Zay slid onto the bench next to Lucas and looked at what his friend was staring at. “Sooooo, that’s new.”
“Is it though?” Lucas asked.
Zay observed the scene for a few moments before answering. “Considering that yesterday you were dating Maya, and she and Riley were just best friends, and today you’re sitting over here all alone while they’re over there engaging in what may be the most graphic and over the top PDA to ever grace Abigail Adams High School, I’m gonna go with - yeah, that’s new.”
Lucas shot Zay a dirty look. “Why am I friends with you again?”
“It’s my charming personality,” he said without a moment’s hesitation. “But really, everything looked pretty hunky dory at the party last night, what happened?”
“You know how Maya said she had a big surprise for me last night?”
Zay frowned. “What, her big surprise was breaking up with you on your birthday? That’s cold, man.” He started to get up to give Maya a piece of his mind, but Lucas’s hand on his arm stopped him.
“No, that’s not what happened. Okay, kinda, because that did happen, obviously, but that’s not what happened. Well, not really, anyways.”
“You know, I’m pretty sure that’s the least helpful answer you could have possibly given me without resorting to speaking a different language.” Lucas gave Zay another dirty look, but Zay just grinned at him.
“Okay, I’ll tell you what happened, just give me a minute to get my head straight.”
Zay shrugged as Lucas fell silent. Across the way, Riley and Maya continued making out, completely oblivious to their surroundings. Other students immediately broke out into gossip as they saw what was going on. By second period, it was going to be the only thing people were talking about.
“So, you know my party last night?” Lucas finally said.
Zay nodded. “Considering I was there for the whole thing, yes, I know of it.”
“And you know Maya was teasing me about a big surprise present she had for my birthday?”
Zay kept nodding. “Already covered it earlier in the conversation.”
“Well, her surprise wasn’t really fit for public viewing, so she didn’t reveal it until after the party was over.”
“Yeah, we all knew that. I just figured she bought some sexy lingerie or something.”
“No, it wasn’t lingerie. Or at least, not just lingerie, because I definitely hadn’t seen her wear anything like that before.”
“Anything like what?” Zay asked before he could stop himself.
Lucas backhanded Zay’s chest reflexively. “I’m not going to tell you that!”
“Can’t blame a guy for trying.”
The look on Lucas’s face said that he clearly could blame a guy for trying. “Anyways, I’m in the bedroom, and Maya walks in wearing… somethiing new… and tells me that for my birthday, she got me a threesome. Which was when Riley walked in, also wearing… something new.”
Zay held up a hand to stop Lucas. “Hold on a second. Are you trying to tell me that through no effort or prompting on your part, you ended up in a threesome with Maya Hart and Riley Matthews? I can’t decide if I want to give you a high five or a punch in the mouth.” He raised his hand higher. “Quick, before I change my mind!”
Lucas glared at the hand. Zay pulled it back down to his side. “Okay, too soon, good to know, moving on. Please, continue.”
“So, I ask them if they’re both sure, and they both say yes. Then Maya says Happy Birthday and gives me this seriously deep kiss before backing off, and then Riley does the same thing, Happy Birthday, then kiss.”
“How was it?”
“Really good, she’s gotten a lot better since middle school.”
Zay jerked his chin at the pair currently fused at the lips. “I can tell.”
“You’re not helping.”
“Wasn’t really trying to.”
Lucas sighed. “So, after Riley backs off, the two of them start to kiss. And it’s kinda slow at first, they’re hesitating, like they’ve never done kissed each other before, and now they’re about to be in a threesome together, only then, they start to get into it, and when they do get into it, they get super into it, and suddenly it’s like I disappeared.”
“Disappeared?”
“Yeah, disappeared. Like I wasn’t in the room, like I didn’t even exist. It was embarrassing.”
“So, wait. Maya sets up a threesome with you, her, and Riley, and you end up ignored the whole night? You were kicked out of your own threesome?”
Lucas stared at the ground, face red. “Kicked out implies they realized I was still there.”
“Oh, man,” Zay winced hard.
“At first I thought they were just, you know, putting on a show, but then I tried to get their attention, and they just… completely ignored me.”
Zay pointed at Riley and Maya. “Kinda like they’re doing right now?”
“You’re still not helping.”
“I’m still not trying.”
Farkle plopped down onto the bench on Lucas’s other side. “Hey guys, what’s up?” Then he caught sight of what they were looking at. “Oh, hey, it finally happened! That’s awesome.” Farkle rolled his eyes at their incredulous looks. His voice took on the tone of bored recitation, like it was something obvious. “Maya talks Riley into a threesome with Lucas, she makes a big deal out of the surprise, building it up, Riley get nervous under all the pressure and balks, Maya talks her back into it at the last minute, but when they actually get into the threesome, their long repressed feelings for each other can no longer be denied, Riley and Maya get together, and Lucas is left cold and alone, both physically and emotionally.”
Lucas and Zay couldn’t muster up any response, so they just stared.
Farkle swung a fist in frustration. “Oh, come on, I can’t be the only one to see that one coming. I mean, seriously, like a mile away.”
“Farkle, if you saw it coming, why didn’t you say anything?” Lucas demanded evenly.
“Because you guys hate it when I spoil the ending!”
“The ending of movies, Farkle, not the ending of my relationship!”
Farkle shrugged. “You wouldn’t have believed me anyways.”
“Yes, I would have,” Lucas insisted.
“No, you wouldn’t have,” Farkle corrected. “You’re just saying you would since it’s already happened. Two months ago, you wouldn’t have believed me for a second.”
“You were sitting on that theory for two months, and you never told me?”
“Or me?” Zay chimed in.
“Actually, the latest revision was two months ago. I first noticed the possibility long before that.”
“What?”
“It’ll be okay, though. You’re gonna spend the next weeks getting over Maya, then Zay and I are going to help you get back on the horse. You’ll end up with a blonde musician as a rebound girl, but that won’t last, and the one after that will be another long term relationship, but I can’t say for sure how long until I’ve met the girl.”
Lucas kept clenching and unclenching his fists. “Farkle, it’s really nice of you to say that-”
“But you’re not ready to hear it right now, and all you really want to do is run me down like a dog?”
“Yes.”
“Figures. At least you’re gonna give me a ten second head start.” Then Farkle ran off screaming.
Lucas and Zay glanced at each other. “Seriously? We’re gonna give him a head start just because he said it?”
“Actually, I think this is the head start he was referring too. Us talking, instead of chasing, you know?”
“Oh, shoot!” And the chase was on.