There's Just No Way
Also, Jessica at her door? Door? Jessica? Trish is so lost in thoughts after seeing Jessica there that she doesn't notice the stunned look on the raven-haired woman.
Because Trish looks positively hot.
Trish looks hot and it's for someone other than Jessica.
The realization catches up with Jessica and makes her want to hit someone, something, anything. But mostly herself. How can she fall in love with Trish? Well, she knows how but why is it so hard to fall out of love with her?
That she also knows.
Because Trish is perfectly imperfect in every single way. Jessica loves all of her. Everything, down to her fierce need for independence while all that Jessica wants is to wrap Trish up in blankets to shield her from the cold hard world. Of course, she would never say it like that out loud or anything.
"Wow, you look beautiful Trish. I mean not that you normally don't, or anything. It's just that.. Wow. I mean, do you need to attend something work-related?
Jessica really hopes it's work-related.
"No," is the one-word sentence Jessica gets. Trish almost seems cold and it hurts Jessica more than she cares to admit.
"Alright, well. Yeah. So, ehmm.."
It's hard for Trish to see her friend squirm like this, but this is nothing compared to what she felt. Still feels. So, she says nothing.
The silence stretches out as Trish continues to stare blankly at Jessica.
".. Yeah. I won't keep you." Jessica begins to turn on her heels when Trish speaks up again.
"Why are you here?" Her voice is still void of all emotion and if it were anyone else, Jessica would've gotten all defensive - but with Trish, she can't. She doesn't want to either. She just wants to make it right.
"To apologize," Jessica says with such sincerity that it catches Trish off guard.
"For what?" Trish is slightly confused because technically, in all honesty, Jessica has nothing to apologize for.
".. I.. I.. For whatever it is that made you slip that Pats- 'Trish the radio host' mask on around me." She had almost said something else. It would've been a low blow because as far as they both can remember, when Trish finally let her guard down, she never put it back up around Jessica.
"It's nothing. I'm sorry," Trish says. From no emotion to an overload of emotions poured into just a few words.
"I.. What? No." Jessica is confused. "Why are you sorry? I mean, I obviously did something. How can you say it's nothing?" She starts to fiddle with her gloves to keep herself occupied. There's rage building inside of her and she doesn't know why.
"Look, can I come in for a sec? I won't be long and you won't be late to whatever it is you're going. You're probably still going to arrive early."
And it was true. Trish was always over-punctual if she needed to be somewhere if it was personal, and not work related.
"OK," Trish barely breathes out and steps aside so that Jessica can come in. She keeps standing by the door though and both are standing in Trish' hallway.
"Talk to me, Trish."
"What do you want me to say, Jessica?"
This is just another thing to add to the list of things Trish is awkward about. She rarely uses Jessica's full name like that. It's always 'Jess' unless she's mad or trying to make a point.
"That. Why do you call me that?"
"Isn't that your name?" Trish quips back with an edge in her voice that hits Jessica hard.
Jessica has had enough of this non-conversation they're having. She flings her hand up in the air as a sign of defeat and goes for the doorknob.
That's when Trish stops her with a gentle hand on her arm. "Wait."
Jessica stands still. Not moving an inch but not saying anything either. She will wait if that is what Trish wants, but she better start talking soon.
"I'm jealous, OK," Trish whispers. Her head is cast downward and her stance is slumped. She removes her hand from Jessica's arm as a silent acceptance that if Jessica wants to leave, she can.
"Jealous? Of what?" She tries to get a read on Trish, but she can't see her face.
"You and.. Luke?" Trish gulps hard. This wasn't easy for her to say.
"Me and who?" Jessica starts saying when in the middle of her sentence she remembers who Luke is.
"Why are you jealous of him?" Jessica can't understand how Trish can be jealous of some bartender she saw twice in her life. Did Trish know something she doesn't?
"Do you really need me to spell it out, Jess?"
Well, yeah. I have no idea what's going on here.
"Yeah, because I don't understand, Trish."
Trish walks over to the living room and sits down on her couch. Her hand elbows are on her knees and her hands are in her hair, shielding her face from Jessica as she looks down at her own feet.
When Jessica follows her into the living room, she sees a defeated woman. She walks over and sits on the coffee table opposite of Trish.
She doesn't really know what to do to console Trish, but puts her hands on Trish' biceps and squeezes a little in what she hopes is a comforting gesture.
"Talk to me, Trish. Please."
It hurts her to see Trish like this. The normally confident woman that always gets what she wants because of the kind woman that she is and not because of her celebrity presence - well, most of the time anyway.
"I like you."
Her voice is so small and barely more than a whisper but Jessica heard it alright.
"Well, I love you, but what is this about?"
And that's when the both of them hold their breath. Trish had said it numerous of times but Jessica never said it back. She always showed it to Trish in other ways. In her own way. By making sure that Trish was OK, by trying to make her proud and trying to be an overall not-so-shitty friend.
"That's just it. Jess, just let it go."
"No, I won't let it go." Jessica moves to kneel in front of Trish, trying to catch her eyes. Trish quickly averts them, but not before Jessica sees that she's silently crying.
Jessica's heart breaks into a million pieces. Did she do this? Did she make Trish cry? Did she hurt her? The one good thing in her life? The only thing that matters?
Jessica removes her right hand from Trish' arm and lifts Trish' chin up to make her look into her eyes. It's exceptionally uncharacteristically gentle and Trish has no choice but to go with the motion.
"You said I was hot. How did you mean that?" Jessica whispers, almost losing her own confidence.
Trish gasps and immediately drops her head again. She's pretty sure her heart is beating out of her chest. How did Jessica know that? She decides to take a leap of faith as it couldn't get any worse, anyway.
"The same way when you said that I'm beautiful," she whispers back.
Jessica didn't hear that correctly. She couldn't have. Does Trish feel the same? It's impossible, right? It's nearly impossible to love Jessica, she thinks. So how can someone as amazing as Trish love her like that?
There's just no way.
"Trish..." It's barely more than her breathing out.
She gets up and Trish thinks she's gonna bolt. It wouldn't be a surprise as Jessica always does it when things get tough. But to Trish' surprise, she gets dragged up as well.
"Say it."
It's a soft demanding tone that only asks to be heard. Her eyes are not leaving Trish' for even a second. Her hand finds its way to Trish' chin to keep her from looking away.
Trish wouldn't even be able to look away. She's too mesmerized by the green but also confused by seeing the unshed tears in them.
"More than friends," Trish says brokenly afraid for the rejection that she knows is about to come.
Unable to control herself, Jessica surges forward too forcefully, until her lips touch the soft, beautiful lips she could only ever admire from a distance.
She drowns in the press of their lips together and only relaxes when she feels Trish pushing back against her lips. She gasps in surprise because having someone say it is one thing, but physically feeling what they're saying is on a whole other level.
Trish takes it as an invite and deepens the kiss. Jessica can taste her bitter tears, something sweet and something she cannot place but is irrefutably Trish. She's already addicted and thinks that this is what Heaven must be like.
Their tongues meet and tell each other stories that their voices cannot.
Their hands find their place on each other's body and finally know the meaning of home.
Their hearts beat in sync and their minds are void of all thought.
And when they both reluctantly end the kiss and look into each other's eyes, they know.
Never say there's no way because love will always find one. You just have to take a leap of faith.