4 months. 4 months since you walked out of my door and my life for good. It hasn't been easy, you made me believe in happy endings and now you're gone, without a trace.
The bed is colder now that it's just me in the sheets. I climb out of the queen sized bed and walk over to the closet to grab another blanket. I spot a thick, warm blanket at the very top of the closet that is just out of my reach. As I jump to try and get a hold of the corner, my hand hits an old shoe box and it comes crashing down.
"Shit" I mumble to myself as I reach down and begin to pick up the envelops that have scattered across my bedroom floor.
As I'm collecting them, I notice your handwriting. In your big, swooped letters, I see my name on the front.
Harper
Next to my name is your stupid doodles you would do on everything. I see that it is dated the day we first met. June 23, 2013. I rip open the envelop and begin to read.
Dear Harper (the girl at the coffee shop),
I noticed you sitting by yourself, looking quite lonely and I decided such a pretty girl shouldn't have be alone. I asked if you had a boyfriend and you laughed. Your smile is so incredible, I would do whatever I can to see it again. I asked you out and you said yes. You said yes. We're going to the movies tomorrow night. I can't wait.
(Love?), Zoe Monroe
I can't help but smile at the memory. Those were good days. The next letter is dated a few weeks later.
Dear Harper,
I haven't "wrote" to you in a while. I've been busy spending all my time with you. I love being in your presence. Today, we drove down the beach and we watched the fireworks in the back of my truck. How cliché. Somewhere in there we officially became a couple. It was a good day.
Your lover, Zoe Monroe
I take the box of letters up to my bed and sit down, forgetting the idea of a blanket. There are at least 20 more letters in the box. Some are "open when" letters and some are Zoe telling stories of stupid things we did together. I would do anything to have those memories back. But those memories don't belong to me anymore, they belong to someone I used to be, someone I was with you.
**
I spend at least an hour sorting through the letters. Smiling at everyone of them until I see the final letter, dated the day you moved out. January 29th, 2016. This time, there are no cute doodles. I wonder if I should open it, if I did, it would break my heart again, if I didn't, I would spend the rest of my life thinking about it. I whisper "fuck it" and carefully open the envelope, as if I was defusing a bomb. With shaking hands I read:
Dear Harper,
I never thought this day would come. I thought that maybe we could work it out. Maybe we would find a way through this rough patch. If you're reading this, it means you found my dumb letters. I thought about burning them. That wouldn't be fair to you though, you deserve to read my side of the relationship. Harper, you are my world, my whole universe, and you were the best 2 1/2 years of my life. I just can't do this anymore. The constant bickering isn't healthy. I'm so sorry. I really hope you're reading this many years in the future as you're packing to move into your next lover's house. If by any chance you found these by accident and want to see me (I understand why you wouldn't) you can find me at the following address: 2506 Ark street, apartment 76. I'll always remember you as the pretty blonde girl in the coffee shop with the smile that could end wars and cure cancer.
I stop to wipe my tears and gather myself enough to read the next lines.
I will never forget you Harper McIntyre, I love you, but you aren't mine to love anymore...
Love Always, Zoe Monroe
I press the letter to my lips, and then to my chest as I hug it to let out a sob. I curl into a ball on my bed and begin to read the letter once again. When my eyes reach the address for a second time, I don't even think twice about putting on my shoes and grabbing my keys. I start my car and as I'm about to pull out, I stop to think. What are the odds of you still living there? What if you found someone else? Are you even home? I decide it doesn't matter and begin driving towards the address listed.
The building is about 35 minutes away so I arrive pretty late. I walk in the doors and head towards the elevator. I assume Zoe is on floor 7 and press the button. I guessed right and apartment 76 is one of the first few in the hall. I take a deep breath to soothe my nerves, it doesn't work so I shake my arms to release tension. I knock on the door 3 quick times. I hear shuffling and Zoe's best friend, Roma answers.
"Harper...what are you doing here?" She whisper yells, as if to tell me I shouldn't of come.
"I came to see Zoe" I confess, feeling less confident than before, if that was possible. Roma doesn't move.
"Please...I need this Roma". She lets out a sigh and opens the door, calling for Zoe. A few seconds later, I hear her voice and my heart begins to race.
"Roma, who the he-...Harper?....What are you-um-what are you doing here?" Zoe asks, looking around to avoid eye contact.
"I found this, as well as some others in the closet...Why did you make it seem like you wanted this?...you clearly didn't in this letter..." I say, choking back tears.
"I thought that...I thought that maybe, if I pretended that I didn't care about us, it would be true, and I would be okay...but, I'm really not" Zoe explained, pushing her hands into her pockets like she always did when she was nervous.
"These past four months have been hell for me, I hate sleeping alone in a bed, you took my favorite shirt to sleep in, and you took my favorite version of me away"
"What are you trying to say?" Zoe questioned letting out a sigh.
"I miss you, a lot and I don't want to live without you" I stated, looking to floor to avoid seeing a reaction.
"I missed you too...I don't know if I can jump right back into a relationship again...I'm willing to start as friends and work our way up though"
"So am I" I reply smiling.
And for the second time in my life, Zoe Monroe made me realize happy endings exist.