, Shaw starts unbuttoning her shirt and slides it off of her shoulders, leaving Root in her black lacey bra. Root's skin is unlike Shaw’s. Where Shaw's skin is decorated in scars, Root's is untouched. She did have a small scar on her right shoulder from a bullet wound that was sloppily stitched back up, but that was it. Root follows her action and takes the other girl's shirt off as well.
Sameen jerks her arms against the restraints roughly when the next jolt comes even worse.
"Wait," Root says in Shaw's ear. "I know just the thing to use tonight." She's moving to get off of Sameen's lap when the girl below her digs her nails into her bare back. Root gasps and locks her eyes on Shaw's. "Be good, cutie." She scolds. "I'll be right back."
Shaw lets her go, making sure she sees the glare thrown at her for the annoying pet name. When she returns, one of her arms is behind her back and a naughty smile stretches her lips. Shaw quirks a brow curiously at her, waiting to see what she was so excited to get. When she brings her hand forward, Sameen doesn't know whether to laugh or walk right out of the front door. Root presses the button and the blue-white electricity strings between the two electrodes.
"Oh hell no." Sameen says, glaring at Root. "You are not touching me with that thing."
"Oh, come on, Sameen." Root says playfully, stepping closer and closer to Shaw. "Feeling nostalgic?" She straddles Shaw again and the Persian doesn't know why she didn't get up and walk away before it was too late.
"If you Taser me again, Root, I swear to whatever God you believe in that you will regret it."
Root smirks at Sameen and presses the Taser to her bare skin. She brings her lips to Shaw's ear and nips it. "Don't you trust me, Sam?"
Sameen's heart is pumping as she feels the Taser slide up and down her stomach. She should be freaking out, but damn, Root has a way of making anything hot as hell. Root presses the Taser harder into her stomach, but doesn't turn it on, and Sameen throws her head back with a moan. "Fuck, Root." She breathes.
Root teases Shaw for a little longer until Shaw gets impatient, takes the Taser from her hand, and tosses it behind them somewhere, before unclipping Root's bra at the same time Root fumbled to pull off Sameen's pants.
"I think that's enough, Martine." Greer's voice echoes into the room as he steps in and stares at the mess that is Shaw. "Anymore and her heart might not be able to take it. She's not going to give us answers today."
Martine nods and leaves the room. A nurse and two guards come in to help Shaw up and back to her room. Her mouth is bleeding from biting her lip so hard at some point during the torture. When they unbuckle the wrists straps, her wrists are raw red and bleeding in some places. It's not the first time and it won't be the last time. Shaw manages to punch one of the guards in the face and push another one to the ground before they pin her to the ground and sedate her.
The simulations are so realistic, it's hard to remember that they aren't real sometimes. In the back of Sameen's mind, she knows they're fake. She definitely knows they're fake when the simulation goggles are over her eyes but the simulation hasn't started yet. The problem is that when it starts up, it's so realistic that she almost forgets. But after a while, it's easier and easier to realize it. This time, she catches on fairly quickly; right when Root tells her they're in her place when they are so clearly in one of their safe houses.
"They scarred by beautiful girl." Root says when they're lying in bed face to face. Her fingers and running across each of the scars on Shaw's back and it feels good. Shaw closes her eyes and relishes in the touch. As fake as it is, it still feels like Root, and that's all Shaw cares about right now. Real Root already knows about the scars on Sameen's back, Simulation Root does not. That was one of the cracks in the simulation Shaw caught onto first.
As usual, Shaw explains that the scars are not from Samaritan, but from her previous job at ISA. She tells her about the torture techniques she learned from the job, about taking her mind to a safe place that didn't exist back then. She tells her about how much she couldn't stand her in the beginning. She watches the smile on Root's mouth form and it hurts Shaw to know how literally unreal this is. She leans forward and she kisses Root. She pulls away and takes in every line and curve of the woman's face, sketching it into her memory like she did in every simulation.
"I should have kisses you." Sameen whispers, breaking routine. Root pulls her eyebrows together in confusion.
"What do you mean, sweetie?"
Sameen rubs her thumb over Simulation Root's soft cheek. "I should have kissed you more. Before I got captured by Samaritan. In all the times we hooked up, we never once kissed each other. And that was because of me. I don't do feelings; I don't get them. But when I was with you, I felt something. Something that wasn't anger or boredom. And it freaked me out, so I held it at arms length. I held you at arms length and I didn't kiss you, even when I wanted to. I should have kissed you before I sacrificed myself at the stock exchange. Now I'll never get the chance to do it again."
Root smiles sweetly, her eyes glossy. "Sam, we've been kissing all night."
Sameen's vision is blurry and she lets the tears slip down her cheek and into her hairline. Root always had a way of opening up her sociopathic heart and making her feel. She was finally starting to see it as a good thing, and it was all too late.
"Yeah," Sameen says, smiling sadly back at Root. "But you're not real. None of this is real."
Root stares at her for a minute longer before everything fades to black and Shaw is left lying in a bed with only the sound of the steady beeping of her heart from the monitor beside her.