“What if I fall flat on my face and I embarrass the hell out of myself?” Jesy whined, dropping her cheer shoes onto her duffle bag and throwing her hair up into a messy bun. She may be nervous, but she was also running a little late so she was multitasking. The skill came from seven years of cheerleading and having to shout while she did nine backflips in a row without falling down and breaking a bone. It worked. Her mum just handed her a banana and her car keys before pulling her into a hug, dropping a kiss on top of her head and then pushing her towards the door. “Don’t worry, darling. You’ll do fine. You’ve been doing this since you were eleven. If they don’t take you then we’ll find another school with a cheer team that actually knows what talent is.” Jesy turned around to face her mum and quirked up an eyebrow. “There’s not another school around for twenty miles, mum. We can’t just find another one.” Her mum just shooed her out of the door with her hand and a kiss on the cheek.
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Jesy had never really been to a big school before. All of her other schools were small, less than forty people in a class and moving here was such a change: there were so many people and they kept staring at her while she walked down the hallway and towards the office. She walked in and there was a bright, bubbly girl with blonde hair standing at the desk with a paper sign that had Jesy’s name on it which, kinda creepy but she just assumed that it was a big school sort of thing. “Please for the love of God, tell me you’re Jesy Nelson or I’ll probably cry. I’ve been waiting for an hour and they just keep telling me that you’ll show up eventually.” Jesy nodded her head slowly at the blonde and she sighed, putting the paper sign on the deck and clapping her hands together. “I’m Perrie, nice to meet you! I’m supposed to show you around the school and get you settled in and all that fun stuff, and I might have creeped on your schedule, We have all our classes together, except for last period because that’s when I have cheer practice and you have study hall.” Perrie explained and Jesy just stared at her with big eyes. Perrie came to stand beside her and linked arms with her, guiding her out of the office and down the hallway. “So, our first class is History. Not too bad, just try not to fall asleep because the teacher likes to play pranks when you do and she made a boy cry last year because he was convinced that someone had come in and killed everyone. I’m actually a little surprised that she hasn’t been fired yet. Second is Maths, hope you’re good at it because I’m rubbish. Third is Science and we get to blow stuff up, safely of course. Lunch is after that and you can sit with me if you want. Fourth is English and the teacher is a mess but it’s fun. Fifth is a cooking class, but don’t worry if you’re not good at it. I’m pretty awesome and you can be in my group and get a good grade. Sixth is the last period of the day and I’ll show you were study hall is before I go to cheer practice.” Perrie rambled and Jesy tried to remember everything she had just heard. They stopped in front of a row of lockers and Perrie pointed to one right next to a cute girl with back tattoo peeking out from the top of her shirt. “That’s yours, you’re next to Jade. She’s my girlfriend so don’t be afraid to ask her anything. She’s in all of our classes, too.” Jesy nodded her head slowly and shoved her binders in her locker before taking a notebook and pencil out of her backpack and turning around to face Perrie, who was kissing Jade on the cheek. “Not to sound rude or anything, but can you show me where class is? I don’t think it would be a good idea to be late on my first day.” Jesy asked quietly and Perrie grinned at her, linking arms with her again and Jade did the same to her other arm; sending Jesy a shy smile. “I’m Jade, nice to meet you.” Jesy smiled softly at her and they off, avoiding the cluster of teenagers that were taking up most of the hallway.
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History was boring, Maths was awful, and Science was alright. They got to set a balloon on fire and it made Jesy giggle the entire class period. Perrie and Jade made sure that she didn’t sit alone in any of her classes and she was thankful for that, it was hard for her to make new friends. Rest bitch face was a blessing and a curse. They drug her to the cafeteria and when they got their food they went outside, sitting at a table in the shade in comfortable silence until a girl with chocolate skin showed up; plopping down next to Jesy and sighing dramatically. “Justin asked me out again and there are so many times I can say no before I just start yelling that I’m not into penis.” Jesy snorted and Perrie laughed at her, giving her a napkin to clean up the milk that came out of her nose. “Jesy, this is Leigh Anne. Leigh Anne, this is Jesy. She’s new.” Jade said, waving her hand at both girls and Jesy offered Leigh Ann a shy smile. “Yeah, I heard about you! You seem to be very popular with the guys right now, it’s probably the boobs. Or the badass vibe you’re giving off. I like you pants, by the way.” Leigh Anne rambled, pointing to the black ripped skinny jeans Jesy was wearing and Jade laughed at what she had said. “Give it a few days, they’ll go back to scratching their balls and talking about video games.” Perrie said with a wink and Jesy grinned at her, taking a bite out of her pizza and offering Leigh Ann her bag of chips. “Thanks. I always forget to get out of class early and then I’m too lazy to wait in the long ass line and I usually end up eating whatever Pez and Jade give me. I’d probably be dead without them.” Leigh Anne was sort of a mess, but Jesy was okay with that. So was she.
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The next two periods flew by, Perrie and Jade kept making funny faces at Jesy from across the room and she didn’t pay attention to a single word either teacher was saying. They showed her to the study hall room and were about to leave when Jesy stopped them, putting a hand on both of their hips. “Actually, I was wondering about this whole cheerleading thing. Do you guys have try outs or is it a you show up and sort of jump right on in?” Jesy asked and Perrie’s eyes lit up. “Try outs but they aren’t official. Just come with us and we’ll talk to Leigh, she’s the captain so I’m sure she’ll let you show us what you’ve got.” Jesy followed Perrie and Jade outside, past the basketball courts and towards the football field and she was sweating a little bit; all black probably wasn’t her best choice for a first day of school outfit but if things went to plan then she would be in her shorts and tanktop soon. The other cheerleaders were already practicing when they got there, wide smiles plastered on their faces and throwing each other in the air. Jesy had missed this over the summer break, when they moved here she had just wanted to settle in and didn’t even think about finding a team to join to make sure she didn’t lose her touch. She was pulled from her thoughts when Leigh Anne ran over to them and came to a stop right in front of her, hair thrown up into a high ponytail and in what looked the team’s official practice uniform. “She wants to try out, sooo I was thinking you could let her.” Perrie said, smiling at Leigh Anne and Leigh Anne just rolled her eyes fondly before pointing to the bathroom that was by the bleachers. “Go change and then you can just do whatever. We really aren’t that picky, most of the girls on the team don’t even know how to do a backflip.” Jesy hitched her cheer bag higher up on her shoulder and went to change, throwing her hair up into a messy bun and putting on her cheer shoes before stretching a little; giving herself a little pep talk and then going to find the other three girls. Leigh Anne gave her a set of pompoms when she got there and Jesy took them, shaking them a few times to get used to holding them again. “I did tumbling on my old team, so I really never used the pompoms. Sorry if it sucks.”Jesy muttered and Perrie just gave her a thumbs up before helping Jade french braid her hair. She walked until she was a good ten feet away, plastering on a huge smile before starting; yelling out the cheer that seemed to be at every school no matter the size. It went well, she remembered all the words and her arms were tight when she moved them around and it made her feel alive again. She dropped the pompoms and starting running towards the girls, flipping in the air five times before landing right in front of them and then she did it again, moving backwards this time and when she came down she landed in the splits. She held her arms up so it would make a y and waved her fingers around, smile still on her face and heart racing like it always did when she didn’t know if she would faceplant or not. The other cheerleaders had stopped when Jesy had started, staring with their mouths open because it was true; most of them didn’t know how to do a single thing she just did. Perrie clapped excitedly and Jade helped Jesy up, brushing the grass off the back of her shirt and Leigh Anne grinned at her. “We practice every school day and sometimes on Saturday. You’ll have both of your uniforms in by the end of the week. Welcome to the team.”
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Jesy was sore by the time her third week of cheer practice rolled around. She had stayed late the past couple of days to get extra practice in with Leigh Anne, staring more at the way her body curved than actually doing something productive. She just pretended to be getting ready to tumble every time Leigh Ann looked over at her. Perrie and Jade had caught onto the little crush she had developed on Leigh Anne, giving her a knowing look every time she went out of her way to make Leigh Anne smile. She was okay with them knowing, she knew they wouldn’t say anything to Leigh Ann and if they did then she could always blackmail them with the time she caught them getting it on in the ice bath.
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Jesy was changing into her practice uniform when it happened, some of the other girls on the team locking the door to their changing room and surrounding her with holier than thou smiles on their faces. One of them, Cher she thinks, ripped the tank top out of Jesy’s hands and threw it on the floor before stopping on it and getting it covered in mud. The other girls laughed and Jesy hand to clench her fist at her side so she wouldn’t start swinging, wouldn’t do the same thing that got her kicked out of her last school. “Don’t you know that cheerleaders are supposed to be small? Not thick thighed, chubby bellied girls who think that they have what it takes to actually do something impressive other than do a few flips?” Cher taunted, flipping her hair behind her shoulder and the other girls that were around her started laughing; glaring at Jesy like she wasn’t worth the space she was taking up. “You’re not even that good of a cheerleader either, you’re not pretty enough or loud enough or perfect enough. You have stretch marks that show when you’re wearing the uniform for Christ sake!” Cher grabbed Jesy’s arm so hard that she knew there were going to be bruises tomorrow and it took everything in her to not beat Cher to a bloody pulp, until she was begging Jesy to stop. Jesy just closed her eyes and counted to ten in her head before yanking her arm out of Cher’s hand. “God, you’re such a fag. Don’t think we don’t see the way you look at Leigh Anne when you think no one will notice. It’s fucking disgusting. You and Perrie and Jade and Leigh Anne are all going to burn in hell and I hope that God lets me watch so I know you’re getting what you deserve.” Cher spit on her after that, right in the face and Jesy wanted to kill her but she knew she couldn’t; knew she had to be the bigger person so she just kept her mouth shut and waited for Cher and her groupies to leave before she started crying. She didn’t go to practice that day and ignored all the calls she got from her friends, curling up on the couch with her mum and trying to believe it when her mum said that there was nothing wrong with her.
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When Jesy got to practice the next day, they had a meeting. Leigh Anne told everyone to sit on the bleachers and they did, holding their pompoms in their laps and Jesy just wanted this to be over with so she could get her anger out during practice. “We have a few things to talk about today. The first one being Jesy is now co-captain since she’s the only one with enough experience and skill to help me turn this team into something other than a clusterfuck. The second one being that Julie came to me after we couldn’t find Jesy at practice and told me what happened. All the girls involved are now off the team. Turn your things in by the end of the week and don’t even think about begging me to let you stay. What happened yesterday was awful and won’t be tolerated at any point while I’m still captain. The third is that if there are any more people who are homophobic on this team or has a problem with what I just did, you’re off the team too. Got it?” Leigh Anne yelled, loud enough for even the football players that were practicing to hear her and stop. Cher turned around to glare at Jesy and Leigh Anne started yelling again, making Jesy jump because she wasn’t ready for it. “Did I not make myself clear? Get your shit and go! Cher, that means you! Get the fuck out of here before I do something that I regret and you end up in the hospital!” Cher and the other girls involved got their stuff and left, throwing their pompoms at Leigh Anne’s feet and glaring at her like it was all her fault. She couldn’t help but think that their parents forgot to teach them what love was and that’s the reason that they’re so bitter. The remaining girls congratulated Jesy on her new position and they got to practice, down eleven girls but they would make it work. Quality over quantity Jesy thought, smiling at the Perrie and Jade and Leigh Anne.
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Being co-captain meant Jesy was spending a lot more time with Leigh Anne, staying the night at her house to go over routines and try not to fall even more in love with her. Perrie and Jade kept sending her pictures of cute lesbian couples and saying that her and Leigh Anne could be that. Jesy threatened to send the entire school the nudes they took on her phone and they stopped.
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Jesy and Leigh Anne were walking to cheer practice together when it happened, when they could hear the taunts from across the schoolyard and Jesy took off in a dead sprint when she realized they were directed towards Perrie and Jade. The girls were holding on to each other for dear life when Jesy got there, in the middle of a circle made up of football players with more muscle than brain and it took everything in Jesy not to just throw herself in there and start hurting them. She shoved her way to her friends and whirled around to glare at the boys surrounding them and she could see Leigh Anne out of the corner of her eye, pissed off and out for blood. “I don’t know what the fuck you were thinking, but they’re off limits. Don’t come near them again. Do you understand me?” Jesy asked, fist clenched at her sides and her fingernails were digging into the palm of her hand so hard that she started to bleed. “Off limits for what? For fucking? Because I’m sure they just haven’t found the right dick yet. I don’t think any of you have. There’s plenty of us, why don’t you just take your pick and we’ll fix you right up. Make you all normal.” Jesy snapped at that, swinging her fist and connecting to the nose of the boy who didn’t understand what being gay was and Leigh Anne stopped her after that; wrapping her arms around Jesy’s middle and dragging her away with Jade and Perrie following behind them. They made it to the practice field before Leigh Anne let Jesy go and Perrie tackled her into a hug, both of them falling to the ground and Jade fell on top of them. “Thank you for making sure we were okay. A lot of people would have just looked the other way but not you. You know what it’s like to have someone want the worst for you, I guess.” Perrie whispered and Jade dropped a kiss on Jesy’s cheek before they situated themselves and they were sitting cross legged and Leigh Anne sat herself in Jesy’s lap. “My dad, yeah. Told my mum when I came out that he couldn’t have a gay daughter and that he couldn’t wait for me to burn in hell. I don’t handle homophobia well.” Jesy said with a shrug and Leigh Anne leaned into Jesy’s body, resting her head on Jesy’s collarbone and it was almost magic; almost the moment when Jesy told her that she was in love with her but she didn’t. She just dropped a kiss onto Leigh Anne’s head and told herself that it was good enough for now.
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Jesy was on her way to lunch when it happened, she told Perrie and Jade to go on without her so she could grab something from her locker and she wasn’t paying attention when her head was slammed into the metal. She fell to the floor with a thud and her vision went black around the edges but she got back up, looked at the boys who had told her and her friends that they would fuck them straight over a week ago and she was so angry that she tasted blood in her mouth. “Get up and fight, you fucking fag.” Jesy clenched her fist at the insult and blinked until her vision was clear again, told herself that if she just didn’t do anything then they would leave her alone and go away but they didn’t. They just pressed closer and hit harder and Jesy did the best she could to fight back, gave her own fair share of black eyes and broken noses but she still ended up alone and on the floor of the hallway when lunch let out and she looked so bad that Perrie called an ambulance instead of taking her to the nurse.
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She had been in the hospital for all of two hours before her friends came rushing into her room with too many flowers and apologies on the tips of their tongues. “We should have waited for you, Jes. We’re so sorry, we could have stopped it if we had been there.” Jade cried, throwing herself onto Jesy’s bed and clinging to her like she would fade away like smoke. “Careful, bug. I’ve got a few broken ribs and fractured collarbone.” Jesy wheezed out, clenching her teeth because Jade hit her side and she felt like she was dying. “They said my face would be okay in a few days, that it’s just bruising and I only needed stitches above my eye because that’s where I hit the lockers at.” Perrie drug her girlfriend off of Jesy’s bed and Leigh Anne sat in the chair next to her, lacing their fingers together and rubbing her thumb over the top of Jesy’s hand. “I’m gonna kill them. When we get back to school I’ll kill them and no one will ever be able to find the body and no one’s gonna mess with you again. I’ll make sure of it.” Leigh Anne promised, fire in her eyes and Jesy would have grinned if her lip wouldn’t bust back open. They stayed for a while, all three of them curled up in the bed with Jesy and she just suffered through it; ignored the pain that was racking her body in favor of listening to Leigh Anne laugh and Jade do impressions and Perrie sing silly little songs that they all remembered from their childhood and they left with the promise that they’d be back after school tomorrow.
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Leigh Anne came on her own three days later, with a tub of ice cream and two spoons so Jesy could eat something other than hospital food. She crawled in bed with Jesy and put the tub in between them, laying her head on Jesy’s shoulder and they sat like that for a while; until Jesy complained about her ribs and Leigh Anne got off the bed like it was on fire. “Holy shit, are you okay?” Leigh Anne asked frantically, and Jesy just rolled her eyes at her before grabbing her spoon again. “I’m fine, just a little sore. The doctor said that I’d be sore for a while and I can’t do anything crazy, which means no cheerleading when I get out.” Jesy muttered and Leigh Anne grabbed her hand that wasn’t trying to get a scoop of ice cream. “Don’t worry about it, babe. You’ll still be co-captain when you can cheer again and I know you. You’re gonna be doing backflips in a few weeks and you’re gonna wanna kill me because I’m gonna work you to death.” Leigh Anne teased and Jesy took her hand back so she could flick Leigh Anne on the arm with a smile on her face. “I love you.” Jesy whispered and Leigh Anne surged forward, pressing their lips together and then it was over as soon as it started. Jesy didn’t even get a chance to enjoy it but she could still feel Leigh Anne’s lips on hers so it was sort of okay. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I thought you meant it like the way I wanted you to mean it and now I’ve gone and fucked everything up! I’m so sorry, Jes! I’ve got to go.” Leigh Anne rambled, rushing out of the door and Jesy would have loved to chase her down the hallway and kiss her again; prove to her that it was like the way she wanted Jesy to mean it.
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When Jesy got back to school, Leigh Anne ignored her. Perrie and Jade could only offer her apologetic smiles and tell her that she should probably fix what ever happened between her and Leigh Anne before things got too out of control. She found Leigh Anne at the practice field during lunch, sitting under the bleachers and sneaking a cigarette. “Those are bad for you, you know.” Leigh Anne’s head jerked up at the sound of Jesy’s voice and she waved the smoke away from her face before Jesy sat on the ground next to her. “I only do it when I’m stressed. Seems like the perfect time to do it.” Leigh Anne muttered and Jesy stole the cigarette from her hand before taking a puff, breathing the smoke into her lungs and embracing the burn that came with it. She exhaled the smoke and watched it twist and turn, and she pretended she could see a shape like she did when she was little and watching the clouds. “I did mean it like you wanted me to, by the way. Just thought I should let you know so you don’t think that it was a mistake when you kissed me.” Jesy said, handing Leigh Anne her cigarette back before getting up and walking back to where Perrie and Jade were hiding behind the bathroom. “I tried. Now we wait.” Jesy muttered and Perrie wrapped her arm around Jesy’s shoulder and Jade gave her a kiss on the cheek.
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Leigh Anne came to her house that night, knocking on the door at midnight and Jesy just opened her arms so Leigh Anne could fall into them. “Stay the night.” Jesy whispered and Leigh Anne nodded, both of them creeping up the stairs to Jesy’s room and they stayed tangled up in each other until Jesy’s mum came crashing in and telling them they were already late to school. They didn’t even bother changing out of the pjs they slept in and Jesy drove like a bat out of hell, getting them to school with just a few minutes before the first bell rang. They walked over to where Perrie had Jade pressed against a tree and Leigh Anne pretended to throw up on both of them and it was normal again. Jade raised an eyebrow and Jesy’s and Leigh Anne’s linked hands and Jesy just shrugged her shoulders, pulling Leigh Anne closer to her body and giving her a kiss on the neck. Perrie just hit them both upside the head and said it was about time they admitted their feelings for each other and she was still muttering about it when they walked into the building for first hour. Leigh Anne tugged on Jesy’s hand to get her to stop and wrapped her into a hug, pressing a kiss onto the heartbeat she could feel in Jesy’s neck. “I love you.” Leigh Anne whispered and Jesy smiled to herself. “I love you, too. I mean it.”