Therapy

“Gender seems like a bizarre thing to care about, you know?” Weasel says, turning to face Bucky. Lying on the ground in a seedy bar was a horrible idea but he and Weasel didn’t want to clean and Wade started this weird tradition of diving on the floor when he didn’t want to work. Now it was a thing they did at the end of every night and the last person down had to clean, but the other two had to stay on the ground the whole time. Wade claimed everyone suffered that way and honestly he was right. Bucky could feel the liquid on the floor seeping into his clothing and truth be told he had no idea what it was. Could be water, alcohol, piss, blood, it was a real toss up in a place that was called Sister Margaret’s School for Wayward Children.

“I have no real explanation as to why I’m bisexual I just am,” Bucky says and Weasel looks confused.

“But why care though? Why does that matter? I feel like you should just not want to murder the person you’re dating and not murdering people is genderless,” he says.

“Agreed,” Wade yells from across the bar.

“Fuck off pisslord,” Weasel yells back, “but seriously, he has a point.”

“Look man, I don’t know what to tell ya. I mean I agree honestly, but here I am, the bisexual. I mean like maybe I’ll turn out to be pansexual and I just haven’t had an opportunity to find that out yet. Or maybe I’ll end up a basement dwelling hermit that hisses at the sunlight, who knows.” His bet was on basement dweller because Phil thought it was amusing to only find basement apartments. It amused Clint and Bucky got the feeling he wasn’t in on the joke. This was Phil and Clint though, they made weird cleaning jokes that they found amusing.

“You’re going to die alone. Don’t get me wrong, we all love you, but you’re one fucked up dude,” Weasel says bluntly. That had taken some getting used to, Weasel’s over-the-top bluntness. Wade too really, but they both meant well even if they were being giant assholes about it.

“If Wade managed to score two Doms I can find one,” he counters, “and lets be real here, you managed to get married. If there’s hope for your sorry ass there’s hope for me.” Weasel ran a bar called Sister Margaret’s School for Wayward Children for fucks sakes, if he managed to find someone willing to spend the rest of his life with someone so can Bucky. It wasn’t like it had to be a romantic deal though he wasn’t making a lack of contract mistake ever again. To be fair he could always settle with Steve, he wasn’t so bad even if Bucky would never get past that one time Steve got rectal bleeding when he was ten and Bucky freaked out so bad he thought Steve got his period. Wrong anatomy for that but hey, it was a funny story for his mom to tell at family gatherings. Personally Bucky thought he did pretty well considering the highly unusual situation, it wasn’t like ass bleeds were normal, his solution was perfectly logical all things considered.

“Oh man, that’s true and I don’t even know how I managed. Seriously, a high-powered lawyer who’s drop dead gorgeous who also showed interest in me? I had to put a ring on that before she realized I’m the scum of the earth and she deserves so much better. I don’t know how Wade managed either, Vanessa was practically made in a computer and Peter is like… edible,” Weasel says, frowning and tilting his head to the side like he was trying to figure out the logistics. Bucky was confused too, Weasel’s wife really did settle hard but she seemed happy to no one said anything, least of all Weasel. He might act like a giant asshole but he really did love his wife and he did genuinely care about his friends.

“It’s true, we’re some lucky fuckers, but you have shit luck so you’re fucked,” Wade tells him, grinning.

“You guys are assholes who do not know what encouragement is,” Bucky mumbles.

“Hey man, you ever want a good lay my wife and I are always down to play and you are hot,” Weasel says and wiggles his eyebrows.

“Me too man, Vanessa and I could talk Peter into it,” Wade yells to them.

“Bunch of fucking savages, the pair of you. I’d also like to remind you that I have been on like three dates recently and I could always just decide Steve will do.” He tries to imagine himself kissing Steve and instead he remembers that time he decided he was going to harass some school bully and ended up getting punched out and chipping a tooth. Joke was on the bully, Steve bit the hell out of him and that was a story to explain to the teacher. Bucky is pretty sure that guy was into biting now and that freaked him out a little. So he lied about Steve, they were never meant to have a romantic relationship and he had no clue where Steve got so mixed up. They were bros, they pretended to be dinosaurs at three a.m even though they were full grown men who weren’t supposed to do things like that, not… not romantic partners. Not that Tony wouldn’t pretend to be a dino at three a.m, Bucky was sure he would.

“Do not settle for Steve, you two would be shit together romantically. You’re platonic soul mates, don’t fuck with that,” Weasel says, “that’d be like me getting with Wade. Sure we’ve traded some sloppy blowjobs and a weird drunken handie but we were never meant to do the romance thing. We’re bros, we know that you gotta keep that sacred.”

“Too late, Steve’s in love with me and I ran away from home and I don’t want to go back because that means hard conversations and I’d rather lay in whatever liquid is on this god forsaken floor,” Bucky says, sighing. He probably should have had all these conversations before this but hey, whatever. No one would ever claim Bucky did anything the easy way.

“Told you that you were destined to die alone,” Weasel says.

“Ok but in Bucky’s defense that was Steve’s fault, gotta give a dude credit where it’s due. Plus who wouldn’t want to go on a date with Tony Stark,” Wade says, grinning excitedly over Bucky’s body. First off, creepy, and second, how the hell did Wade manage to walk around without making noise?

“How did you even know about that?” Bucky asks.

“I have good observation skills and maybe stalked you the other night but strictly for safety purposes,” Wade says.

“Pretty sure becoming a stalker negates the safety thing, dude,” Weasel points out.

“I agree. See anything hinky?” Bucky asks.

*

Tony sits in the hot seat saying and doing nothing because therapy wasn’t for him, he’s told people this but here he is. This was mostly for Pepper’s benefit anyways, she worried about him and Natasha spent an entire night whining at him about it. It was easier to just go and pretend to do things for an hour and leave.

“You were talkative last week,” Riley points out after a few moments.

“Last week was last week. This week is a new week and I’m a different person, and I don’t feel like talking,” he says flippantly. It never went well anyways, someone always managed to get on his good side and then it all went to hell in a hand basket. It happened damn near every time he opened up to someone minus Pepper and Rhodey most of the time. He would tell someone something was wrong and then they would try and fix him by trying to change everything about him. Usually though invasive methods so it was safe to say he was not fond of the medical profession as a whole, nor was he overly fond of making deep connections. You never knew who was going to end up the type to assume you were wrong for existing in a way they didn’t understand.

“Do you do this a lot?” Riley asks.

“Do what a lot?” Tony could do this all say, answering questions with questions, talking without saying anything at all. He got good at this kind of thing long ago, playing ‘who breaks first’ with some asshole who thought they wanted to know everything there was to know about Tony only to find out that they were actually more comfortable never having their precious ideals challenged.

“Is there a reason you’re looking at me like this is a competition and you’re about to win it?” Riley asks and that throws Tony for a loop for a moment. Usually in these situations they were invested in the competition too but Riley was… not uninterested but he didn’t look like he was about to start playing games and Tony didn’t know what to do with that. “Is this something you’re used to, competitions of some sort with medical professionals? It certainly sounds like your last therapist was more interested in pushing his own agenda rather than discussing any issues you might have.”

Any issues he might have, shit, Riley isn’t a fucking moron, they both know Tony has more problems than a math test. “They all are,” is all Tony says because in his experience that was true.

Riley lifts a brow, “I take it that’s your main experience with medical professionals then?” he asks.

“It’s my only experience actually so if we could cut the ‘I genuinely care about you’ bullshit and get straight to the part where you give me like fifty diagnoses and shit ton prescriptions I’ll never touch that’d be great.” Maybe a little too blunt but it got straight to the heart of things real quick. No stupid social rules, no stupid dancing around the subject, just cut to the chase and then Tony could get out of here and proclaim therapy a failure. It was bound to happen sooner or later anyways.

“Pills aren’t going to fix your problems, Tony. And I get the impression that the things people were trying to fix about you weren’t problems anyways. I’d like to tell you that not all medical professionals are awful people but that doesn’t really matter to you, does it? And why would it, if all I ever experienced was bad from a group of people I wouldn’t like them much either. It’s natural to be suspicious of a group of people that use violence against you as a method of control, especially when those people are supposed to help,” Riley says.

Tony doesn’t know what to do with that because he’s never had anyone tell him that his suspicion was warranted, that it was natural. He’s also never met anyone that described his experiences as violent either and that had always unsettled him, the ‘I’m not like that’ narrative. It was Tony’s number one clue that they were like that, no one who was different needed to tell you that they were different. They would be horrified at your treatment and then they would help if they could. Instead Tony got shuffled off from one self-righteous jackass to the next all in the name of making him right when he was never the one that was wrong.

He relaxes a little.

*

Rhodey throws himself into the seat across from him and gives him an exhausted look. Tony raises an eyebrow because Rhodey had been back in America for less than forty-eight hours so Tony had no clue what would make him so tired in such a short time. He’d guess jet leg but the look on Rhodey’s face was different than that.

“You remember that whole deal last year with making vets do therapy and shit right?” Rhodey asks and Tony scoffs.

“Oh fuck you, if I have to do therapy and shit so do you. And yes, I remember, it’s kind of a good thing so long as your professionals don’t suck ass,” which he doubts but he doesn’t say that. Mental health was a bit thing with soldiers and Rhodey had more distrust in the services than Tony did. He resented that sometimes, Rhodey’s suspicion, because it was founded on nothing. He understood the suspicion of course, he was suspicious too, but he spent a good majority of his teen years being poked and prodded at.

Then of course he felt guilty that he was essentially upset that Rhodey hadn’t suffered, at least not like he had. He talked a lot about racism and Tony was sure that any sort of medical and mental health services had a lack of racism but to his knowledge Rhodey hadn’t dealt with that. Why be suspicious of something that may very well help? Because people sucked was the answer but it didn’t make Tony feel any less irritated or any less guilty. Rhodey shouldn’t need to suffer to be suspicious, but if he hadn’t suffered why be suspicious? He didn’t have an answer and that pissed him off, he’s a genius, he should be able to sort his damn thoughts.

“You have more problems than a math test, your ass needs therapy. I, on the other hand, am a well-adjusted individual. I do not need to go pour my feelings out like some sorry sap that probably needs meds or something. But the guy, the guy Tony, who even picks these dudes? You can’t throw someone that hot in the middle of the room and expect me to want to do therapy. I mean there were lots of things I wanted to talk about but none of them were feelings, at least not the therapy kind,” Rhodey jokes.

Tony huffs out a laugh and it even sounds genuine. He wonders if Rhodey realizes he just implied that Tony was a maladjusted sorry sap who needed meds to fix his problems. Probably not and Tony couldn’t even be mad because it was true, it wasn’t like he could blame Rhodey for being right. “Anyone I know?” he asks with a grin that almost felt real. He was good at this game too, playing the happy friend even if he wasn’t really happy.

“Probably, you’ve gone though basically every therapist in New York. You know a Sam Wilson?” he asks. Rhodey clearly doesn’t realize what he just said and he seems even more clueless as to how that was bound to make Tony feel so Tony keeps his mouth shut.

“I do actually,” he admits somewhat reluctantly, “pretty mice guy from what I remember. Isn’t he a sub though?” he asks. Not that he would have a problem with Rhodey being interested in another sub, he was hardly one to judge, but this would be new for him.

“Oh man please don’t tell me he’d your therapist,” Rhodey says, wrinkling his nose. “And nah, he’s a switch I’m pretty sure.”

Hmmm. He played the sub card well than, and he must play the Dom card just as well if Rhodey was gushing about the guy, Rhodey wasn’t the gushing type unless it was Star Trek. “No he’s not my therapist, he recommended me to my current therapist. And he does have a freakishly nice face,” Tony says. Tony would so go there if it wasn’t for you know, therapy with the guy that one time. But at least there would be no awkward ‘I’m biologically a sub’ deal, which was a nice bonus with Bucky. No need to go out of his way to keep a secret, he was a terrible liar anyways. Well, at least when it came to that.

When he was lying about his feelings he did just fine, it was keeping secrets everywhere else that was a problem. It didn’t help that he thought social rules were dumb and made no sense half the time. People told you to be open and honest with friends and then got freaked out when being open and honest meant pointing out an unpleasant truth. It was hardly his fault if something looked bad, why would he not say something? And how the hell was he supposed to know when being open and honest was supposed to be a thing and when to use useless euphemisms? This was why he liked contracts, then everyone knew exactly what was going on at all times and if they didn’t it was literally mandatory to be straight up blunt about the problem and how to fix it. Problem solved.

“See? You have seen basically every therapist in New York. This one give up on you yet or is he hanging on?” Rhodey asks rather insensitively. “And Sam does have a freakishly nice face, he should have starred in action movies or something. It is a disservice to not put that face on a big screen.”

“The therapist is still hanging on,” Tony says in a dull tone, “and yeah, Sam does have some pretty cheekbones. And a nice smile.” He was also very approachable and that was saying something coming from Tony.

“Well don’t worry, he’ll give up eventually, they all do. So anyways,” Rhodey says and he continues to go on some rant about Sam Tony doesn’t pay much attention to. But now he knew Rhodey well enough to know what faces he made when he expected certain reactions from Tony so he didn’t have to work hard to make Rhodey think he was listening. He wasn’t trying to be an asshole, all Tony’s therapists did give up on him, the truth shouldn’t hurt as much as it did.

But for once he just wanted to feel like he wasn’t a lost cause that no one would ever be able to deal with ever. He probably was though so he doesn’t say anything, after all it’d be pretty hypocritical to want people to be blunt and say what they mean and then get offended when people did that. His phone buzzes and he finds a text from Bucky.

Gunna fuckin kill Weasel

My boss, not a legit weasel

Weasels are innocent but Weasel can eat shit

He put me in the dead pool!

Fucker’s goin in the dead pool next week

Tony snorts as the texts keep coming in, giving him a short story about some dude named after an animal betting on Bucky to die that week. And the retaliation to this was to survive the week and kill Weasel next week.

Dude

How the fuck are you boring?

You’re so not boring

You’re literally planning to murder your boss

Want ideas?

Rhodey notices his texting but he knows that Tony is more than good at multitasking so he doesn’t say anything. Truthfully Tony wanted to know where the hell Bucky worked to have a dead pool. He also wanted to know if this was at all related to his friend Wade’s stripper name because he so wanted to know if any necrophilia kinks were involved so he could bail now. Pulses were required for his pleasure purposes.