Chapter 28
**Clarkes POV**
The phone wouldn’t stop ringing and it was driving her crazy. She rolled over burying her face into Lexas back, wrapping an arm around her praying she could go back to sleep.
“Clarke your phone.”
“No, too early.”
Lexa sighed and turned over reaching across her to grab the phone that was way too bright.
Lexa looked at it for a moment before shooting up to a sitting position and turning to look at her with wide eyes.
“It’s your mom.”
As soon as the words were out of Lexas mouth the phone stopped ringing. She slowly moved into a sitting position just staring at the phone in Lexas hand until the screen turned back off.
Lexa reached over and turned a lamp on by the bed, her eyes will still glued to the phone, her heart was pounding, she could feel it in her head. This was it, her dad was going to die.
Lexa was watching her closely she could feel it on her body as if she were touching her. When Lexa reached out to her she couldn’t help but flinch away. Her eyes drifted to Lexas face to see the pain it caused in her eyes. This was too much she felt herself closing down, like her mind and body were shutting down to protect her from this to protect it from the pain that was about to come.
“You have to call back.”
She knew she was staring probably looked impassive, no emotion, as if she were the one who was dying but she felt the numbness taking over. She wanted to fight it, she had to do this. Had to live it, to feel it. She was staring at the phone again.
“Clarke.”
Lexas voice sounded far off, she wished she could focus on it, it sounded like home, like maybe if she followed it everything would be okay.
“Please Clarke.”
Her eyes focused on her face and she realized Lexa had dropped the phone and was holding onto her face to try and make her look at her.
“Don’t disappear. Please don’t leave me.”
Lexas voice cracked and it looked as if she were going to cry, her eyes were red. Had she already cried? She looked over to the window and saw the sun was higher in the sky then it had been only a moment ago.
She blinked quickly for a few moments before placing her own hand on Lexas and nodding her head.
“Okay.”
Lexa nodded her head and pulled her closer so that she was wrapped in her arms. Lexa held onto her as if she would never let go. Neither said anything for a few moments until Lexa took a deep breath and pulled away so they could look at each other without letting go. “Do you want me to call her back?”
“Yes.”
**Lexas POV**
“Clarke.”
She wasn’t moving, was barely blinking. If it weren’t for the random rise and fall of her chest that came sporadically she would have been freaking out even more. Even so it looked as if Clarke wasn’t consciously breathing, like she only took a breath when her body had gone as long as it could without it.
Clarke was staring at the phone. She threw it to the side but still there was no response from her and Clarke stared where she had held it before as if she hadn’t realized it was gone.
“Clarke?”
She felt a panic rising inside of her. She had never seen her like this, it was as if she wasn’t there, as if her body was just a shell and everything that made her Clarke was gone.
She went to touch her and pulled back remembering how she had flinched away only a few minutes ago. She had never been so close to someone physically and felt so alone at the same time.
She didn’t know how to reach her. She was afraid to leave her and go get Luna, if she was disappearing before her very eyes what would happen if she walked away?
She felt tears begin streaming down her face as the feeling if powerlessness overtook her. Was she destined to lose Clarke too?
Lexa reached forward grasping Clarkes face in her hands and still though it looked as if Clarke was looking right through her as if all of the life had been pulled out of her, there was no shine to the eyes she felt were her home.
She couldn’t lose her, not like this, she wouldn’t survive it, not again.
“Please Clarke.”
Clarke blinked and for a moment there was flash of recognition in her eyes and it brought her hope so she held on.
“Don’t disappear. Please don’t leave me.”
She could barely get the words out but she could see in Clarkes eyes that she was listening. Clarke looked her face over for a moment in confusion before glancing away.
She blinked a few times as if she were trying to clear something away. When Clarkes hands moved up to cover her own she took a shuddering breath.
“Okay.”
Is it bad that in the moments where she felt as if Clarke was lost she had felt as if she would never hear her voice again. The fear of losing her was overwhelming she needed to be sure she was here so she reached forward and pulled them together when Clarke held her back she repeated in her head over and over again that she was okay. Clarke was okay and in her arms and she would do anything to make sure she stood that way.
She took a deep breathe trying to find the strength she may need to get them both through this and pulled away enough so she could see into Clarkes eyes. She did it mostly to make sure she was still there.
“Do you want me to call her back?”
“Yes.”
**Four Hours Later**
The car ride was quiet Clarke didn’t want to listen to any music and spent the majority of the time staring out of the window.
The weather at least matched what she seemed to be feeling. The rain helping to fog the windows which Clarke kept drawing random designs on which was the only thing keeping Lexa from feeling overwhelmed with the feeling that the closer they got to her dad the more lost Clarke was getting.
When they parked in the hospital parking lot and the car was off neither of them moved.
Here she was back again in another foreign place in another hospital it had been months since she had left to be with Luna and her family but here she was months later in another hospital in another place she didn’t know with a different girl, a different family.
She watched as Clare nervously played with her seatbelt and knew in her heart there was no other place she would rather be than right here next to the girl she was in love with.
“You know he isn’t even a drinker.”
“What?”
Clarke looked at her for a moment before continuing to speak.
“He doesn’t really drink, only at special occasions. I’ve never even seen him tipsy and yet he is dying of liver failure.”
“How?”
“He was diagnosed with Lupus a few years back, it was under control for a long time. But then the medication just wasn’t working and they couldn’t figure out a new balance in time, his liver began scarring. They kept it from me for so long Lex.”
She nodded her head knowing nothing she could say would help. Yet she still had more questions.
“What about a transplant?”
Clarke shook her head. “My mother and I aren’t a match. He is on the list but there are so many people on that list and so few donors let alone matches. Add in the fact that he is an older man his name just isn’t so high on the list.”
She nodded her head again with nothing left to ask, waiting until Clarke was ready to go.
**Clarkes POV**
When would she be ready to open the door and face this. Face that this was it, that it was time to say goodbye. She undid her seat belt and Lexa did the same taking every cue from her. When she opened the car door and turned so her legs were hanging out of the car Lexa stepped out of her side and was now standing in front of her.
She stuck out her hand to help her out of the car and she took it needing that little bit of strength. Neither of them let go on their walk in but neither said a word either. They found out the room and she realized the closer they got the slower the both of them moved.
Once they stood in front of the door she felt Lexas eyes on her waiting to see what she would do. She turned to her and pulled her close and into her arms breathing her in not wanting to let go and face what was waiting for them.
She didn’t have a choice because before they could pull apart the door was being pulled open and her mother was standing in front of her. She dropped her arms from around Lexa taking her mother in for a moment before throwing herself into the arms that have held her her entire life.
“Mom?”
“Shhhh baby.”
They stood that way for a long time. Her mind traveling to all the hugs her mom gave her when she was little and how she was sure back when skinned knees were the worst she pain she had felt that her mom could fix any and everything. Except that wasn’t true, she learned that when Wells died.
She took a deep breath in and pulled back wiping her hands up and down her face.
“How is he?”
“Resting for now, he’s on meds to help with the pain, but this might be it Clarke. It could be few hours or a few days.”
She took a step back instinctively trying to get closer to Lexa who seemed to sense what she needed and was now holding one of her hands soothingly rubbing her thumb up and down. She saw her mother eyes flick over to their hands before giving Lexa a sad smile.
“It’s nice to meet you Lexa.” Abby lifted her hand for a hand shake but when Lexa tried to let go of her hand her grip tightened, Abby noticed and shrugged her shoulders at Lexa who tightened her own grip on Clarkes hand reassuringly.
Abby let her hand fall back down. “It is is nice to meet you too Mrs Griffin.”
“Abby please.” Lexa nodded her head.
“Abby.”
It was now or never. She took a deep breath in and walked into the room. Her dad looked smaller and sicker than he had days ago which she swore was impossible before. She looked over at Lexa and released her hand with a nod.
She sat in the chair and took her fathers hand into her own trying to silence the gasp when she felt how cold he was.
He opened his eyes at the movement and gave her a weak smile.
“Princess?”
“Hey daddy.”
“I’m tired baby.”
Her heart skipped a beat at those words.
“I know dad.”
“I’m just going to close my eyes for a bit okay?”
She nodded her head and he did the same. “I love you dad.”
He was already sleeping and she hoped he heard her just in case he never woke up again.
They stood in silence all four of them for a couple of minutes. Lexa went to get everyone coffee at one point and it took every ounce of her strength not to have a panic attack while she was gone.
She stepped out into the hall trying to keep her breathing steady while she waited for her to come back she walked to the end of the hall. Lexa noticed her and half ran to her side.
“What happened?”
She stepped forward and clutched the front of Lexas Tshirt. “Don’t leave me right now. Please.”
Lexa studied her face for a moment before nodding her head, “Okay.”
They both turned to walk back to the room when an entire group of doctors began rushing towards her dads room. She full out ran then but they were already moving him out.
Her mother was leaning on the door sobbing. She had only walked away for a few minutes, this couldn’t be real.
As fast as the doctors had come was as fast as they were gone. That is when she heard the buzzing coming from a beeper on the table. Who the hell has beepers anymore?
She couldn’t think at the moment, her mind was too confused, was her dad dead? Where did they take him?
Lexa was the one to speak first.
“What happened?”
Abby looked at both girls as the tears continued to fall.
“They found a donor.”
She dropped the beeper as soon as the words registered in her head.