It was inevitable really. Neither Lexa or Clarke were oblivious, yet they'd managed to avoid each other for months despite having the same circle of freinds. It was simply a universal certainty they would run into each other eventually. Unfortunately for Lexa and everyone else involved, it happened to be on a night when she wasn't doing so well. Lexa was in a terrible mood and had been steadily drinking--Shot after shot, and there were many.
Lexa thought the whole thing was just a terrible joke and she just happened to be the punch line. She was the idiot that actually thought that she and Clarke would have a chance. She let her guard down and Clarke shut down. It wasn't entirely Clarke's fault, what Lexa had said and done was quite unexpected for Clarke. It's what happened afterward that was unacceptable.
Clarke was sitting across the bar with Bellamy and Raven. She kept glancing Lexa's way. It was slowly starting to piss Lexa off. Lexa watched as Clarke stood up and whispered something in Raven's ear. Raven glanced toward Lexa nervously. Lexas guess was they were talking about her, hell she should be used to it by now. Whispers and glances her way were apparently the new "thing."
"Oh shit," Octavia mumbled when she saw Clarke headed toward the table she and Lexa were seated at, "here we go."
"Hi O," Clarke said cheefrully as she sat on the stool between Octavia and Lexa.
"Hey jackass. How have you been?" Octavia smiled.
It was a genuine smile. Octavia never bullshit her way through anything. She was up front and honest and eveyone loved her for it. Clarke and Lexa's problems weren't hers so she didn't take sides or hold any grudges.
"I've been ok." Clarke answered. "Would you mind giving us a minute?" She asked.
Lexa continued to drink and pretend Clarke wasn't there.
"Absolutely." Octavia said a little louder than needed.
Octavia squeezed Lexa's shoulder as she left to give Clarke the privacy she had requested. Lexa would have preferred she stay, but Clarje was a private person and she didn't want people knowing her business. It's not like it mattered anyway. Lexa told Octavia everything, so she's find out eventually.
"Where's your boyfriend?" Lexa asked bitterly before downing another shot.
"Can we talk?" Clarke asked a bit more authoritative than Lexa would have liked.
Lexa enjoyed how Clarke completely disregarded her question as if he didn't exist. They both knew damn well that he did.
"About what?" Lexa snapped. "The fact that you turned out to be such a shitty fuckin friend?"
"Seriously?" Clarke sighed. "I can't keep doing this with you!"
"Really? Because the last time I checked you were the one that fucked me over. You never once tried to listen. You just assumed the worst and that was it."
"Is that really what you think?" Clarke asked sadly.
"I expected better from you Clarke." Lexa said angrily. "It's fine if you don't feel the same. That's not the fucking issue. You ditched me and that's not even cool. You're my best friend and that shit hurt."
"Seriously!" Clarke said, her tone irritated and hurt. "You came out of nowhere when you kissed me and told me you loved me. I had no idea how to react to that. Lets never mind the fact that you don't exactly have the best track record with relationships and..."
"That's exactly what I'm talking about!" Lexa interrupted angrily. "You assumed the worst. I told you I loved you and you immediately listed every fucking fault I had!"
Several people looked toward their table uncomfortably, Lexa was speaking louder than she realized. She took a breath to calm herself down and regain composure.
"I was scared Lexa. I still am." Clarke said as her voice shook. "I don't know how I'm suppose to feel..."
"Stop pretending that you even give a fuck. It's insulting." Lexa said as she signaled for another drink.
"Haven't you had enough?" Clarke asked softly, referring to the alcohol.
"Nope." Lexa smirked.
"I'm trying Lexa..." Clarke said, frustrated.
"That doesn't change the fact that I never one thought you'd be that girl, you know, the girl without a heart...." Lexa said bitterly.
"I've always cared about you...nothing has changed that." Clarke said defensively. "That's not fair Lexa."
"If you care so much why has it been weeks since we last spoke? Why are you seeing that little prick? Why couldn't you have just talked to me about it so we could have worked though this?"
"Do you honestly think things could go back to being normal?" Clarke asked in disbelief. "You said you were in love with me."
"Am." Lexa corrected. "I am in love with you." Lexa said as she made eye contact.
"Then don't treat me like this." Clarke said quickly.
"Excuse me?" Lexa said angrily. "You have no fucking right to...."
Lexa was practically yelling and luckily Octavia had had enough and cut her off before it got worse.
"Lex!" Octavia yelled. "Get your ass over here. You are not gonna behave like one of those messy bitches in public." She scolded.
Lexa stood and walked away from Clarke. Octavi was right, she was acting like a fool. There was a time and place for everything and this wasn't it.
"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Octavia scowled as Octavia sat next to her.
She smacked Lexa in the back of her head for good measure and countinued to flare dissaprovingly.
"Can you fucking chill?" Lexa asked grumpily.
"Can you?" Octavia shot back, raising an eyebrow. "You look ridiculous. Do not be that crazy person that airs her dirty laundry to the world. It's ugly."
"I know..." Lexa grumbled as she sulked in her seat.
Lexa could feel Clarke's eyes boring into her back as she sat and moped with Octavia. She knew this wasn't over by a long shot. Clarke was relentless when she wanted to be and had a terrible habit of not being able to drop something once she set her mind to it. In fact, the only thing Lexa ever saw her drop without a single moments hesitation, was their friendship. The second Lexa changed the rules, Clarke split.
Lexa sighed as she never realized how unimaginable a life with her could be. To Lexa, it made perfect sense. Clarke knew everything about her. She knew who Lexa was, she knew who she wasn't, and she knew everything Lexa hoped and wanted to be. There wasn't a single detail Clarke didn't have. She was the most important part Lexa's life, and apparently Lexa misjudged her place in Clarke's.
Lexa sat and stared vacantly at the wall behind Octavia. She was talking but Lexa didn't hear a damn word she was saying. Lexa smiled and nodded at the appropriate times and she'd give one word responses when it was required. Her mind was elsewhere.
An hour later and Lexa'd had enough. She couldn't stand being in the same room as Clarke, she needed air and distance. Clarke had a tendency to muddle things whenever Lexa was around her.
"O." Lexa said interrupting her conversation with Raven. "I'm gonna go."
"It's kind of early." She frowned. "You sure?"
"Yeah." Lexa sighed glancing at her watch.
It was midnight.
"I'm just not feeling it." Lexa explained.
"One of these days you're just gonna have to get over her. You know that right?" Octavia said softly.
"Yeah. I know. Tonight's not it though." Lexa said as she tossed some money on the table and left.
***
Lexa wasn't the least bit surprised when she showed up at my apartment later that night. Clarke banged on the door relentlessly as Lexa took her time answering it. Lexa glanced through the peep hole and sighed. Clarke looked irritated. Lexa hated trying to reason with her when she was wound up. It was nearly impossible.
"Lexa." Clarke said loudly. "I know you're in there. Open the damn door."
"Can you quiet down?" Lexa asked sharply as she opened the door. "I'm not the only fucking person that lives in this building."
"Maybe you shouldn't purposely keep me waiting if you're so worried about it." She shot back as she brushed past Lexa and invited herself in.
"I didn't say you could come in."
"And I didn't say you could kiss me."
"Well alright then." Lexa said sarcastically. "I guess we're even."
"No even close!" Clarke snapped defiantly. "You're ridiculous."
"Is there a point to this?" Lexa sighed in frustration.
"Probably not. But I'm still going to try anyway." Clarke said as she crossed her arms.
Clarke had been here less than two minutes and she was already on the defense. Lexa nearly rolled her eyes as she thought about how this was going to be a fantastic conversation. This whole thing had become exhausting. Hating Clarke was so much harder than just loving her.
"Why? I want to know why." Clarke said in a calm, even tone.
"You know why." Lexa sighed.
"Not really. You waited until you knew I was unavailable. Why would you do that?" Clarke questioned.
She was relentless.
"I had no idea..."
"Yes you did." Clarke interrupted. "You knew damn well I was seeing him."
"No I didn't." Lexa insisted.
"You're a terrible fucking liar Lexa." Clarke said narrowing her eyes.
Lexa laughed. "This is pointless."
"I think you're afraid." Clarke said as she slightly tilted her head to the side.
"I expected..."
"Better. Yeah I know." Clarke interrupted. "Me too Lexa."
"Stop interrupting me." Lexa scowled.
"Say something meaningful." Clarke challenged.
"You're really starting to piss me off." Lexa warned.
Lexa noticed when Clarke took a step forward.
"Good." Clarke said defiantly.
"I don't have time for this." Lexa sighed.
"Yeah." Clarke said rolling her eyes. "You seem so busy."
"Why are you doing this?" Lexa practically whined. "You said it yourself I was incapable of commitment and I had no idea what the word faithful meant. I got the fucking message loud and clear."
"That's not the point!" Clarke said in a frustrated tone. "So what if I've been in forests less than shady than you! It's a fact. I have every right to be afraid. You're a horrible womanizing...."
"Has it ever occurred to you than none of those girls were you Clarke? Did you ever stop and think that I couldn't settle because I couldn't give them something that wasn't mine to give away?" Lexa interrupted.
Clarke looked stunned. Obviously the thought had not occurred to her. Why would it? As far as she was concerned, Lexa was unavailable and unattached. Clarke could even argue Lexa was the jealous best friend that decided to act out once Clarke got a boyfriend. In the end it didn't matter. What happened, happened and there was no going back.
"Are you saying that all this time.....?" Clarke covered her mouth with her hand as she realized what I meant.
"I want you to go." Lexa said softly. "I can't do this anymore."
"Or you could give me a reason to stay." Clarke nearly whispered as she closed the distance betweenness and Lexa.
Lexa felt Clarkes fingertips as her hand reach up and touched her face.
"Clarke..." Lexa sighed. "Don't."
"Look at me." Clarke said gently as she tilted Lexa's head.
Lexa did as she asked. Her blue eyes were full of questions and something else Lexa couldn't quite place. It was unfamiliar, Clarke had never really looked at Lexa quite like this before.
"It's always been you. That's why..."
Before Lexa could finish, she felt her lips against hers. The kiss was confident and gentle. When Clarke broke contact, she smiled shyly and looked at the ground. Lexa pressed their foreheads together and caught her breath.
"I love you Lexa. I really do." Clarke rasped as Lexa stroked her cheeks with her thumbs. "Please don't make me regret it." Clarke whispered.
Lexa kissed the tip of her nose and smiled as she wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist. "The only thing you're ever going to regret is not saying yes the first time."
Clarke leaned her head back and laughed as she held onto Lexa. "Really?" She smiled. "Thats really what you're going to say to me right now?"
"I love you Clarke. I always have and I always will." Lexa said softly as She made eye contact.
Once again, Lexas lips found hers and she kissed her slowly and deeply and until neither one could breath.
"I'm still mad at you." Clarke mumbled against Lexa's lips.
"That's fine." Lexa said before kissing her again. "I'm used to it." She grinned.