“I’m glad we never fight.”
That’s what Kyle always said. He’d be laying on the couch and running his fingers through Harry’s hair, her curls becoming loose and frizzy in his fingers. Harry would hum in response, neither an agreement or a disagreement, and try to ignore how uncomfortable she felt when Kyle said that.
She understood why Kyle said that, really she did. Kyle told her all the time about how much he and his last girlfriend fought, and how she broke it off with him when he was at his most vulnerable, and he had felt after that like there was never going to be someone who would accept him after that failed relationship. Harry loved that she could make Kyle feel secure in something, and it was true, they didn’t fight. It’s just, she felt weird agreeing to the statement.
“Other couples fight all the time. I’m so glad we get along better than that. It makes our relationship so much stronger.
Harry hummed in response and changed the conversation to the movie they were watching.
-
“It’s horrible that you never fight,” Louis told Harry.
Harry shrugged, staring down at her sundried tomato soup. “I mean, he just doesn’t like fighting. We’re both passive. It’s whatever.”
Louis shook her head, swallowing down her grilled cheese in large, soup-soaked bites. “It’s ridiculous,” she argued. “He’s a passive fuck but you’re definitely not. You fight me every time I leave dirty plates in the sink.”
“I don’t fight you-“
“Yeah, you do. You also yell at me when I leave all my empty beer bottles on the coffee table and you tell me how much it upsets you when I skip out on our hang time for dumb reasons.”
Harry huffed, knowing exactly what Louis was talking about. “Well yeah, if you put it that way, sure. But that’s different, you’re my roommate-“
“A boyfriend is just a roommate you haven’t moved in with yet.”
Harry frowned. Kyle had actually brought up the subject of moving in together more times than she could count, but she kept deflecting him, for some reason she really didn’t think she was at that stage in their relationship.
Kyle was at that stage. Kyle had been at that stage from day one, really.
He was a few years older than Harry, and had said from the start that he wanted a serious relationship. Harry had wholeheartedly agreed, the idea of marriage and children sounding like the most wonderful dream that could be that much closer to reality. It still sounded wonderful, of course it did, it just didn’t seem like the right time yet, is all.
Louis had never quite liked Kyle. Then again, Kyle had never quite liked Louis ever. The first day they met, Louis had managed to offend Kyle by inferring that Harry would rather continue to live with her than move in with him, and Kyle had more than pissed off Louis by suggesting that she couldn’t get a girlfriend because she was too feisty.
In Kyle’s defence, Louis was definitely quite feisty. It’s one of the things Harry loved about her. In Louis’s defence, well, she was right. Harry would rather live with her than Kyle. Harry just figured this meant she needed to learn to love Kyle more first. It’d happen eventually.
So, until she and Kyle finally moved in together, she and Louis shared a tiny flat and made dinner together three nights a week, because it was easier to make meals for two than for one. It had become one of Harry’s favourite parts of the week. No matter how stressful her day had been, Louis was there waiting to be taught how to make basic dishes together when she got home.
“All I’m saying is, I think you’re afraid to get in a fight with him.”
And now the argument that came up about once every week or so during dinner resurfaced. Louis was always the one to bring it up, ever worried about Harry’s relationship. Needlessly worried, Harry kept assuring her.
“I get in fights all the time,” Harry argued. “I’m in arguments with you constantly, you just said so!”
Louis rolled her eyes. “Yeah but I’m different, I’m not afraid of an argument like your boyfriend apparently is. I don’t care what he says, it’s not healthy to not get in disagreements. And you can’t tell me you don’t disagree with him about anything!”
Harry sipped at her cooling soup. “I disagree with him about things, I just know how to control my temper.”
“Yeah, until you get home that is. Then you’re spilling it all to me about how insecure he is, how you wish he hung out with his friends more, how he-“
“Yeah, okay, fine.” Harry cut her off, putting down her spoon and standing up. “You’ve made your point. I won’t talk to you about my relationship any more, you clearly don’t want to hear about my life. I can take a hint.”
And she didn’t storm out of the room, because that would be terribly immature of her. She did walk calmly out of the room and shut the door less than gently, though.
-
Later that night, Louis walked into their bedroom where Harry was lying on her bed pouting and listening to her Moody playlist. Louis apologised for being insensitive about Harry’s relationship. Harry apologised for losing her temper when Louis was only trying to help.
So Harry shared one of her earbuds and they listened to her Less Moody playlist until both of them drifted off.
---
The thing is, Harry had known she was bi since some time during primary when she asked Laura Price if she could braid her hair on the playground. Her mother had been perfectly accepting of her sexuality, as had her sister Gemma. It actually took her casually coming out to the whole school to realise that not everybody thought it was a legitimate sexuality. It’s not like she was bullied for it or anything, just found herself on the receiving end of a few comments that were less-than-pleasant. It didn’t change anything about the way she thought about herself.
She met Louis in sixth form, and the first time they really interacted was when Harry told her off for sticking gum under the desk. Louis had been quite affronted but also intrigued and ended up following Harry around the school for about half a week, pestering her with questions until Harry had spilled her whole life story. Louis stuck to her like glue, impressed by Harry’s guts to call out a complete stranger about something so terribly dumb and inconsequential. It took a while but Harry warmed up to her too. Now, almost four years later, they were sharing a flat a ten-minute walking distance from university. It was tiny and Louis often left the whole place a mess, but Harry didn’t regret anything.
The other thing is, maybe Kyle didn’t quite know what being bi meant.
“It’s just so weird, you know?” he posed to Harry one night, beer bottle in hand as they finished off the Avengers movie they had been watching. “Like, Louis looking for a girlfriend I mean. She needs to find a really girly girl, because she’s such a tomboy.”
And well, he had clearly chosen the word tomboy over the word butch in order to not be offensive, Harry knew him well enough to know that. But at the same time… That wasn’t a statement she couldn’t let just stand there.
“You know she doesn’t actually need a partner that’s super girly though, right?” she asked. “Like, she doesn’t need to be ‘the man’ of the relationship or whatever, that’s not how that works.”
Kyle grinned into his drink. “Yeah, I guess,” he said. “But why else would she be so laddy all the time? Like, playing football and smoking fags and all that. Clearly she doesn’t want someone like her.”
Harry stared at Kyle, astounded by what he’d just said. After a moment, Kyle seemed to realise how bad he’d just made himself sound.
“I mean, she can be with whomever she wants to be with, right? It’s just, like, with how she is. You know.”
Harry shook her head. “I don’t know, actually,” she said. Her voice was firmer than it had ever been with Kyle, and the stricken look already appearing on his face made her want to back down, but he couldn’t just say stuff like that about her best friend! He knew what Louis meant to her. So she tried to ease into a nicer tone. “If I were dating a girl, I wouldn’t just want a super ‘tomboy’ because I’m girly, after all.”
“Yeah,” Kyle said, clearly terrible at masking the hurt in his voice. “But you’re not dating a girl. You’re dating me. So like, right now you’re straight, and it makes sense that you’re so girly.”
Harry’s mouth snapped shut. She felt like she might cry. She also felt like she was going to vomit. Neither happened.
“I don’t think I can do this anymore,” she said.
-
It wasn’t really about the incredibly insensitive comments about her and Louis’s sexuality.
It was the fact that Kyle texted her at least once an hour wanting reassurance that she was still thinking of him, and that she wasn’t mad at him.
It was the fact that she had asked him not to say ‘I love you’ unless they were ever to get engaged, because she didn’t feel comfortable with that phrase, didn’t even fully understand what it meant.
(but maybe she always knew that it didn’t apply to the two of them).
It was the fact that if she had to work on Saturday and couldn’t go on a date with him that week, the amount of texts he sent her increased twofold, most of which were just complaints that they couldn’t hang out.
It was a lot of things together, and that night when Louis got home, Harry spilled all of them to her, having already eaten an entire frozen pizza and gotten halfway through a pint of rocky road ice cream.
(It was also because she had known for months, by the way he spoke, that Kyle was incredibly jealous of Louis, convinced that Harry was going to dump him for her at any second. And maybe she just couldn’t deal with that anymore).
---
The next morning when Harry got up, Louis brought her breakfast in bed. To clarify, Louis bought Harry breakfast in bed, straight from the five star kitchens of Pret’s pastry shelf, because Louis was incredibly terrible at anything food related (mostly because she was terribly lazy).
They watched Avengers on Harry’s laptop and Harry got to talk about just how hot Sebastian Stan was without Kyle there to assume she was going to dump him for Seb. When Harry went to work, Louis gave her a hug and told her that when she got home they were going to watch a Sebastian Stan marathon, in order to celebrate what Harry was finally brave enough to do.
It was great.
-
Living life without Kyle was actually much easier than living life with Kyle. Harry felt really guilty about that, at least in the beginning. She told Louis that she thought she should be mourning or wallowing or something, what with now being single.
Louis told her she was being ridiculous.
“You did your mourning while you were dating him,” she told Harry. “You were miserable by the end of that relationship, anyone could see that. You’ve had time to get past it all, you just didn’t even know it yet.
Harry had to concede that Louis had a point. “You didn’t have to be so mean to him while we were dating though,” she argued.
Louis shrugged. “He never really liked me anyway, I assumed however I acted wasn’t going to change that.”
It was sort of true, Harry had to concede. She thought about how Kyle was always so convinced that Harry was going to dump him for Louis. She glanced at Louis, with her messy chestnut hair greasy with sweat from her football match earlier, held back with her favourite Adidas hair bobble, lying in the grass with her muddy, grass-stained cleats slung over Harry’s stomach.
Harry would never have dumped Kyle for Louis.
Besides, Louis had stated several times that she wasn’t looking for a relationship.
That being said, if things were different…
---
“I hate your stupid laundry,” Harry hissed out, throwing muddy socks into the clothes washer.
“Don’t fucking do it then?” Louis said from where she lounged on the couch. She was on her fifth hour of a House Hunters marathon, which Harry knew very well because about four and a half hours ago she has started wanting to watch anything but House Hunters.
“I found these socks under my bed this morning, Louis! This is why my room smelled so bad! It was your fault! Just put your clothes in the hamper I bought you!”
“I don’t even know why you bought me that hamper,” Louis drawled, not sounding anywhere near as upset as Harry. “I don’t think I’ve ever used it.”
She stuck another piece of pizza in her mouth, and then wiped her fingers on a couch cushion.
On. A. Couch. Cushion.
Harry let out an absolute howl of rage, slammed the washer shut and stormed to her room.
-
It was quicker this time than normal, probably because even Louis knew the couch cushion was a step too far.
Hopefully.
She stepped through Harry’s doorway gingerly, nudging the door closed behind her.
“Harry, baby?”
Harry let out an ‘mmf’ from where she was lying face-down on the bed. Really, she’d been half asleep already. She was good at falling asleep.
“I’m sorry I’m such a slob of a roommate.”
And well, Louis did sound quite sorry. Also Harry never stayed angry at Louis for long, it wasn’t physically possible. She rolled over and opened her arms for Louis to crawl into, as she knew Louis would.
“I’m not gonna apologise for trying to live in a house that’s not disgusting,” Harry says. “But I’ll apologise for the yelling.”
“Acceptable,” Louis says.
---
Fall brought cooler weather, turned leaves, and meant more lazy mornings between Harry and Louis because Harry only had afternoon classes four out of five days and Louis’s job at the sandwich shop on campus was only evening hours. Both of them knew that there’s nothing Harry loves more than a lazy cuddle.
Louis yawned and then has to spit out a mouthful of Harry’s curls. “Bonfire night,” she mumbled, having remembered something that she was supposed to ask weeks ago. “Where you going?”
Harry blinked open her eyes even as she snuggled deeper under the covers. Of the two of them, Louis was the furnace and Harry was lucky if her fingers weren’t ice cold.
“Bonfire night?” she drawled as if it was a foreign concept. “Mum and sis are going to the bonfire down at the church, said I’d go with them. Thought you’d go too?”
Louis nodded into her arm. “Course. But also, Mum invited us to lunch beforehand. Whole family’s going, some fancy brunch thing she’s trying to hose.”
Louis’s mum was trying to break out into the catering business, and as such was always coming up with new and fun recipes and places to recommend to customers. It meant a lot of fancy lunches for their family in unusual places. They’d learned the hard way not to have anything sweet in a butterfly conservatory, but also that there were some amazing stargazing spots in the Eastern Moores.
“Can I wear that nice new sundress?” Harry asked.
“Of course, but you should probably wear a good pair of wellies to go with them. I think it’ll be a little muddy.”
-
The mud squelched below their boots sure enough, but the sun shining above them was enough to make everything worth it to Harry. Bright sun meant great photography opportunities and Louis’s little sisters were running up ahead – her favourite people to take pictures of.
“Harry you’re going to run out of film on that camera before we even get to the spot,” Louis teased.
“I brought extra,” Harry said absentmindedly as she took another shot of Doris, hands muddy and clutching at the wildflowers they’d picked at the entrance to the farm. “I’m making your mum a collage for Christmas, thought this would be a good time to get to work on it.”
“It’s the beginning of November and you’re already thinking about Christmas?” Louis looked at Harry with interest and a Cheshire smile. “So you’ve thought of my birthday then, haven’t you? What are you getting me? Do you need ideas?”
“Shush,” Harry said. “I never told you in the past and I won’t now. Don’t be ridiculous.”
Louis stuck her lower lip out. “Killjoy,” she complained.
They made it to the farmhouse, surrounded by patiently grazing cows, and Louis’s mum led them inside to a well-set dining table that would make any Pinterest board proud. The food that came out of the picnic baskets they were all carrying was lavish as well. Harry and Louis took seats next to each other, because Louis knew Harry would change her mind only about a dozen times through the meal about what she wanted to eat and would end up taking half of whatever was on Louis’s plate.
She didn’t mind. Harry had been doing this for as long as Louis had known her. It was actually one of the things she found most endearing about her.
“So Harry,” Jay started as she passed around dessert. “Louis told me what happened with Kyle. Can I just say that he definitely never deserved someone as wonderful as you are.
Louis looked at Harry in time to see her blush right up to her ears. “I mean,” Harry stuttered out, “I guess it just wasn’t the right time for a boyfriend.”
“Oh I think time had nothing to do with it,” Jay said with a knowing smile. “I bet the person for you is somewhere close by, you’re too much of a catch to be left out there for long.”
Louis wasn’t sure what she was getting at, but Harry seemed to have become downright tomato red. Her own mother seemed to know something about Harry she didn’t, and that didn’t make Louis feel particularly good. She loved her mum and she loved Harry, but being left out of something as important as Harry’s love life? Not acceptable.
Therefore, as any mature person would, Louis spent the rest of lunch sulking.
-
“Hey.”
Sitting in Harry’s little mini cooper, Louis noticed Harry was very much not turning the key.
“What?” Louis snapped, not looking in Harry’s direction.
“What’s your problem?” Harry sounded upset. Well, she should be. She was leaving Louis out of the conversation, that was mean of her.
“I don’t have a problem.”
“We’re not moving from this spot until you tell me why you’ve been acting like a total dick.”
“Well we’re never moving again, because I was being my completely normal, cheerful self.”
She still hadn’t looked at Harry, but knew by the sigh she heard that Harry had her ‘disappointed face’ on.
“Don’t give me that face.”
“You haven’t even looked at me! I could be making any face!”
Louis looked at Harry. She was wearing her ‘disappointed face’.
“We’re going to be late for your mum’s.” Louis pointed out.
“Of course we are, because you’re being all ridiculous about this, just tell me what’s the matter!”
Louis centred a glare on Harry. “Do you have a crush on anyone?”
Harry looked taken aback. “W-what? No?”
“Have you been asked out on a date? Is someone pursuing you? Given you anonymous flower bouquets in class?”
“No? No? Of course not…? Why would you think that?” Harry stared at Louis in what was clearly genuine confusion.
Now Louis was starting to feel the need to crawl into a hole and die. “I’m just gonna… leave you here and catch a train. Or something.” She went for the door and found that pulling the handle did absolutely nothing. “What the fuck- did you child lock me in?”
“Did you really expect me not to?” Harry asked. “You’ve tried to run from too many arguments. Is that what you were so worried about? That I was, what, going on dates?”
“No,” Louis mumbled, looking down at her muddy trainers. Then, even quieter, “I thought you were talking to my mum about, you know, someone you liked or something. Without talking to me first.”
“Aww,” Harry cooed. “Of course I would always talk to you first, Lou! You’re gonna be the first to know any time I set my sights on someone.”
“Right,” Louis said, smiling. “Of course, as it should be. Now start your car so we can actually get to the church before Guy is burned to the ground.”
-
The church yard was already crowded when they arrived, the sky darkening and letting through the first stars – for once it wasn’t overcast, a good sky for a bonfire night.
“There they are,” Harry pointed across the expanse of families to the little blanket laid out with Gemma and Anne.
“I hope they brought snacks,” Louis remarked as they moved through the grass.
“We just had a five course meal”
“Yeah but you ate most of what was on my plate, I’m hungry again.” Louis grinned at Harry, and Harry slung an arm around her shoulder in response.
They were greeted jovially by Gemma and Anne (who brought watermelon, much to Louis’s delight).
“So, little sis,” Gemma starts in almost immediately. “Finally got rid of that loser Kyle, did ya?”
Harry looked vaguely uncomfortable. “Fuck off, Gems,” she said.
“Language!” interjected Anne.
“You went through a boyfriend a week in uni,” Harry accused.
“Yeah, which is exactly what you should have been doing,” Gemma argued right back. “Two years is too long for someone as young as you. You need to live a little.”
“Hey!” Louis jumped in, her mouth stuffed with watermelon. “Harry does things at her own pace, let her spirit be free to settle down with whomever she wants!” She knows Harry and Gemma have always had sibling disputes, but it’s been a long day and she just wants her Harry to be happy and warmed by the fire in peace. “Just because she doesn’t feel the need to follow home every guy with a heartbeat and a goatee like you do-“
Louis’s rant was cut off by Harry’s hand going over her mouth. Gemma didn’t honestly look particularly upset but at the same time, if Harry wanted Louis to shut up for a bit, she should probably do her that favour and give her gab a rest. For a little bit at least.
Louis leaned over and repositioned herself so that she was comfortably resting against Harry. She licked at Harry’s palm until Harry was grossed out enough that she let go (which was good considering Louis’s next step was going to be just drooling watermelon bits all over her).
She felt her eyes droop as she listened to the updates about Gemma and Anne’s lives, content to let the night pass her by as she cuddled up to her Harry.
The next time she woke, she wasn’t even on the damp grass any more. Actually, it felt rather more like she was drifting on a ship. She didn’t realise that she had said as much out loud until Harry answered.
“If you call me a boat one more time I’m dropping you here and going into our flat without you.”
Louis managed to wake up enough to figure out that Harry was, in fact, carrying her through the front door of their flat (which was impressive, considering how clumsy Harry could be). She burrowed her face farther into what she now recognised as Harry’s shoulder.
“Hey now, don’t go back to sleep on me, I’m gonna need to dump you soon.”
Louis made some sort of noise that she hoped Harry would interpret as her complaining about being put down. A moment later though, she felt herself being placed none-too-gracefully onto a bed.
“Now scoot, I have to fit here too.”
Oh, so this was Harry’s bed. Come to think of it, that was probably better. Louis hadn’t actually slept in her own bed in weeks, not since Harry broke up with Kyle.
She rolled toward the wall to make room for Harry, who stripped down to her undershirt and shorts and got in behind her. “Lou,” Harry said, voice muffled from apparently landing face-down on the mattress.
“Yeah, Haz?”
“When you were asleep in my car you started sleep talking again.”
Louis groaned, rolling over to face Harry. “Was I talking about the pirate again?”
“No, actually you kept talking about me.”
Well, that wasn’t exactly a first.
“You kept talking about ‘my Harry’ did this and that.”
“Well you are my Harry.”
“Well yeah, but like… can I be? Can I be your Harry?”
“What?” Louis propped herself up on one elbow. “You mean, like, girlfriends? That kind of my Harry?”
She couldn’t see Harry in the darkness, but she could pretty well assume Harry was blushing.
“I mean, yeah? If that’s what you want. If that’s what today’s fight was about, I mean.”
Louis laughed lightly. She collapsed forward, forcing a groan from Harry as she landed on top of her. “Of course, my Harry. As long as you don’t start refusing to fight with me because we’re dating.”
“No,” said Harry, “It’s good that we fight, I know that. It’s who we are.”
Louis smiled in the darkness. They fought and argued pretty often, but they’d never let a fight go unresolved. They’d do well.
“Well, go to sleep then, girlfriend. We need to go on a date tomorrow.”