Time Will Help Us Mend
“Mulder, you’re looking pale. It’s the middle of summer and you’re looking pale, man.”
The three were staring at Mulder like a newest test subject. He felt pinned under a microscope.
“Guys, I’m not looking pale. You just don’t have any freaking lights in this place. It’s like a dungeon.”
Frohike snorted. “Sex dungeon.”
That prompted a smile. “Judging by the smell, the last time you had a girl in here--” Mulder faux sniffed. “Never.”
The other two laughed, and Frohike feigned insult. “Says you, of course. Mister Ladies Man.”
The others laughed. “Come on and get showered and dressed, handsome. You stink like armpit.”
Mulder was in a particularly bad state, undeniable. He’d watched a lot of VHS recordings that the Gunmen had collected and bad television that was on, drank a lot of soda. He wasn’t too pretty but there wasn’t much energy left in him to shower and/or move.
But the Gunmen weren’t appearing to take no for an answer. Langly nodded towards the bathroom. “Well? That mop on your head isn’t going to clean itself.”
“Jesus. You sound like my mother.”
Mulder turned up the shower the hottest it could go and felt it’s burn, wanting it to put out the feeling inside him, the pain and the frustration hotter than the sun. The pain of the water almost scalding his skin helped numb the destructive thoughts in his head.
Samantha could be in pain, she could be dead, she could be anywhere doing anything.
Mulder pushed the thoughts out of his mind. I’ve got to do something about this. I’ve got to bring her home. I’ve got to stop this.
He left the shower with a new motivation, a weak fire. The Gunmen would help. They could help Mulder find her, and they’d bring her home.
I’m not giving this up. I’m going to see her again.
Not surprisingly, they ended up at the diner. The license plates on the cars outside were from every state but home, marking the beginning of the tourism season in Federal.
“We’re hoping to make some money on these guys.” Frohike said, looking around at the cars parked in the lot. “Be able to print more pictures, maybe.”
“Speaking of the paper, I had some ideas for the next issue.” Mulder said, as they sat in their usual booth, all ordering sodas and fries.
“He speaks!” Frohike said sarcastically. With a nasty look from Mulder, he grinned. “Go on.”
“What about instead of an abduction story, we had an abduction recovery story. Someone lost and found. We could get great interviews and photos and everything. It would sell like hotcakes!”
The Gunmen stared back at him. “Mulder -- your idea is fantastic, don’t get me wrong -- but do you really think we have a chance of finding Samantha?”
He felt his stomach twist. “I don’t know if we have a chance. But I think we’re the only people who will look.”
Byers stared at the table. “Mulder, what if we find something we don’t want to find?”
He hadn’t thought about that. What if they found his sister dead in the desert? What if they didn’t find anything at all?
Mulder steadied himself. “Listen. I know I’m doing this. I can’t just sit around and wait for someone else to start caring. If you guys aren’t with me, that’s fine, but I’m going to find her either way, or die trying.”
The three exchanged a look. They were Mulder’s best friends, but sometimes it felt that the three of them spoke in some secret telepathic language between them, exchanging messages and sharing ideas constantly.
Frohike bit his lip. “Mulder, it’s not like I’m not with you. It’s not like we’re not with you. It’s just that no one’s ever been found before. There hasn’t been a true investigation in years.”
“And the chances of finding her are -- let’s say -- highly unlikely.” Langly added. “But that doesn’t mean that we can find her, I just don’t think that we should get our expectations up so high.”
“But if you’re going to go through with this, you need us. We’ve got the gadgets and the resources and you can’t do this alone.” Frohike said, and the other two nodded. Again with the telepathy.
“So you’re in?”
“Of course I’m in.” Langly said.
“I’m in, too. And if we find her, we’re famous, boys.”
Byers looked between his compatriots. “What’ve we got to lose? I’m in.”
Mulder weakly smiled. “Just our lives.”
And the pact was sealed, but there still wasn’t anywhere to begin. No one said anything, but there was an air of unsureness between them.
Across the diner set a girl with messy red hair sitting with someone who appeared to be her boyfriend. They were absorbed in a conversation, staring over milkshakes like they hadn’t seen each other in a hundred and ten years. Ugh, couples.
Mulder remembered her mother, the scientist who his parents had gotten into a few kerfuffles with over the years. She was a hardcore debunker, really passionate about it, apparently. The Mulder parents despised her. I wonder what her mom’s gonna say about this whole abduction thing?
Frohike seemed to have noticed her, too. “Hey Scully, tell your mom we’re finally gonna prove her wrong!”
The girl looked over, grinning. “We’ll see about that, wackjobs.”
---------------------------------------
Scully hadn’t realized until he was sitting there in front of her, his eyes steely but kind, as if everything around him was steadying the room. He wasn’t smiling like he used to, though. My best friend. You were my best friend and I deserted.
“I’m really sorry for going awol on you for so long. It’s not because I didn’t care and it’s not like I didn’t miss you.” She felt her stomach twist with guilt and awareness of how selfish she had been. John’s brother had been abducted --although she didn’t like calling it that-- the year before she deserted in favor of Monica’s constant attention.
The distance had never been official. The phone had just stopped ringing on both ends after a while, and then they stopped waiting by the locker. It was just hello’s in the hallway sometimes and nods other times, and slowly, it disintegrated.
“It was really selfish of me to leave you when you needed me. So incredibly selfish and I’m sorry. I’m an asshole and I don’t expect things to be the same ever again or for you to forgive me but I do want you to know I’m sorry.”
“Well I don’t think you aren’t an asshole.”
He paused for a moment. Seriously? That’s it?
“But I did need you. And that was pretty selfish of you.” He looked away for a second, staring at the decorations spinning from the fans.
He’s mad. He’s mad and he won’t be able to forgive me--
I’ve got no one --
“But I don’t think that I can’t forgive you, and maybe things can’t be the same, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be different and maybe even better.” He took a breath. “But you really fucking hurt me, Dana.”
Scully felt her eyes well up with tears. “I know. I’m sorry.” The guilt washed over her, drowning her and swallowing her like some gigantic Monster of Bad Feelings.
“I know you are. And I forgive you.” A hand rested on top of hers. “You’re still my best friend, Dana, and I don’t think that’s something we can lose, even if we tried.”
The walls she’d built around her heart for the big let down of John telling her he didn’t want her in his life any more collapsed and the flood rushed in. SHe slipped off her stool and wrapped her arms around John, not wanting to let him go.
“Hey. It’s okay.” He paused. “Are you okay?”
Scully decided she’d put off the big news. “I just realized how much I missed you.”
“Me too.”
The conversation launched into one about all the time that they had spent apart. He told her about work and applying to colleges and she told him about Monica and school and her mom and eventually, breaking up with Monica.
“I’m really sorry, Dana.”
She pushed it off, realizing how easy it was to dismiss the pain about Monica when John was around. How he made her feel more stable, more strong.
A yell came from across the diner, and she recognized the Lone Gunmen and the Mulder boy whose parents her mom hated so much.
John and her joked about the believers in the town. John’s parents were mostly indifferent and so was he. He was planning to go into the army after high school.
She thought about the fact that the Gunmen had called her Scully. Maybe better than Katherine, absolutely better than Dana.
“Hey John?”
“Yeah?”
“Can you call me Scully? Instead of Dana?”
He grinned. “Scully. I like that.”
And then she realized: Scully could be a whole new person. She could begin a whole new life and leave Monica in the dust. This could be a new beginning.