Time Changes Everything and Nothing

The three girls slept for a few hours, all three of them exhausted from the previous night.  From the initial run-in with the football players that sparked the rest of the night’s events all the way to finally hearing about Lexa’s history.  Raven was the first of them to wake up, which was odd, but her leg was starting to bother her.  She didn’t have a problem sharing a bed with the other two girls – they did it often enough – but the stress from the day before really took a toll on her body.  She knew this kind of discomfort didn't go away on its own, so she started doing her exercises.  

She stopped around 9:30AM, hearing someone somewhere outside of the room.  Looking over quickly, she noted that both of her flatmates were still in the bed, leaving only one other option of who was going through their house.  The aerospace engineering student carefully pulled herself out of the bed, making sure to keep her leg relaxed, and got herself decent to walk out to a stranger.

The brunette was surprised at the sight of their guest in the kitchen, seemingly making food.  She walked into the room and leant against the counter, knowing the other girl was aware of her as soon as she had walked in.  All the same, she gave a slight cough to announce her arrival and offered a small smile when Clarke turned around to wish her a good morning. 

“Good morning, Raven.”  Raven’s smile grew when the younger girl actually used her first name, “I wasn’t sure what you all do for breakfast or if you would be up in time for it, but I heard you stirring and decided to make pancakes, waffles, and toast.”  Seeing Raven’s confused look she elaborated, “I know, you all didn’t have this much stuff last night but I went to a store nearby this morning to pick up whatever I could.”

Raven just looked at the girl, confused as to how she did all of that stuff so early in the morning when she was completely dead to the world only a few hours ago.  She noted that the girl’s movements were incredibly stiff but she seemed to have treated herself for whatever wounds she obtained last night.  There was gauze on her face along with some butterfly strips, and her left arm was in a sling.  It had to have been beyond difficult for her to go out grocery shopping for them so early in the morning.  Remembering what Lexa had said about Clarke being able to take care of her own wounds, Raven decided to let the subject go for the time being.  She made her way to the bar stool and hauled herself up, giving the younger girl a big smirk when a plate of food was placed in front of her.  Getting a shy and reserved smile in response, Raven settled down some more and dug into the food.

They made small talk for a while.  Raven found out that Clarke was in her first year of medical residency at USC's medical facility, while Raven was there for aerospace and mechanical engineering.  She and Octavia, a psychology major, had coordinated schedules so that they had classes close to each other, which was why both of them were at school the previous night, and Lexa was working at a law firm down the street so they all met up at the school in the evenings. 

Raven did a lot of talking and Clarke was really good at asking questions without answering them herself, which Raven realized an hour later when Octavia finally got up and met them in the kitchen.

Clarke jumped up from her seat across from Raven and immediately went on with making the food.  Her body protested the constant movement, aching and groaning at every flexing of her muscles, but she ignored it.  She heard Octavia talk to Raven in hushed tones and ignored the fact that they were obviously talking about her (they weren’t as quiet as they thought they were).  She turned slightly when Octavia asked how she got the supplies that morning, "I went to the convenience store for some first aid supplies this morning.  I decided that making breakfast for you guys is the least I could do to thank you all for allowing me to stay here last night."

With a small nod, the med student put the plate in front of Octavia and backed up.  Octavia studied her face for a few seconds before nodding back and picking up her utensils.  They all got to talking about small nothings again.  Octavia and Raven both tried to get some information out of the younger girl, but she seemed hell-bent on not answering any serious questions.  They ended up giving more information than they received.

Clarke sat and listened to every story the other two girls had to tell.  She heard about how they met Lexa and how it took them forever to finally get her to open up to them.  She heard about fun stories and adventures that all three of them went on with Lexa’s friends.  Their groups mixed and they all became a family.  Clarke felt her heart give a single, painful throb at the mention of Anya, Lincoln, and Indra being a part of this new family.  She knew, of course, about all of this; she hadn’t lost track of what was happening in their lives.  Clarke did her best to make sure that she was kept up to date on their lives over the years.

She couldn’t be happier that they had all moved on.  Anya was recovered and no longer an active soldier, taking on more of an administrative role in the army and a parental role in their group, forming a special bond with Raven.  Indra had taken Octavia under her wing and Lincoln took her by his side.  They had been together for three years now and were more in love than ever.  Clarke smiled fondly at hearing that they were all content and happy with this new arrangement.

Before she could stop herself, Clarke whispered, “How was Lexa when you met her?”

It was the first real question they heard her ask and, remembering the story Raven and Octavia heard the previous night, it was probably the only information that the young blonde really cared about.  Octavia and Raven exchanged a long glance, considering what to say, how to explain to her the Lexa that they knew. 

The two girls traded off telling the young med student of the Lexa they had met almost four years previous.  They had been running through their park one day and came across the brunette sitting on a bench, alone.  For whatever reason they came up with, they approached the girl and somehow hit it off immediately. 

Octavia jumped in here and explained to Clarke that the three of them moved into the apartment together not long after that and were closer than sisters.  Having been separated from Bellamy for three years at one point in time, Octavia knew the pain of not knowing how someone you love is doing.  She leaned forward towards the quiet blonde and placed a gentle hand over Clarke’s, putting a soft smile on her face when the girl tensed at the contact, “She’s been good, Clarke.  She was in a sad head place when we met her and it took her a while to come out of it, but she’s in a good place now.”

Clarke nodded absently, choking down the emotions that she could feel building up at this.  She was more than happy that Lexa was doing so well, that she had managed to have a good and full life and she hated that she came back and messed it up again.

Not knowing what else to say and deciding that she had used up her welcome the young blue-eyed girl pulled her hand back from the other girl’s grasp and stood up.  She grabbed the dishes and utensils from in front of them and walked over to the sink.  Washing them quickly while ignoring protests from the other two women she turned around, drying her hands.  She saw them both sitting at the counter, looking at her curiously, and couldn’t come up with anything to say.

Raven and Octavia sat and watched the girl look around, lost.  It was obvious to them that she was really starting to feel out of place and uncomfortable.  They didn’t know what to say to her or what to offer her to make her feel better, so they waited until she did something.  When she did start moving, though, they wished they had thought of something better.

They watched her slowly walk back into the living room where they had missed the clothes sitting in a pile on the sofa.  At that point they realized that the medical intern was back in her own torn clothes from the night before and was still moving rather stiffly.  She was definitely not recovered from kicking ass.

She turned back to them when she reached the sofa and looked at them intently.  “I cannot possibly tell you how grateful I am for the help that you all provided me last night.”  She looked to the closed bedroom door, a pensive look on her face. She turned back to them, “I bought you some supplies and stocked your first-aid kit, as well as some accessories that might make your brace slightly more comfortable.  If there is anything else that I could possibly do for you all, I would be more than happy to do it.”

She stepped towards the door and Octavia jumped forward to stop her from getting there.  “Wait! You can’t just leave.”  Octavia looked at Raven, at a loss as to what to say.

Clarke turned back to them, confused, “Is there anything that you want me to do right now?”

Raven and Octavia exchanged a look, realizing that the younger girl thought they were going to ask her for a favor.  Raven stepped up to the girl and maintained eye contact, “Look, kid, we appreciate you getting us these things, but you really don’t have to.  You don’t owe us anything.  In fact, if anything, we owe you for saving our asses.”

Clarke shook her head quickly, regretting it immediately as her head started swirling and black spots immediately popped into her vision.  She had to take a second to catch her breath before her condition got too much worse.  She didn't have her inhaler with her and she could tell that she was about to start feeling the effects of that.  She needed to get the hell out of there before anything happened.

The medical student turned back to the concerned faces in front of her, “Ma’am I swear to you, you owe me nothing.  I didn’t try to help you with the expectation that you would have to repay anything.  Allowing me to come into your home and use your bed was more than I should have ever asked for.”

Raven made sure Clarke was looking her in the eyes when she said, “Dude, trust me, we know you weren’t looking for any favors last night.  We just want to help you out since you helped us out.  Those guys would’ve beaten the shit out of us and God knows what else – you saved us.  We just want to say thank you.”  She gave her a slight smile, hoping she could convey how much she really appreciated what the other girl had done for her.

Seeing the young mystery girl struggling with how to decline this again, Octavia spoke up, “Look, if you absolutely do not want to stay here anymore, at least let us drop you off at your place.”

Clarke got even more nervous at that.  She absolutely did not what them to know where she was living.  Composing herself she said, “That won’t be necessary.  However, if you could just tell me how to get back to school so I can get to my car.”

Raven gave her a knowing look, “Kid, you’re not really in any condition to be driving around.  Not to mention, Saturday traffic in LA is a bitch.  Really, we can just drop you off at your place.”

Clarke started to feel the pressure from these questions.  She really just wanted to get back to her car and sleep.  She didn’t want to out and out lie to these girls who were just trying to do her a favor, but she couldn’t let them find out the truth.  She went for a half-truth instead, “Actually, I have to get to work soon and my scrubs are in my car,” she gave a sheepish smile, hoping it was convincing enough for the braced brunette looking at her suspiciously, “I don’t really have time to go back and then to work.  I was just going to go to work straight.”

“You can’t really go around kicking ass and saving lives today, kid.  You’re not in much shape to be sewing people back together.”  Raven was starting to get seriously suspicious that she knew what was going on.  She had been in the same situation many times in high school when she was living in her own car.

Clarke didn’t have any energy left to handle this scrutiny anymore.  Standing up and meeting Raven’s eyes she said, “Ma’am I appreciate your concern but I assure you I’m fine.”  Turning to Octavia at that point she continued, “Thank you for the offer of a ride, but I can make my way back to campus.”  With that, she turned and started opening the door.

“Wait!” 

They all turned to see the wavy-haired brunette standing in her bedroom doorway, hair a little mussed and clothes slightly wrinkled, her expression somehow both empty but pained.  She walked to them slowly and stopped when she was in line with Raven and Octavia.  She looked at Clarke, wishing for her to make eye contact, but blue eyes avoided her own green ones at all costs.

She hadn’t seen this girl in four years.  Lexa had ached to see her almost every day for four years.  She’d be damned if she let her walk away now.  Especially if the other girl had nowhere else to go.  “Clarke, you can’t just leave like that.  You have to stay and at least eat something.”  She knew she was grasping with that (the younger girl hated breakfast; or, at least, she hated breakfast four years ago) but she was desperate for her to stay a little longer.  She had heard Raven and Octavia telling the stranger-girl about how they met and how Lexa had changed over the years and she wanted to be able to talk to her too.  It may be a horrible idea but she couldn’t control herself.

Clarke looked away sheepishly while Octavia and Raven looked at each other real quick before turning to their roommate, “Actually, Lexa, she made breakfast for us.  Your pancakes and waffles are on the stove.” 

Lexa looked back at Clarke, an aching pain in her chest: that was their breakfast.

Clarke couldn’t handle it anymore.  She looked at all three girls in front of her, absorbing as much about them as she could.  She had spent four years by herself and this was the most personal interaction she had had with anyone in that time.  Waking up in a bed that smelt so strongly of Lexa, of the woman Clarke still loved  with everything she had in her, brought all of her suppressed emotions to the front of her brain.  Clarke hated having to deal with emotions and she just wanted to go to her car, sleep, and avoid everyone for the rest of forever.

As swiftly as she could she pulled out a piece of paper from her pocket before scribbling her phone number on it.  She looked up and locked eyes with Raven, “I am unable to tell you all how much I appreciate your hospitality and care last night.  I don’t want to take up your space or resources any longer and I will take my leave.”  She looked between all three of them before extending her hand with her phone number, hoping the green-eyed law intern wouldn’t be the one to grab it.  “Please, if there absolutely anything that I could ever do for you, do not hesitate to call me.   I would love to be able to repay at least a little bit of what you all have done for me the last few hours.” 

They all looked at the young girl dumbfounded.  They hadn’t heard anyone speak that formally in real life and didn’t really know how to respond.  Before any of them could say anything, the girl was out the door and gone. 

Raven, Octavia, and Lexa stood there for some time, staring after the girl that threw a wrench in their lives and changed so much within only a few hours.  None of them would be able to deny that she had touched them, even in a small way, even after such a small encounter.

Of course, it wasn’t a small encounter for all of them.  Lexa could feel all of the old emotions rush back, seeing the girl go running out the door again.  She felt all of those emotions rush back at her and a weight started building on her chest.  Soon she couldn’t breathe and started getting lightheaded.  Her vision got blurry and she realized she was at risk of having a panic attack.  Before she could get away from her flatmates she fell to her knees, unable to stop the sob from tearing out of her chest.

The two brunettes almost jumped when the girl between them collapsed with a sob.  They had never seen Lexa react to anything like this before and had absolutely no idea how to deal with it.  They gathered their bearings and both bent down to collect the law intern into their arms.  Octavia reached under her to help her stand up and guided her over to the sofa.  It seemed like she only had the single sob in her body and the rest of her tears streamed down her face silently.

Raven and Octavia looked at each other, at a loss as to how to comfort their usually stoic friend.  Eventually, Raven reached over and placed a hand on her back.  That seemed to break Lexa out of whatever trance she was stuck in and she turned to look into Raven’s eyes.  The brunette mechanic felt her heart clench at the pain in her best friend’s eyes.  There was so much swirling around in their depths and she had no idea how to help her.  Slowly, she reached out and wiped the tears away.  Lexa took a shuddering breath and looked at Octavia.

The blue-eyed girl gave her friend a small, sympathetic smile, understanding that she was feeling a certain pain that they wouldn’t be able to relate to at that time.  She reached forward and pulled the older girl into her and allowed her to snuggle into her side.  Octavia felt Lexa rest her head on her chest, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to keep her close to her. 

The three of them remained on the couch like that for a while, snuggled together and trying to comprehend what the hell happened over the last twelve hours.  While they were sitting there, both Octavia and Raven finally fully realized the fact that they had almost been attacked and assaulted, almost become victims of the same statistics that they worked so hard to fight.  The girl that ran out of their apartment an hour earlier had literally saved their lives and they had let her think that she owed them favors.  They had treated that girl like shit in the beginning and all she had done was save their lives.  Both of them could feel the guilt start to weigh down heavier on them.

They resolved at that moment in time to help the younger girl out.  They wanted to help get her to a place where she didn’t think that merely staying in someone’s room for a night meant she owed them her life.  Where she could admit to them that she was living in her car and ask for some help.  Where they would actually be able to learn something about her because they had no doubt she was an amazing person.

The two brunettes also wanted to help the stranger-girl out for the girl currently snuggled up between them.  In the four years that they had known the law intern, they had seen her cry only a handful of times.  She always seemed very adamant on the idea that emotions showed weakness and vulnerability could break someone.  They had all assumed that that came from being a law student (everyone knows how ruthless lawyers can be) but knowing her story it all made sense.  She didn’t want to get close to anyone again only to have it snatched away from her with no warning.

They managed to get Lexa up and into the kitchen to eat breakfast eventually.  They all fell back into their weekend routine and spent the day working and studying.  Lexa’s job at the law firm was still very new so she had a lot of tedious work to get done.  Raven’s classes were all very technical at this point and each assignment required hours of focus at a time.  She was able to get some time in to tinker on her big project, though, and she was forever grateful.  Octavia spent most of the day training, knowing that she had to be in shape for the big meet the following week.  As a member of the school track team, she had to stay in shape and work to be constantly improving herself.

Saturday nights were usually nights when their friends invited themselves over.  That night, however, none of them were really in the mood to socialize.  Raven called Jasper and Monty to tell them they weren’t going to be available that night while Octavia took care of Bellamy and Lincoln.  She told Bellamy a lot of nothing with the promise of explaining things later, but his overprotectiveness caused him to lash out at Octavia about hiding this new person from him.  Refusing to deal with his shit again, she hung up on him and called Lincoln, who took longer to talk to.  Octavia knew at that point that he would take hearing about Clarke’s return personally.  He had told her about a girl from his past who was like a sister to him but never had a name to connect to the person.  He was still pretty hurt over her disappearing from their lives but that seemed to be this girl’s thing: leaving a massive impact on everyone she came into contact with.

She hadn’t managed to convince Lincoln to stay away that night and he showed up at their apartment with tentative hope in his eyes and a special spring in his step.  He greeted his girlfriend and the raven-haired girl next to her but headed straight to Lexa’s room.  If this was tough for him he knew that it had to be near crippling for Lexa.  None of them had really heard from the girl who disappeared in many months and they were all afraid of the worst.  Knowing she was alive and well, though, lifted a weight he didn’t know had been on his chest.

Eventually they all adjusted to the idea that this girl was out there but also such a big part of their lives.  Lexa opened up so much more to her flatmates after that and they got to see a part of her that they had never seen before.  She seemed more closed off but more available at the same time.  Neither Octavia nor Raven knew how to really think about these changes and they hoped that they were able to come up with some plans to really help them all out.

The two best friends finally managed to come up with something they thought would work and decided to set it into motion.  One day, about a month-and-a-half after they first met Clarke, Octavia pulled out the girl’s phone number from her wallet and dialed.  Raven was sitting on her bed, gnawing at a knuckle on her right hand while rubbing her knee with the other.  They sat and listened to the ringing phone, growing more and more anxious with each ring.  Just before they were about to give up and hang up, the phone clicked and a groggy greeting sounded through the speaker.

“Hey, Clarke! This is Octavia and Raven, from a few weeks ago?  You sound like you were sleeping, did we wake you?”

They could hear some shuffling, backing up their idea that they had interrupted the girl’s rest, but prepared for her to deny it, “No no.  I was just getting back from work.”  Yep, she was definitely sleeping.  “What can I do for you, ma’am?”

“Well you can start by not calling us ‘ma’am’!”  Raven joked.  She didn’t need to feel any weirder than she already did.

“My apologies, Raven.”

Octavia and Raven exchanged incredulous looks at the abnormally sincere apology.  Raven spoke up first, “Well we wanted to check and see how you’re doing?  You had hurt yourself pretty bad last time we saw you…”  She trailed off, not really knowing what else to say.

They received a cautious answer, “I’m fine, Raven, thank you for asking.”

“Did your arm heal okay?  We hope you didn’t have any trouble at work or anything.”

“It wasn’t a problem at all, I can assure you.  The ribs and shoulder are almost healed and they never posed a problem at work.”

They wanted to get to the point before it got too awkward, and Octavia decided to bite the bullet, “We were hoping we would be able to cash in on that favor now?”

They both felt incredibly guilty at how eager the younger girl sounded at being able to pay back whatever debt she thought she owed them, knowing that they were going to spend some time lying to the poor girl who just wanted to do some good.  They asked the girl to tutor Octavia in Organic Chemistry and History of Human Diseases, having heard that the girl had been like a prodigy at USC and needing as much help as she could get with finals coming up.

They spent a few weeks meeting up with the girl at coffee shops or other public areas on or around campus.  She never seemed to be willing to talk about herself or anything personal, but, from what they could tell, she was starting to actually like them.  Their first few meetings were tense because the girl was actually pretty intimidating; she was like a genius with everything she knew.  She could talk to Raven about different engineering things and of course she could talk to Octavia about the body as if the knowledge just flowed through her.  All three of them were regular gym monkeys too, so they always managed to have a good conversation about whatever their latest workout was. 

Clarke had no idea when she started enjoying the company of the two friends.  She tried to remain as closed off as possible and not get attached to them, knowing that would only lead to bad places, but they managed to make their way under her defenses. She found herself actually smiling at the things they said and admiring the special relationship they had with each other.  She hadn’t seen something like that since – well it had been a while.

After about a month she got a call from the two as she was coming off a graveyard shift in the Emergency Room asking to meet them at their apartment.  She hesitated.  She had been trying to avoid running into Lexa as much as possible, not prepared to have to interact with her more.  After assurances that the law intern would be at work all day she agreed to go right over.

Both Raven and Octavia shot up off the sofa when they heard the knock on the door.  It had taken them a long time to get their plan moving along and they couldn’t wait to see how it played out.  They made sure that Lexa would be gone and wanted Clarke to start feeling comfortable in their home.  The two girls had managed to ascertain that the young one was actually living out of her car and Raven hated it, having lived in her own car on and off for a year before meeting Octavia.    

Clarke gave the two brunettes a small smile before they allowed her into the apartment.  She was nervous to be back.  With her luck, Lexa would be off work early and end up back home while she was still there. 

Luckily that didn’t happen.  They spent almost four hours going over different subjects and working on different assignments.  Before they knew it, all three of their stomaches were growling.  After a particularly loud growl they chuckled and decided to stop for the day.  Raven and Octavia would both have to get to school soon and Clarke looked like she might knock out at any moment.  She tried to just pack up and leave but Raven and Octavia insisted that she stay for some food. 

Clarke was insistent that they didn’t owe her anything for helping them out – this was her paying them back for helping her that night.  They were insistent, however, and she found herself actually enjoying their company.  It was refreshing seeing the two girls interact so much.  The intern did her best to not interact with anyone in her classes and remained purely professional with her coworkers at the hospital.  Watching everyone around her make friends and form bonds with each other made her wish she was different sometimes, though. 

They ate a pizza while lounging before Clarke announced that she would have to leave to get some rest before her next shift.  They realized at that point that they had called the girl at an incredibly inconvenient time.  They apologized profusely for not realizing how exhausted she probably was and she waved them off with a small smile, blurting out that she actually enjoyed it.  The stoic young girl regretted it the minute she admitted it, beating herself up internally, but she couldn’t help but be warmed at the giant grins that split the faces staring at her so happily.

They continued this for another few weeks.  The three of them would meet up a couple of times a week and work on something or other whenever they were sure Lexa wouldn’t see them.  Clarke was avoiding her for her own reasons and Raven and Octavia had their plans that couldn’t be messed with.  They both knew without a doubt that the two stubborn girls missed each other; Clarke would steal glances towards Lexa’s bedroom door whenever she was at their place and Lexa was more than spaced out lately.  She would talk a lot more about different memories she had with Clarke and their family when they were younger and she started talking to Anya and Indra about her too.

Lincoln and Lexa had gone off one time to talk and both had come back with tears in their eyes.  They had refused to tell anyone what they had talked about, but they had exchanged a long, knowing look with Anya and Indra and all four of them had nodded before moving on.  Raven and Octavia hoped with everything they had that their plan would work.

They were desperate to bring this girl into their family.  She obviously belonged and they all loved her already.  They were trying to get her comfortable with knowing the two of them before throwing her back at the other four.  Obviously there were some emotions still there between them all and it would be cataclysmic when they all met up again. 

One day, about three months after they first called Clarke for help, they were sitting in Raven, Octavia, and Lexa’s living room, books discarded and ignored on the table.  They were just sitting around, eating pizza and talking about random stories from when they were all kids.  Octavia talked a lot about what she and Bellamy did when they were still with their birth mother and then how she became friends with Jasper and Monty in the foster system.  Raven talked about how she would make things go boom to scare her mom while she was high on whatever drug her then-boyfriend was supplying and the fun she had while she was in her car.  Clarke didn’t really share much when they had these conversations and Raven and Octavia didn’t push, knowing that Clarke was an exceptionally private person and not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

The two flatmates were in the middle of a funny story of some prank they played on Lexa at one point when their plan was thrown completely off balance.  They had banked on Lexa running into Clarke in their apartment on their terms and therefore only invited her over when they thought the brunette law intern wouldn’t be around.  That day, however, the front door burst open and Lexa came in more irritated than they had seen her in a long time, “Son of a bitch, Costia just wouldn’t let me leave early.  I don’t understand why she won’t just – “

Everything froze and tension sizzled through the air when green eyes met blue.  No one knew what to do or what to say and the two conspirators whipped their heads back and forth between the two girls in front of them who seemed extremely oblivious to their existence in that moment.  They looked at each other and were at a loss as to what to do.  This was not part of the plan and now they would have to wing it.

Before anyone had a chance to say anything, Clarke turned back to the table and started throwing all of her stuff in her backpack.  She quickly looked at Raven and Octavia, who were staring intently back at her, before saying, “I’m so sorry, guys, but I just remembered that I have a…thing… that I have to take care of and I really have to go.”  She stood up and pulled her bag onto her shoulders, shooting a glance at the girl still in the doorway before she was able to stop herself.  “I’m more than happy to finish helping later if you all still need it.” 

Before either of them could say anything the other girl was making her way towards the door with her head down.  None of them expected Lexa’s hand to shoot out and grasp the fleeing girl’s arm before she was able to make it out the door, but that’s exactly what happened.  The tension around them grew exponentially and both Raven and Octavia felt as though they were intruding on a very personal moment.

“Stay.  Please.”

They stayed like that for a while, staring into each other’s eyes, thinking about all of the things they had missed with each other over the years.  Clarke knew of all of the ways she could mess up whatever life Lexa had built for herself with Costia (she ignored the pain in her chest at hearing Lexa mention her name again) and wanted to avoid vulnerability while Lexa couldn’t stop thinking of everything she wanted to say to the other girl.  How she wanted to tell Clarke about everything she had missed, ask her why she talked to everyone but her in the last four years, why she hadn’t blamed her for ruining what they had, if Clarke had forgiven herself for being who she is.  They looked at each other for many minutes before Clarke slowly pulled her arm from the other girl’s grasp.  She gave a slight nod to the two girls standing off to the side and ducked out of the open door without looking back.

Lexa looked after her, feeling a pain in her chest that was becoming all too familiar.  She looked at her flatmates for a few seconds and just walked to her room.  She didn’t have the energy to deal with what the fuck just happened.

Octavia felt so bad.  She had wanted things to work out according to her plan and she should have known that things don’t happen like that.  She was beginning to think that they should never have tried to bring the younger girl into their group because there were bound to be tensions between everyone.  She knew the devastation that was in Lexa’s voice when she had told them her story all those months ago couldn’t be faked and she felt guilty as hell for bringing it all back.

Raven was not in any better of a situation.  She couldn’t help but think that they may have done more damage than good with this move.  The mechanic absolutely did not think that they shouldn't have tried to fix things between Lexa and Clarke, but they should have organized things better for if something like this were to happen. They were going to have to do some serious damage control to fix whatever just happened.

Raven sat on the sofa and waited for Lexa to come back out while Octavia paced around while trying to get a hold of Clarke.  When they didn’t get a hold of her over the phone Octavia got worried.  They both knew that the girl was always ready to answer her phone, afraid of an emergency.  She was a practicing medical intern and knew that every phone call could bring urgent news.  The fact that she was most likely ignoring her calls was not helping in the slightest to ease Octavia’s guilt. 

After a couple of hours, the blue-eyed brunette could no longer sit around the apartment waiting for Clarke to answer the phone.  Octavia knew that Clarke’s shift didn’t start for another three hours (unless the girl went in early) and decided that she would try to hunt her down.  They had realized over time that the young girl spent most of her spare time around the college campus so it was fair to assume that she had her car parked around there.  Neither of them had any doubt that their newest friend was living out of her car and they were desperate to do something to help her. 

Raven used her computer to locate her phone from the GPS signal it was sending out.  She made a mental note to get Monty a gift for helping her with her hacking skills.  She gave Octavia the general location of where her car would be parked (a sleek, black 1987 Chevy Chevelle that Lexa informed them was her pride and joy; her father had left it for her before he died) and the younger brunette practically bolted out the door.

“Where’s she running off to?”

Raven jumped a little, startled by the voice that appeared out of nowhere.   She turned to see the tired looking brunette in the doorway of her room, leaning against the wall.  Raven looked over her quickly and noticed that, while her stance said that she was relaxed, the tension on her face and the clenching of her hands and jaw said that she was anything but. She contemplated what she was going to say to the other girl, hoping that she could do something to calm the situation down.

“Clarke hasn’t answered any of our phone calls since she ran out of here and Octavia got worried.  She’s going to stop by and check on her.”  She spoke as softly as she could, wanting to keep any of the weight that she knew would be behind her words from hurting her other best friend.  Seeing Lexa take a very deep breath, though, she knew she would fail at that no matter how hard she tried.

“You know where she lives?  How long have you guys been…hanging out?”

Raven studied Lexa’s face as she responded, “Well, we asked her for help in some of our classes, seeing as the girl is practically a genius.  We just wanted to get to know the girl who meant so much to you and we ended up actually getting along.  We wanted her to open up a little bit before we tried to throw you both at each other.”  Raven blatantly avoided answering the other part of the question, hoping to be able to get away with not saying anything.  She was wrong.

Lexa’s cocked eyebrow and knowing look were more than enough to tell Raven that she had to answer the whole question.  “We don’t necessarily know where she’s staying exactly, but we know that she’s been staying in her car and she keeps that around campus.”

Lexa’s breath hitched at that bit of information.  She had hoped beyond hope that the younger girl hadn’t ended up in a shitty situation again, but that’s exactly what had happened.  She hated it.  The guilt swirled in Lexa's belly full force again, and she had to join Raven on the sofa before she collapsed under the weight of it.

Octavia drove her car slowly around the school, eyeing all of the parking lots around the campus and striking out at each one.  After one round she made her way through each parking lot on campus.  Eventually she found the car in the back corner of the parking structure at Downey Way and McClintock Ave.  Octavia made her way over, hoping she would find the girl actually in the car and groaned when she struck out.  No one was there and it looked like no one had been there in a while.  Reserved to the fact that she wouldn’t find the young one there, Octavia turned back to her car while dialing Raven’s number.

Before she could put the call through, though, her attention was caught by a form leaning against the passenger side of her car.  She released the tension that had built up throughout her body, more than relieved to see that the girl she had been looking for was safe. 

Before she could think of what she was doing she had run over to the stoic girl and wrapped her in a giant hug, forgetting that the other girl didn’t like physical interaction.  As soon as she felt Clarke tense up, Octavia pulled back abruptly and apologized profusely.  She stopped when Clarke raised a hand, though, and they both exchanged the smallest of smiles.

“We were worried sick about you.”

“Why?”

Octavia looked incredulous.  “Kid, Clarke, we may not have known you for super long, but we do care about you.  You disappeared today and didn’t answer any of my phone calls.”  The medical intern at least had the decency to look sheepish for that.  “We were all just terrified that something had happened.”

Clarke just looked at the girl in front of her, unsure of what she was actually supposed to say or do.  It had been almost half a decade since the last time anyone had said that to her.  She wasn’t used to anyone caring about her. 

The two strong women looked at each other for a while before Clarke picked her duffel bag up from the floor and started walking towards her car.  Octavia didn’t know how to react or what to think – whether the other girl was trying to leave or just create some distance. 

The medical intern was stopped by a hand on her elbow and a quiet voice, “Please.  Don’t go.”  She turned to face the girl in front of her and she could see the anguish written across the blue-eyed brunette’s features.  “I know we barely know each other, technically, and we only met a few months ago, but please.  I – we can’t let anything happen to you.”

Octavia saw that the other girl was going to say something in defense and continued before she could, “I know, trust me, no one doubts that you can hold your own out here.  But Clarke, you don’t need to be here anymore.  You have people that care about you and we really just don’t want to see you struggling.”

Clarke studied the girl in front of her, looking for any sort of deception on her face.  As much as she wanted to deny it, Octavia seemed to be sincere.  It had been so long since anyone had wanted to include her in anything and she didn’t know how to handle it. 

Octavia waited and watched patiently as emotions flew across the other girl’s face.  She was usually a closed book, an industrial bolt and a brick wall behind her eyes keeping everyone out, but it seemed that the day’s occurrences had put Clarke off her usual groove.  Octavia felt like she was invading the younger blonde’s privacy, more than aware that Clarke wouldn’t want her to know half the things her face was telling her, but she couldn’t help it.  It was the first (and possibly last) time she would be getting such a raw and honest response to anything. 

“Look.  We’re in no position to offer you a place to stay or a roof to keep over your head.  All we’re asking right now is for you to come back and we can all talk.”  Seeing the young intern perk up at that a little she said, “It doesn’t even have to be for a long time.  Raven just wants to see you and make sure you’re really okay.”

Clarke thought about it and knew that it was a bad idea.  This was the perfect recipe for a disaster and everything had the potential of falling apart if she agreed to doing this.  But she couldn’t stop herself.  She had grown attached to the two brunettes; she wanted to go see Raven one last time.  At the same time, she was terrified of seeing Lexa again.  She knew that she wanted to go see the green-eyed girl again and she wanted them to talk, but it would never be able to happen.

“I have work in two hours so I have to leave soon, but I get off at 4 tomorrow morning.  I can come by around 7, if that works for you, ma’am.”

Nodding her okay, Octavia could only watch as the medical intern walked towards the car and put her bag in the back before getting in the driver’s seat. 

Raven and Lexa looked up expectantly when their front door opened.  They had been sitting in relatively comfortable silence, occasionally sharing random stories, but mostly stuck in their thoughts.  Neither of them really wanted to admit that they were eager to see the young blonde that had made such a dramatic entrance (or re-entrance, in some cases) into their lives walk through that door, and they both deflated slightly when Octavia walked back through the door alone. 

“She has to go to work tonight, but I invited her to come tomorrow morning around 7.”  Blue eyes looked at Lexa cautiously, unsure of where her best friend’s mind was at. 

The green-eyed brunette nodded absently and looked back at the floor.  None of them knew what they were supposed to say or how they were supposed to prepare for what the next day would bring.  They lounged there for a little while longer before going back to doing their work.  Octavia and Raven decided to eat whatever frozen food they still had sitting around, but Lexa wasn't able to work up an appetite at all.  

Lexa sat up against her headboard all night, unable to sleep with the stress of seeing Clarke again the next day.  The last two meetings between the ex-girlfriends had been on neither of their terms and this was the first time they knew they were going to see each other in four years.  She stayed up the whole night, writing out every thought that swirled through her head.  It was a thing they used to do when they were together, seeing as neither of them was too good at communication.  With this they could organize their thoughts in a way that they could understand them themselves and the other person would be able to understand as well.

The emotional reflection eventually wore her out, and Lexa eventually slumped over in her bed, cuddling the notebook and all of her memories.